M A R R I A G E D I S C U S S I O N G U I D E

M A R R I A G E D I S C U S S I O N G U I D E Make Your Marriage The Best It Can BE

FINDING YOUR WAY BACK TO THE ONE YOU LOVE. EPHESIANS 5: 25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (NIV) CAST OVERVIEW Craig Sullivan Katrina Sullivan Pastor Wexler Mark Bowman Claire Bowman Donna Harlow James Harlow Bobby Castle Melody Castle Joey Jeff Fahey Victoria Jackson Reginald Vel Johnson David A.R.White Andrea Logan White Anna Zielinski Matt Florida Tommy Blaze Caroline Choi Brad Stine PURPOSE OF THIS GUIDE This companion guide is to be used after viewing the Marriage Retreat movie. It offers you an opportunity to evaluate the issues faced by each couple in the movie through biblically based discussion questions. We hope these questions reveal the solution through your relationship with God. Start your study with prayer, asking God to give you eyes to see, ears to hear and an open heart to understand. FILM OVERVIEW When a group of best friends decide to go to a Marriage Retreat in the mountains for no deeper reasons than to relax and have a little fun, they discover the true state of their marriages and how far apart they have drifted. Once there, Dr. Sullivan (Fahey) and his wife Katrina (Victoria) challenge them to confront their own sin to heal their relationship issues through some rather unconventional methods with hopes that these trials will draw them closer to God. However, the couples continue to struggle to resolve their issues as they are hopelessly relying on their own strength. When it seems like all is lost for them, true love is revealed and they soon discover it's not what they are missing in their relationships but who. This heartfelt film will make you laugh, cry and cheer these couples on to finding their way back to the ONE they love. COPYRIGHT INFORMATION Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.

THEME I: SELFLESSNESS 1 CORINTHIANS 13: 4-5 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (NIV) MOVIE Scenes to Review Mark s Counseling: (Chapter 8, 35:25-38:25) Claire s Counseling: (Chapter 9, 41:54-43:25) DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Claire and Mark Bowman are not communicating well and both are feeling misunderstood. For almost two months, Claire has been giving Mark the silent treatment. Her dream is to have a family and Mark is not ready. She has just become pregnant yet has not told her husband. Feeling that Mark is set in his ways and unwilling to make changes she doesn t push the issue. Claire is looking for selflessness in her relationship with Mark. Mark can barely get Claire to have a conversation with him. She is closed off and refuses to openly discuss their problems. Mark is aware that Claire wants to have children but he is just not ready to be a father. Because of his abusive relationship with his father, Mark is afraid that he may turn out like him. At the same time, Claire is unaware of Mark s relationship with his father. Although he wants to be close to his wife, Mark s fear of fatherhood keeps them apart. 1. PHILIPPIANS 2: 3-4 says not to do anything out of selfishness, to value others more than yourself and to keep the interest of others in the forefront of your mind. Is Claire being selfish for wanting to have a family? Is Mark being selfish for not? 2. GALATIANS 6:2 encourages us to carry each other s burdens. Are Mark & Claire being selfish with each other by not communicating their issues to one another? 3. According to PSALM 27:10, God will take care of us even if our own parents forsake us. How might this help Mark get over his fear of being a father? Do you have past family issues that continue to plague you and your spouse s relationship? 4. JOHN 15:12 commands us to love each other as God loved us. What do you think a selfless relationship with God would look like? What would a selfless relationship with your spouse look like? What would it sound like? What would it feel like? SCRIPTURES REFERENCED: JOHN 15:12 My commandment is this: Love each other as I have loved you. (NIV) GALATIANS 6:2 Carry each other s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (NIV) PHILIPPIANS 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (NIV) PSALM 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. (NIV)

THEME I: SELFLESSNESS CALL TO ACTION To get to a selfless place with your spouse you have to open your heart to each other. A great place to start is by simply examining how well you know each other. 1. How well do we really know each other? Take an online assessment of your relationship. There are many available online. A great one to start with is Gary Chapman s Love Languages at www.5lovelanguages.com. 2. Review your scores and discuss the results with each other. For additional resources visit Association for Marriage & Family Ministries web site at www.amfmonline.com 3. Now that you have more insight about one another, make a list below of ways you can address each other s needs.

THEME II: SAFETY PSALM 4:8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety. (NIV) MOVIE Scenes to Review Donna s Counseling: (Chapter 9, 40:51-41:53) Prayer: (Chapter 14, 59:00-59:55) Chained: (Chapter 17, 1:10:46-1:12:35) DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Donna and James Harlow seem to be living two different lives. Donna is getting ready for the birth of their first child and James is pursuing his love of acting. She feels they are not close in the way they used to be and fears James is going to leave her. Donna is relying on her relationship with her husband to provide safety in her life; however, after her counseling session with Dr. Sullivan, she soon realizes her priorities are in the wrong order. James is a very talented actor who lives and breathes his craft. He participated in Community Theater until he got his big break on a daytime drama. With adoring fans and autograph seekers, James loved the attention; however, he didn t realize that this newfound stardom was making Donna feel insecure. As a result, Donna had become very controlling of James, which had become an issue for him. 1. What does Katrina mean when she tells Donna you are seeking the wrong things to give you peace? How can Philippians 4:6 help Donna find safety and contentment in her relationship? 2. During Donna s prayer she says God are you really there? Can you relate to Donna s experience about questioning the authenticity of God? What do you believe about God s strength and protection? Where does Psalm 9:9-10 say our refuge should ultimately come from? 3. When Donna finally confesses to James that she feels that his career is more important than his family, James tells her that he is willing to give up his work as an actor. Is there anything in your life that you believe God is calling you to give up to save your marriage? 4. When Donna figures out the triangle that Dr. Sullivan drew on her palm, she realizes her and James s priorities for their marriage are out of order. What are the major priorities in your marriage? How will Psalm 32:7-8 help guide you in evaluating your priorities and finding safety in your marriage? SCRIPTURES REFERENCED: Psalms 9:9-10 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. (NIV) Psalms 32:7-8 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (NIV) Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (NIV)

THEME II: SAFETY CALL TO ACTION Finding safety in your relationship with your spouse and God is a daily process. We all need reminders to help keep us on track. Let s start by creating one below. 1. Write God at the top point of the triangle. 2. Next, write the name of you and your spouse at the two bottom points of the triangle. 3. Finally, write the word SAFETY in the middle space of the triangle. Let this be a reminder of how becoming closer to God will bring you closer as a couple and provide the safety you need.

THEME III: SECURITY LUKE 12:29-31 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. (NIV) MOVIE Scenes to Review Bobby s Counseling: (Chapter 8, 33:55-35:24) Melody s Counseling: (Chapter 9, 39:56-40:50) Chained: (Chapter 17, 1:12:41-1:14:28) DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Melody and Bobby Castle are trying to get by the best way they know how. Melody says Bobby is always looking for some get rich scheme and is gambling as a way to support his family. Unfortunately, he loses most of the time. Melody lives in constant fear that they will lose everything. She is desperately seeking security in her relationship. On the other hand, Bobby says his wife gives him no respect. He feels she constantly rides and nags him. Bobby was making a great living in the housing market when he met Melody. However, soon after they were married, the housing market crashed leaving Bobby without job prospects. Bobby wants to be able to provide the security that Melody needs. 1. How can Psalm 111:5 begin to ease Melody s fears? Do you have constant fears in your marriage? 2. Bobby turns to gambling to make money for the family only to be feeling inadequate and disappointed. Luke 12:24 tells us that God will take care of us just as he does the birds. How hard is it for you to look to God as your source and strength? Do you believe God can and will intervene in your situation? 3. Both Melody and Bobby are need of guidance. How can Psalm 23:1-3 help them find that security and guidance they both seek? Are you looking to God as your shepherd? 4. When Melody gets angry with Bobby for getting them lost, she says he can t do anything right - words she never would have uttered when they were first married. Melody has let their circumstances change her. How are your circumstances making you a different person? How is it making your marriage different? SCRIPTURES REFERENCED: Luke 12:24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap; they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! (NIV) Psalm 111:5 He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever. (NIV) Psalm 23:1-3 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name s sake. (NIV)

THEME III: SECURITY CALL TO ACTION Take some time at this moment to think about you and your spouse s financial concerns. If you have some, then here are some steps to help guide you to a solution. 1. Write down at least 3 financial issues that have been burdening you both. For example, retirement, savings, or overspending. 2. Create a plan below to address each of these issues. If overspending is a problem, then you can develop a budget to keep daily expenses under control. 3. Most importantly, if you don t know how to create a budget or how to handle credit card debt then seek professional advice. A great place to start is Crown Financial Ministries. Visit them at www.crown.org for financial, spiritual teaching and resources from a Christian, biblical perspective.

FINAL THOUGHTS FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION God has a beautiful plan for you and your marriage covenant. God performed the first marriage ceremony in the Garden of Eden between Adam and Eve, and later gifted us the perfect plan for reconciliation and redemption through the Cross - with Christ as our Bridegroom. Mark 10:5-9 tells us that God s plan for marriage was to create a unity of one. Your ultimate marriage relationship is closer than you think. So, take that next step and recommit your marriage to the Lord and make that covenant pledge to one another. Now, begins your journey to finding your way back to the ONE you love. SCRIPTURES REFERENCED: Mark 10:5-9 It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law, Jesus replied. But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (NIV) COVENANT PLEDGE I promise to honor, love and respect my bride/husband. I promise to serve my wife/husband with grace based, sacrificial love as Christ so loved the church. Amen! Name Date

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