Anger Management 1 Samuel 25:1-44 Page 1 of 8 Anger is one of the most debilitating emotions because it is so unpredictable. You never know when it is going to raise its ugly head. It takes many different forms in our life. Sometimes it comes out as an angry look or a harsh word, or in more hostile actions like parents fighting at a little league ballgame or road rage, or worse. Have you seen any of these people out on the roads? *Road rage 1 (for 5 seconds then go to next slide) *Road rage 2 You might need one of these. *Show Trunk Monkey video (There are 4 scenes. Stop after first scene.) The answer to anger is of course self-control, but self-control doesn t come easy. So I want us to think about how we manage anger in our lives. Let s pray Last week we talked about Loving Our Enemies. David s loving and patient response to King Saul was nothing less than amazing. Even though Saul was chasing David all over the desert with his army in order to kill David, David did not take revenge and kill Saul when he had the opportunity. David resisted and even showed kindness to Saul. David successfully fought the temptation to give into anger in that situation. He demonstrated great spiritual maturity and inner restraint. So, last week he looked like he had his act together. But today, we are going to see the ugly side of David. We all have one of those. It s true that David was described by God as a man
Page 2 of 8 after my own heart, yet David had a sin nature just like all the rest of us. After David s encounter with Saul in the cave, David hid out in the desert of Maon. The primary way of making a living in that area was raising sheep and goats, which tended to be a dangerous business in those days. Bands of nomadic tribes would attack the shepherds and steal livestock. David and his men did voluntary police work in the desert of Maon and they gave protection to the shepherds and flocks of a rich man named Nabal. This is what Nabal s shepherds said about David and his men. *Look at 1 Samuel 25:15 These men have been very good to us, and we never suffered any harm from them. Nothing was stolen from us the whole time they were with us. 16 In fact, day and night they were like a wall of protection to us and the sheep. NLT The custom of that time was for the owner of the livestock to compensate those who had protected their herds and fields at shearing time. In his dire circumstances, David thought for certain that Nabal would help him and his men out by giving them some food. *Look at 1 Samuel 25:4 While David was in the desert, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. 5 So he sent ten young men and said to them, "Go up to Nabal at Carmel and greet him in my name. NIV *Look at 1 Samuel 25:8 Please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them.'" NIV Now Nabal was a very rich man. He had 1,000 goats and 3,000 sheep. He was loaded. He had every reason to be generous and kind because of God s blessings, but instead he was very mean and cared only about himself.
Page 3 of 8 So, Nabal refused to give anything to David s men and on top of that he insulted David. *1 Samuel 25:10 Who is this son of Jesse?... 11 Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?" NIV When David heard the report, he became enraged. David put on his sword and told 400 of his men to put on their swords. This is the same guy that refused to take his own revenge against King Saul who was trying to kill him and his men. Now David is going to kill a man because he feels cheated and insulted. What happened? Verse 21 gives us some insight into what David is thinking. *1 Samuel 25:21 "It's been useless all my watching over this fellow's property in the desert so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. 22 May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!" NIV That is a murderous rage. David s anger has taken over and he is ready to kill everybody. He is crazy with anger and He thinks he is justified. Have you ever been there? God is not in this. But, David tries to pull God into it with an oath. What is going on with David? Maybe Nabal just crossed David at the wrong time. David s friend and mentor Samuel has died recently. Saul is trying to kill David. David is sleeping in caves and hiding out in the desert. He may be hungry. Men get pretty grouchy when they are hungry. Am I right, ladies? Things are not looking good for Nabal at this point. But his wife comes to the rescue!
Page 4 of 8 Now Nabal s wife, Abigail was nothing like her husband. She was intelligent and beautiful and she was wise in the way she treated people. She hears of her husband s rude behavior and gathers a large supply of food. She runs out the door to avert the calamity. Abigail demonstrates great wisdom and humility in her efforts to calm David down. *1 Samuel 25:23 When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. 24 She fell at his feet and said: "My lord, let the blame be on me alone. NIV *Look at her appeal in 1 Samuel 25:31 my master will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself." Her approach and appeal were successful. She gets David to see that killing Nabal would be a burden on his conscience. You have been wronged, but murder isn t the answer because God will take care of Nabal and all your enemies. *1 Samuel 25:32 David said to Abigail, "Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. 33 May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. *34 Otherwise, as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak." NIV In David s response to Abigail, we can see why David was described by God as a man after His own heart. David had a humble and teachable spirit. He admits he is wrong in front of all his men. He has been breathing death threats. Let s Kill them all!
Page 5 of 8 Now he tells them we are not going to kill anybody. He is not going to do anything about Nabal s insult. He is going to let God handle it. May God make us all as humble and teachable as David was at that moment. When Abigail returned home and is able to tell her husband that she prevented an attack by David, he had a stroke and died ten days later. When we do what is right, God takes care of the rest. We all deal with anger. I read somewhere that the average man loses his temper six times a week. The average woman loses her temper three times a week. Sorry guys. That s just the facts. TS The fact is, we all get angry. So how do I do defuse my anger? *1. Understand why I get angry. Typically there are three common causes of anger: *(1.) When I hurt. When I am physically hurt or emotionally hurt, I am likely to get angry. If you hit your thumb with a hammer, you get angry. ILL David was hurt by Nabal s actions and he got angry. *(2.) When I am frustrated. When nothing seems to work, when things don t go your way, when everything seems to go wrong you get frustrated and you get angry. I like it when people say, I am not angry, I am just frustrated. I am not sure there is any difference. ILL After spending 3 ½ hours enduring the long lines, rude clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, a
Page 6 of 8 man stopped at a toy store to pick up a baseball bat as a gift for his son. At the cash register, the clerk asked "Cash or charge? "Cash" the man snapped. Then apologizing for his rudeness he explained, "I ve spent the afternoon at the DMV." The clerk asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat or are you going back to the DMV?" *(3.) When I am tired or hungry. When we are exhausted or hungry, we tend to get angry pretty quickly. Recognizing what causes you to get angry can help you to control your response. ILL I have a friend who recognized that he had a problem with anger when he was in traffic. So he asked the people in his Bible study group to pray for him. Another person named Debbie said that she had the same problem. So every time my friend starts getting angry in traffic, he uses it as a reminder to pray for Debbie. When he starts praying for Debbie, his attitude changes. TS Here is another way to help defuse my anger. *2. Slow down my expression of anger. *James 1:19 Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. NIV. Learning to focus on listening and trying to understand the other person can help defuse our anger. Waiting to speak can help you to choose the right words and help defuse the situation. One of the great remedies for anger is delay. The longer you hold your temper the more likely it is to subside. If you let it out immediately, it s bad news! ILL The delay that Abigail caused by going to David and speaking with him was a big part of why David calmed down. She was able
Page 7 of 8 to defuse the situation because she gave David some time to reflect on what he was about to do. She might have also gotten him to eat something. ILL Thomas Jefferson said, "When you re angry count to ten. When you re very angry count to 100." I say, If you re still angry, keep counting. Anything you can do to delay expressing anger will help. TS Here is another way to help defuse my anger. *3. Watch my words. *Proverbs 21:23 Watch your words and hold your tongue; you'll save yourself a lot of grief. (THE MESSAGE) The problem is that words come very easily when we re angry, and our adrenaline is flowing. We can say the most sarcastic and hurtful things. When you get angry, have you noticed that our mouth runs faster than our mind? When you get angry, choose your words carefully. Tone of voice and choice of words make a big difference. A gentle answer turns away wrath, (Proverbs 15:1, NIV) TS Here is the ultimate way to defeat anger. *4. Continually ask God for help. The most important thing a person can do to get his anger under control is to bring the need before God. *Jesus said Ask and it will be given to you; (Matthew 7:6,NIV)
Page 8 of 8 If we humble ourself and ask for God s power to be manifested in our life through patience, God will answer. If you struggle with anger, how often do you pray about it and how often do you ask others to pray for you? Spending time alone with God in His word and in prayer strengthens our self-control and patience. ILL It is like this. If I take a tube of toothpaste and hit it real hard, what is going to come out? Toothpaste. Whatever is inside is going to come out when I hit it. The same is true of you and me. It is true people are going to hurt us. The world is going to put pressure on us. Life is frustrating. But when the world puts the squeeze on your life and mine, what comes out reveals what s in our heart. That person that cuts you off in traffic, those thoughtless words from a loved one, those frustrations in life are God s way of showing us what is in our heart. They may reveal that we need to spend a lot more time with God and that we need a lot more of His Word to penetrate our heart. Let me change the Capital One slogan. When evil and chaos break out, let s ask the question, What s in your heart? Pray: Father, help each us to take action to deal with our anger before it does more damage.