A Guide to Parish Etiquette Nativity of Our Lord Orthodox Church 8911 Weems Road Manassas, VA 20110 Page 1 of 8
A Guide to Parish Etiquette Some Things You Should Know While in Church In the Orthodox Church there are a lot of customs and traditions that are important parts of our worship. Some are cultural, some are pious customs. Some are essential, some are not. From time to time we address some of these various etiquette issues to inform our communities how we can best understand each other and work together to worship our Trinitarian God. Standing versus Sitting If you want to stand, stand. Do so in the back or sides of the church. This practice is entirely acceptable. This is the traditional posture for prayer and worship, especially in the 'old countries' where the churches have no pews. If you are going to stand, it is preferable that you not block someone's view. In America, most Orthodox churches have adopted pews. Sitting is an accepted practice, but there are times in which we should stand. As to when we should be standing, follow the instructions in the pew books or follow the actions of the people in the church. It is customary to stand during the Gospel reading, the Little and Great Entrances, the Anaphora, the distribution of Communion, for a memorial service, when the priest gives a blessing, and dismissal. If ever you are in doubt as to whether you should sit or stand, stand then you will never be in error. Lighting Candles Lighting candles is an essential part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray, making an offering to accompany our prayers. It is typical to light candles when coming into the church; this is perhaps the best time to light candles. Is there a time when candles should not be lit by worshippers? Yes, during scripture readings, during the entrances, during the sermon, and most of the times when the faithful are standing. If you should find yourself arriving at the temple after the services have begun first, shame on you for being late; second, if everyone is standing, wait until they are sitting to light a candle (unless of course they are sitting for the sermon!). Entering the Temple (Late!) It is unfortunate and unorthodox to enter the temple late. It is an unfortunate Page 2 of 8
practice that is born of (you fill in the blank). I have been told, Father, it is our custom to arrive late. My response is, Will the Bridegroom wait for you?! No! Entering late is disrespectful of everyone present and of God. Do not arrive late. The time for arrival at the temple is before a service begins. It is simply a bad habit one the demons approve of for some individuals and families to arrive late for the liturgical services. If you should arrive after services begin, try to enter the temple quietly and in observance of what is happening. Do not enter when a scripture is is being read, or an entrance is taking place, or during the Anaphora and Consecration, or when a sermon is being delivered unless the priest waves you in; wait until it is finished and quickly find a seat, preferably at the rear of the church so as to not announce to the entire parish, I have arrived late! If you do not know when to enter, ask the ushers. This may seem like a lot of rules, but the rules are easy and practically nonexistent when you arrive on-time. What if you arrive after the Gospel reading or after the sermon? Well, you have intentionally disregarded hearing the words of Our Lord God and Saviour Jesus Christ and should probably not partake of Holy Eucharist. Crossing the Legs and Stretching Out on the Pews (with your arms) The above actions are disrespectful in most Orthodox churches, particularly in the 'old countries.' The same applies at Nativity. You do not come to church to relax and act as if it is your living room. Sitting in the temple is an act of respect. And for those who want to cross their legs or stretch out on the pews, acknowledge your human weakness and fight it. Sit attentively, keep your feet flat on the floor, and listen and participate in the service before you. In and Out I once went to a hamburger place with the same name. We do not serve hamburgers in the temple of God. Once you enter, remain within the temple. Page 3 of 8
If your children have to use the restroom, ask yourself if you gave them the opportunity before service. If you did not, you should have. There is no need for anyone to drink water during service, not if you are going to receive the Holy Eucharist. Once you are in the temple, you are present to pray. Leaving Before Dismissal The answer is No. It is rude and serves to deprive you of a blessing. Worship has a beginning ( Blessed is the Kingdom ) and an ending ( May Christ our True God... ). When we are in the temple, we are on God's time, not our time. If you must leave early, i.e., because of work, let the priest know in advance of the service's beginning. Lipstick Blot it! Lipstick destroys icons, gold, and silver. Lipstick may look beautiful on a woman, but respect of the 'holy things' should dictate that it is blotted off before veneration. Also, lipstick does not look good on a bishop's or priest's hand. Venerating Icons It is customary to venerate icons. Veneration is a demonstration of respect and an active participation in the faith. Veneration is a means of giving thanks and sharing of ourselves with the heavens. When venerating (kissing) an icon, pay attention to where you kiss. It is not proper to kiss an icon on the face. Rather, you should kiss the hand in the icon, the Gospel, scroll, or hand cross in the hand of the person depicted, or the foot. When in doubt, kiss the corner of the icon. Please pay attention when venerating an icon, show the proper respect due to the person depicted; the same respect you would show them in person. And don't forget to blot the lipstick. Talking In Church Don't do it. It is a wonderful joy to see your neighbors and loved ones but nod, briefly smile, wink, and acknowledge in simplicity. Don't talk. Don't talk during church services. Don't chase your child around. Don't be part of a commotion. Don't be disrespectful to those who come to church to worship God. You, too, should be present to worship God through your prayers, hymns, and thanksgiving. Page 4 of 8
Enjoy your fellowship with your neighbors in the social hall and after liturgical services. Don't Shake the Bishop's Hand Proper etiquette is to greet a bishop by asking his blessing and kissing his right hand. This is done with the right hand over the left and saying, Master, bless. As you are doing this you bow with reverence and respect. Sunday Dress Don't come to church too casual. We should offer Christ our best, in modesty and in love. Children: Unless they are infants or a few years of age, no shorts. For children above the age of 10, athletic shoes, cut-offs, spandex shorts, etc., are never appropriate for wear in the temple. And this applies to adults! T-shirts are inappropriate, especially white undergarment t-shirts. Women: Dresses should be modest. Please do not wear tank tops or dresses with only straps at the shoulders, nor short skirts. Dresses should have backs and not be low-cut in the front. If women wear pants to the services, they should be dress pants (not jeans and leggings). Shorts of any type are inappropriate. Men: Men should dress modestly. While coats and ties are not mandatory, they are always appropriate. Shirts should have collars and be buttoned; having them unbuttoned to show the hair or lack of it on your chest is simply not right. Trousers should be clean, without patches, or holes. Shorts of any type are inappropriate. If you or your children need to attend a more casual or athletic event after services, bring a change of clothing. Never forget, you are coming to the temple to worship God. To Cover or Not to Cover Head covering for women, in church, is a matter of modesty, respect, and tradition. It is welcomed and encouraged, but it is far from mandatory. In America, it is become uncommon for women to wear head coverings. However, for immigrants, of which we have so many at Nativity, head coverings are a matter of culture and a reflection of the profound history endured by our Orthodox faithful, particularly in those nations that suffered repression. Pew Blocking If you don't know what this is, talk to the priest. Whatever you do, share the pews with all who might come to worship God. The pews are not your's to control. If Page 5 of 8
someone arrives after you, move inward toward the center of the pew or stand up so that they can enter into the center of the pew. Be hospitable and welcoming. To Cross or not to Cross When in doubt, cross. One can never cross one's self too many times. Many Orthodox have different customs when it comes to crossing one's self, especially at Nativity. To Cross: When you hear one of the variations of the phrase Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.., before venerating an icon, the cross, or the Gospel book; upon entering or exiting the temple, or when passing in front of the holy Altar Table. Not to Cross: Immediately after receiving Holy Eucharist. Touching the hem of the Priest's Garments This is a pious and good custom, a form of attaching your prayers to the prayers of the entrance of the Holy Gifts. The custom should be encouraged with your children so that they might take it into adulthood. It is also a good custom for adults. But the keyword is, touch. Please be careful not to grab. Snacks for Children Oh my, how many times has this priest walked through the church after services seeing telltale signs of cheerios and animal crackers. And the parents did not clean up after their children! God forgives the children, because their parents taught them that food in the temple is okay. But what of the parents? Actually, food is not okay. But infants have their own hunger clocks and the priest will understand this. But food as a bribe for being quiet, that is not good. So parents should know the motives for food in the temple. If the parent did not feed the child before coming into the temple, then the error rests not with the child. Children should easily have a good concept of fasting before Holy Communion, if the parents set the example for them, by at 5 to 7. Oh yes, there is no chewing gum allowed in church for anyone at any time. Toys in Church For infants and toddlers, the toys should be 'quite toys' nothing that is noisy, going to drop on the floor and make a noise, nothing that disturbs the service. Beyond toddlers, there should be no toys. Moreover, video games are not allowed in church [period]. The parents who allow their children to be disrespectful of Page 6 of 8
God will only serve in teaching their children to be disrespectful of the parents. Handling the Antidoron After receiving communion and at the end of the liturgy it is customary to receive a piece of Antidoron a portion of the bread that was left over when the Holy Gifts were prepared prior to the liturgy. Antidoron is, therefore, blessed bread, and should be handled and treated accordingly. It should be consumed in the church and crumbs should not fall on the floor. Respect the gift you have received. If you wish to take a piece of Antidoron to someone else, please bring something into which you can place the blessed bread, i.e., a kleenex or napkin. Again, this is a matter of respect. Remember You come to church to be with God, to pray, and to praise and glorify Him, and give thanks to Him. Let us Pray... Shine within our hearts, loving Master, the pure light of Your divine Knowledge and open the eyes of our minds that we may comprehend the message of Your Gospel. Instill in us, also, reverence for Your blessed commandments, so that having conquered sinful desires, we may pursue a spiritual life, thinking and doing all these things that are pleasing to you. - Liturgy of St. James Page 7 of 8
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