Healthy and Holy Relationship Concept: Mercy and Forgiveness Catechist Reflection Page When one is looking at the topic of safe environment, we need to consider how we keep our children, youth and teens safe in various settings and situations. While it is the adults that need to protect all our young people, young people can be empowered and encouraged to learn ways to avoid unfavorable situations, to stop when feeling unsafe, and tell a parent or trusted adult so they can help. This applies especially in our relationships. To build positive, healthy relationships, one needs to develop the virtue of forgiveness and mercy throughout our daily life. This lesson cannot cover all on the topic of mercy and forgiveness. It is a start, hoping it encourages more learning and practice to nurture this virtue in all our relationships with God, with others, and with ourselves. Reflection for Catechist ~~ Before teaching this lesson, the first step in preparing the lesson is to take some time to reflect on the relationships in our own life. This is the foundation for the lesson. Consider your relationships Do they help you be a better person or hold you down? How have you handled hurts in these relationships? How does your faith help you deal with these hurts? Remember a time -you asked for forgiveness -you forgave another -How did you feel? Thoughts to Consider: Healthy relationships are holy relationships. Our relationship with God is reflected in our relationship with others. Our relationship with others is reflected in our relationship with God. This is reflected in the Great Commandment: Jesus replied, The first is this: Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these. (Mk. 12: 29-31) Vol. 3, Issue 1 Grades 9 12 Mercy and Forgiveness 101 Review this information to familiarize yourself with topic concepts as you prepare to teach this lesson. These points were taken from Pope Francis Bull of Indiction of the Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy. Searching the internet with the title Misericordiae Vultus will allow you to read the entire document, if you desire. Jesus Christ is the face of the Father s mercy. We need constantly to contemplate the mystery of mercy. It is a wellspring of joy, serenity, and peace Our salvation depends on it. Mercy: the bridge that connects God and man, opening our hearts to the hope of being loved forever despite our sinfulness. At times we are called to gaze even more attentively on mercy so that we may become a more effective sign of the Father s action in our lives. Mercy will always be greater than any sin, and no one can place limits on the love of God who is ever ready to forgive. May the balm of mercy reach everyone, both believers and those far away, as a sign that the Kingdom of God is already present in our midst! Patient and merciful. These words often go together in the Old Testament to describe God s nature. In a special way the Psalms bring to the fore the grandeur of his merciful action (Psalms 103 146, 147, 136). The mercy of God is not an abstract idea, but a concrete reality with which he reveals his love as of that of a father or a mother, moved to the very depths out of love for their child. In the parables devoted to mercy, we find the core of the Gospel and of our faith, because mercy is presented as a force that overcomes everything, filling the heart with love and bringing consolation through pardon. Jesus affirms that mercy is not only an action of the Father, it becomes a criterion for ascertaining who his true children are. In short, we are called to show mercy because mercy has first been shown to us. Love is what brings us closest to God. Forgiveness makes us resemble Him by virtue of being an act of love. - Pope Francis, His Life in His Own Words Page 1
Healthy and Holy Relationship Concept: Mercy and Forgiveness Overview Vol. 3, Issue 1 Grades 9 12 This lesson is designed for use during a class session in January/February. It presents information on some ways that our faith life can help us build qualities of right relationships. This lesson stresses that God loves each one of us always as we are special to him. When we do something unloving, he is always ready with his unlimited mercy and forgiveness. We can receive his mercy and forgiveness in our relationship with him, especially through the sacrament of Reconciliation. We can also pray to him and tell him we are truly sorry for what we have done, that we will try not to do it again, and try to do something to make it right with the person we hurt. As children grow, learn and mature in building healthy relationships with others, they will continue to learn, practice, and exhibit the importance of mercy and forgiveness with their relationships with God and others. Forgiving others does not mean that we let others hurt us. An environment of open communication encourages children to communicate their thoughts and feelings appropriately and seek help from parents and other trusted adults when feeling others are hurting them or pressuring them to break the rules. Goal: Explore forgiveness and mercy in our relationships to discern how well we are living in healthy, right, and holy relationships with others. Session Outline Opening Prayer (2 min) Forgiveness and Mercy in Our Relationships lesson focus (30 min) Activity worksheets (15 min) Summarize Session (10 min) Closing Prayer (3 min) Session Objectives: Explore forgiveness and mercy. Explore the use of forgiveness and mercy in various right, healthy, holy relationships We are called to forgive others as God forgives us. Forgiveness does not mean giving up your values, allowing yourself to be hurt, or accepting blame that does not belong to you. II. What Are God s Rules? A Reference for the Lesson, as needed. Share with the class: God gave Moses the 10 Commandments to help guide our lives and how to show our love to God and others. (Give an example of one or two commandments.) One of the scribes asked Jesus, Which is the first of all the commandments? Jesus replied, The first is this: Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these. (Mk. 12: 29-31) These are what are known as the Greatest Commandments. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. - Luke 6:36 I. Opening Prayer Share: Jesus taught us to ask for mercy and forgiveness and to forgive others in the Lord s Prayer. When we love and forgive others, we are followers of Jesus. Our Father Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, AND FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES, AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen. Supplies Pens or pencils for each Activities / Hand Outs Activity Sheet Reflection Page If possible, quiet, calm background music (CD, MP3, etc.) May make copies for each of the two sections Act of Sorrow and How to Celebrate Reconciliation (pg. 5). Some materials created by Diocese of Grand Island. Used with permission. Additional materials developed by Diocese of Rapid City. Credit is also given to Loyola Press for How to Make a Good Confession and parts of pg. 7. Page 2
Page 3 III. LESSON: Forgiveness and Mercy in Our Relationships Introduction Ask: How would you define forgiveness? As individuals work at sharing definitions, bring in the concept that forgiveness is a conscious decision to release feelings of hurt, resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. Discuss: When you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it does not require you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability. In abusive relationships, you need to get away and ask your parents or a trusted adult for help. Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from bitter anger by letting go of deeply held negative feelings. It empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you; this enables you to heal and move on with your life. Lesson Development Share: Although some of us may have asked for God s mercy because we are afraid of incurring his wrath as punishment for our sins, this is not our Church s understanding of God s mercy. Rather, when we call on God to have mercy, we call on God in the only way we know him as one who lovingly responds with compassion to those in need. From this we learn that mercy involves being compassionate and forgiving. This is the experience we have in celebrating the sacrament of Reconciliation. When we show mercy to others, we are responding as God responds, with compassionate forgiveness. As Catholic Christians we are called to forgive others as God forgives us. This means when someone makes a mistake, we don t hold a grudge and we don t let it define our relationship with them. Think about what our lives would be like if God held grudges. What hope would we have if God decided that because we are not perfect we cannot be trusted to ever do the right thing. Sometimes we can feel hopeless in our human relationships when one person or the other just cannot forgive. This is not a true, loving relationship. The perfect example of a loving relationship can be found in Jesus Christ. Jesus loves as His Father desires Him to love and this relationship involves both receiving and giving love. If we are open to receive God's love, then we can enter relationships of giving and receiving love with others. If this is the type of relationship we have, then forgiveness should naturally be a part of that relationship. To truly love another person is to desire what is best for that person, regardless of what you may want. Holding a grudge is never loving or in another's best interest, but forgiving is. Forgiveness does not mean giving up your values, allowing yourself to be hurt, or accepting blame that does not belong to you. If you are being hurt in a relationship physically, emotionally, or sexually, seek help. It s not uncommon for an abuser to act remorseful to promise to change to beg for forgiveness after they have been abusive. If fact, it is so common that the cycle of violence includes a honeymoon phase after abusive incidents in which the abuser often does seem to change and things seem o.k. for a while. Unfortunately, the cycle is hard to break without help and abuse is likely to occur again. Confide in a friend, talk to your parent(s) or tell a trusted adult if someone (even someone you care about) is hurting you, repeatedly asks you to give up your values, accuses you of things you did not do, or blames you for everything that goes wrong in your relationship. Because we are all created in God's image and likeness, each of us has a dignity that no one can take from us. How do you wish to be loved? We are all called to love one another - not to dominate or oppress or use others, but to respect them. If we love as we want to be loved, then we will recognize when others love us in this same way, and when they do not. IV. Activity Sheet This activity is done individually. You each will be given a sheet of paper to reflect on your own relationships. You can write in sentences or phrases with bullets as you are the only one who will see this. We have been talking about relationships and how forgiveness and mercy are used in right, healthy, holy relationships. continued on pg. 4 & 5...
Reflection Page Page 4 Reflect on your current relationships (family, friends, boy/girl friend, others). Consider one or two that you value the most in your responses. 1. What makes those relationships valuable to you? 2. What are the challenges and obstacles of this/these relationships you would like to see improved? 3. How has forgiveness nurtured a part in this/these relationships? 4. Is this/these relationships right, healthy and holy relationships? Conclusions:
V. Summarize lesson s key points: Page 5 Explore forgiveness and mercy. Explore the use of forgiveness and mercy in various right, healthy, holy relationships We are called to forgive others as God forgives us. Forgiveness does not mean giving up your values, allowing yourself to be hurt, or accepting blame that does not belong to you. After students write, if time allows, gather the class to do this as first part of VI. Closing Prayer; then end with the Act of Sorrow below. Share: In Misericordiae Vultus, Pope Francis asks that we strive for our lives to be rooted in the mercy of God. One way we can grow in this mercy is by being receptive to the message of mercy and love that is proclaimed in the Scriptures and in the Christian witness to faith in Jesus (MV, no. 13). Say: As we go through these steps, keep in mind the reflection work you have just completed in today s prayers. 1. Open yourself to listen to and hear the Word of God. Prepare your mind and your heart by entering into a quiet space and giving yourself time for reflection. This can be done individually or with others. 2. Ask God to open your heart to receive His words of love into your life. 3. Read or listen to the Word of God. (a Bible passage, lectio divina, or the readings at Mass). Bible Verse: Colossians 3:12-14. Put on then, as God s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. 4. Reflect on/discuss what this passage reveals to you about God's mercy and love. 5. Come up with one concrete way to incorporate this revelation of mercy into your daily actions or prayer life. NOTE: (Optional) We did not visit about the celebration of the sacrament of Reconciliation in this Safe Environment lesson. However, you may use the two sections below to copy and then make up and run copies for students that may want them. It will help to give them the steps on one side, and the Act of Sorrow on the other as a quarter-page card. VI. Closing Prayer We learn this prayer in preparation of our First Reconciliation, yet it is a prayer that we should learn and pray daily, asking for God s forgiveness. If students do not know the prayer, do it as an echo prayer, saying each phrase or line, and then having them repeat it. Act of Sorrow My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us. In His name, my God, have mercy. Amen. How to Celebrate Reconciliation Before celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation, be sure to prepare with an examination of conscience. The Sacrament of Reconciliation includes the following steps: 1. The priest greets you, and you pray the Sign of the Cross. He invites you to trust in God. He may read God's Word. 2. Tell how long since your last confession. You confess your sins. The priest may help and counsel you. 3. The priest gives you a penance to perform. Penance is an act of kindness or prayers to pray, or both. 4. The priest asks you to express your sorrow, usually by reciting the Act of Contrition. 5. You receive absolution (forgiveness). The priest says, I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. You respond, Amen. 6. The priest dismisses us by saying, Go in peace. You reply, Thanks be to God. You go forth to perform the penance you received. http://www.loyolapress.com/steps-of-the-sacrament-of-penance-andreconciliation.htm
Page 6 A Note to Parents This week we discussed the Right Relationship concept of mercy and forgiveness in the context of our religious education lesson. We discussed how God forgives our sins and calls us to forgive one another. In younger grades (PreSchool-2) we discussed ways to show we are sorry, including apologizing, trying not to sin again and doing something to make things right. They were reminded that God wants them to be safe, and it was stressed that forgiving others does not mean letting others hurt us. Children were encouraged to tell their parents or another trusted adult If they are being hurt If someone keeps doing something after being asked to stop or after they say they are sorry. If someone won t forgive them. Intermediate students (grades 3-5) were encouraged to think of sin as something that damages a relationship with God with others within ourselves They were encouraged to communicate feelings of remorse and do something to fix the relationship. I-feel statements were practiced as a good way to communicate feelings and ask for help in reconciling relationships. They also were encouraged to let their parents or another trusted adult know if they are being hurt in a relationship. Older students (grades 6-8) were encouraged to explore and learn more about the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy (Matthew 25:31-46) as: A measure of our authenticity as disciples of Jesus A way to develop our living as Christians in the world today A set of tools to develop ways one can complete these works as a middle school youth. They inspected the terms forgive and mercy from a greater view as God asks us to forgive others as he has forgiven us. Forgiving others does not mean we let others hurt us. They were encouraged to ask their parent or a trusted adult for help if they are being hurt in a relationship. At the high school level (9-12) we discussed how forgiving others means not holding a grudge and not letting the mistakes of others define our relationship with them. If we are open to receive God's love, then we can enter relationships of giving and receiving love with others. If this is the type of relationship we have, then forgiveness should naturally be a part of that relationship. High school students were reminded that forgiving others does not mean giving up our values, allowing ourselves to be hurt, or accepting blame that does not belong to us. Youth were encouraged to seek help if they are being hurt physically, emotionally, or sexually in a relationship. They were encouraged to confide in a friend, talk to their parents, or tell another trusted adult if they have been hurt even if the other person acts remorseful as the cycle of abuse and control is difficult to break without help. It is in the home that we learn to receive, to appreciate life as a blessing and to realize that we need one another to move forward. It is in the home that we experience forgiveness, that we are continually asked to forgive and to grow. In the home there is no room for putting on masks : We are who we are, and in one way or another we are called to do our best for others. Pope Francis, speaking at a Meeting with Families during his visit to Cuba