WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE ALLOW OUR SINFUL DESIRES TO CONTROL US? 2 SAMUEL 13:1-14:33 AUGUST 27, 2006 While I was in Siberia during the 93-94 school year, I heard the tragic story of a airplane that crashed killing 140 people. The pilot allowed his young son into the cockpit to fly the plane with him. The son inadvertently knocked off the auto-pilot sending the plane into a dive from with it could not recover. Those few moments that the little boy was in control of the airplane resulted in great loss of life. Like the pilot on that plane, moment by moment, we make the choice of who or what will control our lives. The Bible instructs us that we are to cede control of our life to God, under the power and influence of the Holy Spirit. However, when we chose to fulfill our own selfish desires and take control of our life, like the little boy flying the plane, we face the possibility of serious and unintended consequences from our actions. This morning, as we continue our study of the life of David, we will see David suffering the consequences of taking control of his life by indulging his selfish desires. If you have a Bible please open it to 2 Samuel chapters 13 and 14. We will look at these chapters and try and answer the question, What happens when we allow our sinful desires to control us? For years David has been fulfilling his selfish desires. Even though the law of God was clear that the king was not to multiply wives for himself, David kept adding wives. As a result there are number of half bothers and sisters in David s family which will set up all kinds of rivalry and intrigue. In chapters 11 and 12, we have seen David at his worst in indulging his selfish desires. Even though the woman he desired was married, he took her anyway. When their relations produced a child, David resorted to murdering the woman s husband in order to cover his sin. When confronting David for his sin, the prophet Nathan tells David that one of the consequences of him indulging his selfish desires is that the sword will never depart from his house. Now, in a saga so sordid that we can hardly believe it is in the Bible, we will see Nathan s prophecy play out. In chapter 13 verse 1, we are introduced to two of David s children, a brother and sister, Absalom and Tamar. At the end of verse 1, we find out that Amnon, their halfbrother is in love with Tamar. Already, we have a hint of a conflict, Absalom and Tamar on one side and Amnon on the other side. Again, this conflict could have been avoided if David has stuck to one wife. In verse 2, the plot thickens, because we find out that Amnon physically desires Tamar to the point that he is ill because he can t have relations with her. In verse 3, we meet Jonadab, David s nephew who helps Amnon concoct a plan so he can be with his half-sister, Tamar. We read about this plan in verses 5 and 6. 5 Jonadab then said to him, Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill; when your father comes to see you, say to him, Please let my sister Tamar come and give me some food to eat, and let her prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat from her hand. 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, Please let my sister Tamar come and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.
So, Amnon is going to feign illness to be alone with his sister. In verse 7, David sends Tamar to cook for Amnon. In verse 9, Amnon sends everybody but Tamar out of the room. In verse 11, Amnon propositions Tamar to come lie with him. In verses 12 and 13, Tamar begs her half brother not to violate her. But in verse 14, Amnon will not be denied so he violates his half sister. In verse 15, Amnon s love for Tamar turns to hatred an he orders her out of the room. In verse 16, Tamar refuses to leave saying No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me! In verse 17, Amnon has his servants throw Tamar out of the room. Naturally, Tamar is in a state of mourning after this catastrophe. Let s read verse 19. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her long-sleeved garment which was on her; and she put her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. What is interesting are the responses of Absalom and David. Let s read verses 20 through 22. 20 Then Absalom her brother said to her, Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now keep silent, my sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart. So Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom s house. 21 Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry. 22 But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad; for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar. We get what we would expect from Absalom. He hates Amnon and we better believe Absalom is not done with Amnon. But it is the response of David that is surprising. He is angry but he does nothing. How can he fail to act? David s problem is that he doesn t have any moral credibility. Yes, Amnon took Tamar. And he used physical force to do it. But David took Bathsheba. Though he didn t use physical force, he abused his power as king. And at least Amnon didn t resort to murder to cover up his action. David needs to do something. His family is simmering with rivalry between all the half brothers and sisters. And this despicable act is only going to throw gasoline on the fire. But David has lost the credibility to deal with this difficult situation. What happens when we allow our selfish desires to control us? Fulfillment of our selfish desires robs us of the credibility to deal with difficult situations. Fulfillment of our selfish desires robs us of the credibility to deal with difficult situations. There are many examples of how indulging our selfish desires cost us the credibility to deal with difficult situations. When I counsel dating and engaged couples, I beg them to maintain their moral purity. The desire to fulfill the longing for physical intimacy immediately rather than waiting is strong. But if a couple compromises during the courtship process, they could well lose their spouse s trust. Later in the marriage, when one partner is out on business or traveling, the seed of doubt is in the other s mind. Can I trust him or her? He couldn t control himself before marriage, why do I think he can control himself now. The one who indulges physical desires before marriage runs the risk of losing the credibility to deal with trust issues later in marriage. Another example is in the area of parenting. We have two sons, 7 and 4 years old. Many of my friends warn us about the difficulty of parenting during adolescence. When our boys go through those difficult years, I hope that they will give me a voice in their life. I hope I can walk through those hard times with them. Yet, I know that I am building the credibility to do that right now. If I am not spending quality time with them now, I lose the right to speak into their life in later years. So rather than using my time to fulfill my
own hobbies and interests, I need to invest some of my time in the boys. If I don t invest that time now, I could lose the credibility to speak into their lives in later years. As we see with David, fulfilling our selfish desires robs us of the credibility to deal with difficult situations. But our story with David is just getting started. Last we saw, Absalom was really mad. Guess what? Two years passes and Absalom is still stewing. Let s read verses 23 through 27. 23 Now it came about after two full years that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baal-hazor, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king s sons. 24 Absalom came to the king and said, Behold now, your servant has sheepshearers; please let the king and his servants go with your servant. 25 But the king said to Absalom, No, my son, we should not all go, for we will be burdensome to you. Although he urged him, he would not go, but blessed him. 26 Then Absalom said, If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us. And the king said to him, Why should he go with you? 27 But when Absalom urged him, he let Amnon and all the king s sons go with him. I don t know what David is thinking, but he lets Amnon go to a party hosted by Absalom. In verses 28 through 30 we see what happens at this get together. 28 Absalom commanded his servants, saying, See now, when Amnon s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, Strike Amnon, then put him to death. Do not fear; have not I myself commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant. 29 The servants of Absalom did to Amnon just as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king s sons arose and each mounted his mule and fled. Amnon is dead, murdered by his half brother Absalom out of revenge for Amnon s violation of his sister Tamar. In verses 30 through 37, we read that David grieves the loss of his son, but he does nothing. Again the fact that David himself committed murder really hurts his credibility in dealing with Absalom s murder of Amnon. David murdered an innocent man. It doesn t make it right, but at least Absalom had some motive other than self-protection for his murder. But in verses 37 through 39 things get really complicated. 37 Now Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. 38 So Absalom had fled and gone to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 The heart of King David longed to go out to Absalom; for he was comforted concerning Amnon, since he was dead. As we might expect, Absalom flees, but the surprise is that even though Absalom has murdered one of his sons, David still longs for Absalom. Verse 39 tells us that David s heart longs for Absalom. How do you maintain a relationship with a beloved son, who has just murdered one of your other sons? Does anybody have any ideas? I don t. As we move on with this story, we get the idea that Absalom s murder of Amnon is not an isolated incident. Absalom is disposed to do some outrageous things to get what he wants. He has many symptoms of a spoiled, undisciplined child. But, then, David would not have had much credibility to discipline a child would he? Let s see what happens. In chapter 14, Joab, the commander of the army gets involved. In verse we read that he perceives David s heart longs for Absalom. So, in verses 2 through 7, he gets a woman from Tekoa to go to David with a made-up story. In the story one of her son s killed the other. So she comes to David begging that her only living son be spared punishment for killing his
brother, lest she be left all alone in life. In verses 8 through 11, David guarantees her that her son will not receive retribution for the murder. In verses 12 through 17, the woman then turns on David and says, Why, if you would free my son, do you keep your own son in seclusion? In verse 19 David asks the woman, Is Joab behind this? In verse 21 David commands Joab to bring Absalom back to Jerusalem. So, we think we are on the verge of reconciliation. But in verse 24, David won t see Absalom. He only allows Absalom to return to his house. In verse 28, we find out this goes on for two years. Let s see how this plays out in verses 29 through 32. 29 Then Absalom sent for Joab, to send him to the king, but he would not come to him. So he sent again a second time, but he would not come. 30 Therefore he said to his servants, See, Joab s field is next to mine, and he has barley there; go and set it on fire. So Absalom s servants set the field on fire. 31 Then Joab arose, came to Absalom at his house and said to him, Why have your servants set my field on fire? 32 Absalom answered Joab, Behold, I sent for you, saying, Come here, that I may send you to the king, to say, Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me still to be there. Now therefore, let me see the king s face, and if there is iniquity in me, let him put me to death. Because he is fed up with the situation, Absalom sends for Joab so that he can get an audience with his father. But Joab won t respond to Absalom. So what does Absalom do? He sets Joab s field on fire. That gets a response from Joab. When Joab asks Absalom why he did it, Absalom says he d rather die than go on living in this situation. So in verse 33, David and Absalom have a brief meeting. We have a son who longs for his dad and a dad who longs for his son. But there is so much baggage. There is so much undealt with stuff that they just can t quite pull off the relationship they both want so badly. What happens when we allow our sinful desires to control us? Fulfillment of our selfish desires robs us of the credibility to deal with difficult situations which undermines our capacity to maintain significant relationships. Fulfillment of our selfish desires robs us of the credibility to deal with difficult situations which undermines our capacity to maintain significant relationships. Next week, we will see the culmination of Absalom s frustration with this dad as he leads a revolt against David. How do we avoid these types of situations? We need to be aware there are consequences to our choice to fulfill our selfish desires. Those closest to us know when we are living for self. Living for self robs us of the credibility to deal with difficult situations which undermines our ability to maintain relationship with those that are most important to us. Ask God to move in your heart that you might live for Him. When we live for God, He strengthens us to be other-centered. Call on God everyday, moment by moment asking Him to enable you to live for Him rather than to live for self. Though we want to avoid giving in to our selfish desires, all of us have allowed our selfish desires to control us at one time or another. And like David, we have suffered broken relationships because of our actions. What do we do? First, we need to throw ourselves on Jesus. The hope of the Gospel is reconciliation with God, but also reconciliation with others. During the first century the Jews and the Gentiles had a
hatred of each other that went back hundreds of years. But in Ephesians 2:14, Paul writes of a new era in their relationship. 14 For He Himself is our peace, who made both groups (Jews and Gentiles) into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall. If Jesus can break down a barrier that had been built over hundreds of years, He can break down the barrier that has been built over the last 10 or 20 years between you and another. Second, we need to go to those who have suffered because we have indulged our selfish desires and confess our sin. Ask for forgiveness. Sometimes, as we do this, it will be incredibly hard and complicated, and many times the other person won t respond the way we had hoped, but I think it is worth moving toward the other person. At age 24, when I decided to join the staff of Campus Crusade my dad registered his displeasure with my decision in a very emphatic way. At age 32, after 8 years of experiencing his snide comments, I had had enough. So in the fall of 1992, I wrote a letter home nicely telling him that we would no longer discuss my career choice. When I went home that Christmas he blew up at me and stormed out of the room. So for the next 8 months we didn t talk. In July of 93 one of my dad s sisters got on me about my responsibility to my father. I was furious with her. I didn t blow up and walk out, he did. But as I though about it, I did have a responsibility to my dad. I had been pretty focused on me and how he made me feel. So, I wrote a letter to try and bridge the gap. I didn t like it because I thought he was totally in the wrong. The long and the short is that we restored the relationship. And though our relationship is far from ideal, we see each other and we communicate. I was reminded again a few weeks ago of how much I value this very imperfect relationship. Our oldest boy got his first hit in a baseball game. It was such an exciting moment Of course the first person I wanted to share that moment with was Hope, my wife. But after Hope, do you know who I thought of next? My dad. I wanted to call my dad to tell him that my son, his grandson, got a hit. Though it was hard and frustrating and seemed unfair at the time, I am so glad I owned my selfish ness and moved toward my dad. If your selfish desires have in any way have caused broken relationship, I encourage you to move toward that person. In his book, Searching for God Knows What, Donald Miller shares that, without success, all of his adult life he tried to give up chewing tobacco. Nothing seemed to work, the pull, the addiction was too strong. Then one day, he saw a picture of someone who had part of their jaw removed due to cancer that started as a result of chewing tobacco. After seeing that picture, Miller never chewed tobacco again in his life. A picture of the consequences was what got Miller to stop chewing tobacco. In the same way, God gives us a picture of the consequences of fulfilling our selfish desires that we might never have to live out those devastating consequences. What happens when we allow our sinful desires to control us? Fulfillment of our selfish desires robs us of the credibility to deal with difficult situations which undermines our capacity to maintain significant relationships. *Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1987, 1988, The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. North Pointe Community Church, PO Box 29,555 Lincoln, NE 68529 Copyright 2005 Andrew A. MacFarlane. All rights reserved.