A GUIDE FOR BAR/BAT MITZVAH FAMILIES

A GUIDE FOR BAR/BAT MITZVAH FAMILIES August, 2012

Dear Bar/Bat Mitzvah Parent(s), Congratulations on the approaching Bar/Bat Mitzvah of your child. I know that this is a time of happiness, pride and hope for you and your family as your son or daughter reaches this milestone in his/her religious life. Our congregation is delighted to share in your joy as your child assumes the privileges and responsibilities of Jewish adulthood during one of the congregation's community worship services. The rituals that mark a child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah express the realization that this individual is beginning Jewish adulthood. Thus, this is an appropriate moment to emphasize the ongoing process of maturing Jewishly. Your child is strongly encouraged to continue his/her Jewish education through involvement in our post Bar/Bat Mitzvah programs, by participation in our Youth Group activities, and by the observance of mitzvot. In this way the promise of this special day will be realized and the heritage of Judaism will be made meaningful to your child. Experience has indicated that parents have many questions about this event and the preparations that precede it. We have put together this guide to answer some of the more frequently asked questions. This guide has been prepared with information, policies, and procedures which reflect the decisions of the Ritual Committee, the Finance Committee, the Education Committee, the Board of Directors, the Men s Club, and the Sisterhood. The clergy, the Synagogue professional staff, and lay leadership are always available to answer your questions and assist you in any way they can. If you have any special circumstances which need to be addressed, please do not hesitate to contact me. Once again, Mazel Tov to your child and to you! Sincerely, Rabbi Jeff Pivo

Contents I. BEFORE WE GET STARTED READING HEBREW... 1 II. BAR/BAT MITZVAH TIMELINE... 2 III. BAR/BAT MITZVAH DATE... 4 IV. BAR/BAT MITZVAH PREPARATION REQUIREMENT LIST... 5 V. RELIGIOUS EDUCATIONAL REQUIREMENTS... 7 VI. BAR/BAT MITZVAH TUTORING PROGRAM... 8 VII. THE 13 MITZVOT PROGRAM... 9 VIII. SERVICE ATTENDANCE AND USHERING COMMITMENT...11 IX. THE SERVICE...12 X. DRESS CODE FOR SHABBAT AND HOLIDAYS...13 XI. SYNAGOGUE ETIQUETTE...14 XII. KIDDUSH/ONEG...15 XIII. GUEST COUNT...16 XIV. FESTIVE MEALS...17 XV. SYNAGOGUE SETUP...18 XVI. SISTERHOOD JUDAICA SHOP...20 XVII. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS...21 Appendix 1 Fees...26 Appendix 2 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Service Honors...27 Appendix 3 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Kiddush Rules/Fees...28

I. BEFORE WE GET STARTED READING HEBREW Mazel Tov on beginning the Bar/Bat Mitzvah process with your child! Though it may still seem far in the future, the time to start preparing actually begins now. To ensure the most positive Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience, you, your child, and his/ her Hebrew school teachers must work together to lay the foundation for Hebrew reading proficiency. First, check your child s basic Hebrew reading skills - knowing the letters, vowels, blended sounds, and how to put them all together to read words. If your child has difficulty in any of the aforementioned areas, these need to be mastered before moving forward. (NOTE: Those who have been students in our Religious School should have been tested in this regard. Please contact the Education Director to review any recommendations in regard to your child. Using flashcards or basic reading exercises, which the school may be able to provide for you, or transliterated activities for parents who cannot read Hebrew, are good ways to hone these skills. Next, listen to your child read: 1) Prayer words that have previously been covered in Hebrew school should be quickly recognized they should not have to be sounded out. 2) New words, up to four syllables in length, should be sounded out with accuracy. 3) To check for fluency, you may find it worthwhile to record your child s reading (either by videotaping or just an audio recording). NOTE: Even if you do not know how to read Hebrew, you still have the ability to hear if your child s reading is generally fluent. If reading is not at the appropriate level, practice and tutoring BEFORE the child starts the official Bar/Bat Mitzvah program is necessary. Students who come into the Bar/Bat Mitzvah process with poor reading skills face formidable challenges from the start. They have the added task of quickly learning to read well, while simultaneously trying to master everything else the program requires. This can easily be avoided by being proactive about their Hebrew reading practice. The Hebrew school provides some tutoring, but in order to acquire language skills, people require consistent reinforcement. Regardless of your child s natural ability, he/she will require reading practice at home, whether by himself/herself, with a parent, or a separate tutor. Even the most fluent readers need consistent practice to keep up their skills. Finally, please remember that you, as a parent, are setting the tone of your child s Jewish learning and Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience. Talk to your child about the importance of what he/she is doing, and try to live out that lesson by example. Try to be as actively involved as possible in this rite of passage. You might want to consider learning how to read Hebrew if you don t know how, or learning how to chant one aliyah from your child s Torah portion. This sets a wonderful example and gives you an opportunity to bond with your child. Even if you choose not to enrich your own personal Hebrew skills, being actively involved in your child s Jewish learning process ultimately reaps benefits for everyone. We hope to continue and reinforce the hard work YOU do with your child by giving him/her the tools and education he/she needs to have a truly joyous and meaningful simcha! Feel free to contact our Education Director with any questions you might have. 1 August 2012

II. BAR/BAT MITZVAH TIMELINE To assist you in staying organized and knowing what to expect, we have laid out the following approximate time line: 2 years in advance Rabbi assigns a date for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This is done in consultation with the Cantor, Education and Executive Directors. Parent meeting with the clergy, entire staff and the Ritual VP to discuss all aspects of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This guide is distributed and it is also available on the Beth Judea website. 1 year in advance Students who may need extra help are referred by the Education Director to the Cantor and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutoring team to assess and discuss their possible entry into the Extra Help Thursdays program or other supplemental tutoring program. Each family will be assigned a Synagogue liaison as an additional contact person to assist in resolving problems. 7 to 9 months in advance Meet with the Cantor to start the process o Hebrew reading assessed by the Cantor o Preliminary assignment of learning the Tallit, Torah, and Haftarah blessings o Folders and CDs given out o Introduction of portion and meanings, English and Hebrew copies of Haftarah given out o Check on 13 Mitzvot project progress o Answer general questions 7 months in advance Cantor assigns student to a tutor and gives tutor all the info. Tutor calls to schedule with family for the following month and beyond. 6 months in advance Ushering dates sign up form from the Ritual Committee to be turned into the Synagogue office regarding: 1) Parent ushering commitment/sign up. Parent(s) must sign up to usher for two services. This is in addition to the six family services. 2) Synagogue service attendance commitment/sign up. During the 7 to 8 months preceding the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, children are expected to attend at least six Shabbat morning services at Beth Judea and be seated with their parent(s). This is part of the Hebrew School requirements. Formal Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutoring begins. When the tutor feels that the student is proficient in trope melodies, the Cantor will send an email with the MP3 recording of the student s Haftarah portion. Kiddush/Oneg Policy sent to parents. 2 August 2012

3 to 4 months in advance Letter from Men s Club offering assistance with service booklets, and a dress rehearsal for honorees (if desired). You can also purchase a personalized Haftarah scroll created by a scribe in Israel. They will also provide: o Copies of instructions for aliyot and Torah blessings for your honorees. o The Cantor s CD for the appropriate service and prayers. Rabbi meets with the student to start the D var Torah speech. Cantor also meets to assess general progress and 13 Mitzvot Project completion. 2 months in advance Letter from the Synagogue office staff regarding: 1) The Word column (participation is optional) announcing the Bar/Bat Mitzvah 2) Video Request Form to be returned to the Synagogue along with the fee 3) Request to reserve a time for photography session in the sanctuary. 4) Setting final rehearsal date with the Cantor, which is held on the bimah, generally early in the week of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. 6 weeks in advance Cantor meets with the student to answer questions and check progress. Results shared with tutor and parents. 1 month in advance Rabbi contacts you to set up an appointment with you and your child to discuss the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. Letter from the Synagogue office staff regarding setting up a rehearsal for your child with the Cantor in the sanctuary (generally the week before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah) and request for aliyot honors (Appendix 2) is due no later than the time of rehearsal. 2 weeks in advance Rabbi meets with the student and parents to review D var Torah speech and discuss final preparations. Guest count and Kiddush/Oneg form to be submitted to the Synagogue along with payment. Fees are determined by our congregational leadership. You will find a sample list of fees in Appendix 1. o All families will pay a Kiddush/Oneg Sponsorship Fee. o Additional per person fees for guests in attendance may also apply. Letter from the Rabbi inviting your child to receive an aliyah on the Saturday morning following their Bar/Bat Mitzvah The week of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Cantor rehearses with the student and family on the bimah with the Torah scroll. Final Aliyot and Honors request sheet (see Appendix 2) is due. 3 August 2012

III. BAR/BAT MITZVAH DATE Service Options The purpose of making several service options available to students for Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Congregation Beth Judea is to provide options to meet the needs and desires of each family. Many families choose to hold their child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah on Shabbat morning, but other services are equally beautiful and meaningful to celebrate with the community. All Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, take place during regularly scheduled congregational services. There are several service options that your family may choose for your child s Bar or Bat Mitzvah. They are: Shabbat Morning Shabbat Afternoon/Evening (Ma'ariv/Havdalah) there is an extra fee for this service. Monday early morning Rosh Chodesh morning and selected festivals there may be an extra fee for this service. If you wish to discuss this at any time, please feel free to contact the Rabbi. Students with learning challenges If your child has special learning needs or has been using a special or modified curriculum, please make an appointment with the Rabbi to discuss service participation and service options. Depending on your child s progress in core Bar/Bat Mitzvah skills classes, you may choose to meet prior to the 5 th Grade date choosing to discuss service participation for your child, or closer to the Bat/Bat Mitzvah date for specifics about the service. We are very conscious of the different learning needs within our community. The Rabbi and Cantor are able to exercise great discretion and creativity in working with the family to design an appropriate and meaningful ceremony for every young person. This is equally possible for all service options. It is not in any way necessary to assume that any particular service is most suitable for our students with special needs our congregation welcomes each Bar/Bat Mitzvah regardless of the time of the service or the specific details of their child s participation in the service. Our desire is for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to reflect each child s strengths and abilities, and to be a positive experience for each child. Date Selection Process Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates are assigned by the Rabbi in consultation with the Cantor, Education and Executive Directors each year, generally in late December, when students are 10 to 11 years old (usually in 5th grade). Eligibility for date choosing is established by Hebrew birthday, not by grade, with a birthday cutoff of December 31 st for each year. Dates are assigned by birth date, synagogue calendar availability, and student s proficiency. 4 August 2012

IV. BAR/BAT MITZVAH PREPARATION REQUIREMENT LIST General Requirements: In order for a child to be eligible for Bar/Bat Mitzvah, a boy must be thirteen (13) years of age and a girl must be twelve (12) years of age. In accordance with United Synagogue policy, children celebrating a Bar/Bat Mitzvah are required to complete five years of Hebrew School (through Heh). The fees for the use of our facility and for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah are established by the Board of Directors and must be paid prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah family must be current in all its financial obligations to Beth Judea at least one month prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Our Standard Student Expectations (based on a Shabbat morning service): Complete 13 Mitzvot projects Learn all Torah and Haftarah blessings pp.142, 146-147 Learn to chant Haftarah portion with tropes Learn to chant Maftir with Torah tropes Write D var Torah speech Review Sh ma/v ahavta p. 112 Review Adon Olam p. 187 Review Ein Keloheinu p. 182 Review first page of Musaf Amidah and Kedusha (congregational responses and L dor Vador) pp. 156b-157 Review Aleinu p. 183 Be expected to complete assignments consistently to the best of their abilities, working between 10-45 minutes per day, depending on the assignment given Upon successful completion of all of the above items, the Cantor will, at his option, discuss the performance of additional participation in the service with the student and parents. The most beneficial extras for our students are chanting additional Torah readings first, they allow more interaction with family called up for Torah blessing honors; second, Bar/Bat Mitzvah students will have much more opportunity to use their Torah-reading skills through their high school years and beyond. Typically they will work backwards from the final aliyah, so that once they come up to the Torah, they do not need to leave and return. Extra options if all the above are completed: (For Shabbat AM:) Additional Torah readings Ashrei pp. 151-152 Chatzi Kaddish (before Maftir) p. 146 Kaddish Shalem p. 181 El Adon p. 108 Torah service (congregational parts) pp. 139-141, 153-154 Amidah pp. 117-120 or 158-161 Aleinu p. 183 5 August 2012

* For Shabbat Minhah/Ma'ariv/Havdalah Service: Additional Torah readings Ashrei pp. 226-227 Hatzi Kaddish (before/after Torah Service) p. 229 Torah service (congregational parts) pp. 229-232 Amidah pp. 234b-235 Aleinu p. 248 Learn some of the silent readings like Sh ma p. 282 Kaddish Shalem p. 298 Aleinu p. 297 Havdalah p. 299 * For Friday night Service: Shalom Aleichem, p. 13 L cha Dodi, pp. 21-22 Mi Chamocha, p. 34 V shamru, p. 36 Vay chulu, p. 47 Kiddush for Erev Shabbat p. 49 Yigdal, p. 53 We expect that each student will proceed with his/her instruction with a serious effort consistent with their capabilities. Parents can assist in this process by showing interest, by setting fixed periods of study, by consulting regularly with the Cantor, and by discussing any problems immediately and openly. Through family participation in Shabbat worship and concentration on the spiritual meaning of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, parents will create an atmosphere conducive to celebrating the Bar/Bat Mitzvah in a meaningful fashion. Should there be a serious lack of progress in preparing for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah or an obvious lack of effort, the Cantor and the Rabbi will consult with the family regarding the possible selection of a different service option for the celebration of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. 6 August 2012

V. RELIGIOUS EDUCATIONAL REQUIREMENTS Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidate must maintain continuous enrollment from at least grade 3 through the 7th grade year, or through the year of their Bar/Bat Mitzvah if later, in either Congregation Beth Judea Religious School, Solomon Schechter, or the equivalent in another city. The purpose of this requirement is to insure a sufficient background in Judaic studies and Hebrew, and show commitment to and participation in our community. See below regarding individual requests for a specialized curriculum. A critical aspect of Jewish religious education includes the sense of community and social connections that evolve from regular school attendance. This sense of community and belonging to a peer group cannot be reproduced with private tutors or home schooling, and is planned for as part of each school s curriculum. Regular attendance with same-age peers allows children comfort and familiarity with classmates, the routine, the building and the sanctuary. Therefore, whenever possible, appropriate modifications and/or adaptations will be provided within the classroom to accommodate any special learning needs. Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidate must maintain acceptable standards of attendance, behavior and achievement during the candidate's religious education as defined by the following standards: an acceptable attendance rate as defined by each school behavior that is courteous and respectful of clergy, teachers, and other adults as deemed by the school s Director, the Cantor, Rabbi, and the child s teachers acceptable achievement and skills as measured by teachers, clergy and Education Director Specialized Religious Education Plan Although most children will benefit from enrollment in Congregation Beth Judea s Religious School, on occasion some modification of this requirement may be appropriate. The need for a specialized curriculum and/or religious educational plan will be addressed on an individual basis. Circumstances that may require a specialized curriculum and/or modifications might include learning challenges or differences or behavioral issues. Circumstances that will not be considered for specialized attendance or curriculum include sports, extracurricular activities or family conflicts. If you feel that your child requires a specialized curriculum and you would like to request this option, please contact the Education Director to schedule a private meeting which the Cantor or Rabbi may also attend. At this meeting you will discuss your child s circumstances and the required components of a specialized curriculum. A decision regarding your request will be made by the Education Director in consultation with the Rabbi and Cantor, and, if necessary, in consultation with the Education Committee. 7 August 2012

VI. BAR/BAT MITZVAH TUTORING PROGRAM The year of study and preparation to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is one of growth and exploration. There are people in our community who lead the students on this journey to Jewish adulthood, but none as important and present as your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutor. The tutor is the student s primary teacher in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah process, giving your child the tools to learn how to chant Torah and Haftarah, participate in the Shabbat services, interpret their Torah portion and create a personal teaching based on the text. This is a long and oftentimes challenging process, but will be one of the most rewarding and memorable experiences in the life of your child and your family. The tutors are warm, intelligent and creative teachers with years of teaching experience. Together, with the Cantor, they have developed a curriculum, which can be adjusted, based on each student s individual needs and talents. This personalized approach to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation allows our students to develop their critical thinking skills and gives them the opportunity to flex their creative muscles while writing their D var Torah (speech). The tutors use various teaching methods to ensure that each child will be able to read and chant the Hebrew text of the Torah on the day of their ceremony. Congregation Beth Judea has set up a Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutoring policy to make sure each student receives the most thorough preparation possible in the months leading up to his/her ceremony. There is a minimum of 6 months of private tutoring, with one Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutor. Each student gets 24 lessons (roughly 6 months) of 30 minute each, once per week, for one-on-one instruction. If you want to supplement your child s studies, you may contact the Educational Director for summer tutoring options (if your child is more than a year away from his/her date), or the Cantor, who can refer you to primary or supplemental Bar/Bat tutors and programs. Any extra tutoring sessions are at the parents expense, and are not covered in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee. Daily practice of the materials is a necessary component of this learning process. Please encourage your child to study their prayers and portion as it will make the sessions with the tutors more productive and their experience becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah more rewarding. It is not a coincidence that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah happens during the 13 th year, a time of physical and emotional change. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah process will make your daughter or son a stronger, more self-confident young adult. It is the job of the tutors to start your child on the path of discovering what it means to be a Jew. If you have any questions please contact Cantor at 847-634-0777. 8 August 2012

VII. THE 13 MITZVOT PROGRAM We view the Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a process more than an event. It is a time in your child s life when he/she will become more responsible for Mitzvot on his/her own. We have created the Thirteen Mitzvot Project as an opportunity for your child to complete mitzvah projects based upon the three pillars upon which we are taught the world rests: Torah, Avodah (worship, observance of rituals), and Gemillut hassadim (doing deeds of kindness, practicing Jewish ethics and values). Our hope is that the assignments in this series will introduce your child to and increase his/her knowledge of certain practical and important mitzvot that fall under these categories. By completing these projects, your child begins to build the foundation in order to be a person who is ready to assume the religious obligations of a Jewish adult. All students are expected to complete 13 Mitzvot projects before their Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates. Many of the written assignments are given out during Hebrew school in the Dalet year. Additionally, all of these mitzvah projects will be listed in a packet your child will receive in a folder along with the Torah and Haftarah blessings, given out by the Cantor upon the commencement of Bar/Bat Mitzvah training. The rest of the projects (or any not previously completed) will be assigned throughout the tutoring process so students don t save them until the last minute. There are 12 actual assignments, with the 13 th being the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service itself. As becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is really about taking the responsibility for the commandments (mitzvot) of the Torah upon oneself, these projects should be taken seriously. Upon the successful completion of this program the student will receive a special certificate of recognition at his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. Additional Mitzvah Opportunities Tzedakah is a major privilege and responsibility of Jewish citizenship. Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah is encouraged to learn the meaning of tzedakah by personally making a contribution to a worthy cause of his/her choice. Parents may set an example by doing the same thing in honor of this happy event. Our Suggestions These include (but are not limited to) giving to organizations such as Keshet, Mazon, the Ark, the Women s League Torah Fund which supports the Jewish Theological Seminary (contact Sisterhood for more details), and the Jewish United Fund. Of course, donations to our Synagogue are always welcome. Twinning This is a unique experience whereby the Bar/Bat Mitzvah shares this special event with a Jewish child in the lands of the former Soviet Union by linking their two names. In this way, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah expresses solidarity with our brothers and sisters who are seeking to reconnect with Judaism and the Jewish community. Torah Renewal Project An opportunity to have your child's name linked with his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah portion on the Board near the Gift Shop. Contact the office at 847-634-0777 for more information. 9 August 2012

Gift of Israel The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Gift of Israel provides a way for the guests at your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah to give your child a deeper connection to Israel. Funds collected will go toward their participation in your choice of a large number of approved Israel programs during high school or college. In addition, the Jewish Federation's matching gift is an expression of the Jewish community's commitment to your child's Jewish enrichment. Contact the office at 847-634-0777 for more information. Chain of Memory Project The "Chain of Memory" project was established to allow a Bar/Bat Mitzvah child to remember one of the 1.5 million Jewish children who were murdered by the Nazis before being able to fulfill the mitzvah of learning Torah. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah dedicates the occasion to the memory of this child. This linkage symbolizes the importance of remembering the past as well as educating for the future. Your child will receive a certificate from the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum recognizing the importance of remembrance and of this mitzvah. Please contact the Synagogue office for further information. Feel free to contact any of the clergy to discuss other mitzvah projects. 10 August 2012

VIII. SERVICE ATTENDANCE AND USHERING COMMITMENT Service Attendance When your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah day arrives, we want you and your child to feel entirely comfortable here at Beth Judea. In attending our services we hope that you pay close attention to the order of the service, especially during the Torah service, get to know the congregational melodies, observe the role of other B nai Mitzvah children and their parents in the service, and become more familiar with the prayers and the prayer book, Siddur Sim Shalom. We expect your child to attend at least six (6) Saturday morning services at Beth Judea, seated with at least one parent, in the six months prior to their Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Selecting dates for attending services is done as part of the Hebrew School service attendance. Your attendance needs to be properly recorded in the Hebrew School attendance book. Parent Ushering To add to the warmth of our Shabbat services and to keep decorum we ask that parent(s) usher on two separate Shabbat mornings (in addition to the 6 services you attend with your child). We rely on Bar/Bat Mitzvah parents since they have the best rapport with the children in attendance, many of whom they know. We will send you a form on which you can sign up for these services. Your responsibilities may include: Greeting and seating guests Presenting guests with prayer books and service bulletins Ensuring that all males are wearing kippot Ushering children to their seats and supervising them during the service Keeping guests outside of the sanctuary at specified times (i.e. when the Ark is open). Ask a non-parent usher if you have questions about non-entry times. Making sure that children are not loitering in the foyer or exploring the Synagogue 11 August 2012

IX. THE SERVICE Saturday morning services begin at 9:30 a.m. and end approximately at noon. Aliyot For all services at which the Torah is read, three (3) aliyot will be set aside for family in addition to the parents and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student. Other honors include opening the Ark and lifting and dressing the Torah. Non-Jews are not given traditional service honors, but may lead an approved English reading. Contact Rabbi for more information. All Jewish men called to the bimah for an aliyah must wear a tallit. For Jewish women, the tallit is optional. It is your responsibility to see that individuals receiving aliyot are able to recite the Hebrew blessings before and after the Torah reading. You will need to know the Hebrew name of those receiving Torah honors, which includes their full Hebrew names and those of their parents. A sign-up page can be found in Appendix 2. 12 August 2012

X. DRESS CODE FOR SHABBAT AND HOLIDAYS To preserve the sanctity of the Shabbat service, we have established the following dress code. These guidelines apply to all people, Hebrew School age and older. They are appropriate for any Shabbat or holiday service, regardless of the occasion of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. A modest dress code is especially important for those receiving any honor on the bimah at any time. We strongly encourage Jewish people who have reached the age of Bar/Bat Mitzvah to wear a tallit during our Shabbat morning service Dress shirt, slacks, and shoes are appropriate for boys Jeans, cargo pants, shorts, sandals, tennis shoes, and t-shirts are inappropriate All girls should have their arms covered (at a minimum a short sleeved top/dress). A tallit may not be used as a shawl to cover bare arms No spaghetti strap, strapless, or sleeveless tops/dresses Bare midriffs, plunging necklines, ultra mini skirts, and low-slung skirts are inappropriate Skirts need to be at least as long as the top of the knee 13 August 2012

XI. SYNAGOGUE ETIQUETTE In order to preserve the spirit of Shabbat, to enhance the decorum of our worship and to adhere to Jewish law, the following standards are brought to your attention. Please observe and convey this information to your guests. Writing and photography are prohibited on Shabbat. Appropriate dress is required (please see Section X for specifics). Packages or gifts of any kind should not be brought into the Synagogue on Shabbat. Smoking is prohibited anywhere in the Synagogue and on the grounds on Shabbat. Cell phones and any other electronic devices may not be used in the Synagogue on Shabbat. Please turn them off before entering the Synagogue. All men, Jewish or gentile, who enter the Synagogue, should wear a kippah as a traditional sign of respect. When called to the bimah, Jewish men (over age 13) are required to wear a tallit. Please keep chewing gum at home. The noise level in the Sanctuary should be that of a whisper except when participating in services. Conversations need to take place outside. Families with children who may find it difficult to sit through the service in the main sanctuary are invited to attend Gan Shabbat downstairs in the Beit Midrash (small sanctuary) from 10:30-11:30. This program offers an abridged service, usually including a picture book story corresponding to the Torah portion of the week. Children are invited to lead prayers they know and carry little Torahs in the service. The setting is very relaxed and family friendly. The foyer area should not be used as a general meeting/socializing place while services are going on in the main sanctuary. 14 August 2012

XII. KIDDUSH/ONEG Every family must pay a Sponsorship Fee (See Appendix 3). Being part of Congregation Beth Judea means that you are part of our community and as such, your payment of the Sponsorship Fee helps to ensure that there will always be a Kiddush. Catered kosher luncheon at Synagogue in place of the customary Kiddush: You must also provide lunch for those congregants in attendance. You are also responsible for payment of a Sponsorship Fee. Also see the Festive Meals Section XIV. Luncheon at an outside venue following Saturday morning Bar/Bat Mitzvah: There is no space to provide a separate smaller scale Kiddush for your guests. Please be realistic when providing your head count as many guests stay for Kiddush even if you are having an off-site luncheon. Many guests stay for Kiddush even if you have an off site luncheon following services. If more people are in attendance than you reported, you will definitely run out of food. In addition to per person costs associated with guests who stay for Kiddush, you will still be responsible for payment of the Sponsorship Fee. Saturday evening service or any service other than Saturday morning: If you do not have a Kiddush following services, you will still be responsible for payment of the Sponsorship Fee. For those families providing a Kiddush, you will be responsible for payment of the Sponsorship Fee and a per person charge based on the menu. Contact Debbie Frager (847-634-0777) to discuss Kiddush/Oneg choices. 15 August 2012

XIII. GUEST COUNT You will be asked for a complete guest count two weeks in advance of your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This head count is used in a variety of ways to ensure that your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah service runs smoothly: Many guests stay for Kiddush even if you have an off site luncheon following services. If more people are in attendance than you reported, you will definitely run out of food. The sanctuary seating is set up based on the count provided. It is very disruptive and reflects poorly on the Synagogue when extra rows of seating need to be added during the service. Your expected attendance figure will impact the number of ushers needed for your service. The number of service booklets printed is dependent on your attendance figure. Giving an accurate count helps to ensure that you and your family and the Synagogue itself will avoid an embarrassing situation. 16 August 2012

Friday evening Shabbat Dinner XIV. FESTIVE MEALS Please consider providing a kosher Shabbat dinner for your guests at the Synagogue. Our kosher kitchen (supervised by the Rabbi) is available for that purpose. You can use an approved outside caterer, ask the Synagogue to prepare the meal, or have kosher foods dropped off at the Synagogue to be served to your guests. Congregation Beth Judea provides a fitting and beautiful setting in which to hold your Seudat Mitzvah on Shabbat, Saturday evening or Sunday. The Social Hall may be reserved by payment of a rental fee to the Congregation. Information about the use of Beth Judea can be obtained from our Executive Director at 847-634-0777. The Reception The reception in honor of your child should demonstrate Jewish commitment and loyalty, just as does the Bar/Bat Mitzvah itself. Therefore the meal held in conjunction with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah should be considered a true Seudat Mitzvah -- a meal that reflects the sanctity and observances of Judaism. This can be done by following the dietary laws of kashrut so that this celebration will demonstrate the spirit and practice of Judaism which was proclaimed when your child was called to the Torah. Please contact Debbie Frager 847-634-0777 to discuss your meal options. The current list of approved kosher caterers is: Kosher Gourmet 847-433-7051 Pa Nosh Catering 847-749-0737 (Approved kosher caterers are subject to change) The Professional Staff recognizes the religious nature of both the ceremony and the celebratory meal. Therefore, they will officiate at the service here at shul, but will not attend a celebration which is not kosher or violates Shabbat. 17 August 2012

XV. SYNAGOGUE SETUP All items you are bringing (or having delivered) must be in the Synagogue no later than 2:00 p.m. on the Friday before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. If you are sharing the day with another family, please decide jointly how you will handle decorations. Special seating requirements for the service must be given to the office no later than one week before the simcha. Bimah Decorations The Synagogue provides two silk floral arrangements at no extra charge. You may provide fresh floral arrangements to be used in place of the silk arrangements. You may provide donation baskets to be used in place of the silk floral arrangements. Decorative Napkins for the Kiddush, Bathroom Guest Towels This is optional; otherwise, white napkins and paper towels will be provided. Table Decorations for the Kiddush Serving tables are dressed with white tablecloths and white skirting. Plastic tablecloths are available in a variety of colors for the guest tables. White plastic plates, plastic silverware, and cups for coffee and water are provided. Centerpieces are not provided. You may, at your discretion, provide fresh flowers, small donation baskets, balloons, etc. These items must be in the Synagogue before 2:00 on the Friday before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Please contact Debbie Frager (847-634-0777) regarding these details. Kippot and Lace Head Coverings The Synagogue provides lace head coverings and bobby pins A limited amount of kippot are available for your guests. We ask that they return them upon leaving the Synagogue. You may order and supply custom kippot. Kippot display baskets may be provided by the Synagogue upon request. Service Booklets Customization of service booklets is completely optional. Standard service booklets will generally list your child s name, the Synagogue calendar, and Torah thoughts. If you desire a special service booklet (including information such as a list of those receiving honors, Synagogue symbols, and service explanation), the Men s Club will help you with customization, printing, and delivery to the Synagogue. A nominal donation to the Men s Club is suggested. You will be contacted by the Men s Club approximately 3 to 4 months in advance. All custom booklets must be reviewed and approved by the Rabbi. 18 August 2012

Video recordings On Shabbat no operated video recording is allowed. However, the Synagogue has installed a video recording machine that runs on an automatic timer during Shabbat. It is aimed at the bimah, and stays focused on that one spot. The letter requesting information for the Word biography will also discuss video recordings. This letter will be mailed approximately 2 months in advance of your simcha by the Executive Director. Return the request for a video recording along with listed payment to the Synagogue. The video of your service will be available in the Synagogue office the week following your simcha. Photography On Shabbat and Festivals no photography of any kind is allowed in the Synagogue or on its property. If you wish to take pictures in the sanctuary prior to or after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, you must reserve the room by contacting the synagogue office 847-634-0777. Only after having your request confirmed by the Synagogue office will you be able to use the Sanctuary for taking photographs. Please contact the Clergy directly if you would like to include them in your photo session. Please understand that other obligations often make it impossible for them to be present. 19 August 2012

XVI. SISTERHOOD JUDAICA SHOP Congratulations on your upcoming simcha. The Sisterhood Judaica Shop is here to help you prepare for this simcha. Remember that when you shop through Sisterhood you will receive a Sisterhood discount (if you are a current paid Sisterhood member). Most of all, you are helping to support the many programs that Sisterhood makes available to the Synagogue and our Religious School students. Here s a sampling of what you ll find in the Sisterhood Judaica Shop Gorgeous traditional and modern tallit and tallit bags for males and females in numerous fabric types. All tallitot are 20% off and we have the best selection in the suburbs. Female and male head coverings. Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift registry. Beautiful yads, tallit clips, tzedakah boxes, and a variety of Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift items in all price ranges. The Sisterhood Judaica Shop is generally open Sundays from 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. and Tuesdays from 4:00 till 8:00 p.m. when Religious School is in session. If these times are not convenient, please contact the Sisterhood Gift Shop Chairpersons to arrange an appointment. Karen Nagel (H) 847-381-8052 (C) 847-722-6621 or Ann Lerman (H) 847-259-4504 (C) 847-373-8640. 20 August 2012

XVII. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS At long last, the time has finally come for your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah training to begin! To help you know what to expect, we have compiled a list of frequently asked questions and the information or page numbers on which you can find the answers. Again, The Rabbi and Cantor are always here to clarify the details of the process and work with you. Can I change the assigned date of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah? Yes. If the date assigned creates a burden for the family, they are welcome to contact the Rabbi about changing the date. As the requested date may have already been assigned, there can be coordination required with the other family and Synagogue schedule. Be aware that changing the date after the start of training for a specific date will necessitate learning a new portion. What does my child have to learn for their Bar/Bat Mitzvah? Please see the Preparation Section IV. When does tutoring start for my child, and how often are the lessons? Each student gets 24 lessons (roughly 6 months) of 30 minutes each, once per week, for oneon-one instruction. If you want to supplement your child s studies, you may contact the Education Director for summer tutoring options (if your child is more than a year away from his/her date), or the Cantor, who can refer you to primary or supplemental Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutors and programs. Any extra tutoring sessions are at the parents expense, and are not covered in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee. How much homework will my child get? The amount of homework is largely determined by the study habits and abilities of each child. The length of the portions and personal expectations also come into account. In most cases, students should expect to work a little each day, between 10 and 40 minutes, depending on the assignment given by their tutor that week. Consistency and reinforcement at home are extremely important. My child is going away to summer camp during his/her allotted Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutoring time. How does that change his/her schedule and work load? Please think carefully before sending your child to overnight camp in the 6 months preceding his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Our experience has overwhelmingly shown that kids do not progress, and often lose ground while at camp, even when they get tutoring there (with the exception of Camp Ramah). Camp tutors may be able to help them with reading, but not with melodies, and often the schedule and focus is spotty. If you choose to send your child to overnight camp within 6 months of his/her date, he or she will almost certainly have to spend a lot of time catching up upon returning, and this is usually not easy to do as the school year begins. Each student will get 24 tutoring sessions, even if there is a month of camp in the middle. But momentum is hard to gain back once lost. We can try to push students to accomplish more before they leave, but often this is difficult for them to do because they are just beginning their studies, and their skills are not developed yet. Furthermore, their Bar/Bat Mitzvah seems so far away, so they lose the sense of urgency. 21 August 2012

So, while camp (especially Jewish camp) has many benefits, you must weigh your child s natural tendencies, extra-curricular schedule, learning abilities, and portion size into your decision whether or not to take a month off. What are the 13 Mitzvot projects? Please see the 13 Mitzvot Program Section VII. When does my child meet with the Rabbi? Typically, each child meets with the Rabbi two months before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to help develop the student s D'var Torah (speech). They and the family will also meet with the Rabbi a week or two before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, so the Rabbi can get to know him or her and prepare an appropriate talk which pertains to each child. When does my child meet with the Cantor? Students will meet with the Cantor several times throughout the Bar/Bat Mitzvah training process. Please refer to the Timeline Section II. If you have further questions, feel free to contact him at 847-634-0777. Are parents expected to sit in on the tutoring lessons? Parents are invited to attend the tutoring sessions and are encouraged to keep up with their child s progress by practicing with them (or listening to them practice), and signing their assignment sheets each week. They may also contact the tutors by phone or e-mail, or at the beginning or end of the lesson. Each family dynamic is different, so unless someone has a special request, the choice of whether or not to sit in can be left up to the parents and students to decide what is comfortable for them. What are tropes, and why does my child have to learn them? Tropes are the system of cantillation marks that surround Hebrew words from sacred texts. They are different than vowel marks, although often appear next to them. While vowels tell us how to pronounce the words, the tropes remind us how to chant them. The system was originally passed down orally, but eventually got written down into the forms we see today. There are no vowels or trope symbols in the Torah scroll itself, though don t worry, when the time comes, your student will know what to do. The purpose of chanting the Torah and Haftarah portions is to differentiate them from other texts, and maintain their holiness. Furthermore, the trope melodies are the chanted punctuation of the text, which helps us understand and gives context to what we are reading, even if we can t necessarily translate every word. By teaching our students the actual trope system rather than memorizing by rote, we empower them to be able to continue performing this mitzvah throughout their lives with more Torah and Haftarah portions. Not only that, but learning the patterns and their melodies frequently take less time and are more accurate than memorizing verse by verse. When people can see and understand the method, they learn the subject more concretely. And practically, if a child makes a mistake in the middle of a passage, he will be able to correct himself and move on. 22 August 2012

How many and which honors can I give to other people at my child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah? Please see the Service Section IX. What tools does my child get to help him learn his/her portions? Each student will receive a blue audio CD of the Torah and Haftarah blessings and tropes (cantillation marks that tell us how to sing each word) along with a folder that has all of these things written down. This is the primary foundation of information which students will need to know to chant their portions, and their progress will be checked by the tutor. Each student will receive an MP3 recording of his/her portions, and may also get a CD ROM program called Trope Trainer. Both are tools to reinforce progress at home, but are not substitutes for being proficient in reading or chanting of trope melodies or meeting with a tutor. To make learning the above prayers easier, please try to find (and keep in a safe place) the Gimel Shabbat CD that is given to each child at the beginning of their Gimel (5 th grade) year. This CD has almost all the prayers on it that the students need to know in the Shabbat morning service. Additionally, the Men s Club provides a service-appropriate CD (that is, a morning service CD to the students with morning services, and a Mincha/Maariv CD to the students with evening services) to each upcoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah child. The Cantor will hand these out a few months before the event at one of your scheduled meetings. It is the intention of the Men s Club that the PARENTS will listen to the CD and familiarize themselves with the service, in addition to it being a reference for the students. What are parents expected to learn/do for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service? Parents will need to learn the Torah blessings, make sure they know their full Hebrew names (and those of their parents), and the shehecheyanu blessing. Parents might also be called upon to do an English reading. Finally, the entire family joins the Cantor on the bimah for Adon Olam (in a morning service) and Havdalah (in a Saturday evening service), so those prayers are good ones to review. My child is sharing his/her date with another child. Does that change what he/she has to learn? Essentially, no. Since the simcha and the portions equally belong to both students, we expect that both students will learn the portions in their entireties. This has the added benefit of insurance should one student fall ill. In most cases, after both students learn the Haftarah portion the Cantor and tutors decide which child will recite which half at the event. In the case where the Haftarah portion is very short, both students will chant the whole thing consecutively. Both students need to learn the Maftir aliyah, which will be repeated by both. The leading of most prayers will be simultaneous, so both need to review them. Additional prayers will be taught according to each child s abilities and the study time remaining. Both need to a write a D'var Torah speech, and both need to complete the 13 Mitzvot projects. How will I know if my child is on track? Each child learns at a different pace, and each portion is a little different. So the best way to know whether or not your child is progressing appropriately is for you to talk to his/her tutor 23 August 2012

regularly. Review his/her weekly homework assignment sheets to make sure he/she is completing everything, and monitor his/her practice to make sure it is focused and consistent. You may also choose to sit in on his/her lessons. How can I help my child? Please see the letter at the beginning of this packet, Before We Get Started Section I for tips with Hebrew reading. Keeping track of his/her assignments and monitoring their completion is always a great way to start. Also, ask your child s tutor how you can best help. Games, drills, and the use of recordings or timers can be quite helpful. Listening to your child read or chant so he/she has an audience further helps keep practice sessions focused. Ultimately, the better you know how to read Hebrew or chant the tropes yourself is the best way to enable you to correct your child, so why not do some extra learning? Will my child get to practice reading directly from the Torah before their Bar/Bat Mitzvah date? Yes. At the rehearsal with the Cantor (usually Monday of the week of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah), he will take out the actual Torah on the bimah with which to practice. Can my younger or older children be involved in the service? Yes. Older children can be called to the Torah for the blessings, be one of the Torah readers, Ark openers, or lift or dress the Torah. Younger children may lead Ein Keloheinu. The entire family comes up to the bimah for Kiddush and Adon Olam. What do I need to know about planning the Kiddush? Please see Kiddush/Oneg Section XII of this guide for more information. For further details, contact Debbie Frager at 847-634-0777. What is the dress code for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child, and anyone else on the bimah? Please refer to the Dress Code Section X of this guide. Does my child get a recording of his/her portion, and if so, when? Yes. The Cantor will send an MP3 file of the portion after the student has demonstrated proficiency in all of the Torah and Haftarah blessings (with their melodies), reading of at least the first page of the Haftarah portion, and the trope melodies which he or she will have to know in order to chant the portion. The tutor will alert the Cantor as to when your child has reached these goals, and he will follow up. Can other family members obtain recordings from the Cantor, and if so, how? Yes. Please call or e-mail the Cantor at 847-634-0777 or CantorWeisberg@BethJudea.org, and he will discuss which portions are available and send an MP3 file. Is there an extra help system in place if my child should need it? Yes. For the past few years we have established an extra help program on Thursday evenings (aptly named Extra Help Thursdays). We strongly advise anyone who is within a year of his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah date and has Hebrew reading difficulty or any other learning issue to join this program. Sometimes just the extra time to practice with feedback has been a great motivator for the students. It's also a great opportunity to get a head start if your child hasn't entered his/her formal training yet. 24 August 2012