Disciplines of a Godly Man Lesson 2 11/20/15 Discipline of Marriage Introduction: I have performed many marriages and it goes without saying that I have the best view during the wedding. I get to see everything. I get to hear the vows loud and clear as they are pronounced. I begin to have thoughts many times like; How will the couple fare over the years? Will she reverence her husband? Will he love his wife as Christ loved the church? I pray that it will be so in their marriage. In our marriages we must resolve and be determined to live under the authority of God's directives regarding how a godly man must love his wife as it is spelled out to us in Ephesians 5. They are directives that every Christian man ought to be familiar with and must understand. They are the foundational discipline of marriage. To examine the godly man's responsibility, we need to fix in our minds the truth of Ephesians 5:31, where Paul quotes Genesis 2:24. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. Ephesians 5:31 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 There is an astounding unity in marriage. 1
The assertion that men and women become "one flesh" indicates a certain depth of marriage. Marriage produces two people who are as much as the same person as two people can be. Sacrificial Love The opening charge in Ephesians 5 is a clear call to radical, sacrificial love. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25 This call to this kind of marital love was a bare-knuckled swing at the domestic commitment, (or the lack of same) of the men of the day. When you ponder the words that were written, it is quite staggering. When you receive it with it power and with the Spirit, it delivers a punch to many Christian men. Why? Because they fall so short of this verse. Death Yes, we fall short so many times. But sometimes the punch hits men so squarely is because it is a call to love with a willingness to sacrifice, even unto death. One man said, Marital love is like death, it wants all of us! If you do not understand this, then you do not know what marital love really is. It claims everything! When you think of it like this it can be scary so to speak. Marriage is a call to die! A man who does not die for his wife does not come close to the love to which he is called. Christian marriage vows are the beginning of a lifelong practice of death. The giving over not only all you have, but all you are! 2
Is this a call to a grim existence? Not at all! It is no more grim than dying to self and following Jesus! In fact, those who lovingly die for their wives are those who know the most joy, and have the most fulfilling marriages and experience the most love. Christ's call to Christian husbands is not a call to be door mats, but to die. This can mean a death to our rights, our time, our pleasures. Suffering When Christ gave Himself up for us, He not only died, He suffered. I want you to understand that His suffering was not only at the cross. Think about when Saul was persecuting the church. And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? Acts 9:4 Saul was persecuting the Church, the church, the body of believers that Christ died for. Men when you properly hitch your life to another, you are in for a wild ride with ups and downs. It is just as when you really love God you will undergo difficulties and hard times. But because we love God we endure and we make it. So it is in marriage. You will share her injustices, cruelties and disappointments. You will experience her upsets and despairs. But you will also know the joys that will come as well. 3
Yes, there will be valleys, but there will be times you soar among the stars. Intercession On the evening that Christ gave Himself up for us, we are told in John 17 that He prayed. He prayed for Himself, His disciples, and for all of us that would later believe. When He finished praying He went to the cross. Then came His... 1. Death 2. Resurrection 3. Ascension 4. Enthronement...Where He makes intercession for us. We understand that giving ourselves for our wife involves prayerful intercession. How do you pray for your wife? It has to be more than, "Bless my wife in all that she does." I believe that it needs to be more than this. You claim to love your wife, but you never offer more than a slight nod to your wives' needs before God. You need to be aware of at least some of her needs which then you passionately hold up to God out of love for her. Prayer is the marital work of a Christian husband! The bare knuckle command is..."husbands love your wives, just as Christ love the church and gave Himself up for it." We are called to die for our wife. To take on her sufferings as our own and to make intercession for her. 4
Sanctifying Love By the time that most people get married they are like a well-furnished home, there is a lot of furniture that needs to be tossed out to make room for the other person. Genuine marital love reveals rooms of selfishness. You will also find rooms of self-centeredness after you get married. I want you to understand that the emphasis in the Bible is on the responsibility of the husband s love for his wife. Ephesians 5:26-27 (KJV) That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. You as husbands are to be men of the Word! You are required to live a godly life, praying and sacrificing for your wife. Your authentic Christianity and spirituality is meant to lift her onward and upward toward the image of Christ! The man who sanctifies his wife understands that this is his divinely ordained responsibility. Do you realize it is your responsibility to seek your wife s sanctification? Even more do you accept it? Marriage will reveal something about her which you already know about yourself and that is that you are not perfect. Marriage will reveal her weakness, her inconsistencies, the things others never see. We love our wives, even with their faults and failures. You see your wife as you see yourself, and you love her as yourself. 5
You realize your mutual need, and delve into God s Word to listen to it with your heart and with His help live it out so that she will be encouraged by your life. As she is encouraged by your right living she will become even that closer to Christ herself. Here are some tough questions: 1. Is my wife more like Christ because she is married to me? 2. Is she like Christ in spite of me? 3. Has she shrunk from His likeness because of me? 4. Do I help her, or do I hold her back? 5. Is she a better woman because she is married to me? Our call is very clear men We need to have sanctifying love. Self-Love We can read in Greek mythology about the young man who saw his reflection in the water and fell in love with that reflection. His name was Narcissus. We live in a society that is very narcissistic. We need to be careful and do our best to avoid this at all cost. Ephesians 5:28-30 (KJV) 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. So as we read here it almost sounds narcissistic. That is not the message here. We ought to love our wives as we love ourselves. Most people do not hate themselves and do not hate their own bodies. But we feed and clothe our bodies and take care of it. 6
We do this just as Christ takes care of the church. This loving ourselves by loving our wives is based on the one-flesh unity that we have with our spouse. To love our wives as our own bodies is a grand and great thing. It means granting her the same importance, the same value, that we take in ourselves. How do we love our wives as our own bodies? How do you care for her as you do yourself? The answer to these questions involves what we want to call three incarnations. 1. Physical Incarnation This is the way that we must love. Her body is our body, her comfort is our comfort, her adornment our adornment, her care our care. 2. Emotional Incarnation So many men make the emotional differences between men and women into some degrading humor. They realize the differences but make now allowances for them and do not attempt to understand them. We may not always understand, but we should make a sincere effort to do so. 3. Social Incarnation Women have many social settings: home, classroom, church etc. So many times, men do not appreciate all that their wives do an accomplish. We go to work and do what we need to do. The wife seemingly is constantly working and doing. Sometimes men think that their wives do nothing, which is not the proper perspective to have. They want their wives to be beauty queens, the maid, the mother, their lover, all at the same time. 7
We are called to self-love. We are to devote the same energy, time and creativity to our wives as to ourselves. When we look at Ephesians Chapter 5 we see a great challenge set before us. We have.. 1. Sacrificial Love: Love is like death 2. Sanctifying Love: Love that Elevates 3. Self-Love: Loving your wife as yourself The call to love our wives as Christ loved the church demands specific disciplines. Commitment This is not a very popular word in our society today. It means: a promise to do or give something: a promise to be loyal to someone or something. When a couple takes their wedding vows they need to understand that it is a commitment to love despite how one feels. It is garbage to think that one can break their vow because one does not feel in love. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. Colossians 3:14 We are called to put on love. When we get married we are entering into a covenant with our spouse. Where is the commitment in your marriage? Is it only one sided? Are you fulfilling your commitment in your marriage? 8
Fidelity What is fidelity? The quality of being faithful to your husband, wife. When you commit yourself to love your wife as Christ loved the church, you will be faithful to her. We can always count on Christ being faithful to us. Thank God that He is not like us! Your wife must be able to rest in the fact of your fidelity. Everything about us must say that we are faithful to her and to her alone. Think about it. everything must say to her. I am faithful to you. 1. Our Eyes 2. Our Language 3. Our Schedules 4. Our Passion 5. Our Everything Communication Wow! This is a tough area. In one survey the question was asked of women. If you could change one thing about your husband, what would it be? The overwhelming consensus was that they would like them to communicate better. They indicated that even more they would like their husbands to listen! The discipline of communication demands that you set aside regular time to talk and that you really do talk. That you communicate more than facts, that you communicate feelings. It also means that you really learn to listen. 9
Elevation A commitment to building up your wife is of greatest importance. If you think what your wife does is less important than what you do, you are wrong and you have big problems. Compliments on her kindness and her daily activities should be commonplace. You should also show her respect by observing common courtesies. Deference Along with this the discipline of deference must be carefully practiced. Many men never forego a planned pleasure for the sake of their wives. What I am saying is this if she wants to do something, and you want to do something else well, defer to her. There must be times when you forsake your plans and follow hers because you value her interests and because you simply love her! Time/Romance In all marital relationships there has to be time and romance. Illustration: Years ago in the Midwest a farmer and his wife were lying in bed during a storm when a tornado suddenly lifted the roof off the house and sucked their bed away with them still in it. The wife began to cry, and the man said to her that this was no time to cry. She said, but I am so happy and that she could not help it. He said what She said this is the first time they had been out together in 20 years! In one survey, the question was asked to couples, What keeps you together? One of the main answers was, spending time together. 10
Your calendar of events reveals what is important to you. Write your wife into your calendar. Things do not just happen; we need to plan. You need to be creative. Surprise her. Work it out! Do you realize that it does not always have to be a big major production? Yes, there are times it will be large and extravagant, but it does not always have to be. They just want to be loved and remembered. When was the last time that you opened the door for her and said I love you? When we the last time you complemented her? When was the last time that you wrote a loving note? When was the last time that you sent flowers? When was the last time you went on a date to where she wanted to go? Conclusion There are other disciplines that could be named and listed. Such as tenderness, sensitivity, patience, but the bottom line is that we as men have a lot to work on, and we should work on it. It requires careful attention, and work. Let me ask you, are you working on the second most important relationship of your life? Always remember that God is first. No perspiration, no progress! No pain, well no gain! Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 11