The Pressure of Conflict

SESSION 5 The Pressure of Conflict 58 SESSION 5

The Point Overcome the pressure of conflict by humbly submitting to Christ. The Bible Meets Life Most of us do not like conflict. We often see conflict as originating from the pressure of others for us to conform to their plans or opinions, but often that pressure comes from our plans. We create the conflict because we don t want to follow any plan but our own. This internal conflict often leads to conflict with others. While we are not necessarily called to resolve the conflict simply by giving in to the other person s desires, we are called to humble ourselves under God s desires. The Passage James 4:1-10 The Setting Even the early church experienced dissension within the body, and James identified the source of their conflicts and pointed to the need for humility before God. Bible Studies for Life 59

What does the Bible say? Key Words adulteresses (v. 4) In spiritual adultery people choose substitutes over God. the proud (v. 6) The term refers to those who align their hearts with anyone or anything other than God, thus making Him their rival. humble (v. 6) The term conveys an attitude of lowliness, poverty, lack of power. Humble people have the right view of God and themselves. Rather than align themselves against God they learn from Him, trusting His leadership and will. James 4:1-10 (HCSB) 1 What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don t they come from the cravings that are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and don t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your evil desires. 4 Adulteresses! Don t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So whoever wants to be the world s friend becomes God s enemy. 5 Or do you think it s without reason the Scripture says that the Spirit who lives in us yearns jealously? 6 But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. 7 Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you. 60 SESSION 5

THE POINT Overcome the pressure of conflict by humbly submitting to Christ. Get Into The Study 10 minutes DISCUSS: The opening question on page 49 of the PSG: What conflicts and competitions do you find compelling? Notes READ: Call on a group member to read the Roosevelt quote under The Bible Meets Life section on page 50 of the Personal Study Guide (PSG). Ask for a show of hands on who agrees with that statement. GUIDE: Refer to The Bible Meets Life on page 50 in the PSG. Direct group members to identify the reasons we often fight and are in conflict. ENHANCEMENT: To prompt insight into the hows and whys of fights, use Pack Item 4: Bent Toward Conflict. GUIDE: Point out that instead of focusing on conflict between people, we will consider the conflict that happens inside each of us. The most basic conflict we face is an internal, spiritual one. TIP: The opening question guides group members to feel the conflict so they find more interest in studying it. ENHANCEMENT: Use Pack Item 1: Pressure Points to hone in on conflict that happens inside each of us. PRAY: Ask God to show us what to do with the pressure of conflict. TRANSITION: To understand the solution to conflict we must first consider the source of conflict. Bible Studies for Life 61

15 minutes STUDY the BIBLE Notes James 4:1-5 1 What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don t they come from the cravings that are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and don t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your evil desires. 4 Adulteresses! Don t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So whoever wants to be the world s friend becomes God s enemy. 5 Or do you think it s without reason the Scripture says that the Spirit who lives in us yearns jealously? READ: Call on a volunteer to read James 4:1-5 on page 51 of the PSG. SAY: Conflict is more about what s in us than about what s happening around us. Tip: Be authentic. Group members need to see someone who lives out what is being studied. DISCUSS: Question #2 on page 52 of the PSG: What cravings most often lead you into conflict? GUIDE: Explore sources of conflict in the James 4:1-5 section on page 52 of the PSG. Point out that even when we pray, we might pray with wrong motives. DO: Examine motives using Check Your Motives on page 53 of the PSG. When praying for more money, a selfish motive would be but a Christ-centered motive would be. When praying for a car, a selfish motive would be but a Christ-centered motive would be. When praying for someone s salvation, a selfish motive would be but a Christ-centered motive would be. DISCUSS: Question #3 on page 53 of the PSG: How do motives relate to conflict? TRANSITION: Next we ll examine five practical ways to overcome conflict. 62 SESSION 5

THE POINT Overcome the pressure of conflict by humbly submitting to Christ. James 4:1-5 Commentary James got right to the point. Believers were warring and fighting, resulting in strife, struggles, disputes, and quarrels. The plural form of the words stress the persistent nature of the interpersonal clashes. James offered godly insights into the root cause of conflicts. Simply put, conflict arises when we don t get what we want. Pressure merely uncovers the origins of conflict. Conflicts can have their source in self-centeredness, prayerlessness, and worldliness. Constant interplay exists between self-centeredness, worldliness, and motives behind our prayers. Each weaves its ugly web into the trap of conflict. Conflict happens when we allow our selfish nature to rule. James exposed three aspects of selfcenteredness: cravings, desire, and covetousness. Cravings reflect a sinful, self-indulgent attitude of excess, focusing on physical gratifications. While these may not come with evil intentions, they create internal angst. The English word hedonism, the philosophy that values satisfying self above all else, comes from this word. The Bible is not against pleasure; it is against us finding pleasure in wrong things or in wrong ways. Desire is lust for something or someone, setting our hearts on what does not belong to us. Covetousness is to be moved with envy, often using evil means to get what one wants, including murder. When we covet we steal what does not belong to us. We set our desire on an earthly object and pursue it at all costs, including running over people and hurting them to accomplish our purpose. Prayerlessness is either not praying or making requests of God with wrong motives. Prayer petitions can attempt to control God. They can be for convenience, pleasure, gain, or worse. The phrase wrong motives, is often translated as diseased or sick. Such prayers use God as a means to gain benefits treating God as a genie. Praying consistently with God s agenda, we will not utter selfish requests. Prayerlessness is a form of selfishness, revealing that our hearts are not focused on God. When we are in relational conflict, too often we scheme, tell our side of the story, or align allies. God is not glorified by wars and fights, quarreling and strife. He is not magnified by constant conflict. Worldliness describes a life separated from God, a lifestyle of pursuing a selfish agenda devoid of God s desires. When we live such a life, we become spiritual adulteresses turning away from God to be friends with the world. James wanted believers to drop their excuses and squarely face their sin. They were playing politics in the church, attacking one another, and rallying others to their cause. They squabbled among themselves, and shrugged it off as just normal behavior. When we engage in selfish conflict we do not act like God s people. To resolve conflict we correctly identify its source. If we blame others, we probably have not identified the source. Even if one party is only five percent responsible he or she needs to face what s inside and follow God s instructions. Deal with the source and most conflict will cease. Bible Studies for Life 63

10 minutes STUDY the BIBLE Notes James 4:6-10 6 But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. 7 Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you. READ: James 4:6-10 on page 51 of the PSG. GUIDE: Point attention to the first three of five conflict-solving actions with insights from the James 4:6-10 section on pages 54-55 of the PSG: > > Humble yourself. > > Submit to God. > > Resist the Devil. SUMMARIZE: Three ways to resist Satan are to take every thought captive to Christ, to put on the armor of God, and to hide God s word in your heart. DISCUSS: Question #4 on page 54 of the PSG: What is involved in resisting the Devil? NOTE: The study of 4:6-10 continues on the next page. 64 SESSION 5

THE POINT Overcome the pressure of conflict by humbly submitting to Christ. James 4:6-10 Commentary James, a practical writer, transitioned from the cause of conflict to actions that resolve conflict. We overcome the pressure of conflict through humility, submission to God, resisting the devil, drawing near to God, and getting rid of our sin. As the three primary causes of conflict selfishness, prayerlessness, and worldliness are woven together and inseparable, so too are the actions to resolve conflict. These powerful remedies are not progressive actions that come one after another. They are needed ingredients in the recipe toward resolving the pressure of conflict. James underscored the need for humility. James quoted Proverbs 3:34. Pride is at the heart of all disobedience to God and of almost all relational conflicts. If God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble, then we want to make sure we do not make ourselves God s opponents. The proud seek to live their lives without God s intervention and help; the humble solve conflicts. We submit our wills to God s. This military term describes responding according to one s rank. God knows better. He guides more lovingly. So why don t we acknowledge His authority? Submission to Christ does not necessarily remove conflict, but it removes the pressure we can feel because of conflict. Since all conflict begins internally we have to resolve the inward conflict before we reach outward peace. The real conflict is inside of us. Who s in charge? Don t pass over this command too quickly. Conflict cannot and will not be resolved simply by praying about it though prayer is needed in any conflict resolution; nor will conflict be resolved by talking about it though talking is required by the parties involved. All conflict resolution necessitates a renewed submission to God. Believers can easily drift from God. If we are engaged in continuing quarrels and conflicts, it might be because we are close to God. We ve drifted. He calls us to draw near to Him, with the promise that He is ready and waiting to draw near to us. If we think we are close to God, but we are angry and bitter, we deceive ourselves. To resist the Devil is to actively oppose or withstand Satan. Resist is also a military word, meaning to stand against in war. This is the only proper reaction in dealing with the Devil. Paul used it with reference to spiritual warfare in Ephesians 6:13. Devil literally means slanderer, speaking falsely against God and people. Satan uses our selfishness to start and to continue conflict. We need to recognize his ploy. He loves conflict. He wants to cause confusion, stress, hurt feelings, disappointment, anger, and chaos. Watch out for his schemes and prepare with the proper tactics for defeating him. We are never to turn our backs on him. (No armor in Ephesians 6 is for the back.) We resist by standing strong in the power of Jesus. We refuse to give in. And, when we stand strong, Satan will flee from us. Bible Studies for Life 65

5 minutes STUDY the BIBLE Notes James 4:6-10 6 But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. 7 Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you. GUIDE: Point attention to the last two of five conflict-solving actions with insights from the James 4:6-10 section on page 55 of the PSG: > > Draw near to God. > > Get rid of your sins. DISCUSS: Question #5 on page 55 of the PSG: What helps you draw near to Christ and humble yourself before Him? GUIDE: If you have group members who are not yet believers, point out that Jesus Christ addressed our greatest conflict and removed the sin that keeps us from a relationship with Him. Point their attention to the inside cover of the PSG and lead them to faith in Christ. TRANSITION: Let s conclude by considering how we will each personally put this into practice. 66 SESSION 5

THE POINT Overcome the pressure of conflict by humbly submitting to Christ. James 4:6-10 Commentary Drawing near to God is the act of coming into God s presence. When we start drawing near to God, He journeys the rest of the way to be with us. This is the great promise and assurance of His daily, minuteby-minute presence in our lives. Two corresponding results come by our drawing near to Him: first, we enter His presence, and second, we lose the pressure of conflict with others. Getting rid of sin is the act of repenting of our sins and seeking God s cleansing. Cleanse and purify are active synonyms to make pure or holy. These are God s works in a believer s life. Hands refer to outward behavior or conduct while hearts refer to inward behavior or attitudes. James challenged his readers to clean up their acts, withdraw from evil actions, and stop using hurtful words. James did not want believers to rejoice until they had earnestly humbled themselves to God and taken appropriate action to resolve any conflict among them. They were to be miserable and mourn and weep. These words indicate deep feelings of remorse for any responsibility for conflict. They call for heartfelt and open repentance, an outward evidence of sorrow. Laughter must change to mourning does not indicate we should wander around dour and hopeless. In Scripture, laughter often signifies the fool or foolish behavior ignoring or making light of God s teaching, choosing to live according to selfish desires, relishing sin, or scoffing at the notion God will bring judgment. Kent Hughes tells of an old preacher who received a report of a woman from a service he had conducted. The messenger said the woman had gotten joy in the Lord, or salvation. The preacher asked, Did she ever get any sorrow? To experience joy of sins forgiven, one first has to experience grief over the sins. (Source: R. Kent Hughes, James: Faith That Works, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 1991; 189) James concluded the needed actions to conflict resolution by reiterating the need to humble ourselves. God offers two options when it comes to humility: be humble or be humiliated. It is far better that we humble ourselves now rather than have God humble us later. The key to developing biblical humility is in the phrase, before the Lord. Only those with hardened hearts could be proud in the presence of the Lord. The truly humble person is the one who submits to God, resists the devil, draws near to God, and has gotten rid of sin. A humble person will seek to resolve conflict and live in peace with others. Understanding of the causes of conflict and taking actions that resolve are not easy. It requires total honesty and a deep look within to see one s own part in the conflict. Once that has been discovered, it then takes courage to implement the actions necessary to attempt to bring the warring and fighting to reconciliation. But, the value is indescribable. People live in peace. Believers expand God s kingdom through witness. God s church discovers unity of purpose. And, God s name is glorified and honored. Bible Studies for Life 67

5 minutes Live It Out SAY: When the pressure of conflict begins to rise in your life, take action. Notes GUIDE: Prompt group members to choose a Live It Out action on page 56. > > Check your motives. Evaluate your desires to determine if they are selfcentered or Christ-centered. > > Submit to Christ. Give up every thought and desire to the lordship of Christ. > > Keep a prayer journal. Keep the proper focus by identifying how each request can specifically honor Jesus. Wrap It Up SAY: Conflict may be compelling in the sports arena, but not in your life. Quit competing with God and live humbly under Jesus Christ. 68 SESSION 5

David felt like he was all alone with a story no one in our small group could understand. Brittany cut her wrists last weekend. I don t believe she intended to take her life, but I definitely heard the cry for help, he said. When I Steven s response? Why, so I can be like you, when John urged Steven to look for a job. asked her why, she said, It isn t like you would Dad? You have a lot of great stuff, but I want to miss me, Dad. You ve always been so busy with have a better relationship with my kids than I your career. I ve felt for a long time that I m have with you. invisible to you. To his surprise, David quickly discovered he THE HAVE-IT-ALL MYTH was far from alone. John s relationship with his The Boomer parenting style was influenced by son Steven hadn t reached a crisis point, but it our own distant relationships with our fathers, brought its own share of pained conversations whose core anthem was brought to painful light THE ADOPTION OPTION FEBRUARY 2013 U.S.A. $3.95 USE YOUR SKILLS TO SERVE YOUR CHURCH My Daughter s FOR GRANDPARENTS 5 Boomer Leaders Tell It Like It Was (and is) in songwriter Harry Chapin s haunting hit Cat s career that would provide personal satisfaction in the Cradle. How did we end up as the second and material goods. We believed in ourselves and verse to the story of a man so busy chasing his in our pursuits, and we naively hoped our kids dreams he missed connecting with his young son? would understand. The you-can-have-it-all myth had a lot to do They did not. with it. It s not just the women of our generation who bought into the idea that they could not just our things. They wanted us to believe in They wanted us, our interest, and our interaction have everything, from bringing home the bacon them as much as we believed in our dreams. to frying it in the pan. Men did, too. Many of us Just as in that Harry Chapin song, we ve thought we could find fulfillment by building a arrived in the second half of our lives and want a 34 MORE LIVING NOVEMBER 2012 NOVEMBER 2012 MORE LIVING 35 My group's prayer requests Additional suggestions for specific groups (women, men, parents, boomers, and singles) are available at BibleStudiesforLife.com/blog. Start Here Healing relationships with grown children sometimes means dealing with past failures to move forward. Start Here by Bill Farrel PHOTOS: GETTY/BLUE IMAGES David felt like he was all alone with a story no one in our small group could understand. Brittany cut her wrists last weekend. I don t believe she intended to take her life, but I definitely heard the cry for help, he said. When I asked her why, she said, It isn t like you would miss me, Dad. You ve always been so busy with your career. I ve felt for a long time that I m invisible to you. 7 DAYS WITHOUT Google? REFILL YOUR EMPTY NEST DO WHAT MATTERS Wedding Day: PRAYER ANSWERED A GRAND NAME GAME Talking About My Generation To continue reading Start Here from More Living magazine, visit BibleStudiesforLife.com/articles. WWW.LIFEWAY.COM Bible Studies for Life 69