Basic Hospitality with Jude & Joe & Training Basic Hospitality with Jude & Joe & Training
Copyright 2013 by the Archdiocese of Saint Paul and Minneapolis. Permission for use and reproduction is granted for parishes in the Archdiocese. For others interested in using these resources contact ops@archspm.org for permission. Commercial use of Basic Hospitality Training is prohibited. Illustrations by Marta Pereira Copyright 2013 by the Archdiocese of Saint Paul and Minneapolis. Permission for use and reproduction is granted for parishes in the Archdiocese. For others interested in using these resources contact ops@archspm.org for permission. Commercial use of Basic Hospitality Training is prohibited. Illustrations by Marta Pereira
What is Basic Hospitality Training with Jude & Joe? Jude & Joe are characters designed to spur conversations about behaviors that build up or break down the overall sense of hospitality in a parish. This is Jude... He was named after St. Jude the Patron Saint of Lost Causes. While he has good intentions and is often right, his behavior often comes across as inhospitable, rude, snobbish, or selfish. This is Joe He tries to be a model for others of Christian hospitality. He was named after St. Joseph the Worker, protector of the Holy Family, who constantly asked what God wanted of him and acted accordingly. While this formulation may seem simplistic and a bit lighthearted, it is much less threatening for a group to talk about the behavior of cartoon characters than it is about the real behavior of Mr. Jones or Mrs. Smith. They are so far removed from What is Basic Hospitality Training with Jude & Joe? Jude & Joe are characters designed to spur conversations about behaviors that build up or break down the overall sense of hospitality in a parish. This is Jude... He was named after St. Jude the Patron Saint of Lost Causes. While he has good intentions and is often right, his behavior often comes across as inhospitable, rude, snobbish, or selfish. This is Joe He tries to be a model for others of Christian hospitality. He was named after St. Joseph the Worker, protector of the Holy Family, who constantly asked what God wanted of him and acted accordingly. While this formulation may seem simplistic and a bit lighthearted, it is much less threatening for a group to talk about the behavior of cartoon characters than it is about the real behavior of Mr. Jones or Mrs. Smith. They are so far removed from
real people, that it is easy to engage in discussion. They are written, intentionally, to draw a clear line between hospitable and inhospitable behavior. These scenarios are, however, all based on real and all too common experiences people run across in our parishes every day. Although we may not find ourselves in the situations described in quite so stark of a contrast, we each might have a degree of Jude inside of us. We also could benefit from Joe s thoughtful approach to situations, since there is often not time in the moment to think through the implications or perceptions of our actions. Questions provided on the following pages allow us to have conversations about what hospitality means for us at the behavioral level and in the abstract. These enable participants to engage in peer-to-peer hospitality coaching. real people, that it is easy to engage in discussion. They are written, intentionally, to draw a clear line between hospitable and inhospitable behavior. These scenarios are, however, all based on real and all too common experiences people run across in our parishes every day. Although we may not find ourselves in the situations described in quite so stark of a contrast, we each might have a degree of Jude inside of us. We also could benefit from Joe s thoughtful approach to situations, since there is often not time in the moment to think through the implications or perceptions of our actions. Questions provided on the following pages allow us to have conversations about what hospitality means for us at the behavioral level and in the abstract. These enable participants to engage in peer-to-peer hospitality coaching.
Discussion Prompts for Jude: For each Jude situation, consider the following questions: What problem is Jude s behavior is creating for parish hospitality? How would people interacting with Jude in this situation respond or feel? Does Jude have any good points in what he is trying to communicate to others? What are they? Where did Jude cross the line? If you or someone you knew were tempted to react similar to Jude s, what might be a way to re-frame your/ their thoughts to enable a better outcome? If you witnessed a close friend or relative behaving like Jude, how might you help them address their behaviors without making them feel uncomfortable? In this case, is there a way for a third party to lighten the impact of Jude s behavior on those affected by it? Discussion Prompts for Jude: For each Jude situation, consider the following questions: What problem is Jude s behavior is creating for parish hospitality? How would people interacting with Jude in this situation respond or feel? Does Jude have any good points in what he is trying to communicate to others? What are they? Where did Jude cross the line? If you or someone you knew were tempted to react similar to Jude s, what might be a way to re-frame your/ their thoughts to enable a better outcome? If you witnessed a close friend or relative behaving like Jude, how might you help them address their behaviors without making them feel uncomfortable? In this case, is there a way for a third party to lighten the impact of Jude s behavior on those affected by it?
Discussion Prompts for Joe: For each Joe situation, consider the following questions: What virtue is Joe exhibiting that advances parish hospitality? How would people interacting with Joe in this situation respond or feel? Joe s behavior that goes overboard or puts people off? What are other ways you might deal with Joe s situation to create a sense of hospitality? in your parish especially among the young? What principles of our faith validate Joe s way of treating others? Discussion Prompts for Joe: For each Joe situation, consider the following questions: What virtue is Joe exhibiting that advances parish hospitality? How would people interacting with Joe in this situation respond or feel? Joe s behavior that goes overboard or puts people off? What are other ways you might deal with Joe s situation to create a sense of hospitality? in your parish especially among the young? What principles of our faith validate Joe s way of treating others? Might there ever be anything about How might you cultivate Joe s behavior Might there ever be anything about How might you cultivate Joe s behavior
Jude comes in late to Mass. Since the only seats available are next to a couple with a strange accent wearing unusual clothing, he squeezes into a nearby pew leaving the space around the foreigners empty. At the sign of peace he takes ample time to greet his friends and family being careful not to turn in the direction of the people with the different accents. While he feels a twinge of guilt at this, he rationalizes it by thinking how in some cultures people don't like to be interrupted at Mass. Receiving the Stranger Jude comes in late to Mass. Since the only seats available are next to a couple with a strange accent wearing unusual clothing, he squeezes into a nearby pew leaving the space around the foreigners empty. At the sign of peace he takes ample time to greet his friends and family being careful not to turn in the direction of the people with the different accents. While he feels a twinge of guilt at this, he rationalizes it by thinking how in some cultures people don't like to be interrupted at Mass. Receiving the Stranger
Receiving the Stranger Receiving the Stranger Joe arrives early to Mass. When he sees a family arrive who do not appear to speak English, he moves over to make ample space for the whole family. He offers them a liturgical aid, because they forgot to pick one up in the narthex. Although he is not sure what language they speak, Joe turns to the family right away at the sign of peace. He knows that, while different cultures have different prayer practices, most people understand the meaning of a smile and a warm gesture. Joe arrives early to Mass. When he sees a family arrive who do not appear to speak English, he moves over to make ample space for the whole family. He offers them a liturgical aid, because they forgot to pick one up in the narthex. Although he is not sure what language they speak, Joe turns to the family right away at the sign of peace. He knows that, while different cultures have different prayer practices, most people understand the meaning of a smile and a warm gesture.
Jude is the "King of the Kitchen." When there is a function at church, he is the first one to volunteer, so he can keep an eye on things. He knows where everything is supposed to go and has posted stern warning signs on all the appliances about what not to leave on or where to put things. His fellow parishioners know to steer clear of him in all matters related to the kitchen. If someone leaves something out of place, he will track them down and let them hear about it. One woman even brings her utensils from home whenever she has to work in the church kitchen. She does not want to deal with King Jude. Making Room for Others Jude is the "King of the Kitchen." When there is a function at church, he is the first one to volunteer, so he can keep an eye on things. He knows where everything is supposed to go and has posted stern warning signs on all the appliances about what not to leave on or where to put things. His fellow parishioners know to steer clear of him in all matters related to the kitchen. If someone leaves something out of place, he will track them down and let them hear about it. One woman even brings her utensils from home whenever she has to work in the church kitchen. She does not want to deal with King Jude. Making Room for Others
Making Room for Others Making Room for Others Joe oversees the parish's garden. He has trained another woman in overseeing its upkeep, so it is tended while he is on vacation. He shows small groups of people which plants are where, but doesn't worry if someone pulls a hosta instead of a weed. He sees the garden as a sign of God's abundance and knows that God will take care of it, even if he, Joe, is not around to tend it himself. He keeps the tool shed neat and tidy, but allowed another parishioner to organize it and build shelves. Each year he seeks out ideas on what to plant and tries to involve as many people in tending the garden as he can. Joe oversees the parish's garden. He has trained another woman in overseeing its upkeep, so it is tended while he is on vacation. He shows small groups of people which plants are where, but doesn't worry if someone pulls a hosta instead of a weed. He sees the garden as a sign of God's abundance and knows that God will take care of it, even if he, Joe, is not around to tend it himself. He keeps the tool shed neat and tidy, but allowed another parishioner to organize it and build shelves. Each year he seeks out ideas on what to plant and tries to involve as many people in tending the garden as he can.
Jude is the head usher. He prides himself on wearing a suit and tie to Sunday Mass. A family of visitors arrives one morning from a nearby campground. The father is wearing flip flops and shorts. The mother is wearing a short skirt and a tank top. The children are sweaty and dirty from playing outside. Jude tells them as they enter that their dress is inappropriate. When one of his ushers arrives in jeans, he tells him to "sit out" that Sunday and not to usher until he comes back wearing suitable clothing. Our Sunday Best Jude is the head usher. He prides himself on wearing a suit and tie to Sunday Mass. A family of visitors arrives one morning from a nearby campground. The father is wearing flip flops and shorts. The mother is wearing a short skirt and a tank top. The children are sweaty and dirty from playing outside. Jude tells them as they enter that their dress is inappropriate. When one of his ushers arrives in jeans, he tells him to "sit out" that Sunday and not to usher until he comes back wearing suitable clothing. Our Sunday Best
Our Sunday Best Our Sunday Best Joe is a catechist for elementary faith formation classes. He encourages children to go to Mass whenever they can. He asks them, "So what do you think people should wear to Mass?" and "Should we go to Mass if we're on vacation?" Each year he has a meeting with parents of his students to talk about the importance of going to Mass every week and about how to teach their children reverence at Mass. He affirms families when he sees them at Mass and knows that each year at Christmas and Easter, his priest also affirms Mass attendance of newcomers, affirms how fine everyone looks in their "Sunday best," and how we can continue celebrating with the same joy and attentiveness throughout the year. Though he is sometimes tempted to wear shorts and a t-shirt to Mass on a hot day, Joe knows that violates some people's sense of reverence, so he always tries to set an example and wear at least a clean, button-down shirt and trousers. Joe is a catechist for elementary faith formation classes. He encourages children to go to Mass whenever they can. He asks them, "So what do you think people should wear to Mass?" and "Should we go to Mass if we're on vacation?" Each year he has a meeting with parents of his students to talk about the importance of going to Mass every week and about how to teach their children reverence at Mass. He affirms families when he sees them at Mass and knows that each year at Christmas and Easter, his priest also affirms Mass attendance of newcomers, affirms how fine everyone looks in their "Sunday best," and how we can continue celebrating with the same joy and attentiveness throughout the year. Though he is sometimes tempted to wear shorts and a t-shirt to Mass on a hot day, Joe knows that violates some people's sense of reverence, so he always tries to set an example and wear at least a clean, buttondown shirt and trousers.
Jude loves to talk about politics at church. He talks a lot, very openly, to everyone about all the hot-button issues of the day. He always follows the line of his political party. He is a good debater, too, and vehemently defends his point of view with the facts he gets daily from talk shows. He must have the last word on every topic. He sometimes speaks with the Church, but other times against it. Even people who agree with him think he is a bit much, because he comes across a bit too strong especially when they bring their friends to Mass. United in Christ Jude loves to talk about politics at church. He talks a lot, very openly, to everyone about all the hot-button issues of the day. He always follows the line of his political party. He is a good debater, too, and vehemently defends his point of view with the facts he gets daily from talk shows. He must have the last word on every topic. He sometimes speaks with the Church, but other times against it. Even people who agree with him think he is a bit much, because he comes across a bit too strong especially when they bring their friends to Mass. United in Christ
United in Christ United in Christ Joe knows that, while political issues and activities are very important to the Church, they can also affect others very personally and deeply. Knowing how easy it is to cause hurt to others, he "treads lightly" when talking about politics, always rooting his conversation in the Fruits of the Holy Spirit, namely, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and selfcontrol. He prays for people he disagrees with and keeps centered in the heart of Jesus. He knows that the best way to discuss matters so close to the soul is to be in relationship with others before engaging in personal, political conversation. Finally, Joe knows that it is not up to him to resolve every issue or convert every heart. He says just enough to leave room for God to come in and do the rest. Joe knows that, while political issues and activities are very important to the Church, they can also affect others very personally and deeply. Knowing how easy it is to cause hurt to others, he "treads lightly" when talking about politics, always rooting his conversation in the Fruits of the Holy Spirit, namely, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and selfcontrol. He prays for people he disagrees with and keeps centered in the heart of Jesus. He knows that the best way to discuss matters so close to the soul is to be in relationship with others before engaging in personal, political conversation. Finally, Joe knows that it is not up to him to resolve every issue or convert every heart. He says just enough to leave room for God to come in and do the rest.
Jude always has a scowl on his face. At Mass he stands with his arms folded, looking about the church, inspecting people coldly. He is brusque and grim at the Sign of Peace. If someone is telling a joke, he gives a wry smile and an ironic look. He thinks of himself as cool. He would never be caught volunteering to sing in the choir or take his shoes off for washing of the feet on Holy Thursday. He rolls his eyes when people tell a joke. Joy Jude always has a scowl on his face. At Mass he stands with his arms folded, looking about the church, inspecting people coldly. He is brusque and grim at the Sign of Peace. If someone is telling a joke, he gives a wry smile and an ironic look. He thinks of himself as cool. He would never be caught volunteering to sing in the choir or take his shoes off for washing of the feet on Holy Thursday. He rolls his eyes when people tell a joke. Joy
Joy Joy Joe sees joy as a mark of a good Christian. That he truly loves people comes across in his eyes, his smile, and his handshake. He speaks with an enthusiasm and a warmth that lets people know he cares. He crouches down to talk to small children and lets them know that their voice matters too. He is empathetic and sensitive to those who are grieving, listening to them patiently. He even has a good sense of humor. Joe sees joy as a mark of a good Christian. That he truly loves people comes across in his eyes, his smile, and his handshake. He speaks with an enthusiasm and a warmth that lets people know he cares. He crouches down to talk to small children and lets them know that their voice matters too. He is empathetic and sensitive to those who are grieving, listening to them patiently. He even has a good sense of humor.
Jude chairs a Men's Group that advertised in the bulletin for new members (because Father made them!) At their first big meeting of the year, Jude sits with his group of friends (the "fun" guys of the parish) at a round table in the front where they crack jokes and have a great time. When a newcomer asks to join their table, they tell him they are "saving the seat for a friend." Other newcomers filter in and sit at other tables. All of them look on enviously as the "fun guys" make plans for the whole group for the entire year. One of the newcomers suggests sponsoring a pancake breakfast. Jude dismisses him, saying they tried that two years ago and no one came. Together in Mission Jude chairs a Men's Group that advertised in the bulletin for new members (because Father made them!) At their first big meeting of the year, Jude sits with his group of friends (the "fun" guys of the parish) at a round table in the front where they crack jokes and have a great time. When a newcomer asks to join their table, they tell him they are "saving the seat for a friend." Other newcomers filter in and sit at other tables. All of them look on enviously as the "fun guys" make plans for the whole group for the entire year. One of the newcomers suggests sponsoring a pancake breakfast. Jude dismisses him, saying they tried that two years ago and no one came. Together in Mission
United in Christ United in Christ Joe leads a Bible study group. In addition to pulpit announcements to let people know about his group, Joe seeks out people to invite. He looks for individuals who are in church regularly but not active in programs or ministries. When the group meets, Joe arrives early and orders the chairs in a circle, so newcomers and old-timers alike feel a part of the conversation. When only the established members speak out, he can call on new people by name, because he had the forethought to set out nametags in advance. Joe leads a Bible study group. In addition to pulpit announcements to let people know about his group, Joe seeks out people to invite. He looks for individuals who are in church regularly but not active in programs or ministries. When the group meets, Joe arrives early and orders the chairs in a circle, so newcomers and old-timers alike feel a part of the conversation. When only the established members speak out, he can call on new people by name, because he had the forethought to set out nametags in advance.
Jude has organized Loaves and Fishes at the parish for twenty years. When a woman indicated her interest in coordinating Loaves and Fishes at an annual ministry fair, the pastoral minister asked Jude if he would co-coordinate the program with her. "I know this inside and out," he replied, "I don't need any help." When others signed up at the ministry fair to participate in the program, Jude never called them back--relying on his same core group of volunteers. God s Territory Jude has organized Loaves and Fishes at the parish for twenty years. When a woman indicated her interest in coordinating Loaves and Fishes at an annual ministry fair, the pastoral minister asked Jude if he would co-coordinate the program with her. "I know this inside and out," he replied, "I don't need any help." When others signed up at the ministry fair to participate in the program, Jude never called them back--relying on his same core group of volunteers. God s Territory
God s Territory God s Territory Joe is in charge of the ministry fair every year. He encourages members from each ministry to be on hand to talk about their programs to anyone who is engaged. When people sign up, he reminds the leaders of each program to give those interested a call within a week of their signing up. He encourages them to meet with their potential recruits and get to know the skills and abilities of the people coming on board. He follows up with leaders to see that they made their phone calls and asks about where they might identify potential new leaders to mentor. Joe is in charge of the ministry fair every year. He encourages members from each ministry to be on hand to talk about their programs to anyone who is engaged. When people sign up, he reminds the leaders of each program to give those interested a call within a week of their signing up. He encourages them to meet with their potential recruits and get to know the skills and abilities of the people coming on board. He follows up with leaders to see that they made their phone calls and asks about where they might identify potential new leaders to mentor.
Jude "owns" the end of the last pew on the right side of the church. He has calculated that, if he leaves as soon as Father says, "Go forth in--" that he can get from that pew to his car in thirtytwo seconds flat and home in time for the Vikings game. Unfortunately, last week he flattened a small child on his way to the bathroom. Three weeks ago he lost his spot to an elderly man, so the week after he made a fake "reserved" sign and placed it on the end of the pew. In God s Time & Space Jude "owns" the end of the last pew on the right side of the church. He has calculated that, if he leaves as soon as Father says, "Go forth in--" that he can get from that pew to his car in thirty-two seconds flat and home in time for the Vikings game. Unfortunately, last week he flattened a small child on his way to the bathroom. Three weeks ago he lost his spot to an elderly man, so the week after he made a fake "reserved" sign and placed it on the end of the pew. In God s Time & Space
In God s Time & Space In God s Time & Space Joe attends a crowded church. Although he shows up early to Christmas Mass, he is on the watch for expectant mothers and seniors and gives his seat to them if they would have to stand. He encourages his family members to move down if there is space toward the middle of the row. On weeks when he has to stay at the end of the pew to bring his crying baby to the nursery, he stands in the aisle, so an approaching family can move toward the center of the pew. Joe attends a crowded church. Although he shows up early to Christmas Mass, he is on the watch for expectant mothers and seniors and gives his seat to them if they would have to stand. He encourages his family members to move down if there is space toward the middle of the row. On weeks when he has to stay at the end of the pew to bring his crying baby to the nursery, he stands in the aisle, so an approaching family can move toward the center of the pew.
Jude complains about children at Mass. He talks to his fellow parishioners about the problem of children at Mass. He tells everyone how to stop the problem, people should intervene, with icy stares or even stern warnings for the parents after Mass. Of course, his friends laugh, because they remember the time when Jude s own son running up an down the aisle of the church proclaiming, Daddy s chewing gum! Daddy s chewing gum! And Jude did not want to claim the boy. Let the Children Come Jude complains about children at Mass. He talks to his fellow parishioners about the problem of children at Mass. He tells everyone how to stop the problem, people should intervene, with icy stares or even stern warnings for the parents after Mass. Of course, his friends laugh, because they remember the time when Jude s own son running up an down the aisle of the church proclaiming, Daddy s chewing gum! Daddy s chewing gum! And Jude did not want to claim the boy. Let the Children Come
Let the Children Come Let the Children Come Joe sees children as the future. He understands the tough decisions parents have to make about when their children are ready for Mass. He knows it is a process everyone must go through in order to learn appropriate reverence in church. When children get fussy in Mass, Joe looks to see if there are little ways he can he help the parent distract the child like offering them a book. He points to cards in the pew that explain the availability of childcare and where the family room is. He might even drop a subtle hint after Mass, talking casually to the parents about how Sunday school was so helpful for his daughter. Joe sees children as the future. He understands the tough decisions parents have to make about when their children are ready for Mass. He knows it is a process everyone must go through in order to learn appropriate reverence in church. When children get fussy in Mass, Joe looks to see if there are little ways he can he help the parent distract the child like offering them a book. He points to cards in the pew that explain the availability of childcare and where the family room is. He might even drop a subtle hint after Mass, talking casually to the parents about how Sunday school was so helpful for his daughter.
Jude s wife is a hopeless gossip. Named Rita (coincidentally after St. Rita, the patroness of lost causes), his wife talks on and on about which parishioners make how much money and who has gotten plastic surgery. A close friend asked Jude if he could talk to Rita about her behavior. Jude smiled and said, That s just the way she is. Secretly, he likes it that she pays such close attention to their status at church. Bearing Witness Jude s wife is a hopeless gossip. Named Rita (coincidentally after St. Rita, the patroness of lost causes), his wife talks on and on about which parishioners make how much money and who has gotten plastic surgery. A close friend asked Jude if he could talk to Rita about her behavior. Jude smiled and said, That s just the way she is. Secretly, he likes it that she pays such close attention to their status at church. Bearing Witness
Bearing Witness Bearing Witness Joe pays attention to non-verbal responses in a group. He is attuned to when others are growing uncomfortable with a situation. A few weeks ago, a close friend of Joe made a rude comment about a woman s hair and she overheard it. Joe pulled his friend aside and said, Did you see her response when you said that? We really can t be insulting people like that especially at church. Though Joe was not in on the insult he uses the generalized we to indicate that he, himself, is a sinner, and that the problem is not unique to his friend. Joe pays attention to non-verbal responses in a group. He is attuned to when others are growing uncomfortable with a situation. A few weeks ago, a close friend of Joe made a rude comment about a woman s hair and she overheard it. Joe pulled his friend aside and said, Did you see her response when you said that? We really can t be insulting people like that especially at church. Though Joe was not in on the insult he uses the generalized we to indicate that he, himself, is a sinner, and that the problem is not unique to his friend.