The Bad Dad - 1 Samuel 2:12-36 1 Welcome back to our emphasis on Raising a G-Rated family in an R-Rated world. We have taken time to consider how the family is under attack in our state and nation, and specifically we have examined our marriages and our children. These are perilous times but also these are OUR times! When the darkness is darkest the Light of Christ shines through us the brightest. Take heart, brothers and sisters. This is our time. Remember what Mordecai told young Esther, Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this? (Esther 4:14) That is a good question for each of us today. So today I want us to learn from a negative example. You know, we have positive role models and we have negative role models. There are times when we say, I want to be just like that! And there are other times when we say, I don t want to be anything like that! So join me in the Old Testament in the book of First Samuel. READ of PRAY Have you ever had something go bad in your refrigerator? How can you tell when food is spoiled? Well, one of the first hints might be when you open the door - it smells like something has died inside. But someone has come up with a list of ways in which we can determine whether our food has gone bad without having to smell it: * Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of carefully. * If you can take Chip Dip out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad. * A carrot that you can tie in a square knot is not fresh. * Potatoes that are edible generally do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth. * Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. * Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. * Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. * Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you ve never purchased blue cheese. There are number of ways that you can tell you have spoiled food in your refrigerator. But when it does become rotten what do you do with it? You have to throw it away. Now that s appropriate for food, but what do you do when part of your family becomes spoiled? What actions should you take when your children start to act rotten? What happens when the influences of an R-rated world make too great of an inroad into your family s life? That s the issue we re looking at here in the story of Eli and his sons. Jerusalem did not belong to the Israelites at this time (that would take place under King David, some 80 or 90 years later) and so Israel worshiped at the Tabernacle and it was set up at the city of Shiloh in the northern area of Israel. Eli had been the priest of Israel at Shiloh for about 40 years. He was not a model priest and had not been a successful father. I Samuel 2:12 tells us that Eli s sons were corrupt; they did not know the LORD. Eli s sons were guilty of terrible sins of disobedience to God and sinning against His people. What made that matter even worse was that the priesthood was passed from generation to generation, so these two corrupt young men were likewise priests and were following in their father s footsteps. Turn with me to 1 Samuel 2:13-17 What does this tell us? They were stealing from the offerings people were making to God. In addition, 1 Samuel 2:22 tells us that Eli s sons: they lay with the women who assembled at the door of the tabernacle of meeting.
2 Basically we re being told that these boys of Eli s were not nice men! A preacher by the name of Victor Yap has observed: They forced themselves upon the meat of the temple, the ladies at the temple, and the goodwill of the worshippers. God s people were abused, God s place was desecrated, and God s provision was stolen. God was so displeased with their behavior, He sent a prophet warning Eli to take action. But Eli didn t take action all he did was talk. Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all the people. No, my sons! For it is not a good report that I hear. You make the Lord s people transgress. 1 Samuel 2:23-24 What difference did Eli s words make? None! 1 Samuel 2:25 says, Nevertheless they did not heed the voice of their father Have you found that there is a time when talking to your kids works just fine and there are other times when you have to be more demonstrative? Now don t get me wrong! When a family member has gone wrong, the first thing we want to do is discuss the matter with them candidly and strongly. There have been times when a good talking to has done a world of good. But most of the time folks, talk is cheap! Talk without teeth rarely gets anything accomplished. Talk has to have consequences and sometimes quite drastic consequences! Have you heard that parent in the store almost yelling at the kid? If you don t do by the time I count to three, I m going to do! You heard that? Yes! Me too! And most of the time the parent rarely gets to three and if they do they don t do what they promised! Folks, don t make a threat you are not willing to carry through! If you say is going to happen, then better happen! There is a time for talk and there is a time for action. I remember being with my Minister of Music in a store once and witnessing this kind of situation. I remember Ray said, Someone needs to be the adult in that home! Indeed! Someone needs to be the adult! Could Eli have done anything to change his sons destiny? Could he have done anything to save their lives? I don t know but I d like to think Eli would have at least tried to shake his kids up. I was impressed by the story of an Amish man who caught his two boys drinking beer at a local tavern. The disappointed father promptly disciplined his sons. He told them I ll take the horse home boys and you bring the buggy. That father did something to deal with his sons sins but Eli didn t. Eli could have done something anything. But he didn t do anything to stop his boys from their behavior. He just gave them a good talking to. And ultimately his refusal to take decisive action led to their tragic deaths. God tells us that if we want what is best for our children when they re rebellious and disobedient we ve got to do more than talk. Proverbs warns us to, Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death. (Prov. 19:18) Because Eli never got the hang of disciplining his kids, he became a willing party to sons deaths as well. I don t believe Eli caused his sons destruction ONLY because he didn t discipline them. I believe Eli led his sons to destruction because of his own pitiful example. Eli had a problem and we re given a hint of what that problem was later on in 1 Samuel 4:16-18. There we re told of the outcome of a battle that Israel had fought against the Philistines. One man flees the fight and informs Eli: Then the man said to Eli, I am he who came from the battle. And I fled today from the battle line. And he said, What happened, my son? So the messenger answered and said, Israel has fled before the Philistines, and there has been a great slaughter among the people. Also your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, are dead; and the ark of God has been captured. Then it happened, when he made mention of the ark of God, that Eli fell off the seat backward by the side of the gate; and his neck was broken and he died, for the man was old and heavy. And he had judged Israel forty years.
I don t think it s an accident that the Bible tells us that Eli was a heavy man. A commentator by the name of John Gill gives his take on what this meant: Eli was full of flesh, a very fat man 3 Now, how did Eli get to be a fat man? HE ATE TOO MUCH! And where would Eli get his food? From the sacrifices! In 1 Samuel 2:29 God rebukes Eli: Why do you kick at My sacrifice and My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling place, and honor your sons more than Me, to make yourselves fat with the best of all the offerings of Israel My people? Eli KNEW his sons were robbing the sacrifices! Eli was fat because he shared the food the boys had stolen! He may not have realized how brazen the boys had gotten about it, but he knew and he partook of their sin. He may have even done something that himself as the boys were growing up. It s hard to rebuke your kids for sins you don t want to confront in yourself. It s hard to confront kids who lie when a parent takes his kids to the movies and tries to pass them off as younger than they are so they can get them in at a lesser price. It s hard to control child with attitude problems when the parent often loses their temper. It s hard to talk to your kids about drugs when you re drinking alcohol or popping pills. Now, we need to be honest with ourselves here. There isn t a person in this building that is without sin. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Thus, we re all going to mess up as parents (or grandparents, or uncles and aunts) at some point or other in our interaction with our families. The problem doesn t lie in our sinning and failing as parents. The problem lies in not owning up to our faults. It lies in not admitting our sins. It lies in not asking forgiveness for what we ve done wrong. It lies in not learning to act as God commands and not obeying His Word when it comes to our families! The best way to disarm the destructive nature of your own shortcomings is to own up to the fact that it we ve been wrong, admit that our action was sinful and then ask for forgiveness. We confess our sins and repent toward obedience to God and His Word. Then our testimony before our family takes on a whole new meaning. Proverbs 28:13 says, He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy. But Eli didn t do that. He didn t admit his error. He didn t forsake his own sin (after all he was a priest he couldn t admit he had sin in his life could he?). Eli probably just made excuses for why he was like he was and refused to confront himself about HIS OWN failings. And so his sons followed in their father s footsteps... and they all ended up facing the wrath of God. Eli failed his sons because he refused to discipline them and because he d already set a bad example for them. But ultimately Eli s biggest problem was that he loved his kids MORE than he loved God. In 1 Samuel 2:29 God s prophet asks Eli, Why do you honor your sons more than me? Jesus said, He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. (Matthew 10:37) Now is Jesus saying that we shouldn t love our kids? Oh heavens no! God is OUR father. He is our example of how parents ought to love their kids. We re told in 1 John 3:1, How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the Children of God! And that is what we are There s nothing wrong with loving our kids - sometimes we may not do it as much or as well as we should - but the fact of the matter is that: Whenever we love our children more than we do God we re setting our families up for failure. Another way to put the same truth is this: If we fear our kids more than we fear God, we are setting our families up for failure.
4 It concerns me that so many people consider themselves loving their kids by just letting them do what they please. Discipline is a forgotten perspective in too many homes. There are people who try to tell us that they don t want to force their faith on their children. They want them to grow up to make up their own mind about whether or not they want to have their parents religion. That s a lie fed to us by an R-rated world. Granted, there is a wrong way to tell your children about Jesus, and there is a wrong way to sell your faith to your kids but the fact of the matter is God demands that we guide our children toward God. If we love God, this is not an option. Remember how we read in Deuteronomy 6:6 how God instructs His people: These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 God expects us to PUSH OUR FAITH IN OUR FAMILIES. One man once wrote: I had a "Drug" problem when I was a Young Person and Teenager. I was "drug to Church on Sunday Morning I was "drug" to Church on Sunday night. I was "drug" to Church on Wednesday night. I was "drug" to Sunday School every week. I was "drug" to Vacation Bible School. I was "drug" to the family altar to read the Bible and pray. I was also "drug" to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, or spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher. Those "drugs" are still in my veins, and they affect my behavior in every thing I do and say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack or heroin. If all our children had this "drug" problem, America would certainly be a better place. Whenever you put your children s sports / school / leisure / career/ or whatever ahead of the need for them to see God s will for their lives, then you get in God s way and you ultimately hurt your children. It s intriguing: set against this backdrop of Eli s failure to raise his boys properly is the story of another family. There was a woman in Israel named Hannah and she was barren. She had no children and she was desperate to have a child. And so Hannah went to Shiloh to the tabernacle and pled with God for a son. In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. And she made a vow, saying, O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head. 1 Samuel 1:10-11 In contrast to Eli s attempt to protective his sons from God, Hannah was willing to give her son TO God. Eli s sons died. Hannah s son Samuel became one of the greatest prophets and leaders of Israel in all the Old Testament Eli s sons lost their homes and families to the wrath of God. Hannah s boy changed a nation and received the blessing of God
5 Today we have seen a negative model when it comes to parenting in Eli, and a positive one when it comes to Hannah. We have both kinds of models in our world and in our families. So what have we learned today? - We must set a good example for our kids. They must see consistency in our words and in our actions. If we want them to fall in love with Jesus, we must be obviously in love with Him. If we want them to speak truth, then we must consistently speak truth. If we want them to be pure before the Lord, we must lead pure lives before them. If we want them to respect authority, we must model that. We are in the driver s seat and whether we realize it or not, we are directing their lives. - We must talk truthfully and directly with our kids about sin; both in our lives and in theirs. Speaking truth into their lives is essential. We must call sin what it is: rebellion against the Lord. We must confess and repent before them and lead them to do the same. Honest dialogue is a powerful tool in your hands. - We must realize that there are times when our words must be followed up with consequences that are equal to the severity of the offence. Our kids must know there are consequences to their actions. There are times when we must refuse to rescue them and allow the natural order of things to happen. If we tell our child that their attitude or action will result in these consequences, then we are honor bound before God to see to it that our words have weight and those consequences are carried out. - We must bring God into our homes in very practical ways. We must crown Him Sovereign King of our homes. We must honor Him and His Word daily. We must look to Him as our model, our source of Truth, and our family Head. He must be our Father, so that we can be His fathers and mothers on planet earth. - Today we must take our families to the Lord in prayer.