Mishkan Torah Synagogue Greenbelt, Maryland Bar/Bat Mitzvah Handbook 2012-2013 1
BECOMING A BAR/BAT MITZVAH The Mishkan Torah Religious Committee offers this guide to parents and prospective Bar/Bat Mitzvah students to help with preparations for a significant and meaningful event. Each year we conduct a group meeting to assist in planning. We hope that the opportunity to read this guide in advance will make this meeting more useful. The Religious Committee and staff of the Synagogue urge you to call upon us for assistance in your planning and to deal with questions and concerns about preparation for your Simcha. A list of names and telephone numbers of persons to contact is furnished with this guide. HISTORICAL NOTE AND ROLE OF THE CEREMONY AT MISHKAN TORAH Bar/Bat Mitzvah - literally son or daughter of the commandment - historically meant the formal assumption, by a young Jew, of the obligation to fulfill the commandments and the religious and legal obligations of being a Jew. Today we view the Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a time to re-evaluate our goals as parents and the values we seek to instill in our children. It is a time in which to focus upon the maturing process of our family, its stability, and its continuing Jewish involvement. Accordingly, concern for the emotional well being of the family at this time should outweigh the amount of attention given to a reception. At Mishkan Torah we emphasize these values in Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremonies. We do not believe that the Bar or Bat Mitzvah should be a showpiece for friends or relatives. Instead, we would prefer that the event promote the spiritual rather than the material aspects of the day. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a congregant participating with our congregational family in our weekly service. We take pride in our Bar/Bat Mitzvah as an individual having achieved the learning to lead us as a Baal Tefila - prayer leader; a Baal Koreh - Torah reader, and chanter of the Haftorah portion of the week; but most important, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is part of a greater whole--joining with the congregation as a full and important member. The other side of the coin is, of course, our fervent hope that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not an end point either for ritual participation in our services or Jewish educational pursuit. On Bar/Bat Mitzvah day we acknowledge the celebrant's skill in mastering the basics of ritual conduct - which is a significant achievement only if continued. We encourage the celebrants to continue leading us in conducting services, reading from the Torah and chanting a Haftorah now and again at age 14, 15, 16 and so on to 85 or 90. We expect and encourage them to continue to participate in our school because just now they are approaching the age at which meaningful intellectual Jewish study and appreciation of its stimulation is possible. 2
GETTING THERE The educational requirements to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Mishkan Torah include a minimum of five years in our religious school. For those students entering our school after third grade, we accept at full credit any schooling received from other appropriate institutions. Those students entering our school without the proper educational prerequisites will be reviewed on an individual basis. Mishkan Torah does not accept into our school students who have no Jewish education with the intent of giving them a Bar or Bat Mitzvah that year. We may require a newly entered student to wait a period of time until we are assured that he or she will continue within our program after the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Consistent with our philosophy of Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a life cycle event and not a "graduation," we expect the student to continue with the post-bar/bat Mitzvah class the following year. We require our Bar/Bat Mitzvah children to be registered for the full year's study in our school and to maintain satisfactory attendance, discipline and performance. Briefly stated, the goals of our educational process are to give the student a personal identification within Judaism and a sense of being part of the larger Jewish community. CHOOSING A BAR/BAT MITZVAH DATE The goal of Mishkan Torah is to avoid assigning the same date to more than one youngster in the same class. A. Your child does not share a birth week with another student: At the beginning of the child's sixth grade (Hebrew dalet) year, the process to select a Bar/Bat Mitzvah date will begin with the recommendation of a date based on your child's Hebrew calendar birth date. If the date is acceptable to you, Rabbi, and the Synagogue, that date will be confirmed. If there is a problem with that date, you may suggest alternatives. B. Your child does share a birth week with another student: The procedure will be the same as above with a notation attached to the date recommendation explaining the conflict and requesting alternative dates. Should neither family volunteer to change, the issue may be placed before the Rabbi for resolution. As a rule we discourage B'nai Mitzvah on holiday weekends because of the difficulty of staffing functions on those weekends. B'nai Mitzvah are scheduled primarily during the school year, (not during the period between mid- June and mid-august). 3
THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH CEREMONY: THE MAIN EVENT While there is a set of recommended standards, there is no minimum or maximum requirement within the service that a Bar/Bat Mitzvah must perform. Each student is treated as an individual. The service is held on Friday night and Saturday morning and in this way it is a congregational Simcha. The appropriate blessings are learned in addition to the Haftorah reading; however, we recognize that each student is unique, and we give equal support to those who wish to do more (including trope, Maftir which has become customary for most students, and more Torah reading, leading services, Friday night services) and to those who are unable to do this much. The important thing is that each student works to his or her capacity. PROJECT Approximately six months before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, you should schedule a meeting with the rabbi. Both student and parents should plan to attend. The rabbi will help the student develop a project on a Judaic subject of interest to the child. The purpose of this activity is to give personal meaning to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah beyond participating in the service. Very often, the project becomes a family activity, enriching all members and bringing the family closer. As with participation in the service, the scope of the project varies with each child. The rabbi will evaluate the balance between the religious and secular goals required to allow the child to best present his or her skills. If the child wishes, a volunteer will meet with him or her shortly before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to rehearse the use of the microphone and public speaking skills. BAR/BAT MITZVAH TUTORING Approximately one year before your child's thirteenth birthday, the principal will help you set a date for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. About six months later you may call one of our approved tutors see list below to select a tutor and to arrange for appropriate lessons. Please let the Principal and/or the Rabbi know of any special needs. Rabbi will also be in touch with you about this special day and assist your child in selecting and completing his or her training. If the child has been enrolled in the Karp Family School for grades 3, 4, 5, & 6, there will be no additional fee for the first twelve hours of tutoring. An additional fee, pro-rated, will apply to children who enter school after third grade. PARENTS CAN HELP Parents, both with and without Hebrew background, can be of great help in this process. The most important attribute that a parent can have is a positive attitude. This, along with a willingness to help and support whatever goals the student undertakes, is of vital importance to the success of this process. It is also important to remember that Bar/Bat Mitzvah is one step in the journey of Jewish education and identification. Parents are the prime motivators in encouraging study for Bar/Bat Mitzvah along with the student's other religious school subjects. The period of preparation often becomes a special time, for parents and children are together striving to achieve Bar/Bat Mitzvah by learning together, and by preparing for the service and celebration. In this sharing process, the student takes on responsibilities preparing for that day. Responsibility, after all, is a major theme of Bar/Bat Mitzvah. 4
SHABBAT MORNING ATTENDANCE PRIOR TO BAR/BAT MITZVAH In order for you fully to enjoy and appreciate your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah, it is essential for you to attend Shabbat morning services as a family during the months preceding your simcha. Mishkan Torah requires students to attend a minimum of two Shabbat morning services per month once preparation for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah has begun. From the time tutoring begins, the student should have the tutoring reinforced by knowledge of the service itself. It is strongly recommended that you attend services with your child in order to impress him or her with the importance to you of preparation for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and to familiarize the family with the service and Bar/Bat procedures. To send your child by himself or herself to services sets up a double standard that is discouraging to your child. A COMMUNITY CELEBRATION Each Bar or Bat Mitzvah is celebrated by our congregational family as a community simcha. It is customary to invite all congregants attending that day to join in the kiddush or luncheon celebration and to invite the child's religious school classmates to attend. Also, even though all congregants are welcome to come to the service and kiddush, you may want to formally invite the principle and teachers of the hebrew school. A child's coming of age is also a joyous event for the Jewish people as a whole. To enhance the significance of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, your child may want to "twin" with another Bar or Bat Mitzvah child who is unable to celebrate on his/her own, such as an ancestor who was unable to celebrate on his/her own. (See the Rabbi and/or the forms at the back of this booklet for information on these programs.) A FAMILY AFFAIR One of the most beautiful aspects of the preparation for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is the way in which each member of the family can be involved. At Mishkan Torah a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a family affair. It is not only the celebration of an individual's coming of age, but also a life cycle event for the entire family. Therefore, it is important to encourage as much family participation as possible. Although the rabbi and cantor are responsible for conducting the service, lay members of the congregation are involved in various aspects of the liturgy. Therefore, if there is a member of the family who would like to participate in the service by leading, reading Torah, etc., every effort will be made to assure this involvement. Other examples of participation might be a younger child leading Adon Olam, or a poem or prayer written and read by a grandparent, or simply walking in the Torah procession. The service should have deep meaning to the child and family. Where possible, anything that will increase the family's involvement will be considered. The religious committee requires that any member of the family wishing to participate in the service be approved by the rabbi. If you plan to supply a Torah reader, that person should be in touch with the religious committee at least three months before the service. 5
BAR/BAT MITZVAH HONORS Every effort will be made to honor relatives and friends of the family with an opportunity to participate in the service. Generally we assign about fifteen (15) honors, including opening and closing the Ark, carrying the Torah, seven Aliyot (being called to the Torah to recite the blessings before and after a portion of the reading), and lifting, tying, and putting away the Torah. All Aliyot are for members of the Jewish People. Non-Jews are welcome to stand alongside on the bima (without saying the blessings) or to offer English readings. The list of Aliyot (honors) to be given out will be sent to you well in advance of your Simcha. Please furnish the Hebrew names in advance for honorees assigned Aliyot. Final details must be supplied to the synagogue office no later than one week prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. For your convenience, you may make use of the Aliyah form that is furnished with this guide. This will be discussed with you when you meet with the Rabbi about a month prior to the event. It is appropriate for the child's parents to be called for an Aliyah and to recite the blessings together. Please ask everyone you wish to be called to recite blessings before and after a Torah portion to practice sufficiently to recite the Hebrew words correctly. The Religious Committee will gladly assist in instructing any Aliyah recipient to recite the blessings (a transliterated version is furnished with this guide) and to learn to chant them if desired (CD and mp3 recordings are also available). Taking a little time to practice in advance by the honoree enhances the service and the occasion for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Learning to recite the blessings adequately takes only a short time. Adequate preparation is a token of respect for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Also, be certain that anyone asked to lift the torah is able to do this. ORIENTATION MEETING An orientation meeting for parents will be held with the rabbi, Religious School Principal and B'nai Mitzvah coordinators. Presentations will be made on the various requirements and issues involved in Bar/Bat Mitzvah planning, and parents will have an opportunity to ask questions of a general nature. DISCUSSIONS WITH THE RABBI Upon request, parents and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah may meet with the Rabbi at least a year prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, normally after the orientation meeting. This affords the Rabbi an opportunity to discuss the meaning of Bar/Bat Mitzvah with the child and parents, to confirm the Torah and Haftorah readings and any special requirements for the scheduled date, to discuss tutoring plans, and to approve the choice of tutor if one is not previously certified as a tutor by the Synagogue and to begin discussing the B'nai Mitzvah project. In addition, the Rabbi will be happy to answer any questions you may have in connection with the service and to be a support for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and family throughout this entire process. Call the Rabbi for your appointment. A meeting with the Rabbi must be scheduled no later than one month prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. At this time the Rabbi will examine the capability of your child to recite his/her portion and show that he/she will be fully ready to discharge all obligations satisfactorily. The student should bring along his/her books and materials used for preparation. Also bring with you your proposed Aliyah-honors list with names in English and Hebrew. 6
REHEARSALS We strongly suggest that your child and his or her tutor schedule time for several dress rehearsals in the Sanctuary, during the month prior to the ceremony. Also schedule a dress rehearsal during the last week with the Rabbi. Photographs may be taken at this time. THE FRIDAY EVENING BEFORE THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH We encourage the family to attend the Friday evening service on the Sabbath of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Your child will be asked to recite Kiddush during the service. In honor of the occasion, it is traditional that the family sponsors the Oneg Shabbat following the service. You may call Sisterhood catering to make arrangements. THE SERVICE Invitations to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah should state that our Sabbath morning service begins at 9:30 a.m. The family must be present at the start of services. Mishkan Torah can assist you with (or arrange for you) many things that will make your celebration at the synagogue run smoothly, but we need your help. Our synagogue, an affiliate of both the Reconstructionist and Conservative movements, observes the Sabbath (Shabbat) in what might be called a "modern traditional" mode. We encourage maximum participation by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. An aliyah list is included at the end of this handbook. Please fill in as much as possible and contact the religious committee if you have any difficulties. Submit the final form to the religious committee at least two weeks before the service. To the extent that family and friends are qualified to read portions of the Torah or lead parts of the service not assigned to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, we also encourage such participation. Members of the family sometimes lead the early part of the service - P'sukey D'zimra and Shacharit. Younger siblings may lead concluding songs. It is best to discuss this with the cantor in advance. It is important to remember that the Bar or Bat Mitzvah is conducted within the context of a "regular" service. Someone who volunteers to read a portion of the Torah (Please note that we read from the Scroll, itself, not from a book) and may not be completely prepared can make him or herself and others uncomfortable. We have materials to help. If the Bar/Bat Mitzvah or honorees of the family are leading any part of the service or reading the Torah, please notify the rabbi and those assigning various other parts of the service at least two or three months prior to the event. In view of the length of time necessary to prepare the Torah reading, the family should be sure to inform the appropriate person (check with the Religious Chairman) some months prior to the event as to which portions, if any, of the Torah will not be read by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and/or family members or friends, so that those portions can be assigned to members of the Congregation. In no event can a family reserve any portion of the Torah reading for 7
itself less than two months before the event, since by then the reading will have been assigned to members who will have already invested time and effort in preparation. It is your responsibility to be sure that an adequate number of chairs are set up so that there will be no disruption during the service. One week before you should call the synagogue secretary and tell her the number of guests you expect to attend services. Please let us know if you need special arrangements for handicapped guests and how to set up the bimah. TALLIT It is customary for the parents to present the Bar/Bat Mitzvah with a tallit (prayer shawl) during the service. (We encourage all B'not Mitzvah (girls) to receive a tallit also). Details of this brief ceremony will be worked out with the rabbi. (The Sisterhood Gift Shop will gladly assist you in choosing and ordering a tallit.) INVITATIONS About eight weeks before the celebration you will want to send invitations to your guests. You may choose to design and have printed your own drawing and/or calligraphy or to commission a local artist/calligrapher. This is also a good time to think about thank you notes. The B nai Mitzvah coordinators try to maintain a list of invitation suppliers. KIPOT (YARMULKES) Kipot should be provided by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family for their guests and for congregants who attend services that day. We suggest that you add two dozen to the number you would order for your guests only, or a minimum of five dozen. Our Sisterhood Gift Shop can help you select your kipot as well as other items for your celebration. BABYSITTING A babysitter will be provided by the synagogue. The cost for this is included in the synagogue Bar Mitzvah fee. If you think you will need more than one babysitter, please contact the office. 8
BAR/BAT MITZVAH PRESENTS The Congregation will present your son or daughter with the properly inscribed gift book, and a beautiful certificate suitable for framing. These will be presented during the service. In addition, Sisterhood, Men's Club and the Social Action Committee make additional gift presentations at that time. Finally, we encourage charitable contributions and the support of good causes at Bar/Bat Mitzvah time. "Tzedakah" is an important teaching of Judaism and a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is an excellent occasion to emphasize its importance. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah could well use ten (10) per cent of the money received as gifts for this purpose. You may consider purchasing the Sefer Bar/Bat Mitzvah book to benefit the Jewish National Fund, a Twinning Certificate from the Washington Committee for Soviet Jewry and/or the American Association for Ethiopian Jews, an Israel Bond, a contribution to the United Jewish Appeal Federation, or a gift to the Synagogue, including the Rabbi's Discretionary Fund, The Karp Family School, Simcha Tree, and Synagogue Special Funds. The addresses and telephone numbers of these organizations are furnished with this guide. SABBATH OBSERVANCE NO VIOLATION OF THE SHABBAT WILL BE PERMITTED Specifically this means that from sundown Friday until nightfall Saturday, food and decorations may not be brought into the Synagogue. In addition, smoking, taking photographs, recording, and using telephones or writing anywhere in the Synagogue are all prohibited on Shabbat. Please make your guests aware of these observances. Also, if you or those reading the Torah would prefer not to have a microphone "live," please inform us before the date, so that a transition can be made as smoothly as possible. Families who wish to take pictures can arrange to do so before or after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah day. We will cooperate in staging photographs on the pulpit with the Torah, etc. The Rabbi will also be available if he has enough advance notice so that he can clear his schedule for your picture taking time. (Usually during the rehearsal.) If you are in doubt about the rules, please ask about them well in advance. PROGRAM NOTES Many families prepare a handout that serves as an introduction and guide to the service for visitors on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah day. We maintain a file of accurate descriptions any one of which you may use on a Sabbath morning. If you wish to prepare your own handout, it must be reviewed by the Rabbi or Religious Committee at least four weeks in advance.
THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH KIDDUSH The Bar/Bat Mitzvah family has a range of choices from a simple stand-up buffet Kiddush to a full-catered, sit-down luncheon for celebration after the service. It is required that the family sponsor a Kiddush that includes congregants as well as invited guests. There is something very special about being a part of Mishkan Torah and being able to share your Simcha with your Synagogue family. To make arrangements for your Kiddush/luncheon, please call the Sisterhood catering coordinator. The synagogue has a policy of minimum requirements for Kiddush and for do-it-yourself preparation. Please plan on a additional 35 people above the number of invited guests. The Sisterhood asks you to assist in the kitchen with catering other parties so as to become familiar with the procedures. This will be a help in planning your affair. The meal which accompanies a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, a wedding, a baby-naming, or another life-cycle observance is a Seudat Mitzvah, a religious ritual. A reception at which kosher foods are served and the spirit of Shabbat rest is observed adds to the meaning of the religious ceremony. Hence, families are strongly encouraged to conduct their receptions within Mishkan Torah's facilities whenever possible. The Synagogue's professional staff and volunteers are available to assist families in planning these special occasions. The Synagogue does permit music on Shabbat at the Kiddush/Luncheon with restrictions. It must be Jewish music that fits in with the tone of the day and it may not be electrified. Any music must be approved by the Rabbi and Religious Committee. Birkat Hamazon, the blessings after the meal, are recited at the conclusion of your meal. The Synagogue will provide the Benching Books. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah or a family member is encouraged to lead this prayer or the Rabbi or a congregant can do so. BAR MITZVAH FEE year. Families are charged a fee, currently $450, for services provided by the synagogue during the Bar Mitzvah ONLY THE BEGINNING There are many ways to continue after Bar/Bat Mitzvah with a Jewish education. Mishkan Torah now offers a very successful Confirmation program. We believe the Confirmation program to be an excellent and enjoyable way for a student to continue through tenth grade. This is a special Sunday morning class for eighth, ninth and tenth graders taught by specially appointed teachers, the Rabbi, and congregation members. The group participates in formal study, Jewish community service projects and social activities (including retreats, trips, etc.). Confirmation occurs during the tenth grade. The program continues with a post-confirmation program for eleventh and twelfth graders. If you have a preference for a confirmation program with a synagogue other than the main program, there is reciprocity with other synagogues.
WHO'S WHO AT MISHKAN TORAH 2012/2013 BAR/BAT MITZVAH COORDINATOR: Darelynn Fung 301-441-2347 dbfung@gmail.com RABBI: Jonathan Cohen 301-441-2624 301-474-4223 ravjonathan@verizon.net CANTOR: Phil Greenfield 410-757-3583 BAR MITZVAH TUTORS: Saul Oresky 301-622-2928 sporesky@aol.com Andy Sandberg 301-593-9541 tropeman@msn.com Yael Fischman 301-927-4866 yoya4@juno.com Bret Goldstein 301-441-2347 Congregation President Dan Lowery President@MishkanTorah.org Executive Vice President TBA ExecVP@MishkanTorah.org Treasurer Diane Rubenstein Treasurer@MishkanTorah.org Financial Secretaries Arlene Gottlieb Finance@MishkanTorah.org Youth Programs Chairs Rachel White YouthPrograms@MishkanTorah.org Children's Education Chair Bret Goldstein ChildrensEd@MishkanTorah.org Religious Committee Yael Fischman Religious@MishkanTorah.org Chair Sisterhood President Debra Brenner Sisterhood@MishkanTorah.org Gift Shop Manager Sisterhood GiftShop@MishkanTorah.org Catering Coordinator Sisterhood GiftShop@MishkanTorah.org Trumpet Editor Darelynn Fung Trumpet@MishkanTorah.org
BAR/BAT MITZVAH ALIYAH LIST Sabbath: Date: Number of Torahs needed: Name of Child: Tutor: Parents: Grandparents: Sibling(s): Psukay D zimrah: Shacharit: Opening & Closing Ark: (2 people minimum) Ark, Removing & Returning Torahs (2): Gabhaim, Calling and Following (2): READERS: ALIYOT: English Name: Relationship to Bar/Bat Mitizvah: Hebrew Name: (eg. Aviva bat Tzvi vi Rivka) Cohen (if available) Levi (if available) 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th Maftir: Hagbah & G'lilah (Lifting & Wrapping of Torah: (2) Opening & Closing Ark: (2 people minimum) Musaf: Closing Prayers: En Kaylohenu Kiddush: Motze: Aleynu Adon Olam Grace (Birkat):
CHECKLIST 6 months prior CHOOSING A BAR/BAT MITZVAH DATE ORIENTATION MEETING with RABBI DISCUSSIONS WITH THE RABBI PROJECT BAR/BAT MITZVAH TUTORING 3 months prior THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH KIDDUSH and ONEG TALLIT and KIPPOT INVITATIONS SENT BAR/BAT MITZVAH HONORS RECORDINGS FOR READERS & ALIYAH SHABBAT MORNING ATTENDANCE PRIOR TO BAR/BAT MITZVAH 2 months prior Invite Congregation & Bio to Trumpet (due date is the 20 th of each month) TWINNING (optional) 1 month prior REHEARSALS/Photo Session THE FRIDAY EVENING BEFORE GABBAIM FORM COMPLETED SPEECHES COMPLETED (parent and b nai mitzvah) SEATING ARRANGEMENTS (numbers and special needs given to the synagogue office) BABYSITTING ARRANGEMENTS PROGRAM NOTES BAR MITZVAH FEE
Following Gabbai (can give to following Gabbai day of service) Aliyah 1 Page in Etz Hayim (red) Page in Hertz (blue) Starts with verse 2 3 4 5 6 7 Maftir Scroll Followers (use if reader is not reading directly from the scroll) Aliyah Follower Verses 1 name 2 3 4 5
Calling Gabbai (can give to calling Gabbai day of service) Aliyah Called Up Reader Hebrew Names 1 name, relationship to b nai mitzvah 2 name 3 4 5 6 7 Maftir 1 st Sefer Torah: Hagbah G lilah 2 nd Sefer Torah: Hagbah G lilah
This Bar/Bat Mitzvah Handbook was prepared and revised by: Gail Brodsky Phyllis Mollerick Rabbi Saul I. Grife Arnold Brodsky Arlene Gottlieb Jackie Fischer Revised December 2009 - Darelynn Fung Revised December 1998 Original August 1983