1 Proverbs 11:25b Life app: Encouragement Our people are talented How many of you have had the privilege of seeing a room that Don Hartman has renovated or added on? I used to love watching Extreme Makeover: Home edition until they started just bulldozing and starting over from scratch. It was so cool to watch how they could turn this room into a super room. Don Hartman can do that. He is like our own Ty Penington. Have you seen the porch swing stands that Dan Herbert made. It's like three swings all in one under a gazebo like structure. Super cool. Have you ever seen a yard that Zech landscaped? Bushes, trees, hardscape, fire pit. Incredible. How about JC welding. That boy is a wizard with a welder. I know you have heard Chuck and Tyler jam together. Or Sarah in marching band with everything so coordinated? Or Leigh running her dog? Or Sue putting together a vase of flowers. Have you seen Lilly cheer and go flying high in the air? Have you watched Tucker shoot the ball. It's like one after the other over and over again. Have you read Luke Lightcaps tweets. They are hilarious. We have some amazingly talented people in our congregation. I just wanted to make that point. What is a life app? For the last month or so we have been talking about application. Life apps we call them. I stole that from a North Point sermon series several years ago. Life apps are all based on James 1:22-- Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourself, but do what it says. We started with the topic of love. A general topic that it was kind of hard to rate you on. The call was love in action and I have been hearing about people taking others out for meals, having game nights, going to their house and helping them do work. I have seen love showing in new ways and have been pretty excited. Then we talked about rest. I called you to make some life changes and asked you to write down either an area you will change or to let me know how I can pray for you in regard to your pattern of life. I didn't get a single slip turned in that did either of those things
2 I talked about confession and our need to let others know how we don't measure up. one person came in the next week and confessed several things that Satan kept using against him. I can only hope that people began to make that happen. Then forgiveness. I trust you have used this last week to forgive someone and end the grudge and in so doing to change the world. Today we have a new app that I take primarily from a proverb. Proverbs 11:25b, just half of a proverb really. It says this, Refresh others, and you will be refreshed. Replenish others, and you will be replenished. Now, this is a proverb. Proverbs aren't laws. They are principles. Generally, if you refresh someone else, you end up getting refreshed. You probably recognize this. People who are most positive about your are generally happier and more positive about themselves. This is a very simple idea with a generally wonderful outcome. Refresh, be refreshed. What is the ratio? But this couldn't be any further from our actual practice. According to a thousand sermons on this, the ratio between encouragement and criticism is appalling. The Gottman Institute (according to these other sermons--i was unable to document it, but I have no reason to doubt it) says the ratio of encouragement to criticism is 1 to 6. One encouragement to six criticisms. That means I criticized something you did or who you are six times before I said anything good about you. I need this statistic to sink in. Illustration of Human scale Put weights on Encouragement: You really did a great job on your room Criticism Do you ever think before you act? Stop Whining I can't believe you did that Why can't you be more like her? Why do you always... You are so frustrating sometimes
3 Encouragement: I love that you provide so well for this family Criticism: You work too much Don't you ever get off the couch You are the biggest slob You don't know how to talk to your daughter, I will do it. Maybe I should have married... You never tell me I am pretty. See the problem with encouragement is that it is seen as a nice thing. A good thing. Something that people like and appreciate. But it's not a necessary thing. If encouragement isn't necessary then we will drift towards criticism. We never drift towards encouragement. You have to fight for encouragement. This is why work places are so dysfunctional It's why marriages are often toxic and struggle so intensely It's why children feel unvalued and parents don't know why they keep trying. Circle of relationships You notice the relationships I am hitting on the most? The intimate ones. Because it's these that we take most for granted. We talk a lot. But we seldom think through our conversations. Either with Family, community, or people we only meet briefly. Most of the time I am nicer to the toll booth collector or the people I see at the swimming pool than I am to my spouse or kids. What if we started taking all those interactions more seriously? Not taking any of them for granted anymore. What if every one of those interactions became an opportunity? What if instead of praying that God would bless that gas station attendant, we started realizing that God has already answered that request to bless him by putting you there in his life? Could you encourage him? Because my guess is that if you encouraged him every time you filled up, you would have a very attentive witness to the cross if you had the guts to tell him.
4 Who needs encouragement Truett Cathy has a motto. We didn't invent the chicken, just the chicken sandwich No not that one. He says this, There is an international sign to help you determine if someone needs encouragement. All across the world, whatever your culture, whatever your gender, whatever you age or economic status, we all do this same thing that lets someone know we need encouragement. Breathing Everyone is plagued with self doubt and discouragement. Everyone. That is they are afraid. That's what self-doubt and discouragement are--fear. Fear that you won't be able to do it, fear that people don't think of you. Fear. It's right there in the word discouragement. To discourage someone is to deprive of courage or confidence. It's a synonym for dishearten. To take away the heart of something. That's huge. So when I say encourage, I am saying to give it back. Soldiers in the Old Testament were told to be encouraged--to be courageous and were told that God was with them to give them that courage Tychicus was sent to Ephesus and Collosae and Timothy to Thessalonica to encourage the people there by giving them updates on Paul. Paul was okay. And this news would give them confidence again. it would give them courage. It would restore their heart. 22 I am sending him to you for this very 2 purpose, We sent that Timothy, you may who know is our brother and God's fellow worker in spreading the What men are thinking? Ladies, I am going to tell you what every man here is thinking. Every man here is asking himself this question (if they tell you they are not, they are lying) Do I have what it takes? Do I have what it takes to be a father? to be a husband? To be the worker I need to be. to be a soldier? to be a man? Everyone of them is wrestling with this every day. And a 6:1 ratio will kill them. For some men--literally. Wives, girlfriends, other men...men need you to tell them they have what it takes. And I am sorry about this, but they need to hear it every day.
5 What women are thinking? Women, wives have a question they want answered to. Actually a lot of them have the exact same question, but then they also have another big thing Does he notice me, does he think I am pretty, does he care? And guys are clueless to begin with. Do I think you are special? Of course I do, I married you 28 years ago didn't I? Men, when women get their hair cut, you have a very small window of time to notice it. It's a cruel game women play. No one knows what that time is. It's different for different women, but at some point that buzzer goes off and she asks the question, What do you think of my hair? Well, when that buzzer goes off, it's over. You are stuck. You can't win anymore. Do you have a daughter dads? Society is telling them that they aren't pretty enough or thin enough and they don't measure up to the photo shopped woman on the magazine in the grocery aisle. If you don't tell you daughter how special she is all the time, you will lose her to the world. Six to one ratio, dad, husband. How are you going to fight the trend towards criticism? The only place we get the proper ratio between criticism and encouragement is when it's too late- -at their funeral. We stand up and say, well she was late to everything and she couldn't close a cabinet to save her life (tiny criticisms for humor sake), but she loved to help those in trouble. She loved those abused sexually. She loved those who didn't have parents. She counseled those who were losing their marriage, she was always looking for adventure, she wanted her world to see Jesus, she had great hair, she and we go on and on. Are you an encourager? Do you encourage your employees? How about at work? Or do you think the fact that you give a salary should be encouraging enough? Jeff Henderson tells the story of Jimmy Collins who was the president of Chick Fil A. One day he came into the office to see Jimmy and saw that he had a lighter out and was burning paper. He was burning the edges of the sales reports and scooping up the ashes and putting them in an envelope. Then he wrote a note to include as well: Your sales are on fire. I am praying for you. Hang in there. Jimmy Collins
6 Fast forward to the annual national seminar with big name speakers and leadership drills and awards etc. Jeff says he was amazed when the top operators of Chick Fil A came up to the stage to thank people for their support and to accept the gift of a new car. And all of them said the same thing. I was really struggling. The goal was unachievable and I was about ready to give up when a letter came from headquarters. In the letter was a bunch of ashes and a note. At that moment, I knew that I was all in. I would make Jimmy proud. He believed in me and I could believe in me too. Bosses, ask your employees how they are doing? Not just what are they doing. Get to know them. Care about them. Because every one of them is plagued with self doubt and insecurity. with fear. Their confidence is lacking and they are losing heart. Give it back to them. How do you encourage your family? Husbands, your wife needs to know you value her. I wish I had encouraged my wife more. Wives, your husband needs to know you respect him. Your voice has the power to make him the greatest husband in the world. I have seven notes in my office on sticky notes or taped to my computer or on my bulletin board that say simple things about appreciating how I provide and how I reflect Jesus and how I preach. It's like spinach to popeye ladies. Parents, if your kids could give you an answer regarding your ratio what would they say? How about to students. What is it like towards your parents? Sometimes it's hard to see your parents as real people. But they are. I laugh it off my kids mention my muscles. But I think about it for hours--it makes my day. Kadin and Rhyston both told me what their friends thought about my FCA presentation a couple of weeks ago. I am still thinking about it. I pretend it doesn't matter, but it changes my whole outlook on life. Kids, you have that power. The power to to encourage your parents and so make them better people. But they are so dysfunctional I can't do that. Maybe the dysfunction is because they have gotten only criticism. It's a vicious cycle. how are you going to break it? Are you watching who you are dating? Is he or she nice to the waiter at the restaurant? Do they care about the feelings of the guy serving you popcorn? Do they treat everyone with respect?
7 Because if she is disrspecting her teacher saying he is not worthy of respect, I guarantee she will not respect you when you aren't respectable either. And you won't always be respect worthy. And it will all go down hill. Encouragement is never a small thing. But it is so hard and never the natural bend. What if you are the one who needs encouragement? Maybe you are here and thinking that you are the one who needs encouragement. I really need someone to speak into my life these affirming words. I know you do. Because you fit the category--breathing. And I am sorry. I am sorry that we as Christians do not do a better job. But remember our verse for a moment Refresh others and you will be refreshed. Do you want to be encouraged? Encourage others. Go first, change the ratio. And you will be replenished too. Encouraging others does more than replenish you But this is so much bigger than people realize. I think it's so much bigger than Andy Stanley really understands (He wrote the book on Life apps that I am leading you through). See, it's not merely about replenishing someone. It's about replenishing yourself. But it's not merely about replenishing yourself by refreshing someone else. It's about refreshing the world. When you encourage someone, the world changes. We think so small. What will this one encouragement do? It's so small in the world. But it does something. It has an effect that you will not truly grasp. Because this is how the kingdom moves. It moves in every small statement you make to someone. Remember Jesus said it's like a slow growing seed. It's not what anyone wanted or expected. It should come in with a shout and a conquering sword, but Jesus says it's growing slowly. And it grows with forgiveness, with love, with proper rest, with trust, with confession and with encouragement. I think when we forgive and rest and trust and confess and encourage the way we are called to, we are epistles of Christ. Letter of Jesus (As 2 Cor 3:3) says. Just by the act of doing these things we represent Jesus.
8 I mean, that by the very act of giving courage to someone, you take on a Jesus role. Whether you are Christian or not. What if I am not a Christian? If you aren't a Christian, that's okay. I know there are bunch of reasons why you may not be one. Maybe you just can't believe the things that the Bible said happened. You can't believe that Jesus rose from the dead. But I don't think that is the main reason for most people. Maybe you are angry. or hurt. and the anger and hurt are taken out on God. And you haven't yet found your way past that. Maybe it's much simpler. Maybe you realize what it means to be a Christian and you aren't ready to make that change. Maybe you know it means real submission, real recognition of your sin and a complete change from following yourself to following Him. and that means you might have to give up some things you are doing and you still think those things are better than the life he offers. They aren't, but you aren't yet convinced. That's okay. I will say though, I think it's time. But even if it's not, you are welcome here. You are always welcome. We don't judge you. But my point is that when you forgive, when you love, when you rest, you are acting like Jesus. When you do right, you are a picture of Jesus. Even if you don't want to be. For Christians (and I hope everyone else listens in) But what I long for you and for my fellow Christians here is that we begin to understand how much bigger and more beautiful this could be. Because there are words that if we believe and share will bring the greatest courage 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage each other with these words. (1Th 4:16-18 NIV) How do we gain courage for life? By bringing these words to memory. Jesus past, present and future work. This is eschatology. I don't mean it's all about the future. that's not what eschatology means. Eschatology means last things. The last days. and we are in the last days. Not that we have just
9 entered them, Paul was in the last days too and he called us to encourage one another here every Sunday and even more 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Heb 10:25 NIV) 16 May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, 17 encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. (2Th 2:16-17 NIV) 11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1Th 5:11 NIV) and this one, I have been thinking about this one a lot 13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. (Heb 3:13 NIV) If you don't get encouragement, refreshing, then sin will harden you. It will convince you that you aren't good enough. It will tell you not to keep going in the faith. It will steal your belief. So, yes, encourage people who are afraid or anxious. Encourage them by telling they look nice or they have done something well. Tell them they are valuable and you think the world of them. Be specific. Encourage people who look fine.every day, several times a day. Fight for it, even though criticism come so easily. But also encourage people with the good news. Jesus died, he rose, he is at the right hand of God the father almighty on High and he is coming back. and tell them that they are children of the king. Let me tell you. He loves you. He finds you immensely valuable. You are important to me and to him. Refresh one another with these words. Dear Family, Sometimes we lose heart. we don't believe in ourselves and we struggle to believe in God. I want to talk about encouragement this Sunday. I have a bunch of quick texts to point you to, but the one I want you to meditate on for the next few days is in Proverbs 11:25b. It just says this: Refresh others and you will be refreshed. That's my goal on Sunday--to refresh you. I hope you are able to be here and that God uses our time together to his glory.
Songs Everyone needs a little--kari Jobe?? Speak Life--Toby Mac (this really fits and the youth know it well) 10