The Point Showing humility is critical to restoring relationships. The Passage Genesis 27:41; 33:1-11 The Bible Meets Life We don t always get our own way in a relationship. A person who feels like he is continually getting the short end of the stick can develop ill feelings toward the other person. Relationships are damaged when both parties are not looking out for each other. The relationship between Jacob and Esau is a prime example of this, but it also offers us an example of what happens when humility becomes a part of the relationship. The Setting The twin brothers Jacob and Esau had been in conflict with each other since before they were born (Genesis 25:19-26). Jacob convinced Esau to trade his birthright to Jacob for bread and a bowl of lentil stew (vv. 29-34). The struggle between the brothers climaxed when Jacob, with the aid of his mother, tricked his father into giving him the blessing of the firstborn son meant for Esau. Fearing Esau would murder Jacob, Rebekah arranged for Jacob to live with her brother Laban in her homeland of Haran, where he remained for 20 years (27:1 31:55). After that time, Jacob returned home with his family, uncertain as to the reception he would receive from his brother. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 95
What does the Bible say? Genesis 27:41; 33:1-11 (HCSB) The blessing (27:41) The family patriarch called upon God to grant abundance, health, wealth, wisdom, and descendants to his son. Isaac s blessing of Jacob passed on God s blessing of Abraham (Genesis 12:2-3). Seven times (33:3) In the ancient world, bowing was the established, proper ceremonial approach by subjects to their rulers or superiors. Bowing seven times expressed extreme courtesy and deep respect. 27:41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. And Esau determined in his heart: The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob. 33:1 Now Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming toward him with 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two female slaves. 2 He put the female slaves and their children first, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 3 He himself went on ahead and bowed to the ground seven times until he approached his brother. 4 But Esau ran to meet him, hugged him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. Then they wept. 5 When Esau looked up and saw the women and children, he asked, Who are these with you? He answered, The children God has graciously given your servant. 6 Then the female slaves and their children approached him and bowed down. 7 Leah and her children also approached and bowed down, and then Joseph and Rachel approached and bowed down. 8 So Esau said, What do you mean by this whole procession I met? To find favor with you, my lord, he answered. 9 I have enough, my brother, Esau replied. Keep what you have. 10 But Jacob said, No, please! If I have found favor with you, take this gift from my hand. For indeed, I have seen your face, and it is like seeing God s face, since you have accepted me. 11 Please take my present that was brought to you, because God has been gracious to me and I have everything I need. So Jacob urged him until he accepted. 96 SESSION 2
THE POINT Showing humility is critical to restoring relationships. GET INTO THE STUDY DISCUSS: Invite your group members to discuss Question 1 on page 75 of the Personal Study Guide (PSG): What s a silly argument you had when you were a kid? RECAP THE PSG (PAGE 76): The first thing I did when I got engaged was to call my parents and grandparents to tell them the good news. My grandfather equal parts straight-shooter and comedian remarked, Well, that s pretty good, I guess. I just have one question. Do you like this girl? 10 minutes Notes TIP: Does someone in the group show potential for being a group leader? Invite that person to facilitate a portion or all of a session. The question took me off-guard. Why else would I have asked her to be my wife? I love her with all my heart, I said. He replied, I didn t ask you if you loved her. I asked if you liked her. You re going to be married to her for the rest of your life, and you re probably going to disagree and argue and fight a lot, so if you re going to work through conflict, you better really like this girl as a person and a friend. SAY: Relationships will involve conflict even the best of them. Jacob and Esau are a prime example, but they also show us the key to repairing a broken relationship. PRAY: Transition into the Bible study with prayer. Pray for your group members as they navigate fractured relationships and seek restoration through humility. PLAYLIST PICK: All Things New by Hillsong BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 97
10 minutes STUDY THE BIBLE Genesis 27:41 Notes 41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. And Esau determined in his heart: The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob. ACTIVITY (OPTIONAL): Play a video clip of a contestant maneuvering an obstacle course. What skills were needed for the contestant to move forward through the obstacles? What advice would you give someone to help them advance? In life, like that obstacle course, we ll encounter challenges that threaten to sink our relationships. How we approach these obstacles makes all the difference. In today s session, we ll study two brothers who learned this lesson the hard way. SUMMARIZE: Genesis 27 tells the story of two brothers: Jacob and Esau. Jacob was younger, but just barely. His twin, Esau, was born first. Jacob was evidently grasping Esau s heel as they were being born. Even from the moment of their birth, the fighting for position had already begun. Isaac and his wife, Rebekah, did not help the situation they played favorites. Isaac favored Esau, and Rebekah favored Jacob (v. 28). Rebekah went so far as to help Jacob steal his father s blessing a blessing Isaac intended for Esau, the firstborn. When Isaac was old, feeble, and half-blind, Jacob pretended to be Esau and received his father s blessing (27:1-40). READ: Ask a group member to read aloud Genesis 27:41. ALTERNATE QUESTION: How could Jacob and Esau both rationalize their actions? DISCUSS: Question 2 on page 78 of the PSG: What is appealing about holding a grudge? TRANSITION: Rebekah apparently learned of Esau s threat on Jacob s life and advised Jacob to depart for Haran, her home country, to stay with her brother Laban until Esau s anger cooled. This visit turned into a twenty-year stay. Finally, Jacob sent word that he was returning home. 98 SESSION 2
THE POINT Showing humility is critical to restoring relationships. Genesis 27:41 Commentary Self-centeredness can destroy relationships. The twin brothers Jacob and Esau had been in conflict with each other since before they were born (Genesis 25:19-26). Jacob convinced Esau to trade his birthright to Jacob for bread and a bowl of lentil stew (vv. 29-34). The struggle between the brothers climaxed when Jacob, with the aid of his mother, tricked his father into giving him the blessing of the firstborn son meant for Esau. Verse 41: Esau was infuriated by Rebekah and Jacob s deception resulting in their stealing the blessing that rightfully belonged to him. Esau had determined to avenge himself and stoked the fires of his anger in his heart. As the firstborn son, his father s blessing was rightfully Esau s and was extremely important and valuable; apparently, important enough to Esau that he would kill for it. Evidently, Esau voiced his intention, because his words reached Rebekah (see v. 42). Out of respect for Isaac, Esau had planned to delay his vengeance. After the mourning period following his father s death, Esau would kill his brother Jacob. Genesis 27:42 32:32 chronicles Jacob s adventures in the aftermath of his deception. When Rebekah learned of Esau s threat on Jacob s life, she advised Jacob to leave immediately for Haran, her home country, and to go to her brother Laban s house. She envisioned a short stay until Esau s anger cooled. To gain Isaac s approval of her plan, she complained of Esau s Hittite wives and expressed her fear that Jacob might marry a Hittite. Isaac sent Jacob to Haran with the instruction to marry one of Laban s daughters. Isaac blessed Jacob and sent him on his way (27:42 28:5). On his way from Beersheba north toward Haran, Jacob stopped for the night. As he slept, he dreamed of a stairway to heaven and of Yahweh standing beside him. God reaffirmed to Jacob the covenant He had made with Abraham. In turn, Jacob made a vow to God that if God provided for and protected him, Yahweh would be his God and he would give a tithe of his possessions (28:10-22). After 20 years, Jacob returned with his family and his possessions. In preparation to meet Esau, Jacob sent messengers ahead to announce his approach. The messengers returned with the news that Esau and 400 of his men were coming to meet Jacob. Alarmed, Jacob took steps to ensure that at least part of his group would escape if Esau attacked. Jacob reminded God of His earlier covenant and humbled himself, asking for God s deliverance from his brother. Then he gathered a sizable number of animals as a gift for Esau and sent the animals ahead with his slaves in the hope the gift might appease Esau. After sending his wives and children across the Jabbok River, Jacob lingered on the other side of the river, where he wrestled all night with a messenger of God and received a dislocated hip, a change of name, and a blessing (32:1 32). BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 99
10 minutes STUDY THE BIBLE Genesis 33:1-4 Notes 1 Now Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming toward him with 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two female slaves. 2 He put the female slaves and their children first, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 3 He himself went on ahead and bowed to the ground seven times until he approached his brother. 4 But Esau ran to meet him, hugged him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. Then they wept. READ: Ask a group member to read aloud Genesis 33:1-4 SUMMARIZE: Twenty years later, Jacob had become a changed man. Returning home, he came face-to-face with Esau, the brother he had tricked and cheated out of his birthright. We don t hear Jacob explicitly confess that he had done wrong, but we do see a man who willingly came before what appeared to be a small army, and he bowed to the ground seven times until he approached his brother. In those days, a person approached a king in this manner, and Jacob was clearly expressing an attitude of humility and service. Jacob embraced the position of lowliness; he even called himself your servant (33:5). ALTERNATE QUESTION: What strikes you about Jacob and Esau s behavior? DISCUSS: Question 3 on page 79 of the PSG: What obstacles hinder you from demonstrating humility? (Note: If you have more than eight group members, consider dividing them into smaller groups of three or four to discuss this question. Then, invite each group to share their responses aloud with the whole group.) DISCUSS: Question 4 on page 80 of the PSG: What do we lose by avoiding damaged relationships rather than seeking restoration? TRANSITION: Either brother could have allowed the wall of conflict to remain intact. Instead, they approached this moment with mercy and humility. 100 SESSION 2
THE POINT Showing humility is critical to restoring relationships. Genesis 33:1-4 Commentary Displaying humility can rebuild relationships. Verse 1: After Jacob s long night of wrestling with God s messenger, a new day s light brought a daunting sight: Jacob saw Esau coming toward him with 400 men. Jacob s moment of truth had arrived. He had taken advantage of his brother to get Esau s birthright, and he had implemented his mother s scheme to steal Esau s blessing. Had Esau nurtured a grudge for the 20 years they had been apart? Would Esau exact the revenge he long ago had vowed to take? Jacob was anxious, perhaps more for the people with him than for himself; and he was powerless to defend himself and them. He literally was at Esau s mercy. Jacob s first move to cope with a possible attack was to divide the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two female slaves. Verse 2: Jacob took steps to give at least some of the women and children with him the opportunity to escape should Esau attack. His beloved Rachel and their son Joseph were placed as far back as possible so they would have a chance to escape if an attack began. The female slaves (concubine wives) and their children were in the front of the line, followed by Leah and her children. Their loss most likely would have been catastrophic to Jacob, but not as devastating as the loss of Rachel and Joseph. Verse 3: After arranging the order of the women and children, Jacob went on ahead to meet Esau. Earlier, he had sent messengers ahead to alert Esau that he was approaching (32:3 8). Later, he sent slaves ahead with a large gift of animals (vv. 13 21). In the moment of crisis, however, he courageously walked out ahead of his family to meet Esau. As he approached Esau, Jacob bowed to the ground seven times. Jacob bowed deeply, continued to approach Esau, and bowed again. Bowing in the ancient world was a practice of respect done by an inferior in recognition of his superior. Thus, Jacob was acknowledging Esau as his superior. Bowing seven times increased the honor and recognition given to the superior. It was an expression of extreme courtesy and deep respect. By his seventh bow, Jacob had closed the distance between himself and Esau. Verse 4: In contrast to Jacob s formalities, Esau ran to meet Jacob. Esau hugged his brother and kissed him. The hug and kiss expressed Esau s genuine affection for Jacob. Then both brothers wept. Esau may have wept out of joy at seeing his brother; Jacob may have wept out of relief and joy. Esau forgave Jacob. One definition of mercy is a person s foregoing vengeance when he or she has the upper hand and can exact it. Esau easily could have taken his revenge but chose to extend mercy. The way in which Jacob approached Esau teaches us that humility can rebuild relationships. Esau s glad response emphasizes that we can forgive the deepest hurts inflicted on us. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 101
10 minutes STUDY THE BIBLE Genesis 33:5-11 Notes 5 When Esau looked up and saw the women and children, he asked, Who are these with you? He answered, The children God has graciously given your servant. 6 Then the female slaves and their children approached him and bowed down. 7 Leah and her children also approached and bowed down, and then Joseph and Rachel approached and bowed down. 8 So Esau said, What do you mean by this whole procession I met? To find favor with you, my lord, he answered. 9 I have enough, my brother, Esau replied. Keep what you have. 10 But Jacob said, No, please! If I have found favor with you, take this gift from my hand. For indeed, I have seen your face, and it is like seeing God s face, since you have accepted me. 11 Please take my present that was brought to you, because God has been gracious to me and I have everything I need. So Jacob urged him until he accepted. READ: Ask a group member to read aloud Genesis 33:5-11. SUMMARIZE: To find favor with Esau, Jacob had sent men and animals to him. After some debate, Esau finally accepted the gifts, thus proving that he accepted Jacob s apology. Jacob and Esau were able to reconcile because one humbled himself and the other forgave. DO: Instruct group members to complete the activity on page 80 of the PSG on their own. Danger: Obstacles Ahead ALTERNATE QUESTION: What are some practical ways to show humility in today s culture? Which of the following obstacles have hindered you from offering forgiveness in the past? (Circle all that apply.) Pain Anger Selfishness Apathy Fear Bitterness Betrayal Busyness Pride What steps can you take to knock down one of these obstacles in your current relationships? DISCUSS: Question 5 on page 81 of the PSG: Why must forgiveness be accompanied with moving forward? 102 SESSION 2 TRANSITION: The way to break down walls of conflict is simple but it s not easy. Exercise humility and take the first step. Trust God to do the rest.
THE POINT Showing humility is critical to restoring relationships. Genesis 33:5-11 Commentary Be willing to forgive and move forward. Verse 5: After the two brothers wept on each others shoulders, Esau looked up and saw the women and children arranged behind Jacob. He asked, Who are these with you? Jacob s response focused on his children and stressed they were gifts of God s favor that He had graciously given to Jacob. Verses 6-7: In the order in which Jacob had arranged them, his concubine wives and their children approached Esau first, followed by Leah and her children. Lastly, Joseph and Rachel came forward; the name order may be significant, emphasizing Joseph s importance to Jacob. Like Jacob, all the women and their children bowed to Esau as well. Verse 8: The continued exchange between the two brothers is telling. Their states of mind were entirely different. Esau asked Jacob, What do you mean by this whole procession I met? He seemed genuinely puzzled as to the purpose of the previous procession of men and animals from Jacob he had encountered. Jacob s reply most likely revealed something of his guilt and anxiety. Jacob had sent the gift to find favor with Esau. Verse 9: Esau already had freely given what Jacob sought to purchase. He certainly had matured over the years! Jacob had cheated him out of his majority inheritance, and now he had an opportunity to recoup at least a small part of his losses. Instead, Esau kindly and tactfully declined. Addressing Jacob with the warm family term my brother, Esau urged Jacob to keep the animals he had offered to Esau. Verse 10: In turn, Jacob insisted that Esau receive the gift he offered. Esau s doing so would be evidence he had received Jacob with favor. Then Jacob gave the reason for his insistence. In doing so, he made one of the most remarkable statements in the Scriptures: I have seen your face, and it is like seeing God s face. Intertwined in Jacob s response were probably both feelings of relief and gratitude. What had Jacob seen in Esau s face as they met and embraced? Jacob had seen (and experienced) forgiveness, acceptance, kindness, and a reflection of God s favor. Verse 11: Jacob tactfully urged Esau to accept his present. It could have the sense of an act of good will and may have been Jacob s conscious effort to give back part of what he had stolen from Esau. Earlier, Esau had countered Jacob s offered gift by assuring Jacob he had enough (v. 9). In his sincere effort to bestow a gift, Jacob stressed that God had been gracious to him: I have everything I need. Indeed, Genesis 30:43 reflects Jacob s great wealth: The man [Jacob] became very rich. He had many flocks, male and female slaves, and camels and donkeys. His gift to Esau was no hardship for him. Jacob continued to implore Esau to receive the gift until he accepted. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 103
5 minutes LIVE IT OUT SAY: How can we put the principles of humility and forgiveness into practice? GUIDE: Lead group members to consider the responses to the Bible study listed on page 82 of the PSG. Begin with prayer. Consider one person with whom you feel in conflict with. Over the next week, pray specifically for God to lead you toward reconciliation with this person. Pray about what actions you need to take to make things better. Follow up with action. Identify one action step you can take to move toward reconciliation with the person you just identified. Complete this step during the coming week. Talk it out. Meet the person with whom you re experiencing conflict. Ask God to help you develop humility and forgiveness. Commit to listen well, offer forgiveness, or accept forgiveness so that your relationship can be restored. Wrap It Up SAY: Conflict will happen. If we re serious about restoring our relationships, God s Word gives us the best instruction: proceed with humility and be willing to offer and accept forgiveness. Restoration may not come easily, but it is lifechanging. Grow with other group leaders at the Groups Ministry blog (lifeway.com/groupministry). 104 SESSION 2