TEMPLE BETH EL BAR/BAT MITZVAH PARENT HANDBOOK 5777/

TEMPLE BETH EL BAR/BAT MITZVAH PARENT HANDBOOK 5777/2016-2017 Rabbi David Widzer: rabbiwidzer@tbenv.org Cantor Rica Timman: hazzan@tbenv.org Rabbi Beth Kramer-Mazer: educator@tbenv.org Website: www.tbenv.org Phone: 201-768-2195

TABLE OF CONTENTS Rabbi s greeting.pages 2 Cantor s greeting...3 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Requirements...4 Service attendance requirements...5 Shabbat service study page 6 Bar/Bat Mitzvah timetable..7-8 Proper attire...9 What to expect on the Shabbat your child becomes Bar/Bat Mitzvah 10-11 How to choose your Torah reading..12 B nai Mitzvah checklist 13 Prayers recited by parents... 14-18 Shabbat Candles Transliteration/Hebrew Introduction to Friday evening Kiddush Tallit Blessing Transliteration/Hebrew Torah Blessings Transliteration/Hebrew Shehecheyanu Prayer for reaching this time Kiddush and Ha motzi Transliteration/Hebrew Parents Blessings for B nai Mitzvah Torah Endowment Project/Mazon/Twinning..19 Administrative details and Facility rental... 20-21 Ushering responsibilities 22-24 Video recording 25-27 Sisterhood gift shop. 28 Mitzvah Project.. 29-37 13 Mitzvot Project..38-45 FORMS TO TURN IN: Torah Reading Request Form..(due December 15).........46 Mitzvah Project Form..(due 6 month prior).....47 Torah Portion outline...(due at D var Torah meeting appr. 6 wks).. 48 Hebrew Names Form..(due 4 wks prior). 49 Aliyot sheets (due 4 wks prior) 50-52 1

FROM THE RABBI TO OUR STUDENTS If you are reading this letter, holding in your hands in the Handbook that will help you become Bar or Bat Mitzvah, then the first thing to say is mazal tov! It is exciting to come to this important milestone in the Jewish life-cycle. Becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah is how we mark the transition when children become young adults and take their places as fully responsible members of the Jewish community. It is an honor and privilege to help you along this path and celebrate with you. Bar or Bat Mitzvah literally means son or daughter of the commandments. It s a technical status in Jewish law, a person who is no longer treated as a child, but as a young adult. I have a rabbi friend who likes to translate Bar or Bat Mitzvah as son or daughter of responsibility, to mark the time when you are growing in responsibility. In either case, a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is not something that you have, it is something that you become. A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is not the Shabbat worship service. It is not the celebration or party. Both of those are important ways we mark this transition, but they are not the most important part. A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is, in a word, you you as a young adult, you as a responsible member of the Jewish community, you whom we will view in a new way. We re going to expect a lot from you as you prepare to become Bar or Bat Mitzvah. We know you re up to it! There are prayers and blessings to review, Torah and Haftarah verses to learn, a Torah portion to teach about, and many, many hours of preparation. We wait until you are old enough, mature enough, and responsible enough to handle these preparations, as we know you can do it. Now is the time! It is also a time to try out the different responsibilities of being a young Jewish adult. The big Mitzvah Project and the 13 Mitzvot that you will do over the coming months will let you sample some of the things that Jewish adults do. This includes putting Jewish values into practice through rituals like lighting the Shabbat candles, saying Kiddish, and praying at services. It also includes putting Jewish values into practice by ethical and just actions, like taking care of the homeless, visiting the sick, and honoring your parents. Trying out these different responsibilities will help you understand what it means to be a young Jewish adult. Becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a process and a transition, but it is not the end. You will be a Bar or Bat Mitzvah for the rest of your life! And so we look forward to your involvement in the Jewish community as a young adult, continuing learning through Confirmation in 10 th grade and beyond, coming to services and Temple events, and helping us in our efforts to repair the world. The worldwide Jewish community is awaiting your arrival! May you enjoy all the learning that lies ahead of you. May your efforts bring honor to yourself, your family, our community, and our God. L Shalom, Rabbi David S. Widzer 2

A NOTE FROM THE CANTOR TO STUDENTS AND PARENTS Congratulations! You are about to embark on a journey that will lead you to becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah and beyond. The study of Torah or Talmud Torah is one of the most important mitzvot of Jewish life. Singing the melodies of the Torah, Haftarah and brachot are mitzvot too. It is said that the words of the Torah should be chanted with a sweet melody. Our melody or trop is almost 2000 years old! Six to seven months before your Bar/Bat Mitzvah date we will begin our formal studies. During those months you will be coming for lessons once a week with me. These sessions will be for approximately 20 minutes. Please understand that my schedule is very full and if you need to cancel, I might not be able to reschedule that session. Here is the process: We will begin by learning to chant the Torah portion and the prayers. About eight weeks before your Bar/Bat Mitzvah date, after you have finished learning your Torah portion, you will also learn to chant your Haftarah portion. During this entire process you will also be working on your Mitzvah Project and 13 Mitzvot. About four weeks before your Bar/Bat Mitzvah, I will begin working with you to put all the pieces of the service together. These sessions will be longer and will include time on the bima practicing and polishing all you have learned. You will also begin to work on your d var Torah (Torah interpretation and B nai Mitzvah speech) with your family and under Rabbi Widzer s supervision. We have materials we will be happy to provide you to help with the process of writing a d var Torah. By now you will have received these important items: 1. Your own siddur 2. This B nai Mitzvah Workbook 3. Your Torah/Haftarah booklet 4. Your Bar/Bat Mitzvah Prayers CD In preparation for your first lessons with me, please review all these materials. Practice all your prayers in class and at home using the CD and workbook, and read through your Torah/Haftarah booklet. Bonus! We are very fortunate to also have a volunteer from our congregation, Marlowe Marcus, who is available for additional weekly tutoring throughout the process. He will be in touch with your family once you begin lessons with me. Here is a tip to becoming better prepared for your special day: Attend other B nai Mitzvah services here at our Temple in the weeks and months to come. Attending services is part of your commitment to our religious school, but it also is a wonderful way to gain a deeper understanding of your new role as an adult member of our Jewish community. I look forward to taking this journey with you over the next several months. And someday it will be my joy and honor to also welcome you as an adult in our Jewish community. Mazel Tov! With blessings and best wishes, Cantor Rica Timman 3

BAR/BAT MITZVAH REQUIREMENTS: Learning, Prayer, and Mitzvot The world stands on three things Torah, worship, and loving acts of kindness. (Pirkei Avot 1:2) Temple Beth El s Bar/Bat Mitzvah educational policies were established with the intent of nurturing each child s growth into a full Jewish adult. We view the rituals associated with becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a stepping-stone on a lifelong path of Jewish education. Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not the end of Jewish education; it is neither graduation nor culmination. It is the rite of passage to another level of learning and continued Jewish involvement, as is Confirmation at the end of tenth grade. Therefore, Jewish learning, prayer experience, and completion of our mitzvah program are required for students wishing to celebrate becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Temple Beth El. 1. LEARNING Students are required to begin Religious School training by the 3 rd grade and are encouraged to do so from kindergarten on. Students enrolling after Grade 3 will be evaluated on a case by case basis and may have their date of becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah delayed well past their thirteenth birthday. Students must complete a minimum of four years of classes before becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah and commit to complete the fifth year (grade 7). Temple Beth El s Religious School curriculum is based on the expectation that students will continue through Grade 10 and Confirmation. EACH YEAR, A MINIMUM 80% ATTENDANCE RATE AT RELIGIOUS SCHOOLL, PLUS SATISFACTORY ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT, IS REQUIRED. Summer make-up work arranged through the Rabbi-Educator and Rabbi will be necessary if these minimums are not achieved. Cases of serious medical or personal issues should be discussed with the Rabbi-Educator or Rabbi so adjustments can be made as deemed necessary. If your child falls behind because of extensive absence or failure to do required class or homework, private tutoring may be recommended with a list of acceptable tutors available from the Rabbi- Educator. Temple Beth El strives to meet the needs of all of our students, including those with learning differences. Please inform the Rabbi and Rabbi-Educator of such issues. 2. PRAYER STUDENTS MUST COMPLETE THEIR SERVICE ATTENDANCE REQUIREMENTS. (See next page for details.) 3. MITZVOT STUDENTS MUST COMPLETE ONE MAJOR MITZVAH PROJECT PLUS THE THIRTEEN MITZVOT PROGRAM. (See section in this handbook.) 4

SERVICE ATTENDANCE REQUIREMENT: SIXTH AND SEVENTH GRADERS PRE-BAR/BAT MITZVAH We place a high priority on our young people understanding prayer and being familiar with the Temple Beth El services they will eventually help to lead. Worship with the full congregation is a critical component in developing as an adult Reform Jew. Attendance at a minimum of eight (8) Shabbat services per school year at Temple Beth El is required of all sixth graders and all seventh graders. These should be divided into four Friday evenings and four Saturday mornings. *High Holiday attendance, other holiday worship (Purim, Sukkot, etc.), and Tot Shabbats do not count toward this requirement, but certainly enrich one s life and are counted by a higher authority. Students with a fall date to become Bar/Bat Mitzvah should attend at least four services during the school year before their date. Students with a winter/spring date to become Bar/Bat Mitzvah should fulfill their year s requirement before their date. Please sign the list outside the sanctuary (on the prayerbook table) after each Shabbat service at Temple Beth El that you attend. This information is transferred to a log that is kept in the Religious School office. PRE-BAR/BAT MITZVAH: The twelve months before 1. On the table outside the sanctuary is a page entitled Shabbat Service Study Page which is also in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Student Workbook. You should take one of these home after at least four (4) of the services you attend at Temple Beth El, fill them out immediately, and store them in the pocket of the Handbook. The Rabbi will ask to see them when you begin your sessions with him approximately two months before you become Bar/Bat Mitzvah. 2. While it does not count toward the requirement, we encourage you to explore services at other synagogues, too. If you attend a service at another synagogue in the year leading up to becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah, especially one in another part of the country or one that is Conservative or Orthodox, you might choose to write about your experience as one of your Thirteen Mitzvot. In your Thirteen Mitzvot pages of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Handbook, just record ways in which the prayers were different or the same as Temple Beth El, any customs that you really liked, and something you learned from that prayer experience. Enjoy! QUESTIONS? Call the Rabbi, Cantor or Rabbi-Educator. It is expected that parents will attend services with their child to increase their own comfort and familiarity with the service and to model their own commitment to Jewish observance. 5

*SAMPLE COPY* Students should fill out one of these pages for each service attended preceding Bar/Bat Mitzvah (at least eight). These sheets can be found in the student Bar/Bat Mitzvah Workbook. SHABBAT SERVICE STUDY PAGE My name Grade Date of this Service Shabbat Shalom! Please answer all the questions and keep in your Bar/Bat Mitzvah notebook to turn in to the Rabbi one month before the date you become Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Use back of page if needed. We strongly suggest you do this within a day so you do not forget! 1. Who did you come to Temple with and who did you sit with during this service? 2. What moment did you feel you really were praying in the service or connecting to Judaism, and why? (If you cannot answer this, then tell what you prayed for during the silent prayer.) 3. If there was a Torah service, what was the Torah reading about? 4. What was the rabbi s sermon/talk/story about? What do you think the lesson was? 5. During the healing prayer or when the congregation recited Kaddish for those who have died, did you think of any particular person(s)? If so, how did that make you feel? 6. If the service was led by a Bar/Bat Mitzvah student, what did he/she/they talk about? 7. If there was any special music or celebrations at this service (Baby-naming, wedding blessing/ufruf, guest musician, etc.), describe it and tell what you thought about that aspect of the service. 6

BAR/BAT MITZVAH TIMETABLE 18 months o Reserve Temple Social Hall for reception or extended Kiddush o Contact family sharing occasion o Attend Temple 5 th grade Family Bible Program 9-18 months o Attend Grade 6 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Family Workshop November 20 learn about your Torah portion and Bar/Bat Mitzvah procedures o Attend Grade 6 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Family Shabbaton December 3 learn about themes in the worship service o Usher for another family o Receive CD with blessings o Choose and begin Mitzvah project 12 months o Attend services regularly to become comfortable with TBE worship and to fulfill requirements (see worship requirement page) o Submit Torah Reading Request form with student s preferred reading 6-7 months o Student begins private lessons with the Cantor o Receive Torah CD o Order kippot/yarmulkes if desired and Tallit o Attend services regularly (make sure you are meeting requirements) o Check outstanding balance to the Temple o (Contact partner family regarding Bima decoration, if applicable) 3 months o Private family meeting and student study sessions to prepare D var Torah with Rabbi are scheduled o Progress toward mastering Torah and Prayers for service o Begin Haftarah from CD as Torah is completed o Confirm Mitzvah Project with Cantor/Rabbi/Rabbi-Educator o Any outstanding balance to Temple due 3 months before service o Continue attending services regularly 7

2 months o Submit profile and photo for Temple Bulletin o Family meeting with Rabbi o Arrange for videotaping of Service (contact office) o Order Bima decoration o Usher for another family o Check your progress on Thirteen Mitzvot program 6 weeks o Student meetings with Rabbi to write D var Torah (teaching) and mark siddur for the English of the service o Master Haftarah, Torah and Prayers and keep practicing o Check service attendance to stay on schedule 4 weeks o Attend two semi-final rehearsals with Cantor on Bimah o Submit Aliyah and Hebrew names forms o Prepare translation of Torah index cards o Parents learn/review Torah blessings, tallit blessing and Shehecheyanu o Pay Sisterhood for Oneg Shabbat and Kiddush o Hand in Thirteen Mitzvot booklet and report on your major Mitzvah project to the Rabbi-Educator/Cantor o Sign up for marshmallows (optional) 1 week o Final D var Torah (speech) due to Rabbi o Finalize details for Aliyah and Hebrew names sheets o Translation cards handed in to Cantor o Last rehearsal with Rabbi on Bimah o Get a good night s sleep every night 8

PROPER ATTIRE ON THE BIMAH This is a very special time in the life of a young person and his/her family, and attire should reflect the occasion. These recommendations are made in an effort to increase reverence and respect for the sanctity of this day. It is the policy that anyone (child or adult) ascending the Bimah be dressed appropriately. Shoulders and upper arms must be covered for men and women. Women s attire that is appropriate for an evening reception may not be appropriate to wear on the Bimah. Check with the Cantor if you have any questions. Boys leading the service are expected to wear a suit or sports jacket/slacks, and a tie. No sneakers. Girls leading the service are expected to wear a suit (jacket/skirt or pants suit), or a dress that is either short-sleeved or long-sleeved. Sleeveless dresses or those with spaghetti straps must be covered by a sweater or jacket. A tallit does not count as a shoulder covering. No prom style dresses, ball gowns, or mini-skirts are permitted. (Ask yourself: could my daughter wear this on Rosh Hashanah morning? If so, it is probably acceptable when leading the service.) We highly recommend that girls do not wear ankle length dresses or high-heeled shoes which will make carrying the Torah difficult. Ritual Clothing Wearing a kippah (yarmulke) or tallit is optional, though encouraged, in our congregation. Both the Cantor and the Rabbi wear these on the bimah. As an egalitarian congregation, young men and women who are becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah are both welcome to wear a Tallit and/or Kippah. There are always tallitot available in the Social Foyer. If you are providing personalized kippot (yarmulkes) for the morning, please choose a style in keeping with a worship service. Sports themes or logos not related to Judaism are inappropriate. 9

BEFORE FRIDAY NIGHT THE SHABBAT YOUR CHILD BECOMES A BAR OR BAT MITZVAH: Final Instructions and What to Expect At the final rehearsal with Rabbi be sure to finalize the list of all who will be participating in the service. Confirm with the Office Manager the number of people you expect to attend both the Friday evening and Saturday morning services. If you are providing your own kippot (yarmulkes) for Saturday morning, they may be dropped off in advance in the temple office in a basket (no themes, please.) Get some rest! Hug your child! Smile! FRIDAY EVENING SERVICE Please check with the Temple office in advance to confirm the time for the Friday night service in which your family will participate. Some services are early family services. Make your dinner plans accordingly so you will be on time! Bring your son/daughter s siddur with you to the service. Please arrive at least 15 minutes before the service begins. Please be seated in the front row or so to make it easier to come up to assist during the service. After the opening song and welcome, a parent will be called up to assist in Candle lighting. At the end of the service, A parent and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student will be called up to assist in the Kiddush and Motsi blessings. Parents will do introductions in English to the blessings. The Cantor will chant the candle blessing and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student(s) will lead the Hebrew of the Kiddush. Get a good night s sleep! SATURDAY MORNING SERVICE Eat a healthy breakfast. Be sure your son/daughter brings his/her siddur, final copy of D var Torah, Yad, Haftarah booklet, and tallit to the Temple. 10 Parents, grandparents, siblings and student should arrive in time to meet the Rabbi, Cantor and Board Member in the Chapel at 10:00 am for the signing of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah certificate. Following the short ceremony, the family proceeds to the sanctuary and is seated, along with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student, in the front row by 10:30 am when the service begins.

After the opening song, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student and a family member (often parents or grandparents) chosen by the family will present the tallit and place it on the student s shoulders. The student will recite the Tallit blessing, the presenters return to their seats, and the student will be called up to the bimah to assist in leading the service. At the start of the Torah service, parents plus all Jewish grandparents and Jewish great-grandparents will be called up in front of the bimah to help symbolically pass the Torah to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student A parent or designated helper will walk with the student during the Torah procession around the sanctuary, and a second parent/helper will carry the second Torah if there is not another student becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Designated relatives/friends will assist in undressing the Torah. When the student reads from Torah, family members will be called up for Torah blessings. Instructions on how to do Torah blessings will be provided in advance to all families during final rehearsals. After the end of the Torah reading, the parent(s) will read a parents blessing selected in advance, then join the congregation in the Shehechiyanu prayer before embracing their child and returning to sit in the congregation. Designated relatives/friends will assist in lifting and dressing the Torah. The student will deliver his/her D var Torah as the teacher of Torah to the congregation. The student will chant the Haftarah verses. The Cantor will offer congratulations, then designated relatives/friends will assist in returning the Torah to the Ark A presentation of gifts will be made by a representative of the Board of Trustees, and the rabbi will speak to the student and the congregation. The student and parents will be called to the bimah for a blessing at the Ark. After the closing prayers, designated relatives/friends (often a group such as cousins) are invited to lead the Kiddush and Ha-Motzi. Even if you are going on to another location for lunch, please mingle with the congregation at the Kiddush (challah, cake and juice) for at least ten minutes. When you leave, be sure to take the certificates and gifts from the congregation with you! MAZAL TOV! 11

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR TORAH READING As a family, read over all of the Torah verses in English in your Torah booklet. They are printed in the Translation column on the right side of each 2-page spread. Be sure to read all the verses in the portion. You will know when you come to the end because it will be followed by a page labeled Highlights of the Parasha. You may find the editor s Introduction to the Parahsa and short essays that follow the verses helpful in understanding the reading. However, the editor only chooses a few ideas to highlight. You do not have to follow his ideas. As you read the verses, you will notice that your reading is either a story (or a few stories), a section of laws, or other material about the early Israelites in the wilderness. Look for a paragraph, a topic, or an incident that catches your interest. It could be a story that teaches us about God, or about our ancestors lives. It could be a conversation or story that reminds you of something in your own life, or a problem in the world. It could be a rule or law you agree with. It could be a rule or law or act of God you find puzzling or difficult. It could be a problem that our ancestors faced that we still face today. It could be a practice or belief that modern Jews still follow, perhaps in new ways. Or anything else that makes you stop and think. Fill in the TORAH READING REQUEST FORM with your first and second choices of verses you would like to read when you become Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The two choices should not be from the same paragraph. Tell us why you chose each section. If you are becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah with another student, your choices will be compared to your partner s choices. The Cantor will then assign verses to each student. Your Torah request form can be found in the Forms section at the end of the Handbook. 12

TEMPLE BETH EL BAR/BAT MITZVAH CHECKLIST Name: BM Date Torah Portion Haftarah Portion Single Share Name of BM Partner DONE DATE CHECK LIST Prayers: BLESSING BEFORE TORAH BLESSING AFTER TORAH BLESSING BEFORE HAFTARAH BLESSING AFTER HAFTARAH KIDDUSH MORNING BLESSINGS YOTSEIR BAR CHU V AHAVTA ADONAI S FATAI / AVOT V IMAHOT G VUROT KEDUSHA RESPONSES TALIT BLESSING ALEINU Torah Portion: 1 st ALIYAH 2 ND ALIYAH 3 RD ALIYAH 4 TH ALIYAH 5 TH ALIYAH Haftarah Portion: 1 st HALF CHANTED 2 ND HALF CHANTED Mitzvah Project Thirteen Mitzvot Shabbat Service Study Pages D var Torah Torah Translation Cards Aliyah and Hebrew Names Sheets Completed no vowels: 13

PRAYERS RECITED BY PARENTS DURING SERVICES Candle Lighting: Ba-ruch A-ta Adonai, Eh-lo-hei-nu Meh-lech ha-o-lam, ah-sher kid sha-nu b mitz-vo-tav, v tzeeva-nu l had-leek ner shel Shabbat. Praised be our Eternal God, Ruler of the universe. You hallow us with Mitzvot, and command us to kindle the lights of Shabbat. Introduction to Friday Evening Kiddush (Blessing over the wine): The seventh day is consecrated to Adonai our God. With wine, our symbol of joy, we celebrate this day and its holiness. We give thanks for all our blessings, for life and health, for work and rest, for home and love and friendship. On Shabbat, eternal sign of creation, we remember that we are created in the divine image. We therefore raise the cup in thanksgiving. Prayer for putting on a Tallit: The tallit, or prayer shawl, with its tzitzit, or fringes, has been worn by Jews since biblical times. Today, many Jews continue to wear the tallit. Among Reform Jews the wearing of a tallit at worship is optional. At Temple Beth El, it is customary for boys and girls to take on this mitzvah, though not required. The commandment to wear tzitzit is found in the Torah, in the Book of Numbers. The Eternal spoke to Moses saying: Speak to the Israelite people and instruct them to make for themselves fringes on the corners of their garments throughout the ages Look at it and recall all the commandments of the Eternal and observe them, so that you do not follow your heart and eyes to do evil. (Numbers 15:37-39) Ba-ruch a-ta A-do-nai, Eh-lo-hei-nu meh-lech ha-o-lam, a-sher kid-sha-nu be-mitz-vo-tav, ve-tzi-va-nu le-hit-ah-tef ba-tzi-tzit. Blessed is the Eternal our God, Supreme spirit of the universe for giving us commandments that make us holy and instructing us to wrap ourselves in the tzitzit. Amen 14

TORAH BLESSINGS Before the Torah reading: Bar chu et Adonai ham-vo-rach Cong : (Baruch Adonai hamvorach l olam va-ed.) Baruch Adonai ham-vo-rach l olam va-ed. Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha olam, Asher bachar banu mikol ha-a-mim, V na-tan la-nu et to-ra-to, Baruch ata Adonai, no-tein ha-torah. After the Torah Reading Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha olam, Asher natan lanu torat emet V cha-yei olam nata b tocheinu. Baruch ata Adonai, notein ha-torah. 15

The She hechianu Prayer: Ba-ruch A-ta A-do-nai, E-lo-hei-nu Meh-lech ha-o-lam, sheh-heh-chee-ya-nu, v kee-y ma-nu, v -hih-gee-ah-nu la-z man ha-zeh. We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, for keeping us alive, sustaining us, and bringing us to this moment of joy and happiness. Kiddush blessing on Saturday Morning: Ba-ruch A-ta A-do-nai, Eh-lo-hei-nu meh-lech ha-o-lam, Bo-rey p ree ha-ga-fen. We praise you, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, who creates the fruit of the vine. The Motzi Blessing: Blessing over the bread (challah) Ba-ruch a-ta A-do-nai, Eh-lo-hei-nu Me-lech ha-o-lam, ha-mo-tzee Leh-chem, meen ha-ah-retz. Amen We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, who brings forth bread from the earth. 16

PARENTS BLESSINGS FOR B NAI MITZVAH (You will have an opportunity to select one during the last month) PARENTS' BLESSING FOR BAR or BAT MITZVAH - I Dear XXXXXX, On this Shabbat as you become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, we have come with you and our loved ones to join in worship and to offer our prayer of thanksgiving. We are grateful to God for the privilege of passing along the gift of life, thus sharing in the miracle of creation. We are grateful for the thirteen years of nurturing you, and for the numberless joys and challenges which these years have brought us. Each day you grow, our love for you will continue to grow. May God bless you always. May God watch over you, protect you, and guide you. May you continue to grow in body and mind, in soul and character. May you be loyal to our people and to the teachings of our Torah. May your life be rich and rewarding. May all your deeds bring pride to us, honor to the house of Israel, and glory to God s name. PARENTS' BLESSING FOR BAR or BAT MITZVAH - II Dear XXXXX, as we stand here with you on the Bimah, we thank God for the joyous fulfillment we feel as you have reached the age of Bar/Bat Mitzvah. How privileged we feel that you are our son/daughter, and that our lives have been bound together by bonds of love. We ask God to accept our thankfulness for the thirteen years that have come to pass; and to bless our hope for the years that are yet to be. May God s mercy and guidance accompany you at all times. May you continue to grow into a faithful and loyal Jew. May your life be marked by a reverence for Torah, learning, and love of humankind. May the teachings of Judaism guide you through the years ahead, and may you know God s presence in your life. PARENTS' BLESSING FOR BAR or BAT MITZVAH - III Dear XXXXX, our hearts overflow with love for you on this Shabbat. This morning we have humbly placed God s Torah into your hands. We are grateful to God that the values and beliefs of Judaism are now a part of you. In the long journey of the Jewish people, the Torah was carried in the arms of parents who lovingly passed it on to their children so that those children might never be deprived of a precious birthright. Now we pray that you, XXXXXXX, will always be worthy of this inheritance. Take its teaching into your heart, make it your own, and may the day come when you pass it to your children. May you be a faithful Jew, searching for wisdom and truth, working for justice and peace. Then you will be among those who bring nearer the day when God shall be one and God's name shall be one. 17

PARENTS' BLESSING FOR BAR or BAT MITZVAH - IV We stand here today contemplating a miracle. You, XXXXX are that miracle. Thirteen years ago we welcomed you into God s world. On this Shabbat, as we gather with loved ones and community, we welcome you into Jewish adulthood. Our people began long ago in an ancient land, and heeded an ancient call. Wherever our ancestors settled, they heard that Divine call. They sowed the seeds of Judaism in the hearts and minds of their children. Through holidays and good deeds, through learning and ritual, we have seen those seeds grow and blossom in you. May the Holy One continue to watch over you as you grow into full adulthood. May the Judaism you embrace today continue to grow and blossom in your life, a source of guidance and strength. As you have blessed our lives, so may you continue to bring blessing to your family, our people, and to all the world. PARENTS' BLESSING FOR BAR or BAT MITZVAH - V Dear XXXXX, as we gather together with this sacred community, we give thanks as you take your place as a young Jewish Adult. We are grateful that the Torah has come into the world through the Jewish People. You are now one of its bearers and teachers, sharing with everyone, its message of justice, compassion, devotion and goodness. May you always treasure this precious inheritance. May Your mind be filled with wisdom and your heart with joy. May the Judaism You embrace today continue to be a source of guidance and strength through your life. As You have blessed our lives, so may you continue to be a blessing to our family, our people and the world. 18

TORAH ENDOWMENT PROJECT On May 17,1992, Temple Beth El dedicated a new Torah donated by the late Henry Mandle, a long time member and benefactor of our temple. This Torah is the one that your children read from as they become Bar/Bat Mitzvah. As a result of that, we embarked on a Torah Endowment Project. Families can endow all or part of the portion their child chanted in becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Those families who participate receive a handsome certificate commemorating the endowment. Many of you have noticed the Torah book, which rests on a beautiful pedestal outside the sanctuary in the Social Foyer. Those who participate will also have their name and their children s names inscribed in the book on the column adjacent to the appropriate portion. The book is opened to that portion on the appropriate weekend. It is a lovely way to acknowledge the effort put in by your child in preparation for their becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah. If you are interested in participating in the Torah Endowment Project, please call Marlowe Marcus at 201-384-2817. MAZON: FEEDING THE HUNGRY MAZON: A Jewish Response to Hunger is the leading organization in the Jewish community dedicated to fighting hunger. Through grants, education, and advocacy, they embody the Jewish values of tzedakah (righteous giving) and tikkun olam (repairing the world). MAZON encourages families celebrating a simcha to donate 3% of the cost of the celebration, in order that you might share your joy with those who need assistance. MAZON distributes funds to many organizations that serve people of all religions by providing food and food resources. Find out more at at www.mazon.org Our Temple is a MAZON partner and we encourage our families to participate in their efforts. If your family takes on this 3% mitzvah, please inform the rabbi so a special mention can be made at the service. TWINNING Another way to share your joy is twinning with an Israeli or Russian Jewish child in need. See the Rabbi for details. A special certificate will be presented at the service. 19

ADMINISTRATIVE DETAILS & FACILITY RENTAL There are many things to consider when preparing for your child s becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The list below will help you in your planning: All Temple financial obligations must be current before the final month of lessons begin, or December 31 st of the temple fiscal year in which the child become s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah families are responsible for ordering flowers or food baskets for the Bimah. Many families choose to prepare food baskets for delivery to a local food pantry. Baskets can be borrowed from the Temple for this use. After your simcha the food will be put into bags for distribution to the food pantry. Let the Temple office know when your family will be delivering the food or bringing the Bimah flowers to a local nursing home. Flowers or food baskets must be delivered and placed on the Bimah between 12 noon and 2:00 pm on Friday. Some families may choose to observe a Jewish custom of tossing (soft) candy at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah student near the completion of the service. This symbolizes showering the student with the sweetness of Torah and all that it represents. Attractively wrapped marshmallows are available to purchase for your simcha. The price is $36.00 for 50 pre-wrapped bundles. This is the only candy that can be used and is a fundraiser for the Ritual Committee. Yarmulkes/Kippot imprinted with your child s name are encouraged but not required. They may be ordered through the Sisterhood Gift Shop or any other source. Do not order logos or words on the yarmulke unless approved by the rabbi in advance. Yarmulkes may be dropped off in a basket at the Temple office on Friday morning and will be brought upstairs by our custodian on Saturday. No themes on the baskets, please. The Temple does not allow photos during the service. Photographs may be taken that Saturday prior to or following the ceremony, or on another day. Arrangements for picture taking must be made with the Office Administrator. Photos of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student holding the Torah scroll (alone or surrounded by family) may be taken, but because of their fragile nature, Torah scrolls cannot be removed from the Ark unless the Rabbi, the Cantor, or Office Administrator is present. Please set an appointment with the office one month in advance of the day you want to take pictures so that one of the staff will be available to assist you. Video-recording (DVD) of the service is arranged through Temple Beth El Men s Club. While you are welcome to use any company to record your party afterwards, the only recording permitted in our sanctuary is arranged through the Men s Club using our mulit-camera system. This is done for security purposes and out of respect for our spiritual home. Bar/Bat Mitzvah families interested in purchasing a DVD to keep a lasting memory of the service should call the Men s Club president six months prior to your simcha. 20

One week prior to your child becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the Temple office will call to ascertain the number of people you expect will worship with us. This is used to provide proper seating set-up. If you have a family member or guest who will need elevator (lift), the key is available in the Temple office the day of the service. However, for your convenience, if you know in advance that you will use the lift, call the Temple office prior to your date and we will show you how to operate the lift and provide the usher with a key for your personal use. Following Saturday Shabbat services a simple Kiddush will be provided through the Sisterhood. This will consist of challah, sponge cake, and juice. The social hall is available for your extended Kiddush or party (afternoon or evening) following your child becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah. If you are interested in reserving the social hall for an extended Kiddush or party please contact the Office Administrator at 201-768-5112 and make an appointment to complete the appropriate paperwork together. A non-refundable $100 deposit will be required at that time. No reservations are confirmed until the paperwork is signed. For an extended Kiddush when two students become B nai Mitzvah: if the other family reserves the social hall first, you may request the meeting room or check with the other family to see if they are open to sharing the social hall. (Check with Patsy to see if this is the current full policy.) It is our minhag (custom) to welcome all congregants to join us for any extended Kiddush luncheon. Please plan that up to an additional 12 people may join you: the clergy, ushers, and the few other congregants who from time to time attend Shabbat morning services. Most will not stay, but all are invited from the bimah. When using the Temple facilities, the Office Administrator will provide you with paperwork for your caterer/party planner which includes a floor plan, equipment list, and contract that they must return to the Temple at least seven business days prior to the event. A $500 security deposit must be provided by the caterer/party planner along with the signed paperwork. If you are renting the Social Hall, the caterer and all suppliers must arrive no earlier than 8:00 am and the setup must be completed no later than 10:00 am. All vendors that you have contracted with must provide certificates of insurance: caterers, DJ s, bands, florist, etc. Feel free to call the Temple office to make an appointment with the Office Administrator if you need assistance in planning your simcha or have questions about any aspect of the day. 21

PARENT USHERING RESPONSIBILITIES Bar/Bat Mitzvah families are required to serve two years in a row as ushers for a full Shabbat: including both the Friday night and Saturday morning services. As ushers, your main responsibility is to serve as hosts for the Temple community. You are welcoming guests to our sanctuary as they enter the Temple. You are also becoming more familiar with our worship services. The Ritual Committee requires all families to serve as ushers twice; (1) one year prior to your child s becoming Bat/Bat Mitzvah (2) two to four weeks prior to your child s becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah You will be notified in writing approximately two months before these dates. Each family will be billed a fee of $100.00 that is completely refundable once your family has performed their weekend ushering responsibilities. If you need to switch your assigned date, please contact another family in your child s class and arrange an exchange. Then call the Temple office so that we can update our list and send reminders to the correct families. At least two families are assigned to usher for all Shabbat services when a student becomes Bar/Bat Mitzvah. When two students become B nai Mitzvah, four families are assigned. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah student and all parents should be attending the services together. We count on all of you! The Bar/Bat Mitzvah child can assist in the ushering duties before and after the services, but should be seated in the sanctuary to participate during services. We welcome siblings, too. HOW TO USHER: Arrive at the Temple thirty minutes prior to the start of the service on Friday evening. On Saturday morning, please arrive at 9:45am to greet all arriving family members and guests prior to the start of the 10:30 am service. Check in with the security person at the front door Each person in your family must sign the usher book near the front door upon arrival and when you leave after services. All ushers are required to remain in the Temple throughout the service and for the oneg following the service. An usher badge will be given to you to wear. When you have completed ushering, return the badge to the security person. Select one usher to remain in the lobby near the main doors to greet guests and to direct them to the coatroom and the sanctuary upstairs. (On Friday evenings, there will usually be an additional greeter from the Board of Trustees.) Assist guests who need to use the elevator. An elevator key will be given to you by our custodian. Please familiarize yourself with the operating procedures of the elevator. At the end of the service return the key to the Main Office or the custodian. 22

The downstairs usher on Saturdays should come upstairs once it appears that most worshippers have arrived, usually by 11:00 am. Other ushers should stand outside the sanctuary doors and warmly greet all worshippers, Shabbat Shalom, distribute the weekly service program and any song sheets. Prayerbooks (except for Friday Family Services) are already in the pews or on the additional chairs. Yarmulkes are preferred but not required, and tallitot are optional. (A tallit is only worn at morning services.) If a hearing impaired person requests an infrared unit, please give one from the marked case outside the sanctuary. Please be certain that the headsets are returned at the conclusion of the service. Ask all worshippers outside the sanctuary to begin to be seated five minutes before the start of the service. DURING THE SERVICE: Ushers are responsible for maintaining an appropriate atmosphere and decorum in the sanctuary during the services. Do not permit people to congregate in the social hall or social foyer after services have begun. Young families with children are welcome to take a break in the foyer if their child cannot sit through the service. Remind adults and teens as they enter to turn off all cellphones and throw out any gum. On Saturdays, inform teens that cell phones and ipods will be taken from them if used during the service, and returned at the end of the service. (Note: you will need to say this to each child/teen who arrives late for the service.) If you see teens texting or taking photos during the service, or using ipods, give one warning, and then remove the child from the sanctuary to either give you the phone or call home to be picked up. No one should be permitted to enter the sanctuary while the congregation is standing, or during silent prayer. Use your discretion if a late worshipper has an Aliyah. Advise any latecomers of the current page of the prayerbook. If the sanctuary is crowded, please assist latecomers in locating seats. It is permissible to escort them to seats in the front sections. FRIDAY NIGHT: On Friday evenings, ushers should be seated fifteen minutes after the start of the service, with only one remaining near the back to monitor those going in and out. Please pray along with the congregation and model best behavior to others. SATURDAY MORNING: At services when two students become B nai Mitzvah, worshippers are not separated into family sides. Attendees may sit anywhere. Please do your best to seat everyone as a combined congregation. Until the front main sanctuary is mostly filled, do not allow young people to sit in back overflow sections and encourage other guests to also sit in main sections. 23

At services when one student is becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah do not seat worshippers in the two outside sections until the middle sections are almost full. Exception for families with small children who may prefer the sides. Select at least one usher to be seated in the sanctuary near the children and teen guests (one on each side if a double service) to supervise behavior from start of service. If needed, politely ask them to please be quiet and turn off cell phones. Young people who need to leave to use the restrooms cannot leave in a group larger than two. If a true emergency, there is a single restroom in rear of social hall and you may send one person to use it. Teens sometimes try to share a seat. Do not allow this, and check that the few bench pews are not crowded. Approximately fifteen minutes into the service, all ushers should join the congregation in the Sanctuary, making sure one remains in the back by the sanctuary doors to greet late arrivals and to monitor those leaving and entering the sanctuary. Please follow the service in your own prayer book and show latecomers what page we are on in the service. Monitor the children/teen guests closely. If teen attendees are disruptive, give one warning with reminder to be quiet. Second time, remove child/children from sanctuary politely and have them choose between sitting away from other teens or calling home to be picked up. If calling home, they must remain with usher until their parent arrives to get them. In rare cases, there will be extreme behavior issues from the teens. Do not hesitate to quietly come up on side of bimah and ask the officer/trustee to come down to assist you. AFTER THE SERVICE Friday Night: Ushers assist in serving refreshments at the Oneg Shabbat. Before the end of the service, after the Kaddish and when the closing song begins, proceed to the serving tables in the social foyer. The refreshments will have been set up by the custodial staff. Ushers should be stationed behind the tables to assist guests and to pour coffee and tea. Additional milk is available in the kitchen. Saturday Morning: Ushers help to collect prayerbooks from any additional chairs in overflow sections before leaving. One usher should monitor the behavior of children/teens at the refreshment table. Please fulfill your ushering responsibilities with care and thoughtfulness. You are representing our Temple family and providing an invaluable service for our Bar/Bat Mitzvah families and our congregation on Shabbat as other families will do at your simcha. 24

Temple Beth El of Northern Valley 221 Schraalenburgh Road Closter, New Jersey 07624 Dear Fellow Congregant: There are many things to consider when preparing for your child s becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah, not the least of which is capturing the ceremony for future generations to watch again and again. Imagine the joy it will bring your future grandchildren to watch their parent (your son or daughter) as they read from Torah and become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Video-recording, however, is not allowed in our sanctuary during services. This is done for security purposes and out of respect for our spiritual home. In order to accommodate those congregants who wish to retain a keepsake of the Shabbat morning worship, the Men s Club offers a service to provide a high-definition DVD. M & M Video Productions has been retained by Temple Beth El to video the service, combining images from multiple permanently mounted cameras in our sanctuary to create this recording. A letter from M & M Video is enclosed. If you wish to preserve the special memories of this day, please fill out the attached form and return it to the Men s Club mailbox in the Temple office a few weeks before your simcha. We offer your child congratulations on this wonderful milestone. Temple Beth El Men s Club 25

TEMPLE BETH EL BAR/BAT MITZVAH DVD APPLICATION FORM Please circle one: Bar Mitzvah Bat Mitzvah Name of Child (Please print name as you wish it to appear on the library DVD case) Date of Event: Time, if different from 10:30 am: Email: PRICE $400 $500 $50 : Please check off your choice BASIC PACKAGE: 1 DVD of Temple Service in high definition DELUXE PACKAGE includes: DVD of Temple Service with 3 Additional DVD s Single Additional DVD Copy Any questions please call Gregg Lobel at 201-906-3034 or email him at mensclub@tbenv.org for details and pricing. M & M Video also offers additional video services such as: Complete video coverage at Reception. Large screen production of photo montage shown at Reception Personal photos incorporated into the introduction to the DVD. Any questions on these services, you can contact Marc Friedman of M & M Video Productions at (908) 668-0793 Your check must accompany this application form. Make check payable to Temple Beth El of Northern Valley and mail to Temple Beth El, Attn: Men s Club, 221 Schraalenburgh Road, Closter, NJ 07624. Please email Gregg Lobel at mensclub@tbenv.org to let him know that your check has been mailed or dropped off at the temple and he will verify receipt with you. VALUE OF SERVICE The above price list includes a $100 contribution to Men s Club and the balance is for services rendered. We are happy to provide the service, which gives you one less detail to worry about. In return, your generous contribution helps us to offset the cost of our annual programs and special events. Thank you. 26

SPECIAL NEEDS This is your opportunity to alert us to any special requirements or needs that you feel should be addressed as it relates to providing the best recording possible. For example, if any special honors (aliyot) will take place off the bimah (e.g. handicapped or disabled participants), we must know in advance. I understand that the sole purpose of this agreement is to record and preserve a special event and that under no circumstances will I hold Temple Beth El responsible for direct or consequential damages. Temple Beth El has arranged for all of the services contemplated by this Agreement to be performed by M & M Video Productions, with its studio presently located at 110 Hillside Avenue, Springfield, New Jersey 07081. The undersigned agrees that M & M Video Productions is solely responsible for the performance of services and my signature represents the agreement for M & M Video Productions to undertake the services at the costs outlined above and an acknowledgement that M & M Video Productions alone is responsible for any claimed damages. The undersigned does hereby release Temple Beth El and the Temple Beth El Men s Club from any and all damages, of any nature, which may be claimed as a result of the services set forth above. Signature Dated: Print Name 27

FOR ALL YOUR BAR & BAT MITZVAH NEEDS! 28 Bar and Bat Mitzvah Parents: Are you looking to purchase kippot or a tallit for when your child becomes Bar or Bat Mitzvah? Or gifts for relatives or friends? You can special order or purchase any of these items at the Sisterhood Gift Shop at Temple Beth El. Come browse through our many catalogs. We can special order almost any style tallit. For more information please call: Audrey Pekelney at 201-385-3158 or Miriam Krieger at 201-385-3182