ى ( في حياتنا (اإلحسان Day 10 Introduction A worshipper is the one who worships Allah (جل جلاله) out of love, hope and fear. It s not worship to say I love Allah so I worship Him and don t want anything from Him. We might see things that look like ihsan from the outside but it s not ihsan. For example, you could be visiting your friends, but you re neglecting your husband and disobeying him. There shouldn t be takaluf or haram in ihsan. There are boundaries to ihsan as well. You also do ihsan to the people by thinking good about them, better than what they show you, subhan Allah. One scholar said if I see someone on top of the mountain saying, I am your lord most high, I ll say maybe he s reciting Surah An Naziat, and if I see someone s beard dripping with wine, I ll say someone must have spilled it on him, subhan Allah. So ihsan is not limited to just actions or words, but even thoughts and thinking good about people. No one likes for others to think bad about them do you like someone to think you re conceited, jealous, etc? No, so think good about others. We should remember the following ayat when speaking of ihsan: Surah Al Qasas 76: ( و أ ح س ن ڪ م ا أ ح س ن ٱ ه لل إ ل ي ك ) (and do good as Allâh has been good to you) Surah Al Isra a 7: ( إ ن أ ح س نت م أ ح س نت م ل نف س ك م ) (If you do good, you do good for your ownselves) ح س ن ( 60: Surah Ar Rahman ه ل ٱ ل ح س ن إ good?) (Is there any reward for good other than ) ه ل ج ز ا ء ٱ ل (اإلحسان الى الوالدين ( parents Ihsan to the (اإلحسان المخصوص ( ihsan Specific We spoke about ihsan with Allah,(جل جلاله) ihsan with the people in general, and now we will specifically speak of categories of people. ح س ن و إ يت ا ى ذ ى ٱل ق ر ب ى و ي نه ى ع ن ٱل ف ح ش ا ء و ٱلم نڪ ر و ٱل ب غ ي ع ظ ك م ل ع لهڪ م ( :90 In Surah An Nahl ي أم ر ب ٱل ع د ل و ٱ ل إ هن ٱ ه لل Al-Fahshâ' (Verily, Allâh enjoins Al-Adl and Al-Ihsân and giving (help) to kith and kin and forbids (ت ذ هكر ون (i.e all evil deeds, e.g. illegal sexual acts, disobedience of parents, polytheism, to tell lies, to give false witness, to kill a life without right), and Al-Munkar (i.e all that is prohibited by Islâmic law: polytheism of every kind, disbelief and every kind of evil deeds), and Al-Baghy (i.e. all kinds of oppression), He admonishes you, that you may take heed.). For the parents, the minimum is to deal with them with ihsan. You need to do more with your parents. This shows you that Allah (جل جلاله) appreciates the role of everyone, but the role of your parents cannot be replaced with anyone. We will look at the virtues for ihsan to the parents and what is the punishment for not doing ihsan to them. We are discussing this in order to understand the greatness of this matter. If you deal with ihsan with your parents, then it will show so much loyalty, so you will easily deal with others with ihsan. No one has a greater right than your parents because no one can do what your parents did. Those who misbehave with their parents, how do you think they deal with others? It s all fake, subhan Allah. Page 1
(نصوص من القرآن و السنة) Text from the Quran and Sunnah ه ل إ هياه و ب ٱل و ٲل د ي ن إ ح س ن ا إ هما ي ب ل غ هن ع ند ك ٱلڪ ب ر أ ح د ه م ا أ و ك ه م ا ت ق ل لهه م ا أ ( :23-25 Surah Al Isra a و ق ض ى ر ب ك أ ه ل ت ع ب د و ا إ و ل ت ن ہ ر ه م ا و ق ل لهه م ا ق و ل ڪ ر يم ا )٣٢( و ٱخ ف ض ل ه م ا ج ن اح ٱلذ ل م ن ٱل هرح م ة و ق ل هرب ٱر ح م ه م ا ك م ا ر هبي ان ى ص غ ير ا )٣٢( هرب ك م أ ع ل م ب م ا (And your Lord has decreed that you worship none ( ى ن ف وس ك م إ ن ت ك ون وا ص ل ح ين هن ڪ ان ل هوٲب ين ف ور ا ٣٢( ) but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. (23) And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young." (24) Your Lord knows best what is in your inner-selves. If you are righteous, then, verily, He is Ever Most Forgiving to those who turn unto Him again and again in obedience, and in repentance. (25)) Allah (جل جلاله) has prescribed to not worship anyone except Him and after His worship is to do ihsan to the parents. When they reach an old age with you هما ي ب ل غ هن ع ند ك ٱل ڪ ب ر),(إ so they re with you. People neglect their parents when they reach old age because we say, we re busy with our lives, we think they re boring, communicating with them is hard, they repeat their words, etc. Imagine when you re younger, your parents are talked down to your level and they were excited, they never complained, subhan Allah. And when they grow up, we say there s nothing to say to them, subhan Allah. When we were weak, who was cleaning us, not sleeping for us, waking up for us all of their feelings were for us and they want to show you everything is smooth, they won t show you their pains. That s why the rights of the parents are great after Allah.(جل جلاله) No one can replace them and no one can bear children except the parents themselves. We need to appreciate all that our parents have done for us. There are two groups who need care very young and very old. Most of the focus is towards the young. Small children don t communicate, but everyone is happy when they smile or say one word. (جل جلاله) The elderly have many stories but everyone is busy with their phone, subhan Allah. Allah advices regarding your children to take care of them, but with the parents you have to do more ihsan. Don t say uff to them, and this means it s being said and it s easy to say it. When you say uff it s a sign you re frustrated. To say uff while you re younger is even worse than when you re older. You re in need of your parents when you re younger. And don t (نتهرهما) don t scold or shout at them. Don t say, no you don t know, don t be harsh. As a person gets older, he can become restless, difficult and want to collect things. They don t want to give away things except whom Allah (جل جلاله) has mercy on. We seek refuge in Allah (جل جلاله) from a difficult old age. Ameen. ( إني أعوذ بك من سوء الكبر (اللهم We don t want to reach an age where people are fed up with us, subhan Allah. Children even tell their parents, what is this color? What is this style? You re so old-fashioned. all of this is disobedience to the parents. Say kind and noble words to them ihsan always shows on the tongue. Always say the best words with the people. Page 2
Don t be arrogant to your parents, don t speak to them as if you re above and they re below. Don t be in the front while they re in the back, subhan Allah. Don t stare at them. Someone might say my mother didn t do anything for me, or my grandmother raised me your mother is the one who carried you, delivered you and fed you, and there s always pain after delivery. There are cultures who totally respect the elderly and there are cultures where there is complete disrespect to them. Islam is teaching you the best manners, even if you re a successful person but you re not doing ihsan to your parents then you re not successful, subhan Allah. And Allah (جل جلاله) knows what s inside your hearts. نس ن ب و ٲل د ي ( 13-15: Surah Luqman و إ ذ ق ال ل ق م ن ل ب ن ۦ و ه و ي ع ظ ي ب ن هى ل ت ش ر ك ب ٱ ه لل إ هن ٱلش ر ك ل ظ لم ع ظ يم )٣٢( و و هصي ن ا ٱ ل ح م ل ت أ م و ه ن ا ع ل ى و ه ن و ص ل ى ع ام ي ن أ ن ٱشڪ ر ل ى و ل و ٲل د ي ك إ ل هى ٱل م ص ير )٣٢( و إ ن ج ه د اك ع ل ى أ ن ت ش ر ك ب ى م ا ل ي س ل ك (And (ب ۦ ع لم ت ط ع ه م ا و ص اح ب ه م ا ى ٱلد ني ا م ع ر و ا و ٱ هتب س ب يل م ن أ ن اب إ ل هى هم إ ل هى م ر ج ع ك م أ ن ب ڪ م ب م ا ك نت م ت ع م ل ون )٣٢( (remember) when Luqmân said to his son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allâh. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allâh is a great Zûlm (wrong) indeed. (13) And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination. (14) But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do. (15)) Luqman is a wise man, and his advice is to his son, not a group of people. He s not a messenger, but Allah (جل جلاله) mentioned his name and a surah is named after him because of his wisdom. He was strongly advising his son about the rights of Allah (جل جلاله) do not commit shirk. We think when there s a lecture about parents then the children need to hear it, but when there s a lecture about Allah (جل جلاله) we take it easy. You need to tell them about Allah (جل جلاله) first, subhan Allah. Allah (جل جلاله) has enjoined upon us to be dutiful to the parents. The mother carries the child weakness after weakness, and taking care of him for two years. Notice how Allah (جل جلاله) mentioning it because He appreciates it. You need to appreciate and be grateful to Allah (جل جلاله) with everything He s given you and to your parents. No one can sacrifice more for you than your parents. ع ن ع ب د ه للا ب ن م س ع ود ق ا ل ق ل ت ي ا ن ب هي ه للا أ ى ا ل ع م ا ل أ ق ر ب إ ل ى ال ج هن ة ق ا ل " ال هص ة ع ل ى م و اق يت ه ا ". ق ل ت و م اذ ا ي ا ن ب هي ه للا ( Hadith: said: ('Abdullah.b Mas'ud (ra) reported: I (ق ال " ب ر ال و ال د ي ن ". ق ل ت و م اذ ا ي ا ن ب هي ه للا ق ا ل " ال ج ه اد ي س ب ي ل ه للا " Messenger of Allah,(ﷺ) which of the deeds (takes one) nearer to Paradise? He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Prayer at its proper time, I said: What next, Messenger of Allah?(ﷺ) He replied: Kindness to the parents. I said: What next? He replied: Struggle in the cause of Allah.) - Sahih Muslim 85 You need to do the most you can with them. The sequence is the obligatory prayers then your parents. So if you re praying voluntaries and your parents call you then you answer them. To struggle for the sake of Allah (جل جلاله) includes seeking knowledge so be dutiful to your parents before seeking knowledge. Page 3
(اإلحسان للوالدين ( parents Ihsan to the :(ا لحسان للوالدين من الوصايا العشر) 1. Ihsan to the parents is one of the ten commandments ق ل ت ع ال و ا أ تل م ا ح هرم ر ب ڪ م ع ل ي ڪ م أ ه ل ت ش ر ك وا ب ۦ ش ي ا ا و ب ٱل و ٲل د ي ن إ ح س ن ا و ل ت ق ت ل و ا أ و ل د ڪ م م ن ( :151-153 Surah Al An am ه ل ب ٱل ح ق ذ ٲل ك م و هص ك م ب ۦ ل ع لهك م إ م ل ق هنح ن ن ر ز ق ڪ م و إ هياه م و ل ت ق ر ب وا ٱل ف و ٲح م ا ظ ه ر م نه ا و م ا ب ط ن و ل ت قت ل وا ٱل هنف س ٱلهت ى ح هرم ٱ ه لل إ ه ل و س ع ه ا و إ ذ ا ه ل ب ٱلهت ى ه ى أ ح س ن ح هتى ي ب ل غ أ ش هده و أ و وا ٱلڪ ي ل و ٱل م يز ان ب ٱلق س ط ل ن ك ل ن فس ا إ ت ع ق ل و ن )٣٢٣( و ل ت ق ر ب وا م ال ٱلي ت يم إ ق ل ت م ٱع د ل وا و ل و ڪ ان ذ ا ق ر ب ى و ب ع ه د ٱ ه لل أ و وا ذ ٲل ڪ م و هص ك م ب ۦ ل ع لهك م ت ذ هكر ون )٣٢٣( و أ هن ه ذ ا ص ر ٲط ى م س ت ق يم ا ٱ هتب ع وه و ل ت هتب ع وا "Come, I will recite :(ﷺ (Say O) Muhammad ) ٱلس ب ل ت ف هرق ب ك م ع ن س ب يل ۦ ذ ٲل ك م و هص ك م ب ۦ ل ع لهڪ م ت هتق ون )٣٢٢ ) what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents; kill not your children because of poverty - We provide sustenance for you and for them; come not near to Al-Fawâhish (shameful sins, illegal sexual intercourse,) whether committed openly or secretly, and kill not anyone whom Allâh has forbidden, except for a just cause. This He has commanded you that you may understand. (151) "And come not near to the orphan's property, except to improve it, until he (or she) attains the age of full strength; and give full measure and full weight with justice. We burden not any person, but that which he can bear. And whenever you give your word (i.e. judge between men or give evidence), say the truth even if a near relative is concerned, and fulfill the Covenant of Allâh, This He commands you, that you may remember. (152) "And verily, this is my Straight Path, so follow it, and follow not (other) paths, for they will separate you away from His Path. This He has ordained for you that you may become Al-Muttaqûn (the pious)." (153)) Notice ( ت ع ق ل و ن (ل ع لهك م so you may understand ( ت ذ هكر ون (ل ع لهك م so you may remember and ( ت هتق و ن (ل ع لهڪ م so you may have taqwa is mentioned at the end of these ayat. The first commandment is to not commit shirk, so don t say Eisa (as) is the son of god, the second commandment is to be dutiful to your parents. 2. From the covenants الموا يق) :(من It s the covenant which was taken from Banu Israel, so being dutiful to the parents is called upon by all the divine religions. ه ل ٱ ه لل و ب ٱل و ٲل د ي ن إ ح س ان ا و ذ ى ٱل ق ر ب ى و ٱل ي ت م ى و ٱل م س ڪ ي ن و ق ول و ا ( :83 Surah Al Baqarah و إ ذ أ خ ذن ا م ي ق ب ن ى إ س ر ٲ ء ي ل ل ت ع ب د و ن إ ه ل ق ل ي م نڪ م و أ نت م م ع ر ض و ن (And (remember) when We took a (ل ل هناس ح س ن ا و أ ق يم وا ٱل هصل و ة و ء ات وا ٱل هزڪ و ة هم ت و لهي ت م إ covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but Allâh (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents, and to kindred, and to orphans and Al-Masâkîn (the poor), and speak good to people [i.e. enjoin righteousness and forbid evil, and say the truth about Muhammad Peace be upon him ], and perform As-Salât (Iqâmat-as-Salât), and give Zakât. Then you slid back, except a few of you, while you are backsliders) For Banu Israel they should not worship anyone besides Allah (جل جلاله) because they worshipped a calf. They should be dutiful to the parents, relatives, orphans and needy. And say to the people, so it s inclusive of everyone to speak beautifully and say good words. This is also required from us. Imagine if everyone said good words to everyone regardless of their background or nationality it would be like paradise. Imagine if you apply this at home, school, and work it will be like pieces of paradise. May Allah (جل جلاله) help us apply it. Ameen. Page 4
And establish the prayer, not just pray, and this comes after speaking good with the people. Imagine if you re speaking badly to the people and then you come into the prayer, how will this prayer be? Subhan Allah. 3. Best of deeds after the prayer at its time ا لعمال بعد الص ة) :(أ ضل as mentioned in the previous hadith above. 4. Above the struggle for the sake of Allah على الجهاد) (جل جلاله) :(مقدم the struggle is to be with your parents. For example, you might be acquiring knowledge and they need you, you struggle with your parents. ع ب د ه للا ب ن ع م رو أ هن ر ج أ ت ى ال هنب هي صلى للا علي وسلم ق ا ل إ ن ي ج ت أ ب اي ع ك ع ل ى ال ه ج ر ة و ل ق د ت ر ك ت أ ب و هى ي ب ك ي ا ن. ( Hadith: (It was narrated from 'Abdullah bin 'Amr (ra) that a man came (.ق ال " ار ج إ ل ي ه م ا أ ض ح ك ه م ا ك م ا أ ب ك ي ت ه م ا " to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said: "I have come pledging to emigrate (Hijrah), and I have left my parents weeping." He said: "Go back to them, and make them smile as you made them weep.") Sunan an-nasa'i 4163, this is Islam. If the parents cry because of their children then this is a type of disobedience. And to make your parents laugh after crying takes time. So if they laugh then this is ihsan. Alhamdulliah for Islam which teaches us these matters which soften the heart. (أجور اإلحسان للوالدين ( parents Rewards for ihsan to the We try to do ihsan to the children before the parents, but it should be the parents first. For the married woman, first it s the husband then the parents. For the married man, first are his parents then his wife. :(رضا الوالدين سبب رضا للا) is pleased with you (جل جلاله) 1. If your parents are pleased with you then Allah speak kindly to your parents, don t put them down, walk behind them not in front of them. If your parents are pleased with you then Allah (جل جلاله) will be pleased with you. Take the opposite, if you are parents are displeased with you then Allah (جل جلاله) will be displeased with you. May Allah (جل جلاله) protect us. Ameen. You need to be observant and see what pleases your mother and father. Some people are in the same house with their parents but everyone is busy on their phone, subhan Allah. You have to see what your parents like some like to be gifted, so what gifts do they like. Some like to converse some like to talk about fashion, some like to gossip about people, do you do this? No. If she begins talking bad about people, try to change the topic, say good words, and don t be harsh in changing it. To make your parents happy doesn t require a lot they re happy with small things. ع ن ع ب د ه للا ب ن ع م رو ع ن ال هنب ي صلى للا علي وسلم ق ا ل " ر ض ا ال هر ب ي ر ض ا ال و ال د و س خ ط ال هر ب ي س خ ط ال و ال د " ( Hadith:.) (Abdullah bin Amr (ra) narrated that: the Prophet (ﷺ) said: "The Lord's pleasure is in the parent's pleasure, and the Lord's anger is in the parent's anger.") - Jami` at-tirmidhi 1899 2. Reason for dua a being answered ي إستجابة الدعاء) :(سبب there were three men who were trapped behind a rock, and each one pleaded to Allah (جل جلاله) based on a deed they did sincerely for Him. One man said he would always give milk to his parents first before his children. And once his parents were asleep and his children were there, but he waited until his parents woke up and served them first. So Allah (جل جلاله) moved the rock and ultimately freed them. As a wife, you need to encourage your husband to be good to his parents, not the other way around by separating between them. Page 5
3. Reason for prolonged life and increased provision العمر و زيادة الرزق) :(مد as a wife, you should encourage your husband to be good to his parents because it s a reason for prolonging your life, and this means either more years in age or barakah in your life and increase in provision. Some mothers cut off the relation between their mother-in-laws and husband which is a sin, and they also cut off the relation between their children and grandmother which is also a sin. Take the opposite, if someone is cutting of the relation, then instead of his life being 70 years, then it s 60 maybe, and the provision becomes less. People want to eat good food to prolong their lives and work hard to increase their provision, but we re already told to do ihsan to our parents. Hadith: The Prophet (Whomever would be (م ن س هره أن ي م هد ل ي ع مر ه وي زاد ي ر زق ل يب هر و الد ي ول يص ل ر ح م ( said: (ﷺ) happy to have his life prolonged and his provision increased then let him be dutiful to his parents and connect with his relatives) Sahih At Targheeb 2488, Authenticated by Al Albani as Hasan 4. Reason to enter paradise ي دخول الجنة) :(سبب and from the best doors of paradise. There are eight doors to paradise and seven doors to the hellfire. Each door of paradise is associated with a certain deed, for example, prayer, fasting, etc. And each door is so vast that 70,000 standing in one row can enter through the door, subhan Allah. And the best door is in the center. 5. Reason for the children to be dutiful to you لبر ا لبناء) :(سبب if you re dutiful to your parents then your children will be dutiful to you. There is a story of a man who used to pull out cats eyes as a child, when he grew up and had children, his children were born with no eyes, subhan Allah. Whatever you do will come back, even if after 20 or 30 years. You might forget but Allah (جل جلاله) never forgets. If you wronged anyone, then someone will come and wrong you. It s important to repent to Allah There is another story of a young man who was beating his father. When the people tried to.(جل جلاله) stop him, the father said, leave him because I did the same to my father, in the same place as well, subhan Allah. Don t complain about your children, look at yourself and make istighfar. Be dutiful to your parents and your children will be dutiful to you. In order for our children to be dutiful to us, we need to see what we did in our past, maybe we stopped our husband from being good to his parents, or we behaved badly towards our parents. If your parents are not alive then make dua a for them. ع ن أ س م اء ق ال ت ق د م ت ( Hadith: :(ا لحسان إليهما و لو كانا كا رين).6 Dutiful to parents even if they re disbelievers ذ ع اه د وا ال هنب هي صلى للا علي وسلم م أ ب يه ا اس ت ف ت ي ت ال هنب هي صلى للا علي وسلم ق ل ت أ م ي و ه ى م ش ر ك ة ي ع ه د ق ر ي و م هدت ه م إ (Narrated Asma' (ra): "My mother who was a (.إ هن أ م ي ق د م ت و ه ى ر ا ب ة }أ أ ص ل ه ا{ ق ال " ن ع م ص ل ي أ هم ك " Mushrikah (pagan, etc.), came with her father during the period of peace pact between the Muslims and the Quraish infidels. I went to seek the advice of the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, "My mother has arrived and she is hoping (for my favor)." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Yes, be good to your mother.") Sahih al-bukhari 5979 Don t obey your parents in sin, but be good to them. And this is the greatest dawah for a Muslim child to non-muslim parents to treat them the best, even if they don t treat you well. Look at how Ibrahim (as) was gentle to his mushrik father. May Allah (جل جلاله) make us from those who are dutiful and muhsineen to their parents. Ameen. Page 6