The Beloved Disciple At the end of the fourth gospel, that of John the author identifies himself as the disciple whom Jesus loved. It has been assumed therefore that he was John the apostle, one of the first called by Jesus and one of his inner trio, with Peter and James, who were with Jesus on key occasions - his transfiguration, his agony in the garden and elsewhere. There are various reasons to doubt whether the beloved disciple was that John. For instance: the latter part of the gospel reads as if written by a resident of Jerusalem. And the beloved disciple is only mentioned in the final week of Jesus life. And again: it is very unlikely that one of Jesus close Galilean disciples could have been at the crucifixion (They were marked men - think of what nearly happened to Peter). The women could be there, not the men. In the second century there were, at Ephesus, two tombs revered by Christians, and both marked John. And also the house of Mary, mother of Jesus. The following is a letter which is as if written by the beloved disciple towards the end of the first century.
My dear Friend, You have asked me to write some of the details of Jesus last week, as I remember them. I know you are familiar with what has already been recorded. My parents house was in the close packed area of Jerusalem, south west of the Temple. They had met Jesus when he came up for the feast days and offered him a safe house if ever he needed it. Six months before the end he had sent his disciples on with the main pilgrimage from Galilee up for the Feast of Tabernacles. He had then made his own way, and came to us in secret. Everyone was surprised when he then appeared in the Temple. That was when I really got to know him. But he insisted that even his closest friends should not know where our house was. Then the Feast of Dedication. Another major conflict with the authorities. So that if he came again, for the Feast of Passover, they would be forced to take action. Three months later everyone in the city knew that he was in fact making his way up for the feast. He and a growing number of disciples, as well as the twelve and some of his relatives, his mother, and the women who had accompanied him. Most of the pilgrims came into the city or camped in the nearby hills, as was normal. But he held back for a number of days.
He went to Bethany as you know and restored Lazarus from the tomb. And then, because so many of us from the city went out to Bethany to see for ourselves, he withdrew to Ephraim ten miles to the north. On the way he left a message with a friend to have a donkey ready when the time was right for his entry into the city. He was waiting till more pilgrims had come and was careful to keep his distance. But all of us in the city wondered if he would come at all. It was bound to be the finale. You know the glory and the pathos of his entry when at last he decided the hour was right. And how for the next two days he was active in the temple withdrawing across to the Mount of Olives at night. Although thousands were moved by what he did and taught, and deeply moved by his own person which seemed so intimate with God, yet many were disillusioned by his failure to take command as the Messiah was expected to. The twelve too were bewildered. Jesus had spoken so often to them about the coming of a new order which would restore the nation. But all he seemed to be doing was to provoke the powers that be. On the fourth day therefore, Judas went to the authorities. Why? Perhaps we ll never know. Was he bitter? Was he impatient? Did he think that if Jesus was arrested he would have to declare himself?
Jesus knew that Judas had gone, knew that time was short and decided to hold the supper a day earlier than normal. He sent me to ask my parents if they could have the supper at our house. And he and I arranged that the next morning I would be at a certain spot inside the city gate, carrying a water jar. As you know it all worked out Peter and John followed me, the next morning. And we prepared for supper in the evening. When they all gathered for the supper it was a surprise to me that he invited me not only to join them but to recline next to him on his right where Peter should have been. (Was he teasing them out of questions about who belonged on his left and right? As with washing their feet). What followed we have fully recorded. Judas slipped out and only Peter and I knew where to. We finished the meal, sang the psalms and Jesus left, with the others, for Gethsemane. I went to bed, only to be woken sometime later by my parents in a frenzy. Judas had returned with an arrest party of Roman and Temple police (There must have been feverish activity to get that organised and to get Pilate to agree to an early morning hearing. Judas had triggered the whole affair when he realised how clandestine the supper was. Ideal for arresting Jesus secretly).
Finding that Jesus and the others had left our house, Judas had to think again, He knew where they must have gone so he led the arrest party out of the city, along the valley and up to Gethsemane. Meanwhile I was told to run as fast as I could, just as I was in my nightshirt, to warn Jesus and the others. But I was too late and stood aghast as Jesus emerged from the garden after his ordeal. He took immediate command, ordered that his disciples be released - telling them to go over to Bethany. Judas spotted me in the shadows, but I managed to wriggle free. It was a cold night to be left naked. But after they had led Jesus away, Peter found me, lent me his cloak, and together we followed at a distance. It was typical of him not to have gone with the others as bidden. He was, I think, feeling sore that Jesus had said at the supper that he would betray him. We first went home, but Peter wanted to follow Jesus. My family had many contacts in Jerusalem so I managed to get him into the High Priest s house. You will know what happened. And it was only when I got Peter back to our house that he realised why Jesus wanted his immediate disciples off the scene. They were marked men and their northern accents made it worse.
Early the next morning I was out in the space in front of Pilate s palace, as were many of disciples and family. It was an awesome time as we felt the crowds being manipulated and then turned against him. The Jewish authorities had been keen that Pilate take responsibility and Pilate tried to put it back on them. We learned later from the centurion what had gone on between Jesus and Pilate in private. Well you know the outcome - and how Jesus was led off, with the other two, carrying the cross pieces. And how the women and Mary and I followed. If you have seen a crucifixion, my friend, you will have some idea of what those next three hours were like. I shall not say more except that for me the most poignant moment was when Jesus gave his mother to me and me to her. The place where they crucified criminals, just outside the city, was by the road where hundreds of pilgrims were passing. They were bringing their lambs to be slaughtered in the Temple. Then back to their camps for the Passover supper that evening. You can guess some of their comments when they read what had been written above Jesus head. ~~~~
After we had lain Jesus in Joseph s tomb and the women had done a temporary embalming, we all returned to our house. And from that time Mary his mother became one of our family. During the Sabbath, the day of Passover, we laid low, trying to console each other - especially Peter. Then early the next morning, as you know, the women went back to complete the burial. But they returned quite soon with their amazing news, though we did not then know that he had appeared to Mary of Magdala who had stayed on at the tomb. Peter was insistent that he and I go ourselves. We found the long burial shroud lying untouched and the head cloth on its own to one side. The implication was clear. The body had not been removed, he had risen from death - - though we did not know what that really meant. I hastened home to tell the others. Peter stayed awhile and it was while he made his bewildered way back that Jesus appeared to him also. We can only guess the intensity of that encounter. Shortly afterwards the other ten apostles returned from Bethany. We locked the doors and only Thomas ventured out to get provisions. In due course Cleopas and his wife came, exhausted. And they recounted how they had recognised Jesus in his breaking bread at Emmaus. Then while all this was being discussed, he himself appeared among us.
~~~~ Many years later, when John and I and Jesus mother moved to Ephesus, we began recording not so much what happened as what with hindsight and experience it really meant. He was getting on in years and for him the Jesus whom we had known, the crucified and risen Lord who is with us, and the Christian community, his Body, had all merged into one. And also the bitter attacks of the Jewish revivalists against Christians in recent times had merged with the memory of the Jewish Sanhedrin in Jesus time. One final point, my friend. You ask why I call myself the Beloved Disciple. In fact John and I agreed to remain anonymous throughout. I use the name Beloved Disciple just three times. At the supper, at the cross, and at the Easter tomb. It is to invite you and every reader to be at those three places as one who is loved by the Lord. Your friend, John (Tom Cullinan )