Essay Rough Draft by Nestor Henrriquez WORD COUNT 1101 CHARACTER COUNT 928 TIME SUBMITTED 18-APR-2012 01:28PM PAPER ID 216682
PEERMARK REPORT Review 2 10 / 10 Review 1 10 / 10 Review 10 / 10 QUESTION 1 - WHAT IS THE THESIS? The bible and popol vuh shares the same trait The creation stories in the section of Genesis in the Bible shares similar characteristics to that of the creation. The creation stories of in the section of Genesis in the bible share similar characteristics to that of the creation stories in the Popul Vuh. QUESTION 2 - HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE ORGANIZATION IN THIS ESSAY? 1 = worst, 5 = best 5 QUESTION - DOES EACH PARAGRAPH OF THIS PAPER LOGICALLY PROGRESS FROM THE FORMER ONES? WHY OR WHY NOT? yes. Each paragraph have a god transition to flow. Some paragraphs do, some do not. Try and make transition sentences a consistent thing through out the paper. Yes logically and sequentially talking about similarities QUESTION - HOW CLEARLY DOES THE AUTHOR EXPRESS HIS OR HER IDEAS? 1 = very unclear, 5 = very clearly 5 QUESTION 5 - HOW SMOOTHLY DOES THIS PAPER INTEGRATE EXAMPLES INTO ITS OWN ARGUMENT? DOES IT CLEARLY ILLUSTRATE CONNECTIONS BETWEEN THE EVIDENCE IT CITES AND THE IDEAS THEY SUPPORT, OR DOES IT MERELY ASSUME THEM? EXPLAIN. i think there's ideas but i do not see quotation. therefore, it can be improved better by apply quotes. I did not see any examples through out the whole text. Good because talks about overall ideas of bible and popul vuh. QUESTION 6 - DOES THE LOGIC OF THIS PAPER'S ARGUMENT EVER FALL FLAT? WHERE? WHAT MIGHT BE DONE TO CORRECT THIS? i think each paragraph can be expand or make it more tied together. The fact that the argument has no examples to support it makes it fall flat after the second paragraph.
No everything seems in order. QUESTION 7 - DO YOU FEEL THIS PAPER RELIES ON EVIDENCE, OR ON OPINION OR INTUITION? IF THE LATTER, CITE EXAMPLES OF WHERE THIS PAPER RELIES ON OPINION AND INTUITION AND GIVE SUGGESTIONS AS TO HOW THE WRITER CAN WRITE MORE OBJECTIVELY. i believe its rely more on the opinion and less examples. If I did not know what the Popol Vuh and the Bible were, I would say this was an opinion based essay. For the absence of evidence. Perhaps more objective if introduces sources page numbers and more all around quotations. QUESTION 8 - COULD THE READABILITY, CLARITY, OR STYLE OF THIS PAPER BE IMPROVED? HOW? i think it just need to improve on evidence. The paper is easy to read with a decent flow. Not redundant, opinionated, wordy or all over the place author did a good job with that. QUESTION 9 - RATE THIS PAPER'S OVERALL READABILTY 1 = unreadable, 5 = very readable 5 QUESTION 10 - CAN THE CONCLUSION OF THIS PAPER BE CONVINCINGLY DRAWN FROM THE THESIS AND THE ARGUMENT MADE IN THE BODY OF THE PAPER? WHY OR WHY NOT? i think the conclusion can be better. Explain more and refer back to thesis. Not really because it just talks about how both sacred scriptures were used by their culture. Yes because it attaches similarities. QUESTION 11 - SCAN AND SPOT THE PAPER FOR THE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING PROBLEMS: COLLOQUIALISMS, INFORMALITY, CLICHÃ S, AND WORDINESS. GIVE A FEW EXAMPLES OF THESE PROBLEMS, IF THEY EXIST. i do not exam any of those problems. I am pretty sure writing "Bible" as just a noun and not a pro noun is informal. "race of humans" human race" replace creations because used repeatedly QUESTION 12 - DOES THIS PAPER SUSTAIN A COHERENT POINT OF VIEW? WHY OR WHY NOT? yes. It is coherent though out the essay with that bible is similar with popol vuh Yes it does, it stays with the fact that Popol Vuh and Bible are similar. replace the word "perfect race" once in a while maybe repetitive. QUESTION 1 - RATE THE STRENGTH OF THIS PAPER'S THESIS. 1 = very weak, 5 = very strong QUESTION 1 - DOES THE AUTHOR INTRODUCE THE POPOL VUH AS A TEXT? HOW WELL IS THIS DONE?
QUESTION 1 - DOES THE AUTHOR INTRODUCE THE POPOL VUH AS A TEXT? HOW WELL IS THIS DONE? It's really good and understandable and it is talking about bible and popol vuh. The sentence makes the thesis convincing. Yes it is introduced as a text at the beginning of the essay. "The popol vuh is a descriptive scripture that introduces the culture of the mayan by serving as a bible." QUESTION 15 - ARE THERE SUFFICIENT EXTERNAL SOURCES USED () AS EVIDENCE? ARE THE SOURCES SCHOLARLY/ACADEMIC SOURCES? I do not see any quotes and work cited page. Therefore, i only know that the essay is based on popol vuh and bible No external sources were used to support the argument, but they were mentioned. Maybe it could use one or two more external sources not just the bible or popul vuh. Perhaps an article or literary criticism? QUESTION 16 - DOES THE AUTHOR MAKE RELEVANT COMPARISONS BETWEEN POPOL VUH AND OTHER TEXT(S)? WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST FOR IMPROVEMENT? i only see comparison with bible. therefore, i think another source will do it. Add evidence, you need evidence to support the argument. Comparisons were mad but you need hard facts to make the argument concrete. more in-depth example and use in text citations or quotes. To broad perhaps narrow it down? QUESTION 17 - COULD THE WRITER OF THIS PAPER HAVE OMITTED CERTAIN PASSAGES TO MAKE THIS PAPER MORE CONCISE? IF YES, WHICH ONES? i don't think it need to omit any passage but combining them to make the idea better and closer. There were no passages used whatsoever. No everything was clear and necessary. QUESTION 18 - HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE DEPTH/QUALITY OF ANALYSIS IN THIS ESSAY? 1 = worst, 5 = best 2 PAGE 1 PAGE 2 PAGE PAGE