The Pressure of Words

SESSION 4 The Pressure of Words 46 SESSION 4

The Point Fuel your words with wisdom and gentleness. The Bible Meets Life Our culture lives in two extremes. At one end is the crowd that calls for political correctness. Don t even hint at something that might offend the views of another person or group. At the other end is the group led by stand-up comedians: say whatever you want in whatever way you want. There is a continual pressure to say the right words in the non-offending way, but it is too often easier just to relieve the pressure and let words spew. The person who can use words wisely is the person who has found the biblical balance between these two extremes. The Passage James 3:1-18 The Setting James addressed the great impact a believer s speech can have on others. Using several word pictures controlling a horse, steering a ship, igniting a forest fire, and taming an animal James shows the power behind the tongue. He calls us to a life of consistent speech. James also calls believers to seek the wisdom that only comes from God. Bible Studies for Life 47

What does the Bible say? Key Words a world of unrighteousness (v. 6) Uncontrolled words activate all the world s wickedness. a restless evil (v. 8) Restless is translated unstable in 1:8 The tongue is treacherous, inconsistent, and uninhibited, always looking for trouble and creating mischief. Praising and cursing (v. 10) The tongue can heal or wound. James 3:1-18 (HCSB) 1 Not many should become teachers, my brothers, knowing that we will receive a stricter judgment, 2 for we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a mature man who is also able to control his whole body. 3 Now when we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we also guide the whole animal. 4 And consider ships: Though very large and driven by fierce winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5 So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how large a forest a small fire ignites. 6 And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among the parts of our bodies. It pollutes the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is set on fire by hell. 7 Every sea creature, reptile, bird, or animal is tamed and has been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 We praise our Lord and Father with it, and we curse men who are made in God s likeness with it. 10 Praising and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers, these things should not be this way. 11 Does a spring pour out sweet and bitter water from the same opening? 12 Can a fig tree produce olives, my brothers, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a saltwater spring yield fresh water. 13 Who is wise and has understanding among you? He should show his works by good conduct with wisdom s gentleness. 14 But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don t brag and deny the truth. 15 Such wisdom does not come from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy. 18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace. 48 SESSION 4

THE POINT Fuel your words with wisdom and gentleness. Get Into the Study 10 minutes DISCUSS: the opening question on page 39 of the PSG: When did your mouth get you into trouble? Notes GUIDE: Invite opinions on whether it s easier to get into trouble with words or to stay out of trouble with words. Speculate on why this might be so. Find examples of each in The Bible Meets Life on page 40 of the PSG. SAY: Words have power. The old adage, Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me simply isn t true. ENHANCEMENT: Display Pack Item 3: Power of Words to move the group to grasp the power of words. READ: The Point at the top of The Bible Meets Life section on page 40 of the PSG: Fuel your words with wisdom and gentleness. ENHANCEMENT: Use Pack Item 1: Pressure Points to recognize how pressures are affected by words. TRANSITION: In this Bible study we ll find ways to use our words to help rather than to hurt. PRAY: Ask God to show us how to manage our words. Bible Studies for Life 49

5 minutes STUDY the BIBLE Notes James 3:1-8 1 Not many should become teachers, my brothers, knowing that we will receive a stricter judgment, 2 for we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a mature man who is also able to control his whole body. 3 Now when we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we also guide the whole animal. 4 And consider ships: Though very large and driven by fierce winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5 So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how large a forest a small fire ignites. 6 And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among the parts of our bodies. It pollutes the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is set on fire by hell. 7 Every sea creature, reptile, bird, or animal is tamed and has been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. READ: James 3:1-8 on page 41 of the PSG. SAY: James understood that, before we discover what to say and not say, we must first realize the power of our tongue. It is like a bit, a rudder, and a fire. The commentary across from this page offers more details. DISCUSS: Question #2 on page 42 of the PSG: How have you seen words act like fire or as poison? GUIDE: Identify the forms of destructive words in the first paragraph of the James 3:1-8 section on page 42 of the PSG. TRANSITION: Next we ll find how our tongues, without the Holy Spirit, are not only powerful, but inconsistent. 50 SESSION 4

THE POINT Fuel your words with wisdom and gentleness. James 3:1-8 Commentary James opened this section with the role and the responsibility of teachers, an office in the church. Addressing his readers as my brothers indicated his instructions were intended for all believers. Few are called to be teachers, but all believers have the responsibility to watch what they say. The mature person controls the whole body, including the tongue. Though the tongue is small, the words that flow from it are significant and powerful. James employed three word pictures to illustrate the magnitude of our words. First, our words are as effective as the bits in horses mouths. The verb for keeping the body under control also refers to bridling and controlling a horse. Although small, the bit is highly influential. Likewise, our words control the direction of our life and others lives. Second, our words are as powerful as a rudder that guides a great ship. In comparison to the ship, the rudder is tiny. Yet it can control a large ship, even in a storm. If we don t like the direction we are headed, we should change the way we talk both to ourselves and to others. Third, our words are as damaging as fire. Gossip, slander, and rumor spread quickly, wreaking havoc. As fire burns and hurts, so can words. And like fire, the more fuel you give it, the faster and farther it will spread. Even after we confess our sins of speech, the fire might keep on spreading. The tongue can pollute or stain a life. Our words can lead us to become part of the wickedness that dominates the world. Scripture identifies hell as the place where the wicked will be punished in the next world. In another powerful image, James insisted the tongue is a fire. Words that spark great fires of conflict and dissension have their source in another fire hell. Course may mean wheel, indicating the whole of living. Life can indicate birth or origin. Our words affect the cycle of life from birth onward. They create a chain reaction. The devastating effects of words, once unloosed, are beyond our control, potentially bringing corruption to our life and other s lives. Interestingly, James employed the same word translated restless in 1:8 where it is translated unstable. Like a wild animal that stalks, seizes, and slaughters its prey, so do certain words. If you have ever driven through a safari park, you have noticed the signs posted: Stay in your vehicle. Do not lower your windows. Why? While the animals look peaceful and tame, they could attack without warning. The word for poison means venom. A few drops can kill. Poison s nature is that it works secretly, then kills. Anyone can inject a morsel of poison into a conversation that destroys a targeted person, or people not even targeted. Poisonous words damage people, churches, and families. No one would turn a lion or snake loose in their homes or their churches, yet uncontrolled people are loose all around. Bible Studies for Life 51

10 minutes STUDY the BIBLE Notes James 3:9-12 9 We praise our Lord and Father with it, and we curse men who are made in God s likeness with it. 10 Praising and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers, these things should not be this way. 11 Does a spring pour out sweet and bitter water from the same opening? 12 Can a fig tree produce olives, my brothers, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a saltwater spring yield fresh water. READ: James 3:9-12 on page 41 of the PSG. GUIDE: Call attention to the quote in the James 3:9-12 section on page 43 of the PSG. Ask for reasons we yearn for kind words. DISCUSS: Question #3 on page 43 of the PSG: Why do we remember negative words more than positive words? TIP: In three days, text or email group members to remind them about the truths of the session. SAY: Let s state the obvious: it s tough to be a person of consistent character and speech. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to succeed at it. TRANSITION: The next verses will show us the wisdom His Spirit can give us. 52 SESSION 4

THE POINT Fuel your words with wisdom and gentleness. James 3:9-12 Commentary Our words reveal who we are, where we are going, what we believe about God and people. We shape our words and our words shape us. James 3:1-8 point with the bit, rudder, fire, and tongue is that words seem small but their effect, for better or worse, is massive. Sadly our words are inconsistent. The same mouth utters blessing and cursing. Cursing includes abusive and insulting speech, as well as that which is profane or calls down evil on another. It reveals the double standard of using our words to extol God and to malign people. This inconsistency should not exist in a believer. Inconsistent people are hard to trust, difficult to love, and often avoided. James looked to nature to further drive home the inconsistency of words. One would not find a single spring spewing forth both fresh water and salt water. Neither will a tree produce two different fruits. Nature is consistent. Whatever is in the spring comes out in the water. Whatever is in the tree comes out in the fruit. What is in the heart of a person will come out in words. If our words are inconsistent, there is something radically wrong with the heart. What s inside will eventually come out. Sometimes people get angry and say hurtful things, then seek to rationalize their inconsistent and insensitive words by saying they do not know what got into them, that it is not like them to say such things. James would say that it is just like them for whatever is inside will come out. The challenge for both men and women is to use words in ways that honor God and promote goodwill and better relations with one another. In many regards, believers are in the pressure cooker every day faced with a choice to use words in a positive and godly way for the benefit of themselves and others. For that to happen on a consistent basis, we need to seek God s wisdom and allow Him to control our words. Wisdom, a deep-seated understanding, comes from God, enabling us to live and to speak according to His Word. To speak with wisdom we don t need tongue transplants; we need heart transplants. The tongue only reveals what s in the heart. To speak with wisdom, allow God to change your heart, giving a new spirit, a new attitude, and a new outlook. We also need a mind renewal (Rom. 12:2). Since all sins, including the sins of the tongue, originate inside us, we need the mind of Christ to speak blessing, striving for peace in our relationships. The mind of Christ comes from the Word of God. Daily we allow God s Word to saturate our minds with God s wisdom as we read, reflect, and recall God s truth, promises, and instructions. We also need moment-by-moment assistance that comes as we pray unceasingly. Each day we ask for God s help to control our tongues and manage our mouths. Wisdom realizes we need a higher and stronger power to control our words. We can t accomplish it on our own. Bible Studies for Life 53

15 minutes STUDY the BIBLE Notes James 3:13-18 13 Who is wise and has understanding among you? He should show his works by good conduct with wisdom s gentleness. 14 But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don t brag and deny the truth. 15 Such wisdom does not come from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy. 18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace. SAY: Our only hope for using our words for good, rather than evil, is to seek and follow God s wisdom in how we speak to others. READ: Ask a member to read James 3:13-18 on page 41 of the PSG. TIP: People remember more when several senses are involved. Use visual aids or music to engage other senses. DISCUSS: Question #4 on page 44 of the PSG: How do our words define who we are? DISCUSS: Question #5 on page 45 of the PSG: When has your life been changed by wise and gentle words? DO: Invite group members to practice using words wisely with the activity on page 45 of the PSG. Reread James 3:16-17 to highlight two types of words that can come from our mouths. What Do You Say? She asks you, Does this outfit look good on me? It doesn t... An incompetent coworker calls you down in a meeting... TRANSITION: We ll conclude with practical actions we can take to choose wise words. 54 SESSION 4

THE POINT Fuel your words with wisdom and gentleness. James 3:13-18 Commentary Since we have to use words in daily life, and since our natural bent is to use our words in an unhealthy if not destructive way, what are we to do? James recommended speaking wisely. Four times he used wise or wisdom. Wisdom carries a practical element in making correct and upright decisions based on God s Word. As powerful as the tongue is, wisdom is more powerful. A wise person demonstrates good conduct and gentleness. The wise person demonstrates meekness, resulting in the power of their words being under control. This person lives by positive attitudes, godly actions, and uplifting words. Such a one uses words that accomplish good in all relationships. His talk matches his walk. The opposite of wisdom is jealousy, selfishness, bragging, and disregard for truth-telling. Bitter means contentious or controversial while envy indicates a divisive or partisan spirit. Such behavior is not from God. It is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. The last term includes both action by Satan and resistance by people to God and His Spirit. Such words and behavior produce disorder and evil. The word translated disorder is related to the word unstable in 1:8 and restless in 3:8. A person harboring these traits is selfcentered, desiring personal gain and selfish agendas. Such speech leads to chaos and confusion. Such speech causes riots and insurrection, warring families, split churches, and broken friendships. The wisdom needed to speak to others properly is characterized by eight qualities. The first quality is pure or holy desires, pertaining to whatever is of God. Peace-loving communicates strife-free lifestyle with others, living in a harmonious spirit, the opposite of envy-induced disorder. Gentle or patient behavior is needed. Compliant describes not a passiveness but a readiness to intentionally yield in actions that lead to peace. Such a person is open to reason and prepared to learn from the knowledge, experience, and wisdom of others. Full of mercy means not holding grudges against others, but instead demonstrating compassion. Good fruits (that is, righteousness, v. 18) are needed as an antidote to the deadly poison (3:8) of the tongue. Without favoritism means to respond to others without prejudice. Demonstrating no hypocrisy means to live an honest or genuine life without pretense, where one s actions match one s words and truth is sought. People demonstrating these qualities will relate to others in ways that banish discord and disunity. The result will be the fruit of righteousness that produces peace in relationships and protects Christian unity. The last bit of wisdom is very practical: think before you speak. Earlier, James wrote that everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak (Jas. 1:19). The order is essential: listen, then speak. When we reverse the order and speak before listening, people get hurt and anger ensues. Bible Studies for Life 55

5 minutes Live It Out Notes GUIDE: Direct group members to each choose to do one of the three actions under the Live It Out section on page 46 of the PSG: > > Pray before you open your mouth. Put James 3:13-18 into practice. Seek God s wisdom in what to say and how to say it. > > For a week, keep a log of family conversations. Were your words more a blessing or a curse? > > Apologize. If your words have gotten you into trouble, contact the person and use a different set of words: an apology. Wrap It Up GUIDE: Your words have power to nourish or to destroy. It s your choice. Choose to keep your mouth out of trouble. 56 SESSION 4

My group's prayer requests Additional suggestions for specific groups (women, men, parents, boomers, and singles) are available at BibleStudiesforLife.com/blog. Fuggeddaboudditt COLUMN: BOOMER HUMOR wearing cement shoes in the East River? an hour, 24 hours a day. Well, we do sleep a few hours a day. Sentences describing stereotypes place emphasis on the word all. God is the only One whose stereotypes are accurate: All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). All are justified freely by the woman asked as we stood in the lobby. I was the featured speaker at a women s seminar. I replied in my best guestspeaker voice, Everyone in my family is a Christian. I don t know anyone in the Mafia. She replied, Well, I could tell you were Eye-Talian because of that bump on your nose. When I heard your annoying New York accent, I was sure you were in the Mafia. Then she walked away. I imagined running after her, hitting her with a hymnbook, and whispering in her ear, Uncle Tony sent me! Stereotyping definitely stifles a more loving existence. I d like to dispel a few stereotypes some may have about New Yorkers of Italian descent: His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:24). The Lord does not want any to perish but all to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). One Sunday, while visiting my home church in New York, I heard a man named Gus speak about his conversion. Gus would have answered yes to the question the woman in the church lobby asked. He finished his testimony by saying, I kept reminding God of all the bad I had done, just to be sure He knew who He was forgiving. Then I heard Him speak to my heart, and say, Fuggeddaboudditt! I knew my sins were gone forever. She was as serious as a hit man and continued: All Eye-Talians are in the Mafia, aren t they? For one of the rare times in my life, I was speechless and wondered, Is this woman seriously asking me, When you re not being a Christian speaker, do you and Uncle Tony throw people wearing cement shoes in the East River? Yes, she was. All New Yorkers are bossy. I prefer, Many of us fully use our spiritual gift of administration and are not afraid to assume responsibility. All Italians eat pasta at every meal. Not really. Every couple of months, when the boat from Naples is late, we might eat an apple. All New York Italians say Fuggeddaboudditt! 75,000 times When you re not being a Christian speaker, do you throw people ARE YOU IN THE MAFIA? 56 MORE LIVING NOVEMBER 2012 My Daughter s Wedding Day: 7 DAYS WITHOUT Google? REFILL YOUR EMPTY NEST THE ADOPTION OPTION PRAYER ANSWERED A GRAND NAME GAME FOR GRANDPARENTS Talking About My Generation 5 Boomer Leaders Tell It Like It Was (and is) DO WHAT MATTERS WWW.LIFEWAY.COM USE YOUR SKILLS TO SERVE YOUR CHURCH FEBRUARY 2013 My personal vocabulary doesn t include the word Fuggeddaboudditt. But as I looked at Gus s glowing face that day, I knew the Holy Spirit had communicated clearly to Gus, in just one word, God s amazing grace. Marie Armenia is a gifted writer, songwriter, and speaker who may one day write a book about the weird things people say to her at women s conferences. ILLUSTRATION: ISTOCKPHOTO.COM/AAANIRAM Marie Armenia Fuggeddaboudditt ARE YOU IN THE MAFIA? the woman asked as we stood in the lobby. I was the featured speaker at a women s seminar. She was as serious as a hit man and continued: All EyeTalians are in the Mafia, aren t they? For one of the rare times in my life, I was speechless and wondered, Is this woman seriously asking me, When you re not being a Christian speaker, do you and Uncle Tony throw people wearing cement shoes in the East River? Yes, she was. I replied in my best guest-speaker voice, Everyone in my family is a Christian. I don t know anyone in the Mafia. To continue reading Fuggeddaboudditt from More Living magazine, visit BibleStudiesforLife.com/articles. U.S.A. $3.95 2013 LifeWay 2013 LifeWay Bible Studies for Life 57