The Unique Characteristic of Christian Forgiveness Paul s Letter to Philemon By Eric McKiddie pastoralized.com A couple weeks ago the junior high ministry had its annual Home Outreach Week, during which the I and the students travel throughout the Chicagoland area doing service projects. Many of the jobs were not fun. But one of the jobs that I happened to enjoy was splitting wood at one of the Christian camps where we served. I didn t do this with an axe, thankfully, but with a log splitting machine. Maybe you have seen one of these before, but I hadn t, and I was enthralled. I started with small branches about 6 inches in diameter, but it wasn t long before my inner lumberjack got the best of me, and I moved up to the 30 pound, 2 foot wide former tree trunks. I reached down, heaved the stocky cylinder of wood onto the platform, and pulled the lever. The small, metal wedge worked its way, slowly, but surely, through that huge piece of wood, and split it into two, near identical halves, which immediately crashed to the ground. And therein, we have a picture of the effect of sin within personal relationships. Just like that little wedge drives apart two halves of a log, sin drives apart a friendship, marriage, or family members, as it works its way slowly, but surely through the relationship. Is there hope? When your relationship is split and the two halves have tumbled to the ground, is there hope that you can be brought back together? A log splitter consists of a small wedge, but some of you are dealing with big sins, big offenses. Perhaps you d rather let the relationship go. You ve given up hope. Paul s letter to Philemon provides the hope. It s a true story about forgiveness and reconciliation between Onesimus, a slave, and Philemon, his master. Onesimus had sinned against Philemon, and Paul is writing, as it says in verse 10, to appeal to [Philemon] for Onesimus. Let s set the scene. 1-3 Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon our beloved fellow worker and Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier, and the church in your house: grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Paul is writing from prison in Rome. This imprisonment is very similar to house arrest in our day and age. He s chained to a Roman guard, but he lives in his own rented house and can entertain visitors.
Philemon, being listed first, is the primary recipient of the letter. He is a friend of Paul s, and later we will see that Paul led Philemon to Jesus. Apphia may be Philemon s wife, and Archippus is probably one of the leaders of the church. But this letter is written also the church that meets at his house. This is both a private and a public letter. This letter would have been read to the entire church. Today, perhaps Paul would have sent an email to Philemon, and cc d everybody else. As we work through this letter, Paul is going to reveal to us the two attitudes that are necessary for forgiveness and reconciliation to take place. Philemon is characterized by one of these attitudes, and Onesimus is characterized by the other. But both sides must acknowledge the necessity of each. The first attitude that is necessary for real forgiveness to take place is embodied by Philemon, the one who has been offended. He has an attitude of loving selflessness. You can only forgive if you re willing to sacrifice, and you can only sacrifice if you don t focus on yourself. 4-7 I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith my become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you In the opening verses of this letter, Paul mentions some aspect of Philemon s selfless love for the church. 1. There first one was back up in verse 2: he hosts a church in his house. He demonstrates his love through hospitality, fellowship, and worship with the saints. 2. In verse 5, he says he thanks God because he has heard of Philemon s love. Philemon has earned a reputation. He s the lynchpin of love in this church. 3. Paul says that he himself has benefited from Philemon s love in verse 7, I have derived much joy and comfort from you love. 4. And, fourth, the reason Paul has derived this joy is because of the refreshing, encouraging effect Philemon has on those he comes into contact with because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. Imagine relaxing in a Jacuzzi at the home of the most encouraging Christian you know, and they are all ears for your problems. That s Philemon. All these loving characteristics of Philemon s selfless attitude surround a prayer that Paul prays for Philemon. 6 I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. This verse requires some explanation because it is key for Paul s intent to reconcile Philemon and Onesimus.
When Paul says I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective, to us that sounds like evangelism. We use that phrase sharing your faith to refer to telling unbelievers about Jesus. But that s not what it means here. Paul is talking about Philemon s relationship with other believers. It would be weird for him to talk about edification, switch gears to evangelism, and then switch gears back to edification so quick. Paul wants the Christian fellowship Philemon is apart of to become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing believers have. By full knowledge Paul is talking about not merely head knowledge, but also experiential knowledge. Paul prays that Philemon would have book-smarts and street-smarts when it comes to every good thing believers share, for the sake and glory of Christ. Why does Paul pray that? Didn t he list out all the ways that Philemon has already been effective in loving the saints? It seems like this is an unnecessary prayer at first glance. Until you recall the situation. Philemon has been sinned against by Onesimus. And when you have been sinned against, it s easy to switch into me-first mode. It s easy take your eyes off others and focus on yourself and your pain. But you can t forgive the one who has sinned against you if you are focused on yourself, because forgiveness requires sacrifice. Forgiveness requires you to lay down self-love and love the one who has wronged you instead. No one has ever truly forgiven someone else in me-first mode. Impossible. So Paul prays that Philemon would keep his attitude of loving selflessness. As we proceed into the next section of the letter, Philemon is in for a pretty big surprise. His jaw is about to drop to the floor. As for all those saints that Philemon is so good at loving: Onesimus is now in that group. 8-10 Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love s sake I prefer to appeal to you I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. What?! Onesimus?! That lazy slave?! Now he s a Christian?! Yes, Onesimus has changed. And it is precisely the attitude of change that is the second attitude needed for a reconciled relationship. Not only must the one who was sinned against forgo me-first mode, and keep an attitude of selfless love, the one who sinned must change. He or she must really change. There are three ways that Onesimus is a changed man. 1. The obvious and most important change is in verse 10, a spiritual change: Onesimus has experienced the new birth through faith in the life-giving gospel of Jesus Christ. 2. A second change is verse 11, an ethical change: Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me. It seems as if Onesimus wasn t that hard of a worker. Slaves from his region were notorious for their laziness. But now a Christian, Onesimus has a transformed work ethic. 3. The third change, in verse 13, was a missional change. Paul specifies how exactly Onesimus has become useful to him, I would have been glad to keep him with me, in
order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel. Onesimus has been enlisted by Paul as an assistant in his gospel work. I have the luxury of an administrative assistant, and it is an incredible help in my ministry. Important details that I don t even know about magically fall into place while I devote myself to the word and to prayer and to my students. Paul enjoyed this kind of help from Onesimus. Only genuine change from the heart will lead you to the repentance required for a reconciled relationship. Onesimus didn t undergo a behavior change. He underwent a heart change. Some of you are trying to control you temper (behavior) instead of rooting out your anger (heart). Some of you are fighting pornography only with computer software (behavior) instead rooting lust out of your heart. And you think that if you can only change your behavior, the problems in your relationship will go away, and everything will be better. No, you need a heart change. By the power of the Spirit, you need to kill your sin. In the midst of these three changes, a tight bond was forged between Paul and Onesimus. Verse 12, I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. It was hard for Paul to send Onesimus back. They had grown close. But Onesimus had to go back to Philemon to be reconciled. Paul hopes that Philemon will be reconciled to Onesimus by his own desire: 14-16 But I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own free will. For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a slave but more than a slave as a beloved brother especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. In these verses Paul tells Philemon to respond to the change that has occurred in Onesimus. He doesn t want Philemon to be suspicious. This is the hard thing to do when we have been wronged by someone and they ask forgiveness. We wonder if they have really changed. Paul tells Philemon to recognize Onesimus as a changed man. These verses, however, raise several questions regarding the situation between Philemon and Onesimus, both before and after the incident between them: 1. How was Onesimus parted from Philemon, as it says in verse 15? 2. And what does Paul mean by more than a slave in verse 16? Let s start with verse 15: how were they parted? There are two views have a degree of possibility: 1) that Onesimus is a runaway slave who became guilt ridden as a fugitive. Knowing that Paul had influenced his master so much, Onesimus tracked him down in Rome for help. In this case Onesimus s sin was running away. 2) Onesimus did not runaway, but there was some altercation between him and Philemon, so Onesimus took leave of Philemon with his permission to seek Paul as a mediator. We don t know for sure, and that s not even Paul s concern here. What he is concerned about in verse 15 is God s purpose behind it. When says, Perhaps this is why he was parted from you,
Paul uses what s called a divine passive. The implied actor behind these passive verbs is God. Paul wants to point Philemon past the sin to how God can work it out for good. You may be thinking, The forgiveness issue that I m dealing with is much worse than whatever Onesimus and Philemon experienced. There s no way that it can work out for good. I don t know your situation, but I do know that God was able to work out the worst thing that ever happened in the world to bring the best good the world has ever experienced. The worst thing that ever happened was that Jesus was crucified. Perfect God, innocent man, was murdered. But we call it Good Friday for a reason. It worked out for our good because it brought salvation to the world. It worked out for Jesus good, who was risen three days later and exalted to the throne of the universe. I don t know how God will work your situation out for good. But I know that he can, and that he will. What about the second question? What does it mean that Philemon is to receive Onesimus back as more than a slave in verse 16? Some people think this means that Philemon is to free Onesimus, but this would not necessarily be in Onesimus best interest. The economy back then was much harsher than ours, if you can believe it. For Onesimus to be put out on his own could have made his life more difficult by far. Slavery in the Greco Roman period was not at all like the slave trade. It was not based on race. Slaves often had great relationships with the masters and were given enormous responsibility over the household. So we should not view it as a necessary good that Philemon free Onesimus. But there seems to be an indication that Paul is teaching Philemon that a change in their spiritual relationship ought to lead to a change in their social relationship. The social change is hinted at at the end of verse 16, both in the flesh and in the Lord. It seems that Paul is telling Philemon that since there has been a change in the spiritual sphere of their relationship they re both in the Lord there needs to be a change in the flesh, that is, in their human relationship. So setting Onesimus free is probably the goodness that Philemon is supposed to show in verse 14, not by compulsion but of his own free will, and also what Paul refers to in verse 21, where he is sure that Philemon will do even more than he asks. Reconciliation and forgiveness takes two attitudes. On the one side, there is the person who has been wronged, offended, sinned against this person needs an attitude of selfless love. On the other side, there is the one who committed the sin this person must really change. (This is not to say that you only have to forgive if the other person changes. Christians must always forgive those who wrong them. But there is a distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation. For the relationship to be truly reconciled require forgiveness on the one side, and repentance on the other.) But it s easier said than done. How does this actually happen? That s just the theory of reconciliation, how do you make it a reality?
That s what Paul outlines in verses 17-21. Paul gives five components of forgiveness that result in reconciliation. The first component of forgiveness is to affirm the unity believers have in Christ: So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me (17). Philemon, Paul, and now Onesimus all have partnership in Christ. Since we have been united in Christ, we must forgive. It is absurd for us, who live in spiritual unity, to live in relational disunity. The second component of forgives is the act of reception: receive him (17b). This is embracing the person back into a reconciled relationship. You don t put them in relational time out to pay for what they have done. The third component of forgiveness is to acknowledge the sin that happened: If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything (18a). Paul uses if here the same way he did in the previous verse. Implied in both statements is that the if is a reality. For real forgiveness to take place, you who have sinned, must acknowledge your sin, admit your sin, confess your sin, and call it sin. It s not a mistake or an accident. It is wrong. The fourth component of forgiveness is the clincher. This is the one that truly makes forgiveness possible. This is what makes Christian forgiveness unique compared to any other kind forgiveness. 18-20 If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it to say nothing of your owing me even your own self. Yes, brother I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. (18). The fourth component of forgiveness is to put the sin on the shoulders of the one who has offered to bear it. Paul says, I ll take care of the bill, Philemon. I ll cover Onesmimus s sin. The two you just make sure you get things right. Receive him, as a beloved brother. I ll pay the damages. Why on earth would Paul offer to do that? It wasn t his sin. Where would he get the idea that sometimes it s good for a third party to bear the effects of sin so that two other parties can be reunited in a loving, forgiven relationship? This is the gospel! This is what Christ has done for Paul. Jesus bore Paul s sins in his place so that he could be reconciled to God. He is now in a place to embody the gospel for Philemon and Onesimus. You know you have come to truly understand the gospel, not merely when you believe it, but when you live it! Christians don t let bygones be bygones. Christians know of no water that goes under any bridge. Christians don t keep rugs in their houses under which to sweep sins because we have Christ. He bore our sin on his shoulders. It has been paid for, done away with, and taken care of.
We are truly reconciled to one another when we put four hands on the sin the two hands of the one who sinned, the two hands of the wronged and together put the sin on Christ s shoulders, who offered to bear it for us. I ve seen people in this church who have been grievously sinned against, and have forgiven on the spot. Not without pain. Not without feeling violated. But what is it that, in the midst of that hurt, enables someone to forgive so naturally? It is when that person has been saturated with the gospel. They are daily amazed that God has forgiven them through Christ. How could they not forgive others? I ve seen sin triangles where reconciliation runs down one side, but not another. Why, not both? Because one direction had the gospel as its basis for forgiveness, and the other didn t. Because Jesus has paid the price for every wedge of sin, he is able to put your completely split relationship back together. Even if it feels as dry as dead, chopped up logs. He can plant you into the soil of the gospel of grace. He can nourish your once broken relationship with his Spirit so that you who were once angry and embittered may now bear the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness in your relationship. But there is responsibility on our part. We have to be reconciled: we have to forgive, we have to allow Christ to bear the sin, and we have to change, and we have to selflessly love. It may take a while to work through the issues of sin that you have committed, or have been committed against you. But work at reconciliation. Work at it for as long as it takes. Because God, through Christ, has reconciled himself to you.