Dear Families, The occasion of your child becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a very special time for you and for our congregation. While there are many days in the lives of our children which are filled with pride and joy, this moment in Jewish life enables and encourages us pause to appreciate the awesomeness of your child taking an honored place in shalshelet ha-kabbalah, the chain of our Jewish tradition. The Babylonian Talmud includes a wonderful prayer that is often shared with B nai Mitzvah families. We pray that our children live to see their world fulfilled trusting in generations past and yet to be hearts filled with intuition and words with insight eyes shining with the light of holy words and faces reflecting the brightness of the heavens. These may seem like lofty visions and aspirations. But they are precisely what we hope to share with you as your Bar/Bat Mitzvah student participates in the leadership of Shabbat services, chants from Torah and prophetic teachings, teaching his/her community. Yet as memorable as our Bar/Bat Mitzvah experiences can be, we do not see the Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience as a climactic graduation in one s Jewish education. NVHC encourages lifelong learning. Through general activities and in our Kehilat Limmud and Tamid studies, our children are challenged to make their Jewish identity take flight! We know you will also enjoy your child s participation in the Confirmation service in 10th grade. We know you realize that to instill true pride and depth in one s Jewish identity; all of these experiences require reinforcement and modeling in the home. Becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah is much more meaningful if you are doing mitzvot (commandments) with your child. We heartily encourage your participation in social action projects, family learning opportunities, congregational worship, blessings at your Friday night Shabbat dinners, observance of holidays, travel to Israel and Jewish communities around the world. Doing these things with your children, or demonstrating your practice as an adult Jew creates the strongest foundation a Jewish child can have. The guide which follows includes many of our guidelines, resources and a great deal of what to expect from NVHC in the coming months. Even if you have had an older child receive his or her Jewish education at NVHC, some of our customs and policies have been modified, so please read carefully through this material. Of course, there is more to know than can be put into writing. So feel free to share your questions with us at NVHC. We are enthusiastic about the upcoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah you will celebrate here in our community! Cantor Susan Caro Rabbi Michael G. Holzman Rabbi Jessica Wainer cantorcaro@nvhcreston.org rabbiholzman@nvhcreston.org rabbiwainer@nvhcreston.org 1
WHAT IS BAR/BAT MITZVAH? The meaning of Bar/Bat Mitzvah has evolved historically. Bar/Bat Mitzvah, Son/Daughter of the Commandment, is the status in Judaism of a boy or a girl who has reached thirteen, the age of majority in Jewish life. Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a designation of legal status that the person is no longer considered a minor in Jewish law, that the person may be counted in the minyan and may participate fully in worship services. Prior to the Middle Ages, one did not have to be a Bar Mitzvah to read from the Torah or to count in the minyan, and no ceremonies were held to celebrate the attainment of religious majority. This changed sometime between the 14 th - 16 th centuries, when the attainment of majority began to be celebrated by the community and the child was invited to read from the Torah; in some communities, he was invited to offer a D var Torah, a discourse on his Torah portion. The family celebrated by preparing a se udat mitzvah, a meal for the entire community to enjoy. Bat Mitzvah has only been observed since the 1920 s, when a ceremony for girls was introduced by Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, founder of Reconstructionist Judaism. Within Reform Judaism today, the core roles of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah in the congregational service at which his or her coming of age is observed are for the youngster to give a brief D var Torah and be given the honor of an aliyah (blessing for the Torah reading). At NVHC, the Bar or Bat Mitzvah conducts portions of the Shabbat service on Friday and Saturday, chants the Torah and Haftarah (Prophetic text) selections with appropriate blessings, writes and talks about mitzvot work, and writes and delivers an interpretation of the Torah portion, a D var Torah. Family members and other congregants also participate in these services. We believe that the entire Bar and Bat Mitzvah experience - including preparation, services, celebration and commitments to post B nai Mitzvah [plural] Jewish life - can be powerful and spiritually enriching for the family. I. BAR/BAT MITZVAH IN YOUR CHILD S RELIGIOUS EDUCATION A. COMMITMENT TO RELIGIOUS EDUCATION BEYOND BAR/BAT MITZVAH Becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah marks the beginning of adult experiences and learning about Judaism and Jewish life. Think of Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a driver s license - the beginning of a young person s Jewish learning and involvement. The emphasis of Jewish education is upon learning that leads to living a Jewish life. In this spirit, acquiring the knowledge of Judaism at our temple leads from enrollment in Kehilat Limmud on through Confirmation and high school graduation, Youth Group activities, adult learning and living as a Jew. In this spirit, our congregation expects that formal religious education continues after Bar/Bat Mitzvah and into adulthood. Our program is built on this expectation, that for the celebration of Bar/Bat Mitzvah the child and parents agree to continue Jewish studies at least through Confirmation as a participant in our 8 th -12 th grade TAMID program. For more information on Tamid, please be in touch with Rabbi Wainer, our Director of Congregational Learning. NOTE: Enrollment and Attendance in Kehilat Limmud It is NVHC policy that all students preparing for Bar/Bat Mitzvah must be members in good standing at NVHC, registered for and actively attending Kehilat Limmud, whether they are 7 th or 8 th graders. Students are expected to attend Kehilat Limmud classes for the entire school year in the year they become Bar/Bat Mitzvah. 2
B. POST B NAI MITZVAH PARTICIPATION IN RELIGIOUS SERVICES Preparation and participation to become Bar/Bat Mitzvah prepare your child well to participate actively in religious services at NVHC. We encourage every Bar and Bat Mitzvah to take part in other services during the year following, including Shabbat evening or morning services, holiday (including High Holiday) services, and in the B nai Mitzvah of their siblings and friends. Service participation may include reading in Hebrew or English, opening and closing the ark, carrying, holding, or reading from the Torah, preparing a D var Torah or even helping to develop and lead creative services. The clergy will be pleased to support you or your family participating in aspects of leadership at services. II. PREPARING FOR BAR/BAT MITZVAH A. TIMELINE OVERVIEW FOR PREPARATIONS Months Prior Action 24 Receive letter from the congregation concerning dates for Bar/Bat Mitzvah. 18 Connect with other families in Torah Corps group 12-14 Begin Torah Corps sessions in Kehillat Limmud B nai Mitzvah preparation studies, year-long study and learning group, instructed by Cantor, rabbinic Intern, and other instructors. 12 Parents take course on B nai Mitzvah logistics and content (optional) 12 and continuing 5-sessions (over the course of the year) with clergy on Jewish identity and prayer 12 Request use of NVHC social hall for social event if desired 6 Parents and child meet with Cantor to discuss mitzvah work 6 If double B nai Mitzvah service, suggest meeting with other family if not yet done so, to coordinate planning. 2 Submit photo and announcement to NVHC newsletter 2-3 Family meets with the Rabbi to discuss B nai Mitzvah and to begin working on the D var Torah. This is followed by few meetings for the child and the rabbi. 2 weeks Request extra seats in the sanctuary, if needed 1-2 weeks Sanctuary Rehearsal with one of the Clergy Shabbat Enjoy! B. INDIVIDUAL PREPARATION 1. STUDENT OVERVIEW a. Preparation of Hebrew prayers Students are learning the prayers and blessings for Shabbat services in Kehillat Limmud, all the way through 7 th grade. 3
Students will continue prayer preparation and refinement, as well as preparing to chant their Torah and Haftarah portions through our Torah Corps program. Please note: Students with special or unique learning situations will be handled on a caseby-case individual basis. b. Preparation for Torah and Haftarah chanting, and for leading the Shabbat service Torah Corps. At NVHC, it is our Torah Corps program that is the preparation experience for becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah. This program, taking place within Kehillat Limmud, supplants individual tutoring sessions with a more extensive learning experience that will both prepare our children well for Bar or Bat Mitzvah as well as plant firm roots for their Jewish lives. We combine individual attention and coaching with a peer-based chevruta- style learning environment, in which a small, regular group of students (7-10) will study all things relevant to becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah. These groups are mentored and led by Cantor Caro, along with Rabbi Wainer, Rabbi Holzman, and our Youth Engagement Coordinator Adam Zemel. Our professional team is joined by a cadre of well-trained madrichim to guide, teach and coach. Within the weekly 35-minute sessions of Torah Corps, the students work in a mixed framework of one-on-one with an instructor, in pairs with each other, or supervised on their own to practice their blessings and their Torah and Haftarah portions. This arrangement creates diverse learning situations, multiple modes of study and learning for the students. Moreover, we are able to teach the Torah cantillation system, to engage the students in conversations about prayers, Mitzvah work, discuss and practice the choreography of a Shabbat service, and create a communal shared experience for them, which is a powerful and relevant part of becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Through our weekly Torah Corps program, the students will learn their Torah chanting and Haftarah chanting, which includes built in to that class time to meet individually with the Cantor to review all of their Hebrew, the worship service, their Mitzvah project, and other important areas of Jewish responsibility. All students will receive electronic recordings of the chanting of their portions and prayers, so that they can practice independently and with parental supervision. In the final weeks before your child becomes Bar/Bat Mitzvah, each student will have sanctuary rehearsal time with the Cantor. c. Preparation of the D var Torah Approximately 2-3 months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the office staff will set up meetings with the Rabbi to begin preparation for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience. The Rabbi will initiate the writing process of a D var Torah, an interpretive speech concerning its meaning, his/her commitments to Jewish adulthood. Students should put time into Torah study and maximize creativity. Follow-up appointments are set-up between each student and the Rabbi to work individually with each student and prepare a final text in close consultation with one another. 4
d. Mitzvah Work. At NVHC, we expect B nai Mitzvah students to complete mitzvah work as part of the Kehilat Limmud tzedakah curriculum, and to help communicate the centrality of Jewish values to our community, your family and friends. The goal of such projects is for our students to embody the meaning of becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, a responsible Jewish adult congregant. Our clergy, education staff, youth group advisors and others are prepared to share ideas and support to help Bar/Bat Mitzvah students and their families take on important mitzvah projects in our community. We believe that Mitzvot Jewish obligations - lie at the heart of Judaism. They are the commandments that teach us how to sanctify life - to take responsibility as adults, to make the right decisions, reaching out to others in need, continuing our Jewish learning, imbuing our lives with values and ultimately connecting with God. What is a Mitzvah? o A mitzvah is a commandment. There are 613 specific mitzvot in the Torah (plural of mitzvah), traditionally acknowledged to have been given by God or decreed by our Sages. o Doing Mitzvot connect us to God, brining God s presence into our lives. o Doing Mitzvot is part of our history. Through our actions, we become connected to our people who stood at Sinai to witness God s eternal covenant with every generation. o Doing Mitzvot also connects us to our tradition, which at more than 5,000 years old, has contributed to some of our civilization s greatest values. Why should I do mitzvot as I become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah? o While we now call you a Jewish adult, it is actually up to you to become one. It is your time to search, study and accept Jewish responsibilities. o While many mitzvoth may seem like good deeds, being helpful and important activities in our society, it is a Jewish responsibility to take them on and frame them in a way that elevates their purpose to something holy, toward making the world complete and whole. o The Jewish principle of Tikun Olam, of repairing the world, guides us to live out our Jewish values. You can change the world, one deed at a time. e. Home Preparation and Review Through this entire process, students are expected to be practicing and reviewing prayers, Torah and Haftarah at home on an ongoing basis, and to work at home writing their D var Torah. Parents should regularly listen to their child practice out loud, and be supportive in preparing the D var Torah (while not writing it for them)! Your child benefits from reciting the prayers to you, even if you do not speak Hebrew. We strongly encourage you to help your child find a daily study time of 20 minutes, recognizing the reality that on occasion a day may be missed here or there. This is crucial for them to repeatedly practice out loud the prayers, Torah and Haftarah verses for the Shabbat service they are preparing to lead. Regular and frequent study a week is better for Hebrew learning than cramming right before a class or lesson. 5
II. PARENT OVERVIEW a. Regular Attendance at Shabbat Services by Students and Parents This is the most important thing that you can do!! We encourage Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidates and their parents and families to attend Shabbat Evening and Morning Services. While enjoying the family Shabbat experience, you will also become more familiar with the flow of the Shabbat liturgy and observe the roles that you will be asked to play at the upcoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah in your family. This will build your confidence as in Jewish practice, especially important on the day of your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. There is no invitation required to attend a Shabbat morning worship service at NVHC all are welcome! b. B nai Mitzvah Course for Parents Each year, NVHC offers a class for parents of upcoming B nai Mitzvah. This excellent, short course includes exploring the meaning of B nai Mitzvah, Shabbat, a basic explanation of the worship service, and an exploration of the practical experiences in the synagogue and with the Torah. Parents are encouraged to take this course before their children s Bar/Bat Mitzvah, especially those who have never before been through Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The class is valuable both for parents with a background in Judaism and personal history of Bar/Bat Mitzvah, and for parents who are new to all of this. It will help enable you to be effective in supporting your child s studies. c. Hebrew Course for Parents and Adult B nai Mitzvah Hebrew classes for parents and other adults interested in Hebrew study are offered through the auspices of the NVHC Life-Long Learning Program. All parents without Hebrew proficiency are encouraged to take advantage of such courses. For registration information, contact the temple office. From time to time, NVHC offers a course leading to adult B nai Mitzvah, for those who did not undergo this process as children. Studying to be adult B nai Mitzvah can provide a powerful model for your child. d. Torah Talk Every Saturday morning (except the first Shabbat of the month) 9:00-10:15 AM we offer a discussion of the weekly Torah Portion. This group is always open and welcoming, and the participants vary from week to week. Attending Torah Talk allows you and your child to participate in an adult level discussion of the issues raised by the Torah. It demonstrates the way generations of Jews have relied upon Torah for moral guidance. It also creates the right kind of mental framework for enjoying Shabbat. Consider attending more than once in the year prior to your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah (the children are welcome to participate in the discussion). 6
C. THE SHABBAT WORSHIP SERVICE Our B nai Mitzvah help us to lead our congregation s Shabbat morning service, to the best of their ability. At all of our Shabbat services, we use Mishkan Tefilah, the current prayerbook of the Reform Movement, published by the Central Conference of American Rabbis. Each student received their own copy of this siddur [prayerbook] in 5 th grade. Part of the Torah Corps will be helping the students in siddur proficiency and ease with NVHC s prayer and rituals. 1. B NAI MITZVAH AND FAMILY PARTICIPATION IN SERVICES a. Friday Evening On Friday evening, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah leads the Avot v Imahot, Gevurot, and the Kedushah (Atah Kadosh), along with some English prayers. Parents are asked to light our Shabbat candles and participate in Kiddush. Although NVHC has challah trays, covers, and kiddush cups available, families are welcome to bring their own sacred Judaica objects for use on the bimah when making kiddush over the wine and motzi over the challah. This can add special meaning our congregation during the Shabbat when your child becomes Bar or Bat Mitzvah. b. Saturday Morning On Shabbat morning, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and his/her family gathers with the Cantor between 9:45 a.m. and 10 a.m. for a Tish, a moment of private family celebration prior to our communal Shabbat morning service. There, parents/family have the opportunity to present the tallit [prayer shawl] to their child; parents and other relatives who wish to present special gifts or share few words with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will have a chance to do so. Each family chooses who to invite to this gathering. Some may include only their immediate family, where others might decide to invite all their guests. At approximately 10:10 a.m., the family will join our Torah Talk to transition to the lobby with our Torah scroll and welcome our community at 10:15 to our Shabbat morning service. c. Family participation: Members of the B nai Mitzvah families will receive honors of opening and closing the Ark, passing the Torah through the generations, reciting an Aliyah (the blessings before and after the Torah readings), dressing/holding the Torah, and reading certain English passages in the service. In Appendix 1 of this handbook, you will find a worksheet regarding these service roles. Look over this worksheet, ask questions, and complete this in draft a few months prior to the service. You can return this worksheet to the Cantor or to NVHC s Administrative Assistant. Please make sure all family members can comfortably read or pronounce all Hebrew and English in any honors you give them. o For those who have a shared Bar/Bat Mitzvah: When two children are becoming B'nai Mitzvah at the same service, each family will still pass a Torah scroll to their child and will still have the opportunity to assign aliyot. Other opportunities for family participation are shared by the two families and are worked out in consultation with the Rabbi and/or Cantor. 7
o Participation of non-jewish family members in the service. We are an inclusive congregation, and recognize the diversity of the make-up of our families. Specific concerns regarding appropriate participation of non-jewish family members will be discussed with each family individually. The Rabbi and the Cantor are ready to work with you to make all family members as comfortable as possible, while maintaining the integrity of our community s worship service, based on NVHC policy. II. APPROPRIATE DRESS ON THE BIMAH The NVHC Worship Committee has adopted the following statement concerning appropriate bimah attire: We rejoice with your family as your child prepares to become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah during our congregational Shabbat service. As you know, Shabbat is a day set apart from the rest of the week, and the holiest day in the Jewish calendar. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration is both a joyful and sacred experience, one that takes place within the context of a worship service where the Torah is read. To maintain this sense of holiness, we ask you to communicate with all those you invite to participate in the service, as well as your child, to dress appropriately. The Jewish value of tz ni-ut, modesty and restraint in dress and behavior, is one that helps us focus on the sacred dimension of Shabbat and of a very special day in the life of a young person, his/her family, and our community. With this value in mind, we ask that girls and women wear a dress or skirt of modest length, or dress pants, and that shoulders are covered. Strapless or spaghetti strap dresses are not considered appropriate. Please make sure that shoes are comfortable as well. Neither are plunging necklines or bare midriffs. Boys and men may wear a suit or jacket, with a collared shirt and tie, or similar dress attire. Men and women who wish to wear a kippah and/or tallit (for a Torah service) are encouraged to do so, although they are not required. If you have any questions on this matter, please speak with the clergy. III. PERSONAL PREPARATION FOR SHABBAT MORNING Many families will seek to enrich the Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience by purchasing special ritual gift items, books and Judaica in honor of their child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Such Jewish ritual items include: Tallit (prayer shawl), Kippah (head covering), Yad (child s own yad to assist them in reading from Torah), Jewish books, CDs, etc. You may wish to shop at the NVHC Sisterhood Judaica Shop for such items or to seek assistance in locating such items. You may also wish to support Israel and Israeli businesses by requesting or ordering gifts of Judaica and other gift items from Israel. See the Rabbi/Cantor for suggestions of Israeli Judaica galleries. With adequate preparation, the Shabbat morning of your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah can be joyous rather than hectic. Please plan for the following on that morning: Arrive by 9:45 a.m. Make certain your child brings his or her Tallit [expected] and Kippah [optional], the D var Torah, and their Parashah study booklet. Take photographs outside the sanctuary, if you have not already done so previously. The Cantor or Rabbi will be available for final questions and answers for you and other participants in the service. 8
IV. ADDITIONAL ROLES FOR CONGREGATION MEMBERS ON SHABBAT MORNING On any given Shabbat morning including those when a Bar/Bat Mitzvah takes place, NVHC congregants may also be invited to play roles in worship. This may include an additional aliyah during the Torah rituals or another honored role. This may be because of involvements at NVHC or to honor other life cycle events. During many Shabbat services, a child naming or other ritual is included, and these honors are scheduled entirely at the discretion of the clergy and congregational leadership. 9
LOGISTICS!! [The things that keep parents up at night ] I. RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH FAMILY A. BAR/BAT MITZVAH COSTS There is an additional charge that helps to underwrite a number of the expenses for Bar/Bat Mitzvah. It is subject to annual increases by the Board of Trustees. If, due to financial hardship, you are unable to pay the entire fee, please contact our Director of Membership. B. SEATING There are approximately 140 chairs regularly set in the sanctuary. If you anticipate that additional chairs will be needed at services to accommodate your family and visitors, please contact the Temple Administrator two weeks in advance of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah date so that adequate seating can be arranged. There will be no extra charge. For double B'nai Mitzvah services, the back of the sanctuary will be opened and sufficient chairs will be set up to accommodate guests as well as regular congregational members attending Shabbat morning worship. C. SHABBAT EVE ONEG The Bar or Bat Mitzvah family (or families, if you are sharing your date) expresses gratitude to the community by sponsoring the Oneg Shabbat following the Friday evening service. This gives families the opportunity to provide a special celebration for our extended mishpacha (family) at NVHC members whose contributions, both financial and spiritual, have sustained our religious education program as well as worship services, adult education programming, and the very building in which we pray, learn and celebrate. This is currently handled through Sisterhood; please refer to page 25 of this guide for more detailed information. D. SHABBAT MORNING KIDDUSH a) Food. Sisterhood will provide a challah, white grape juice and kosher red wine in small portion cups, and a tablecloth. You may purchase extra challot through Sisterhood if you so desire. There will be a member of our Executive Board present who will be responsible for pouring and setting out the wine and challah on the tablecloth-covered-table in the foyer, and for cleaning up after Kiddush. If you are having an extended Kiddush that is catered, your caterer will be responsible for this set-up and clean-up. b) Space. The temple social hall, sanctuary, and lobby are available to all members of the congregation for their use with regard to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah reception or a Kiddush, depending on availability of space. This should be reserved well in advance to avoid a conflict with another congregational program. Food preparation and service is the responsibility of the parents with the caterer or friends, and should be done in accordance with our kitchen use policy. The arrangements for setting up tables and chairs and cleaning up are the responsibility of the caterer that you engage. Our custodian can help in this regard. If the congregant wishes to provide a private reception, the social hall after the congregational kiddush, the multi-purpose room and sanctuary are available for rent. The kitchen and its equipment can also be made available. Requirements are that the premises be left in the same condition as they were found. Please contact Sara Moore, our Executive Director sara@nvhcreston.org to reserve the date and to obtain a rental contract well in advance of 10
your function. Any food that is served in the synagogue must be chosen with respect to the synagogue's dietary policy. A copy of these guidelines can be found in Appendix H of this Handbook. E. FLOWERS The Bar/Bat Mitzvah family may provide flowers on the bimah and in the social hall. In the sanctuary, no extra plants and floral arrangements, beyond the customary bimah flowers are permitted. Please order a flower arrangement of moderate height and width. Do not include flowers with a strong fragrance such as lilies or freesia. F. INVITATIONS 1. Time. B nai Mitzvah are celebrated as part of regular Shabbat morning services at NVHC, which begin at 10:15 a.m. each Saturday morning. There is a Tish, a private gathering beforehand at approximately 9:45 a.m. for B nai Mitzvah families and their guests. This is your opportunity to welcome your child as a full participant in our congregational life and worship experience. Thus, congregants do not require an invitation to the service, although information about the service is commonly included by families on invitations to celebrate the simcha. Many families will also send in their invitations a request for guests to bring an item for donation to tzedakah in honor of the child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah or as part of a mitzvah project. 2. The format of our weekly Shabbat supplement, distributed at Shabbat services, contains general information about our services and about some of the rituals your guests will encounter. As your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not a private event and takes place within the confines of the Shabbat liturgical custom of NVHC, there is no need for families to print a special page of information about the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony. If you have any questions about this, please contact the clergy. G. TALLITOT / KIPPOT The parents of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family often provide a gift tallit (prayer shawl) and/or kippah (head covering) for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah though neither are required and you may borrow from the synagogue as well. Many families will order special commemorative kippot for the congregation if desired. However, the synagogue has ample kippot and tallitot available for congregants and guests and we encourage you to consider saving this cost, or ordering only a minimum number of commemorative kippot for those attending worship. The Sisterhood can assist in the ordering of such items if you wish. H. USHERS The congregation does not have a formal ushering crew. We count on volunteers. So it is strongly suggested that you ask one or two people to serve as ushers on Saturday. This will cut down on the confusion of visitors trying to figure out where to go and what to do. It is also very helpful for locating seating when the sanctuary appears to be full. Information for ushers appears in Appendix 3 of this Handbook. 11
II. BEING A MENSCH As our children undergo the transformation to religious adulthood that begins with Bar and Bat Mitzvah, we have a special opportunity to reinforce key messages about Jewish values. One important way is to model, with our children, what it means to be a mensch - a person who does good deeds and can be counted on to do what is right. Here are some important ways to express menschlichkeit. A. INVITING CLASSMATES TO YOUR SIMCHA Around the age of 13, children are acutely sensitive to social acceptance. Every year, we learn of children in the B nai Mitzvah class who feel great emotional pain because they have been unfortunately excluded from the B nai Mitzvah festivities of their classmates. We encourage you to get to know the other parents and children in your class during the years and months leading up to Bar and Bat Mitzvah. As they work and study for the year with their Torah Corps group, we hope that this will become an important community and support for your child. All of the students in a Torah Corps group are called up at each Bar or Bat Mitzvah in the group for our closing song and Motzi, as well as for an Aliyah to Torah at the last Bar/Bat Mitzvah of the group. In addition, connections made through our youth group events, participation in a temple-sponsored chavurah, or by asking for assistance in making such connections with your child s religious school teacher, our director of education or other temple lay leaders. B. PLANNING YOUR SIMCHA Families often hold a private event with family and friends to celebrate their child s becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah, and NVHC is frequently asked to recommend vendors for such events. It is the synagogue policy not to make such recommendations. However, the Sisterhood has much relevant information available. If you have questions, please approach Sisterhood members as well as other parents in your child s class or those who have celebrated B nai Mitzvah in previous years. If you plan kids transportation to or from the celebration, please make sure adult supervision is present on the bus/car or others. C. ONEG AND KIDDUSH HOSPITALITY Becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah is deeply meaningful to the family of the child, but it is also at its heart a welcoming of the child into the larger family of the congregation. Traditionally, to celebrate their joy at reaching this occasion and their appreciation of their congregation s role as an extended family, the family of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah offers hospitality to the congregation. At NVHC, this is reflected in the family s helping to underwrite the Friday night Oneg; any luncheon in the Social Hall on Saturday is open to our congregation. 12
APPENDIX A Suggested Categories of Mitzvot for Mitzvah Work These Jewish values and practices have sources in our sacred texts and teachings. You may choose from values/themes below, or consider other Jewish values to learn and explore Mitzvah work. Ahavat Yisrael - Love and support of Jews, Israel and Zionism. Love your neighbor as yourself. [Leviticus 19:18] Bikur Cholim Visiting the Sick. To attend to the sick is to attend to God. [Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel] Chesed Shel Emet Honoring the Deceased and Comforting the Mourner Weeping may linger at night, but joy comes with a new day. [Psalms 30:6] Gemilut Chasadim Deeds of Great Compassion Shimon [the son of Rabban Gamliel] says: It is not what one says, but rather what one does, that makes all the difference in the world. [Pirkei Avot] Hachnasat Orchim Hospitality You shall treat the stranger who dwells with you as the native among you, and you shall love that one as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God. [Leviticus 19:34] Hiddur P nei Zakein Giving Honor to the Elderly The prosperity of a country is in accordance with its treatment of its aged. [Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlav] Kibud Av va Em Honoring one s parents Honor your father and your mother. [Exodus 20:12] Mazon - Feeding the Hungry Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the stranger. I am Adonai your God. [Leviticus 19:10] Sh mirat hateva Protecting our Natural World When you wage war against a city, do not destroy its trees. [Deuteronomy 20:19] Sh mirat Shabbat Observing the Shabbat Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. [Exodus 20:8] Sh mirat Halashon Watching your Words Whoever of you desires life.guard your tongue from evil. [Psalms 34:12-13] Talmud Torah Torah Learning Study is greater than practice, for it leads to practice. [Talmud, Kiddushin 40b] Tsa ar Ba alei Chayim Being Kind to Animals [Compassion for the pain of living creatures] A person should feed his or her animal before eating. [Talmud, Berachot 40a] Tzedakah Righteous Giving Justice, justice shall you pursue. [Deuteronomy 16:20] Zikaron Remembrance Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt and the Eternal your God freed you from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. [Deuteronomy 5:15] 13
APPENDIX B Tzedakah and Social Justice in Honor of One s Bar/Bat Mitzvah Jewish tradition directs us to share our thanks with God throughout our lives. It is customary to give tzedakah and volunteer, participating in acts of tikkun olam and social action in honor of significant occasions in our lives. NVHC Social Justice programs. There are many avenues within our synagogue community, connected to local programming needs, where we live our values of social justice. Please see our website: http://www.nvhcreston.org/live/nvhchange-social-action/ o Forest Edge Weekend Snack Bag. Did you know that hundreds of kids in Fairfax County go home from school on Friday knowing that their next meal will not be until they return to school Monday morning? NVHC Change is helping to fight food insecurity and fill hungry tummies through the Forest Edge Elementary School Weekend Snack Bag program. Twice a month, NVHC Change volunteers donate food and pack 225 gallon sized bags with healthy snacks to send home with children in need, right here in Reston. The needs at Forest Edge continue to rise and we need more helpers to coordinate this effort. We need more people behind the scenes helping with gathering food we need to purchase, getting the word out to the congregation, picking up bins from the school and more. The other need that we have right now is for more money. Every month we spend approximately $1,000 to purchase all the food for the TAMID students to participate in this project, but OUR FUNDS ARE RUNNING LOW! We are looking for fundraising ideas. We are seeking food donations ALL year long. Please help to support this effort by bringing in as many food donations as you can give. If you have any questions please contact Alison. To find out how you can donate food or help pack bags, email Alison Behar at ForestEdgeBackpackProgram@nvhcreston.org. o Reading program at Forest Edge Elementary. The Reading Specialist at Forest Edge Elementary, Barbara Fant, is looking for individuals who will work one-on-one with students who are having reading difficulties to give them special help on an ongoing basis; to give them confidence, practice and additional skills. This would entail working with the same student every week (or 2X a week) and to establish a relationship with the student. Each session would be only 15 to 20 minutes in length. Application forms can be picked up from the NVHC temple office. If you have further questions, please contact temple member Sandee Byrne, Sisterhood member Brigitte Wazana or Forest Edge Resource Teacher, Barbara Fant at BDFant@fcps.edu. o Hypothermia Shelter. For several years, NVHC Change volunteers have supported Cornerstone s Hypothermia Shelter by shopping for, cooking, and serving meals for the guests of the shelter. During the cold months, NVHC Change provides a warm meal once every two weeks. Other ways NVHC congregants have supported the shelter include knitting and donating homemade scarves, as well as donating monetary funds. If you can help by providing materials or serving the meals, or even by making a small donation, please contact Sandee Byrne via email at G14iraffe@aol.com. CORNERSTONES: Bar/Bat Mitzvah and their families have become involved in Cornerstones in many ways. Donating financial resources (earned by the students through hard work), donating time and volunteer hours to support the work of Cornerstones, of which NVHC is a supporting 14
member organization. The work and support NVHC members share with Cornerstones ensures that in Northern Virginia needy individuals and families receive food, shelter, affordable housing, childcare and other supportive services. The Embry Rucker Shelter is a part of this effort, providing emergency shelter 365 days a year. Contact Cornerstones for more information about all of their programs at www.cornerstonesva.org or (571) 323-9555. MAZON: A Jewish Response to Hunger, is an organization that provides food to the needy at home and abroad. Families are encouraged to make a donation to MAZON on the occasion of their family s simcha, based on a percentage of their food expenses. Linking this mitzvah with the celebration of Bar/Bat Mitzvah is an important educational experience for your child, as well as a memorable part of a very special event. A wonderful mitzvah project is the donation of 3% of your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah food expenses to MAZON. This sensitizes your child to millions around the world who go in need and are supported by organizations that receive grants from MAZON. MAZON can be reached at (310)442-0020 or www.mazon.org. Jewish National Fund. Devoted to serving as the caretaker of the land of Israel for the Jewish people, many families choose to support the Jewish National Fund at their Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrations by sending Jewish National Fund personalized tree certificates as one-of-a-kind invitations, or using them as favors, table signs, or acknowledgements. These attractive, affordable certificates help beautify Israel, support Jewish environmental values and share with your child and your guests the special relationship and responsibility Jewish values teach us regarding Israel and the environment. To request a sample kit of JNF s one-of-a-kind certificates and enhancements, please call (800)700-1312 or see www.jnf.org. Save a Child s Heart Foundation provides urgently needed pediatric heart surgery and follow-up care for children from third world and developing countries. Contributions from B nai Mitzvah celebrants enable indigent children to have lifesaving heart surgery. At one s Bar/Bat Mitzvah during their speech, the student shares more information about Save a Child s Heart and its vital life-saving work, consistent with the Jewish value of pikuach nefesh, saving of lives. The student will be presented with a certificate acknowledging a contribution to Save a Child s Heart and its sincere gratitude. See www.sachef.org or call 301-593-5763 for more information. Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism can assist you and your child in developing a mitzvah project that would encourage personal advocacy on behalf of an issue of social justice or activism. Letter-writing campaigns, participation in marches and demonstrations, and support of causes are wonderful mitzvah projects in which our Bar/Bat Mitzvah students may take the opportunity to lead. See www.rac.org or contact the Religious Action Center at 202-387-2800. Lifeline for the Old - Yad Lakashish: Myriam Mendelow z"l, a former school teacher, was working with the elderly of Jerusalem. After seeing countless people who had given up on living and whom society had allowed to give up, she created a series of sheltered workshops for seniors. Today they rebind the books of school children, make wooden and fabric toys, and create a whole line of ritual and gift items. Yad Lakashish is a wonderful organization for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrant to support. Contact: http://www.lifeline.org.il. Inova Blood Services. NVHC Social Action Committee sponsors blood drives each year under the aegis of Inova Blood Donor Services. Although Bar/Bat Mitzvah students are not eligible to donate, they can assist in the mitzvah of publicity for these blood drives, contacting temple and community members to encourage donations. Over 200 blood and platelet donations 15
are needed every day, year round by patients at the fifteen hospitals served by Inova Blood Donor Services. Blood and platelets help: trauma patients, surgery patients, newborn babies, cancer patients and transplant patients. Although 60 percent of the population is eligible to donate, less than five percent actually do. Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrants are encouraged to help out with Blood Drives or any Social Action project sponsored by NVHC. Contact our Social Action Chairperson for more details. For more information about blood donations or to schedule a donation appointment, contact 1-866-256-6372 or see www.inova.org. New Israel Fund provides critically-needed support to hundreds of national and community-based organizations working to safeguard civil and human rights, promote religious tolerance and pluralism and narrow economic and social gaps in Israel. www.nif.org. Locks of Love. This organization accepts donations of lengths of hair grown by young people so that it might provide (free-of-charge) hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children under age 18 suffering from long-term medical hair loss. More information is available at 1-888-896-1588 or www.locksoflove.org. World Federation of Jewish Child Survivors of the Holocaust. A million and a half Jewish children under the age of 16 were murdered during the Holocaust. We know very little about them; however, there are special ways to remember them in the course of your child s upcoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The Twinning and Remembrance concept is to have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah student twin and in this way remember a young Jewish person who perished in the Holocaust in his/her ceremony. You may contact them at www.wfjcsh.org to arrange the specifics of twinning with a Holocaust victim. Remember Us: A Bar/Bat Mitzvah Project for Holocaust Remembrance. This project invites a child who is preparing to become a Bar or Bat mitzvah to remember a child who was lost in the Holocaust as part of this joyous time of being called to the Torah. Students choose from the list of tens of thousands of children's names who died the Holocaust and they then "share" their sacred event with this lost child. This might include doing mitzvot in their name, including information about the child and their history in D var Torah, choosing to remember this child before the Mourner s Kaddish or additional ideas for remembrance. To learn more about this special and important project, email remember@sonic.net. In addition: NVHC Funds. Many B nai Mitzvah families choose to share donate in honor of their child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah to the NVHC Rabbi s or Cantor s Discretionary Funds, the Selden-Dixon Memorial Endowment for Jewish Youth and Community Development, the Lifelong Learning Fund, or one of the other dedicated funds that support the activity of the NVHC community. Please contact the office for more information about contributing to NVHC. Other Ideas - There are many agencies in Virginia, North America and around the world can be helped through volunteering time, generous resources, and tzedakah on the occasion of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. NVHC lists agencies below which the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student and family can contact for assistance in supporting work of Tikkun Olam. At the time of publication, we believe all these to be reputable agencies, but by no means is this list exhaustive. Of course, please let us know of your experiences and potential additions to this list for future students preparing B nai Mitzvah projects. 16
American Friends of Magen David Adom (http://armdi.org) or (212)757-1627 American Friends of Neve Shalom/Wahat al-salam - supporting dialogue and peace in an Israeli/Arab community (http://nswas.com) (856) 235-6200 American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee (http://jdc.org) or (212) 687-6200 American Jewish World Service (http://ajws.org) or (800) 889-7146 American Society for the Protection of Nature in Israel (http://wzo.org.il/en/resources/view.asp?id=1033) or (212) 398-6750 Association of Reform Zionists of America (http://arza.org) or (212) 650-4280 Capital Hospice (http://capitalhospice.org) or (703) 383-9222 Coalition on the Environment and Jewish Life (http://coejl.org) or (212) 532-7801 FACT (Family and Children s Trust Fund) in VA supports shelters, self-help groups, hotlines, counseling centers responding to family violence (http://vadv.org/) or call 804-692-1823 Jewish AIDS Network of Greater Washington at 202-546-8574 Jewish Federation of Greater Washington (http://shalomdc.org), 703-425-0066 Jewish Social Service Agency (http://jssa.org) or 703-204-9100 Jewish Youth Philanthropy Institute (http://jypi.org) or 301-348-7346 Jews for Judaism (http://jewsforjudaism.org) or 410-602-0276 Joseph and Betty Harlam URJ Camp Institute for Living Judaism Scholarship Fund (http://campharlam.org) or 215-563-8183 Lauri Strauss Leukemia Foundation (http://lslf.org) or 212-696-1033 Miriam s Kitchen (http://miriamskitchen.org) or 202-452-8927 NFTY, North American Federation of Temple Youth Camp Scholarship Fund (http://kutzcamp.org ) or 845-987-6300 One Family Fund (http://onefamilyfund.org) or 1-866-91FAMILY Project Kesher (projectkesher@projectkesher.org) or 847 332 1994 Save a Child s Heart Endowment Fund (http://sachef.org) or 301-593-5763 Terror Victims Association Almagor (http://terrorvictims.com) URJ Fund for Reform Judaism (http://urj.org) or 212-650-4000 17
APPENDIX C TALKING ABOUT A D VAR TORAH Although the text of your child s D var Torah is crafted by the student and Rabbi together, you can begin early conversations to consider aspects of the Torah portion s meaning. Here are some ideas for how to get conversations started. 1. Read the text slowly and rephrase each verse or sentence in your own words to make certain you understand its plain meaning. 2. Raise all questions and problems with the text. For words that seem strange, ask what they may mean. If the text seems to contradict something you already know, ask why. Holes or gaps in the story can be angles into the meaning of the text. 3. See the dynamic interaction of the characters. How does their interaction help fill in the terseness of the text? If dialogue or expressions of feelings are missing, talk about what you think they would have said or felt in their particular situation. Give voice to the characters who don't speak. 4. Place yourself in the text. Be all the characters and the components one at a time. 5. Remember the larger context; do not isolate your story from the whole Torah or Jewish or secular calendar. Are there other stories about your main character? Is there a major holiday or event occurring at the time of your Torah portion? 18
APPENDIX D - CHECKLIST OF PRAYERS FOR BAR/BAT MITZVAH Prayer page in Mishkan Tefilah V ahavta 201 [319] Adonai S fatai 205 [323] Avot v Imahot 206 [324] G vurot 207 [325] Atah Kadosh 52 (Shabbat eve only) [170] Blessing before Torah 250 [368] Blessing after Torah 250 [368] Blessing before Haftarah 254 (top) [372] Blessing after Haftarah 254 (bottom) [372] Kiddush 5 [123] IMPORTANT: Please bring the following to every class: your siddur (prayerbook) your Torah portion work booklet Listening device with prayers and Torah/Haftarah recordings downloaded http://www.nvhcreston.org/learn/torah-corps earbuds Bar/Bat Mitzvah Study Suggestions: 1. Practice OUT LOUD for at least 15-20 minutes daily. 2. In learning a new piece of Hebrew, begin by saying each word 3-5 times until it is easy. Then say the next word 3-5 times until it is easy. Then put the words together to build a phrase. Repeat your learning in small pieces, going back to the beginning of the verse after you have mastered the small phrases. 3. Make sure that you CONTINUE TO REVIEW prayers and Hebrew portions even once you have learned them, so that you don t forget them. 4. You are not expected to be perfect! Just remember to try your hardest and do your best. 5. If you have any questions, ask for help! Remember: You can do this!! 19