Funeral / Memorial Service Please open your arms and hearts by greeting each other with "Peace be with you..and also with you." Friends and family, we come together in graceful reverence to honor the dearly departed's life, to bid farewell to a beloved companion, and to offer sympathetic support in all ways to those who mourn the loss of this life. Death may not be mysterious to scientists. Yet to the grieving, it may bring feelings of fear, uncertainty, denial, anger, relentless tears, dullness, and even expedient gestures, words, and acts. If you were not able to properly express all your thoughts to your loved one, some of you may also feel sincerely serious regrets you may mourn what you did or did not say or do. All these very genuine emotions draw us into better grasping the cycle of life. As Corliss Lamont wrote: The occurrence of death brings home to us the common concerns, the common crises and the common destiny of all who live on this earth. Death draws us together in the deep felt emotions of the heart; it dramatically accents the ultimate equality involved in our human fate; it reminds us of the essential fellowship of all humankind that lies beneath all the bitter dissensions and divisions registered in history and contemporary affairs. The human race, with its infinite roots reaching back over the boundless past and its infinite ramifications extending throughout the present world and ever pushing forward into the future, is one great family. The living and the dead and the generations yet unborn make up that enduring communion of humanity which shares the adventure of life upon this dear and pleasant earth. Thus, when we experience death, the invisible threads of lives interweaving with our own become more transparent; at the same time, we come to see how much we depend upon each other and mourn the loss of the one who enlightened our lives. Unfortunately, no panacea exists to soothe these sentiments. Let us now take a few quiet moments to recognize, accept, and embrace every sentiment we feel. At the same time, we must not neglect to commemorate the life of our loved one. Every memory and anecdote is precious: they offer the warmth of comfort because each remind us that our loved one is present. The pieces from the past may seem to unexpectedly emerge and then ephemerally submerge. Still, each resides within the fabric of our minds and senses. Eulogy by myself or someone else a personalized tribute to loved one's life. This can even include readings.
Humanist Funeral Litany When we need the strength of insightful inspiration... Congregants: We will remember her/him. When we feel lost, sick, or exhausted from life... Congregants: We will remember her/him. When happiness comes our way... Congregants: We will remember her/him. When we must tackle difficult choices... Congregants: We will remember her/him. When we return to that which we shared with her/him... Congregants: We will remember her/him. When what we achieve has roots in her/his knowledge... Congregants: We will remember her/him. For as long as we live, she too will live: when we remember, s/he becomes alive once more. As we say good bye to our beloved Name, we express our deepest gratitude for the blessing of his/her sweet presence in our lives. Through Name, we learned compassion. Through Name, we learned patience. Through Name, we experienced joy. Through Name, we learned to think about someone else other than ourselves. S/he taught us to be more giving by example. Through Name, we learned about friendship and loyalty. Through Name, we learned about innocence, humility, and forgiveness. Through Name, we were shown the best qualities of humankind, and found that the highest virtue of all is kindness to others. Through our beloved Name, we were given the greatest gift of all the gift of unconditional loving affection towards others rather than possessions. Let us learn by Name's example to be more curious, observant, adventurous, not to hold onto grudges, to enjoy the sunshine, to listen and not argue back, not to judge, to be playful, and to snuggle. As we go forth from this day, may these important lessons be within our hearts and in our daily lives. May we remember to share them with others daily. It is in sharing them, we will truly honor the memory of Name and keep his/her spirit alive. Please close your eyes in quiet meditation. We are grateful for the opportunity to have known Name in our lifetime. We are grateful for the gift of his/her friendship, and for what he/she has taught us about loving others.
Because we are humans and not perfect, we must forgive ourselves if there was ever a time when Name's needs were misunderstood or not attended to quickly enough. At the same time, we promise to do better in the future to make Name's life more valuable by continuing to teach us important lessons. Name was deeply loved by his/her friends and family, and we know Name deeply loved them as well. As we close our eyes once more and look deeply within ourselves, we find the reservoir of our own inner strength. We say to that source: May I find the strength to mourn with dignity. May I find the strength to mourn in peace. May I find the strength to mourn without shame and embarrassment. May I find the strength to mourn fully so that my heart will be healed. May I find the strength to mourn out loud and cry until my crying is done. May I find the strength to mourn the loss of the one I loved, and to understand others when they must face a similar road. May I find the strength to mourn with patience and to be tolerant of my own need to move through this at my own pace. May I find the strength to accept that I am in mourning and to be at peace with that while my heart mends. I know that my time of mourning will be made easier through my understanding that mourning is good for my heart. May mine be a good mourning, one that cleanses my heart,and renews my inner being. May my memories of my beloved comfort me, so that I may love be ready to love again. When you are ready, please open your eyes. Let us go now in peace to celebrate and to create a conduit for healing one another. May we take our experiences from this tragedy to become more enlightened and to treat each other with deepening respectful compassion. May we endeavor to forgive our frailties and the perceived weaknesses of each other, May we help each other overcome loneliness not only as we grieve, but everyday from now. May we embolden each other to take the risks necessary to create a more beautiful future. (Amen).
UUCC Funeral Service We are gathered here in memory of DECEASED. Looking across a span of human years, as we do now, is like looking out on the expanse of the seas. The years roll by with the regularity of the waves, reminding each of us that life is a long voyage into the known and the unknown. Along the way there will be tenderness and trouble, long labor and short sweetness, ideals, defeats and sickness. There will be sparkling joy and cavernous sorrow, the molehill of misunderstanding against the mountain of true accord, puddles of regret beside the beautiful lakes of love and companionship. Each of us is somewhere along the way of this great journey. Birth is but awakening, life is dedication, and death is the change which comes between where we are and where the universe might be: when that change is filled with the understanding that envelops all differences and distinctions, life has renewed itself with that from which it cannot be removed. And we are forever at home on a vast but friendly shore. At this time we are united with the wisdom and custom of all people in all ages. Though we are a small group of family and friends, we feel the embrace of the ageless human community. Though we are just a few, our strength and our resources are great, for they come from the deep well of all humanity. And in this spirit we join our individual feelings and thoughts as well as the faiths that sustain us separately into a harmony of remembrance and affirmation. As we celebrate DECEASED'S living and we shall grieve DECEASED'S dying, let the faiths and philosophies that sustain us separately meld into a unity of the most human and of the universal, where differences dissolve in the awe inspiring yet wonderful harmony of the moment. Before the wonder of living and dying we are humbled. In the midst of our sorrow and grief we feel a river of sacredness. Out of our memories and unending affections flows a thanksgiving. In our gathered concerns and compassion, healing begins. May gifts of courage, wisdom, and thanksgiving come to each of us and swell among us in the days to come. Courage to face DECEASED'S death. Wisdom to speak openly and honestly of our loss. And thanksgiving for DECEASED'S life. As conscious and self conscious life, we know that death is inevitable. We know too that death shapes our life. Most of the time we accept death as an abstract principle a dispassionate fact of Life, part of the biological chain of generation begetting generation. But when death becomes personal through someone we have known, respected, and loved, it comes in a variety of guises and triggers varying emotions. When death comes to one of many years (as it has now) our grief is a quiet sadness. When it comes to one who has suffered and endured a long and painful illness (as it has now) our grief is softened by a sense of welcome and even blessed relief. When death is sudden (as it is now), or grief is acute and sharp.
Those whom we love do indeed leave us, and when we lose them no spoken words can lessen our grief. But what DECEASED was can never leave us. The strength of her presence, the firmness of her/his convictions, the warmth of her/his love these are ours always; they interfuse with our thought and blended with our lives. DECEASED was not a perfect person there are no perfect people. Sometimes s/he was difficult to live with, sometimes s/he was hard on people who loved her/him. Still, s/he will be missed. Nothing now can detract from the joy and beauty that we shared with DECEASED. Nothing can possibly affect the happiness and depth of experience that this person knew. The past with all its meaning will remain secure and sacred. Our love for her/him and her/his love for us, her family and friends, cannot be altered by time or circumstance. Thus, we rejoice that DECEASED was and is a part of our lives. We rejoice that her/his spirit will live on within us. Her/his influence endures in the in the unending consequences flowing from her/his character and her deeds; it endures in our own acts and thoughts. We shall remember her/him as a living, vital presence. That memory will bring refreshment to our hearts and strengthen us in times of trouble. No person can sum up the life of another. Life is too precious to be passed over with mere words which ring empty. Rather, it must remain as it is remembered by those who loved and watched and shared. For such memories are alive, unbound by events of birth and death. And as living memories, we possess the greatest gift one person can give to another. Does anyone (else) have memories of DECEASED which you wish to share at this time? Trust that your memories and the passing of time will lessen your grief. Even the deepest grief will become bearable, giving you the means and leading you to the desire to live on. Nevertheless, it is also true that each of you who lived in DECEASED'S special affection has also died some. You are more because s/he lived. But let us all be strong in the conviction that in spite of death, the scheme of life is ultimately good and that we must leave this service determined to live through the loss and grief to an even more abundant life. Know that despite your feelings of loss, whether they come now or later, the unfinished adventure of life remains ahead. We still have days of work, play, relaxation, counseling, and heroism ahead. The reasons for living are not withdrawn when life is a broken arc. Follow these reasons; get back to the daily tasks; rejoin the circle of friends; remember to serve the people who care about you; and perhaps you have gifts that only you can grant. Then you will make a discovery: the loss has not grown less, but life has started anew. Scars will not fade away, but a new health, spirit, and journey awaits. If you find darkness when you turn back or drop by the side of the road, take solace that you will also find light when you go forward!
UUCC Internment So comes the next opening the sense of being part of a universe the sense of personal relatedness to all life, all growth, all creativity. At this gathering we become aware that our own lives are not just little individual existences, but that we are bound in fact to all of life, from the first splitting off of the planets, through the beginning of animate life, and on through its slow evolution. We are all a part of life, but each one of us is but one separate channel of it. What has flowed through "this" life, flows on through works of accomplishment, through services rendered, through love freely given. Nothing is lost. Each quiet passing of a friend or loved one somehow marks clearly for all to see that the cycles of birth and death are to be celebrated each in their own way. We who are the living will be troubled deeply unless we take from death the message of its passing. Gentle or swift there is a quietness visiting the soul. Loosened are the bonds of earnest contentions. Set free is the spirit beyond suffering. Confirmed is the faith. Made whole is the rounding circle of family affection which held love dearly and with honor. As we here pay our final honor and tribute to DECEASED, let us not forget the sunshine on the heights of HIS/HER life may that solemnity deepen our sense of comradeship with men and women everywhere may it broaden our sympathies with all who suffer may it increase our understanding of the frailties of the flesh and the goodness of the human spirit. We seek steadfast hearts and quiet minds that we may pay to our generation the debt we owe because of our relationship with DECEASED who we have loved, and honored in our time together today. Now we pause: to gather our individual feelings and thoughts; to remember the (woman/man) that was; how (she/he) touched our lives and our lives touched her/his life; to meditate upon the meaning of this occasion; to say our final farewell. (below by Val Downes) Tenderly, reverently, we commit the body of DECEASED to Mother Earth, from whence all life comes, and to which all life returns. Let us be grateful for the life DECEASED lived and for all (his/her) life has meant to you. (He/She) danced to the music, and (he/she) paid the piper... and you have been the better for (his/her) blazing star passing your way. Hereafter let us all resolve that, while we live, we will strive with all our might to make our living of real worth just as DECEASED did. Then, in the consciousness of work well done and life well lived, death in the deepest sense can have no sting. We wish DECEASED peace in Eternity. (He/She) has now entered the last sleep, free of pain, care and worry. But (his/her) spirit will live on in all of you who loved (him/her) and appreciated the part (he/she) played in your lives. We bid (him/her) farewell now, taking your precious thoughts of (him/her) with you, and leave this place in quietness of
spirit, promising to live with renewed concern and affection for one another. In placing the earthly remains of DECEASED in this consecrated ground this simple plot, in these peaceful surroundings, we are saying good bye to (his/her) physical being, but all of our memories, love and associations of DECEASED we are keeping safely in our hearts. Throughout the existence of humankind, the earth has been our grounding, our connection, and our support. When DECEASED was alive, (he/she) found rest and serenity in nature. Now in death, we commit (his/her) body to that same earth with the sure knowledge that (he/she) will find eternal peace. Earth to Earth. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Earth returns to earth, ashes scatter, and dust floats away. But that which was truly beautiful in life, rises ever onward. Amen. We join our minds and hearts in meditation: For thoughtful, conscious life all creation is precariously contained in a mended cup of meaning. It is the cup from which we drink our lives the cup with which we drink to life. It is a cup which is broken and mended, broken and mended, over and over again. Each time an era passes, a way of life is destroyed, or someone significant to us dies, we cry out that our cup is broken and so it is, Yet, somehow, together we must find, we do find the way to mend it all over again. Now we are faced with the task of mending again. Please rise, as you are able, as we conclude this service of Remembrance and Affirmation for the life of DECEASED. Humbly we stand in the face of death. Confidently we stand with life. Our strength is the strength of many. Indeed, it is the strength of all humanity Throughout all time; because we share one Fate and a great compassion. May understanding and peace go with us that we may live together in charity, compassion, and joy. In this spirit let us individually and together go forth to live and to love.
Sample Funeral / Memorial Service Readings I m Free Don t grieve for me, for now I m free I m following the path the Great Spirit has laid you see. I took the hand when I heard the call I turned my back and left it all. I could not stay another day To laugh, to love, to work, to play. Tasks left undone must stay that way I found that peace at the close of day. If my parting has left a void Then fill it with remembered joy. A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss Oh yes, these things I too will miss. Be not burdened with times of sorrow I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow. My life s been full, I savored much Good friends, good times, a loved one s touch. Perhaps my time seemed all too brief Don t lengthen it now with undue grief. Lift up your hearts and peace to thee The Universe wanted me now; I am set free. Roman Philosopher Lucretius Death is nothing to us and no concern of ours...when we shall be no more, when the union of body and spirit that engenders us has been disrupted to us, who shall then be nothing, nothing by any hazard will happen any more at all. Nothing will have the power to stir our senses, not through the earth be fused with sea and sea with sky...rest assured that we have nothing to fear in death. One who no longer is cannot suffer. Elder Olson, The Exegesis Nothing is lost; be still; the universe is honest Time, like the sea, gives all back in the end, But only in its own way, on its own conditions: Empires as grains of sand, force as coal, Mountains as pebbles. Be still; be still, I say; You were never the water, only a wave;
Not substance, but a form substance assumed. Footprints In The Sand One night I dreamed I was walking Along the beach with the {Great Spirit of Life} Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. Other times there was only one. This bothered me because I noticed During the low periods of my life when I was Suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to the Great Spirit, You promised me, if I followed you, You would walk with me always. But I noticed during the most trying periods Of my life there has only been One set of prints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, Have you not been there for me? The Great Spirit replied, The times when you have seen only one set of footprints It was then that I carried you. Langston Hughes Dear lovely Death That taketh all things under wing Never to kill Only to change Into some other thing This suffering flesh, To make it either more or less, but not again the same Dear lovely Death, Change is thy other name. I Did Not Die
Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die. Remember by Christina Georgina Rossetti Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land; When you can no more hold me by the hand, Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay. Remember me when no more, day by day, You tell me of our future that you planned: Only remember me; you understand It will be late to counsel then or pray. Yet if you should forget me for a while And afterwards remember, do not grieve: For if the darkness and corruption leave A vestige of the thoughts that I once had, Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be said. Robert Frost When the spent sun throws up its rays on cloud And goes down beyond burning into the gulf below, No voice in nature is heard to cry aloud At what has happened. Birds, at least, must know It is the change to darkness in the sky. Murmuring something quiet in her breast, One bird begins to close a faded eye; Or overtaken too far from his nest, Hurrying low above the grove, some waif Swoops just in time to his remembered tree, At most he thinks or twitters softly, "safe! Now let the night be dark for all of me. Let the night be too dark for me to see Into the future. Let what will be, be. William Butler Yeats For death does not end life but is part of it, one of nature's transformations
as we work our way through its cycles. Death informs life. It is not simply the mother of beauty; it is the mother of life itself, for how could we conceive of life if there were no death? And it is only because we conceive of life that we know we must taste it lingeringly, try every flavor and nuance, drink in experience while we can. Death and life are dependent upon each other, like order and chaos, neither concept being possible without the other. So there should be no fear of death, which is omnipresent, part of life. Welcome it into your arms, for it is but rest; for you lie in nature like a heartbeat. The Four Candles The first candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you. This second candle represents our courage. To confront our sorrow, To comfort each other, To change our lives. This third candle we light in your memory. For the times we laughed, The times we cried, The times we were angry with each other, The silly things you did, The caring and joy you gave us. This fourth candle we light for our love. We light this candle that your light will always shine. As we enter the upcoming days, months, and seasons we will share this night of remembrance with our family and friends. We cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us. We love you.
We remember you. Shelley He/she is made one with Nature: there is heard His/her voice in all her music, from the moan Of thunder, to the song of night's sweet bird; He/she is a presence to be felt and known In darkness and in light, from herb and stone. He/she is a portion of the loveliness Which once he/she made more lovely. Roman Philosopher Seneca In the presence of death, we must continue to sing the song of life. We must be able to accept death and go from it's presence better able to bear our burdens and to lighten the load of others. Out of our sorrows should come understanding. Through our sorrows, we join with all those before who have had to suffer and all of those who will yet have to do so. Let us not be gripped by the fear of death. If another day be added to our lives, let us joyfully receive it, but let us not anxiously depend on our tomorrows. Though we grieve the deaths of our loved ones, we accept them and hold onto our memories as precious gifts. Let us make the best of our loved ones while they are with us, and let us not bury our love with death. Ishi People of Pacific Northwest When I am dead, cry for me a little, think of me sometimes, but not too much. It is not good for you to allow your thoughts to dwell too long upon the dead. Think of me now and again as I was in life, at some moment which is pleasant to recall, but not for too long. Leave me in peace, as I shall to leave you in peace. While you live, let your thoughts be with the living. Hold onto what is good, even if it is only a handful of earth. Hold onto what you believe, even if it is a tree which stands by itself. Hold onto what you must do, even if it is a long way from here. Hold onto Life, even when it is easier letting go. Hold onto my hand, even when I have gone away from you. Blessed Be, and Amen