Small Group Studies
Joe McGee Stonebluff Publishing House, Inc. Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture verses are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. Public Domain. Scripture quotations marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible. Old Testament copyright 1987 by Zondervan Corporation. New Testament copyright 1987 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message, copyright 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from The Holy Bible: New International Version, copyright 1984, 2011 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from The Holy Bible: New King James Version, copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from The Holy Bible: New Living Translation, copyright 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Scripture quotations marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, copyright 1971 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Any emphasis or parenthetical comments within Scripture are the author s own. Marriage Building 101: Small Group Studies ISBN 978-0-9903045-9-3 Copyright 2014 Joe McGee Ministries, Inc. Stonebluff Publishing House P O Box 680446 Franklin, TN 37068 Cover Design: Hampton Creative, Inc. Photo of Joe and Denise: Sara Renee Editor: Linda Schantz Editorial Coordinator: Corrie McGee Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved under International Copyright Law. Contents and/or cover may not be reproduced in whole or in part in any form without the express written permission of the Publisher. Stonebluff Publishing House, P O Box 680446, Franklin, TN 37068. 2
HOW TO USE THIS RESOURCE This personal study is designed to give you a foundational knowledge of what God intended marriage to be, how to build a marriage that will last a lifetime, and how to make people ask you about the hope that is in you! Whether hearing this information for the first time or if this is a simply a refresher course, be ready to laugh-andlearn as we walk through practical steps that will help you create a strong relationship with your spouse. WEEKLY WORK Each week s lesson will consist of video messages, workbook prompted Bible reading, reflection and action points, and group discussion questions. WORKBOOK BEFORE each meeting, go over that week s reading in the workbook. Read any passages and fill out all reflection and action prompts. VIDEO MESSAGES Each week there is a video message to watch during the small group meeting that corresponds with the workbook. During the video, use the NOTES page (by the Discussion Questions) to write down anything that stands out. BOOK CHAPTERS If you are using the book instead of or in addition to the video, the chapter number will correspond with the week you are on. Example: During WEEK 1 participants will read CHAPTER 1 of the book. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS AFTER watching the video, discuss the questions for that week in the workbook with your group. 3
INTRODUCTION Welcome! I m excited you ve joined this group! Marriage is an adventure. Second only to Jesus, your spouse is the greatest gift God gave you. In this study, we re going to get to the heart of what marriage really is and develop the skills we need to make it a success. Marriage was God s idea, and like everything else He created, it hums with power. Fire will warm you or it can burn you to death. Water will quench your thirst or it can drown you. Marriage is the closest thing to Heaven on earth or the closest thing to Hell on earth. The results you get in marriage, as with anything else God has made, depend on one thing how you handle it. BEFORE YOU BEGIN Write the following statement 50 times on a piece of paper. Marriage is hard work. On the last sentence add the statement: but it s worth it. Fold this piece of paper up and keep it in your billfold or purse. Any time you feel frustrated, pull it out and read it. Marriage is hard work, but it s worth it. Your spouse is a gift from God and no investment you make in your marriage is wasted. 4
MARRIAGE IS A JOURNEY Marriage is the process of two different people, of two different sexes, from two different families, with two different sets of gifts, talents, abilities, IQs, likes, dislikes, and opinions becoming one. You don t become one on your honeymoon. It s a lifetime process. MARRIAGE IS NOT A DESTINATION; IT S A JOURNEY. People get married and think, I married someone who is just like me. But you didn t. I saw a bumper sticker in Texas once that summed up marriage in a nutshell. It read: If two people are just alike, one of them is not needed. You and your spouse are different. My wife and I said ugly stuff to each other for a long time. Many marriages go through that. You wake up one day and think, What have I done? I ve married a crazy person? They are never going to change. I ll be stuck with them the rest of my life. I ll never be happy! Thank God Denise and I were invited to a Bible study, and we began to learn what God said about marriage. We found out what our problem was. 5
It was ignorance! God said, My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6). When I say ignorant, I don t mean that we didn t know anything, or that we weren t smart. I mean that we didn t know anything about each other or about how to be married. Your heart can be right, but if you re without knowledge, it ll mess your life up. I ve heard this line from married people hundreds of times. Well, at least my heart was right. That may be true, but your head was empty! Your right heart didn t help you one bit. In this study, you re going to develop the knowledge you need to be the spouse that God has called you to be and to live in such a way that people will ask you about the hope that is in you! God bless you as you begin this journey! 6
TABLE OF CONTENTS WEEK 1 IT S NOT GOOD TO BE ALONE...9 WEEK 2 WHY ARE WE SO DIFFERENT?... 31 WEEK 3 COMMUNICATION... 47 WEEK 4 MONEY MATTERS... 67 WEEK 5 HAVING CHILDREN, STAYING SANE...89 WEEK 6 SEX...111 BONUS: WHAT TO DO NOW...131 7
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WEEK 1 IT S NOT GOOD TO BE ALONE WEEK 1 SESSION 1: IN THE BEGINNING EVERYTHING STARTED OUT GOOD In Eden, man and woman lived in paradise. The weather was perfect, the food was free and clothes were cheap. And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him. Genesis 2:18 NKJV He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22 NKJV And He answered and said to them, Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:4-6 NKJV Man and woman sinned. Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, Has God indeed said, You shall not eat of every tree of the garden? Genesis 3:1 NKJV Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. James 1:15 NKJV 9
Sin brought death. Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men Romans 5:12 NKJV For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 NKJV For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive. 1 Corinthians 15:22 NKJV Sin has death attached to it. THE BLAME GAME Adam blamed Eve. Who told you that you were naked? the Lord God asked. Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat? The man replied, It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it. Genesis 3:11-12 NLT Eve blamed the serpent. Then the Lord God asked the woman, What have you done? The serpent deceived me, she replied. That s why I ate it. Genesis 3:13 NLT 10
THE CURSE AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF SIN When Adam and Eve sinned, it brought a curse upon them. The curse was the consequence of sin. What did sin bring to them? Pain in childbirth and marital conflict (Genesis 3:16) Financial hardship (Genesis 3:17) Eviction from their home (Genesis 3:23) Family conflict (Genesis 4:8) Because of their sin, they got fired from their job, evicted from their house, and their kids started killing each other. THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL Sin has death attached to it. Death is a curse. From man s fall in the Garden things just got worse. READ THESE STORIES: NOAH AND THE FLOOD IN GENESIS 5:32-10:1 THE TOWER OF BABEL IN GENESIS 11 What do the people in these passages have in common? 11
THE SIN PROBLEM According to Jude 1:16, 2 Timothy 3:1-5 and Galatians 5:19-21, the nature of sin leads to: Grumbling Complaining Living only to satisfy selfish desires Bragging loudly about themselves Flattering others to get what they want Scoffing about others and God Creating divisions Following their natural instincts Loving only themselves Loving their money Boastful and proud behavior Disobedience to parents Ungratefulness Considering nothing sacred Unloving behavior Unforgiveness Slandering others No self-control Betrayal of friends Pride Loving pleasure rather than God Reckless behavior Acting religious, but rejecting God s power Sexual immorality Lustful pleasures Idolatry Sorcery Hostility Quarreling Jealousy Outbursts of anger Selfish ambition Dissension Division Envy Drunkenness Wild parties Anyone living this sort of life will not inherit the kingdom of God (Galatians 5:21b). This isn t a pretty list, but without salvation this is our nature. No matter how nice we are; we ll eventually return to these behaviors without Christ. 12
THE CURE The bad news is that sin brought death with it. The good news is that there is a cure. We weren t just left in our sin. We have been redeemed. Sin brought death. The cure is salvation. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 NKJV Jesus answered and said to him, Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. John 3:3 NKJV Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV THE GIFT OF SALVATION We couldn t be good enough to earn salvation; it is a gift. It s through Christ that we are saved. Salvation is the simplest thing you can receive. The who, what, where, when and why of our salvation: That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth 13
confession is made unto salvation. Romans 10:9-10 NKJV Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them. Hebrews 7:25 NKJV SALVATION PRAYER Whether you are praying this for the first time or taking time to recommit yourself to the Lordship of Jesus, pray this simple prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, I come to You now and ask for forgiveness. I know that I need a savior. You said in Your Word (Romans 10:9,13) that if I confess with my mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in my heart that God has raised Him from the dead, I would be saved. According to Your Word, I believe in my heart that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and I believe that You raised Him from the dead. I am calling upon His Name the Name of Jesus so I know that I am now saved. Thank You for saving me! Through the gift of salvation, we become children of God. As children of God we have been redeemed from the curse. It s a whole new world for us. FROM DARK TO LIGHT For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. Colossians 1:13-14 NLT 14
You, your marriage, and your family have all been redeemed from the curse of sin. Without God these lists in Jude 1:16, 2 Timothy 3:1-5 and Galatians 5:19-21 are our nature the sin nature. Only through our salvation are we capable of having a new list of qualities (Galatians 5:22-26). But when we have accepted Jesus as our Savior we have a new list of traits that belong to us as new creatures in Christ Jesus: Love Joy Peace Patience Kindness Goodness Faithfulness Gentleness Self-control MARRIAGE BUSTER: Letting the sin nature rule your life will ruin your marriage. MARRIAGE BUILDER: Put God first in your life and marriage. (Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, A threefold cord is not quickly broken. ) In order to do this you need to take these three steps: 15
Become born again. If you have already accepted the gift of salvation, take this opportunity to tell God that you are recommitting yourself to Him. Make time to meditate on the Word of God. (Read it. Think about it. Speak it. Pray about it.) Fellowship with other believers on a regular basis. Just as iron sharpens iron, being around other Christians will help you grow! (Proverbs 27:17) REFLECTION: Earlier, we covered the fruits of the spirit which are part of our new nature as a new creature in Christ Jesus. Write one example of how your spouse exhibits one of these traits in your marriage. Share this with your spouse. SESSION 2: THINGS HAVE CHANGED People will try to tell you that things are awful and that this is the worst time to be alive. That s wrong! According to the Word of God we are here by divine appointment and there has never been a better time to be alive, to be married, and to raise a family. 16