It s one of the great challenges that we will face in this century. What is it? It s being a MAN! Our nation and our world are in trouble. There are not enough real MEN! It is true that there are plenty of guys who work 40 hours a week. There are plenty of guys who are married and have children. But these things don t necessarily make them a man. Our society is confused about what being a man really is all about. Recently, I was listening to ESPN on the radio. There was a commercial that was aired for a place called Sports Clips. In the commercial a comment was made about how real men don t cry. It went on to say that when a man does cry it s not really tears that are coming out but his awesomeness. I have to admit that I did laugh a little bit. But it got me thinking that when it comes to men and how they are portrayed, some will often laugh or look down at a man who does cry. Men are taught that it s not good to cry. Have you ever seen the Axe hair spray commercials on television? These commercials basically say that if you use their gel products for your hair, you will have women falling over you. Sadly, many young men are dumb enough to believe these commercials. But what s being depicted in these commercials is the real issue. They are essentially saying that the number one goal for young men is to do their best to get young women to be with them physically. An online magazine recently put out a list of 10 things that make a man a real man. Below are those 10 things and some of the comments that were given for each one. 1. A real man is strong. He doesn t cry, doesn t moan, and doesn t get sick. 2. A real man is focused. A real man knows the difference between what s important and what isn t. A real man focuses on power, money, and family. He doesn t focus on sex. Sex comes as a result of having power, money and a wife (and if she doesn t satisfy you, there are plenty of other women who will, especially when you are powerful and rich). 3. A real man knows the importance of family. A real man will keep his family strong and pass on his ancestors history and traditions. 4. A real man doesn t gossip. A real man doesn t discuss things he doesn t know about or people he has never met. 5. A real man s word is his bond. When a real man makes a promise, he keeps it. 6. A real man strives to be a role model. A real man respects himself and others at all times, unless, of course, he has been disrespected. 7. A real man makes his own fortune. A real man doesn t settle for handouts or charity when it comes to his personal fortune. 8. A real man doesn t look like a woman. A real man doesn t have piercings and long hair, and he doesn t shave his chest. 9. A real man keeps his house in order. There ain t no pizza boxes sitting around, there ain t no undershirts on the floor, and there sure no unpaid bills being used as coasters. 10. A real man can defend himself. You know what s missing in the world today? Leaders who had to fight their way to the top. What can we learn from lists like this? We learn that we need to listen to God s word and not what the world thinks a man is. That s what this class is all about. Over the next quarter we will learn what the Bible teaches regarding manhood and how we can become more effective men for God, His kingdom, our homes, and our nation. Benjamin Lee 1
Lesson 1 Quit Hitting The Snooze Button The Bible says in Romans 13:11-12 And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. What can we learn from this passage? In this lesson we will address the need for men to wake up and realize the importance of being a man as God demands. 1. From time to time we all need a wake-up call. How would you define what a wake-up call is? 2. What instances in life have forced you to wake up and caused you to consider the things that really matter in life? 3. What does the Bible teach regarding what really matters in life? Read the following passages to help you answer this question. Ecclesiastes 12:13; Hebrews 9:27-28; Psalm 78:5-7; Luke 9:23-25. 4. We have seen some things that really matter according to God. In what ways do you demonstrate how critical these things are to you? 5. Before class ask your wife this question: If you could name just one area where you think I could use a wake-up call, what would it be? If you are not married, ask a friend. What was their response and how did you feel about it? 6. As men there s no time to waste, Ephesians 5:15-17. What will you do differently to make the most of your time in life? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 4
Lesson 2 Do You Have Pro-Vision? In Luke 6:39 the Bible says, And He spoke a parable to them: Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch? What did Jesus mean in this verse? If we are going to be successful as men we must have vision. The vision that s required for us to be successful is PRO- VISION. Without the proper vision in life we will never get to where God wants us to be. In this lesson we will address the idea of having Provision. 1. A person once said, Is there anything worse than blindness? Oh, Yes! A person with sight and no vision. What do you think they meant with this statement? 2. Why is it necessary for us as men to be visionaries in the home? 3. Name some men in the Bible who had vision and were able to accomplish great things. 4. When it comes to provision, what are many men focused on that can cause them to fail as leaders? 5. King Saul failed as a leader of God s people. Read 1 Samuel 17. What hampered his vision? 6. Is there anything in your life that s getting in the way of you having the proper vision? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 5
Lesson 3 Taste It Again For The First Time The Kellogg Company once had a catchy slogan. In their ad they said, Kellogg s Corn Flakes: Taste them again for the first time. This is the attitude we must have with God s word. We need to go back to it, read it carefully, so we can understand what it means to be a man. The first two lessons have demonstrated the importance of the need to be men. Now we will begin to look at the four pillars of manhood. What qualities do men need? The answer is found in Jesus. The four pillars are 1. King 2. Warrior 3. Mentor 4. Friend 1. Jesus is described as being a King, Matthew 2:1-3. What comes to mind when you think of a king? Why do you think this is an important pillar to manhood? 2. Jesus could be described as a Warrior, Revelation 5:5. This may surprise some. In what ways did He present Himself as a warrior? Why is this quality important for you and me as men? 3. What qualities does a warrior have? Do you think it s important for men to have this quality? Why? 4. Jesus was a mentor. Identify some passages from the gospels that demonstrate Jesus as mentor. Why is this quality important for you and me as men? 5. Jesus was a friend to many. What passages come to mind with Jesus and this quality? 6. What figures defined manliness for you while when you were a child? 7. Of the four roles we have addressed which is easiest to you and which is hardest for you? Explain. Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 6
Lesson 4 A Man s Man: Lessons from a man named Job 1. How would you define Staying Power? Why is this critical as we strive to be? In our last lesson we introduced the four pillars of manhood. Do you remember what they are? In this lesson we will continue to examine the idea of these pillars. Jesus is our ultimate example of these four pillars. He was a great man! While no one can compare to Jesus, there are other men in particular that stand out. One in particular is the man named Job. Read Job 1-2. What stands out to you about this man? There s one trait that we will pay special attention to in this lesson. It s what Job demonstrated when times got tough. Job had staying power. This attribute is a must if we are to be good men. 2. Read Job 29:18-20. What do we learn about Job in regards to his staying power? 3. In what specific ways did Job demonstrate staying power? How did he acquire it? 4. As men tough times will come our way. In times past how have you responded to difficult moments in your life? 5. Take a moment and consider the life of Jesus. How did Jesus demonstrate staying power? What passages from the New Testament help demonstrate this point? 6. List 10 major commitments you have made in your life. How have you done with them? Are you satisfied with the direction you are going? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 7
Lesson 5 Beneath The Breastplate: A Man s Tender Side One of the four pillars that make up a Godly man is that of being a warrior. As men we are to be warriors. And at the same time there has to be a tender side to us. The title of our workbook is called,. We will not be the kind of man God wants us to be without having a tender side. And yet this is sometimes a challenge for men to demonstrate tenderness toward others. How would you define the word Tender? In this lesson we will examine the benefits of us becoming tender warriors. 1. The NCAA college basketball tournament or March Madness was on television earlier this year. Many of the young men who lost games ended up crying on the bench. Were you surprised at the amount of emotions that were displayed? Why or why not? 2. Earlier, we stated that Jesus had the four pillars that make up a man. Read John 11:28-37, 19:25-27. In what ways did Jesus demonstrate His tender side? 3. The apostle Paul could be called a Tender Warrior. Read 1 Thessalonians 1:1-8, 2:1-8; Philippians 1:1-8. How did Paul demonstrate his tender side? 4. What other men in the Bible come to mind who demonstrated a tender side? List some examples that come to mind. 5. Why is it important for men to have and demonstrate a tender side? 6. Is there an area in your life where you think you could improve showing your tender side? If so, plan something in the next month to show that person your affection towards them. Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 8
Lesson 6 Men Under Authority As we strive to become a Tender Warrior, this means that we must become leaders. Our leadership begins in the home. Before a man can become a shepherd, he must first be able to rule his house well, 1 Timothy 3:1-5. As men we are to lead. But the way that we go about leading is another thing. Many men are leaders in their house, but no one likes them. In this lesson we will consider how we are to lead. It s not enough to be a leader. We must lead as men under the authority of God. 1. Who is the head of the house according to 1 Corinthians 11:1-3; Ephesians 5:23? Do you think this is a popular view in our society? 2. Many godly women are not bothered that God is the head of Christ, or that Christ is the head of every man. But many are bothered that the man is the head of a woman. Why is that? 3. The problem with authority is that many men abuse it. Read Matthew 20:20-28. What can we learn about being in a position of authority? 4. Read Ephesians 5:25. In what way did Jesus demonstrate His love for the church? How might we learn from Him when it comes to leading our families? 5. As men, we are to be the Head in our house. How can we express our leadership in the home? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 9
Lesson 7 Buffaloes and Butterflies Think back to kindergarten, grade school, and even high-school. Do you ever recall that when it came to boys and girls that there was always a separation? When there was some kind of social event, the boys would usually hang out with each other, and vice versa for the girls. From an early age boys and girls recognized a difference between each other. That s good! There is a big difference between men and women. And yet these differences can cause some major problems. In this lesson we will consider some of the pros and cons of those differences. 1. Read Genesis 1-2. What differences do you see with Adam and Eve? Read 1 Peter 3:1-7; Ephesians 5:22-33. What differences do we find here? 2. Name some ways that men are different from women and vice versa. Do you like these differences? Explain. 3. The Bible is clear that there are differences among men and women. And yet our culture would like us to think that there are no differences. Do you think that s good or bad? Explain. 4. Go back to the Genesis story of Adam and Eve, Genesis 2. Why did God create woman? From this, what do we learn about men? 5. Sometimes our differences as men can get in the way of being a Tender Warrior. Describe a time in your marriage when some of the basic differences between men and women caused a long-term problem between you and your spouse. 6. Describe a time in your marriage when some of the basic differences between men and women brought about something delightful. Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 10
Lesson 8 Do You Speak Woman? Communication is one of the most challenging components of our lives. How we communicate matters. When we do it well, lots of potential issues and misunderstandings are avoided. When we do it poorly, lots of terrible things can happen. What is it that your wife needs from you? What is it that you need from your wife? Sometimes, people can live together for decades and never know the answer to these questions. Do you speak woman? Do you know what your wife needs from you? This lesson will address some things that women need. We will learn how to speak woman! 1. When it comes to communication between husbands and wives, what are some things that can get in the way? Whose responsibility is it to ensure that communication occurs? 2. What s portrayed in society in regards to what women need? 3. What are things that you believe wives need from their husband? 4. After you have answered Question #3, talk to your spouse and ask her what she needs from you. This may be tough, but it will be worth it in the long run. 5. Based off Questions 3-4, have you been speaking woman? That is, do you understand what your wife needs from you? 6. Husbands must be reminded of some things as we become. Our wives need us to treat them like royalty. This is what the scriptures teach. Read 1 Peter 3:1-7; Romans 12:10. What are we reminded from these passages? 7. In this class we need to help one another. What are some simple things we can do to demonstrate to our wives that we know how to speak her language? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 11
Lesson 9 The Most Powerful Word 1. How would you define the word Father? What s the most powerful word in our vocabulary? How would you answer that question? Now read Psalm 78:5-7. Is there any particular word in these verses that stand out to you as the most powerful word in our vocabulary? Our goal is to become a Tender Warrior. Do you remember the four pillars we have discussed? They are needed when it comes to being a dad. In this lesson we will discuss the importance of fatherhood. 2. Think about your father for a moment. What memories come to mind? 3. How do you think that your relationship with your father has affected the way you live today? 4. God is our father, Matthew 6:9; Ephesians 3:15. What attributes can we learn about fatherhood from God the Father? 5. When we look at our society, it s clear that fathers are missing in many homes. What long term impact will this have our society? 6. Imagine that your children have to write a paper on you as a father. What do you think they would write about you? If you really want to know, why not ask them. 7. We can t fail when it comes to being a father. What we do will impact future generations. What can we do to ensure that we will not fail? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 12
Lesson 10 Don t Break Your Promise In our last study we discussed the importance of being a father. We will continue to focus our thoughts on fatherhood. This class is called. Being a good dad really encompasses the four pillars we have been discussing so far this semester. In this lesson we will continue to examine some important passages when it comes to being a good dad. The Bible says a lot about our role as fathers. Let s be sure that we don t disappoint God, our wife, and our children. We have made a promise to them that we will be there. Let s keep it! 1. Think about some of the promises God has made to us throughout the scriptures. What comes to mind? Has God failed on any of these? 2. God has always been reliable. He is faithful and trustworthy. He doesn t want us to disappoint our family. He has given us instructions that we need to keep. Read Ephesians 6:4. What responsibility do we have? What impact as fathers will we have as we lead our family, Exodus 34:7? 3. There are some simple things we can do to accomplish God s goal for us making sure our family stays on track. For the rest of the lesson we will consider 5 things we can do that will help us as fathers. In what way will doing these things help us to keep our promise as a dad? 4. Pursue God the Father as we guide our families. 5. Model and teach respect for authority with our children. Why is authority so important? 6. Help your family see the big picture. 7. Commit solidly to family unity. 8. Be positive in building family members confidence. Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 13
Lesson 11 Shoot Them Straight 1. Read Psalm 127:3-5 again. In what ways are children like arrows? Our focus over the last couple of weeks has been on fathering. This session we will once again talk about the importance of being a father. The Bible says so much about children. Read Psalm 127:3-5. What do we learn about children? Children are a blessing from the Lord. Do you believe that? Therefore, it s our responsibility to make sure we shoot them straight, so they can be pleasing to God. 2. Like arrows, children are meant to one day be released. Letting go of children is hard. Name some stages in life where we will have to let go of our children? 3. We read about John the Baptist in John 3:30. What did he say regarding his role and Jesus? How might this help us when it comes to allowing our children to mature and to grow in responsibility? 4. Why is letting go of our children and shooting them like an arrow such a hard thing to do? What are some negative consequences when we don t allow that to happen? 5. It s important that we let our children to mature and to increase their responsibility in life. But what is our ultimate target that we want our children to hit? Read 1 Kings 2:2; 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 to assist. 6. It s important to let our children know that we are releasing them into the world. What are some things (a rite of passage) that we can do to show them that we have released them to the world? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 14
Lesson 12 A Man and his friends 1. Read 2 Samuel 1:26. Are you surprised that King David would say this to Jonathon? Explain. It s amazing to see the relationships between men in the Bible. Read 2 Corinthians 2:13. What do we learn about Paul and Titus? These words are found in the scriptures: Your love to me was more wonderful than the love of women. Who said these words? Read 2 Samuel 1:26. Some may be surprised to see who said this. Yet we are reminded in the scriptures of the importance of friends. One of the core pillars of being a Tender Warrior is being a friend. Yet, it s hard for some men to have close male friends. 2. How would you describe your own friendships with other men? Casual? Close? Intimate? Nonexistent? 3. Would you agree that it s important for men to have close friends who are men? YES/NO. Why is it difficult for some men to have close male friends? 4. Jesus had friends. It also appears that he had certain men who were close to Him. Read Matthew 17:1-5. Who was it that was often with Jesus? What can we learn from this with respect to having male friends? 5. Let s go back to the story of David and Jonathon. What can we learn about friendship when we look at these two men? Read 1 Samuel 20 to help answer this question. 6. How many close male friends do you have? Not just the ones that you can casually talk to, but rather have an intimate conversation with? If you re not happy with your answer, what do you think is holding you back from having close male friends? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 15
Lesson 13 Four Piton Principles of Friendship 1. How would you define a piton of friendship? Do you know what a piton is? If so, write the definition down. If not, then look it up the definition of it. After learning what a piton is, we can see the value of having a piton friendship. It s something that all men desperately need. Yet few seem to have. In our last lesson we spoke about the importance of having male friends. We will continue that theme in this lesson. Let s examine four principles of friendship that we need and that we can provide to our friends. 2. Read 1 Samuel 14:1-20. Explain what happens with Jonathon. Now read 1 Samuel 17:26. While we know that David would defeat the Philistine, Jonathon was absent in standing up to fight. What do you think changed from chapter 14 to 17? 3. From 1 Samuel 17:55-18:1 we find that David and Jonathon would become and remain close friends. One reason this may have happened was because of shared values. Why is this important to have friends who share the same values? 4. From the relationship between David and Jonathon we can learn that they had unselfish love for one another, 1 Samuel 18:1-4. Why is this quality so important in our relationships with men? 5. David and Jonathon expressed deep loyalty for one another, 1 Samuel 19: 1-5, 20:13-15. Why is loyalty in friendships critical? 6. David and Jonathon were transparent with one another, 1 Samuel 20:3, 9, 41. Why is transparency so important in our friendships with one another? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 16
Lesson 14 The Four Marks of a Finisher 1. Name some great finishers in the sports arena or business arena. So far this quarter 2. Can you name some men from the Bible outside of Jesus that were great finishers? Identify at least we three have men discussed who were great finishers. What made these men finish well? some great principles regarding becoming a Tender Warrior. Becoming a Tender Warrior is a big deal. But the truth is, some will take this class, and 3. forget Now identify most of at the least three men who either failed to finish or finished poorly. What caused these things men to we finish have poorly? discussed. Don t be that guy. We have to finish and accomplish what we have begun. In this lesson we will look at four elements 4. that I listed are the required four elements to that are needed to become great finishers. Read them again and see if become you can a summarize great each one with one or two words. finisher. Those four things are A clear eye for the goal A strong heart to get 5. there Self-Examination: In what areas in your life do you need to become more focused and finish what you have begun? What s hindering you from becoming a great finisher? A little fire in the belly A certain confidence Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 17
Lesson 15 Caleb: A man who was a great finisher 1. Read Joshua 14:8, 9, 14. What words are mentioned a couple of times in these verses? In our last class we discussed the four marks of being a great finisher. Do you remember what they are? In this lesson we will continue to focus our thoughts on this idea of finishing. While many men begin their marriage strong, far too many give up when the time gets tough. Sadly, the same is true with parenting. We are in this to win it. Therefore, we don t give up. In this lesson we will consider the man by the name of Caleb, Read Joshua 14:6-15. What s going on right now in the history of Israel? 2. Why was Caleb so intent on getting his piece of land? 3. In our last lesson we discussed the four elements a finisher requires. Let s examine Caleb more closely to see how he possessed these traits. The first trait A focused pursuit. Read Joshua 14:6-12. Something is mentioned numerous times in these verses, which shows us where Caleb was focused on accomplishing. What is it? 4. The second trait is An undivided heart. Read Joshua 14:7. What did Caleb focus on during the wilderness wandering? A heart that s divided is dangerous. What is potentially dividing your heart from fully serving God? 5. The third trait is A driving intensity. It s obvious that Caleb was intense. He was 85 years old and still going strong. Why is that many guys will lose the drive to finish what they have begun? 6. The fourth trait is A certain confidence. Caleb had faith to finish. He had optimism. Why is this so important for us if we plan to be great finishers? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 18
Lesson 16 The Ultimate Tender Warrior 1. Read Luke 2:40-52. Jesus matured into manhood. In what areas of His life did He mature? Who would you say is the ultimate Tender Warrior? If you said Jesus then you are correct. Earlier in the quarter as we began looking at the four pillars of a Tender Warrior, our model we used was Jesus. We need to go back to Jesus and to consider some more things we can learn from Him. Jesus is the Ultimate Tender Warrior, yet many ignore His example. Hopefully, we don t fall into this category. We need to be men like Jesus. Jesus reminds us of what it means to be a man. 2. Do you think following in the footsteps of Jesus will diminish our manhood? Explain. 3. Do something easy. Read through the book of Mark in one setting. What stands out to you about Jesus as a man? What traits do you need to emulate? 4. If a hidden observer were to study your actions for thirty days, what conclusions would they make about your purpose in life? Where would they say you were headed in life? 5. Ultimately, our lives must be about Jesus. What areas of your life do you need to surrender more to Jesus? Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior 19