Living in A Broken World Loving Children who do not love Jesus 1. The Pain of Parenting Word Alive 2014 Paul Mallard Kids can break our hearts Parenting is a life long commitment There is no love like parental love and no pain like parental pain Kids can disappoint us and abuse us and break our hearts and we will still love them Proverbs 17:25 a foolish child brings grief The Bible contains numerous examples Genesis 4 - Adam and Eve Abel Genesis 26:34-35; 27:1-46 - Isaac and Rebekah Jacob and Esau 1 Samuel 2:12-26 - Eli and his sons 2 Samuel 18:19-19:8 - David and Absalom Hosea 11:1-11 - God and Israel 2. Finding our bearings Prodigality To be prodigal is to act in a wasteful, reckless and extravagant way Prodigals reject their parent s values and waste their potential, their abilities, their resources and their future There is a wide spectrum of experience from the respectable child who rejects our faith to the child who gets into trouble and seems to have ruined their life Do not confuse it with minor rebellions and the normal acts of independence (hairstyle choices, body piercings, tattoos etc.) True prodigal behaviour is extreme defiance and rebellion over an extended period of time It may involve active or passive disrespect, deceit and selfdestruction Luke 15:11-32 The story of three prodigals The first son wasted his material possessions, his precious relationship with his father and he might have lost his life. The second son wasted his father s grace and kindness by the attitude of his heart Both boys rejected the values of their father The father was prodigal in his love and willingness to forgive 3. Can we guarantee their salvation? Our kids need salvation Proverbs 22:15 - Foolishness is found in the heart of a child Psalm 51:5 - They are genetically pre-disposed to sin Romans 3:10-12 Everyone is sinful there are no good kids Acts 2:38-39; 16:31 Personal faith is necessary for salvation John 3:1-7 Our children need to be born again God has no grandchildren 1
What are our responsibilities as they are growing up? 2 Timothy 1:5 - We are to seek to pass on our faith Deuteronomy 6:6-9 - We should teach them God s word Hebrews 10:24-25 - We should encourage them to attend church Titus 2:1-10 - We are to set them a good example 1 Samuel 12:23 - We should pray regularly for them Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4 - We must not provoke them to anger Proverbs 23:13-14; 29:17 We should discipline them Will these things guarantee their salvation? But none of these things guarantee their salvation We cannot trust Carful observation of Biblical principles Ordinances - baptism Empty professions of faith Is there a promise of salvation for our children? Proverbs 22:6 - Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it Acts 2:38-39 - The promise is for you and your children Acts 16:31 - Believe on Jesus Christ and you and your household will be saved There is no guarantee Children are responsible for their own decisions Their hearts are always outside your control A wise father does not guarantee a wise son Only God can save our children Psalm 127:1 The Lord must build the house Acts 16:14-15 - God opened the heart of Lydia Psalm 46:1 We must entrust ourselves to God We cannot control of the hearts of our children but God can God is willing to save Luke 13:34 He desires to bring us to himself Ezekiel 18:32; 33:11 God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked Luke 15:11-32 He is always ready to receive prodigals Why do we feel guilty if our kids reject the faith? How can we deal with this guilt? 2
4. What can we do? 1) Acknowledge that something is wrong Don t be afraid or embarrassed to admit that you have a problem Don t ignore the signs or refuse to accept that it is true If they reject Christ don t pretend that it is fine If they have not been saved don t expect them to be Christ-like 2) Love them lavishly Tell them that you love them Use affirming words, meaningful hugs and quality time Be gentle in your disappointment Don t accept their sin, but balance truth with grace Love them enough to let them go - give them roots and wings Remind them that they are always your kids However hard it gets never walk away Plead with them rather than rebuking them They know what they are doing is wrong you don t need to constantly remind them Isaiah 54:10 God s relentless love is our model Hosea 11:1-11 - God understands your pain 3) Pray for them passionately Entrust them to God He loves them more than you do Be honest with God tell Him how you feel It is the divine prerogative to save pray for their conversion Ephesians 3:20-21 God can do more than we imagine 1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray continually and never give up Pray together as husband and wife Start a prayer group at church Record your thoughts, feelings and prayers keep a journal 4) Point them to Christ Aim for their conversion not that they become good kids Don t concentrate on externals - the real problem is not tattoos or hair length or punk rock it s that they don t see Jesus clearly Show them Jesus so that they are captivated by his love and satisfied with him alone Demonstrate the love of Jesus to them 5) Grow through your pain One of the reasons God gives us teenagers is to sanctify us Romans 5:1-5 all problems are for our sanctification Matthew 15:21-28 Jesus uses problems with children to deal with their parents Our kids can become idols we must love God more than we love them James 4:10 suffering humbles our pride Be real with God, other people and your children 6) Continue to connect with them Keep in touch - communicate with them constantly Avoid cold body language and harsh words 3
Send them e-mails, texts, face book messages Take them out to eat not all communication needs to be electronic Be interested in what interests them Respect their friends - even if the relationship is based on sin Their friend may be someone else s prodigal Nothing is solved by showing them how much you disapprove Luke 7:36-50 - Jesus was the friend of sinners 7) Don t be too proud to ask for help Seek help from others emotional support, spiritual wisdom and professional help Proverbs 11:14 The wisdom of counselors Don t feel guilty about getting professional help Look to grandparents and mature Christians for support Find a support group - and if you can t find on start one Pray for your kids to have contact with other Christians 8) Offer them a safe haven The home is an outpost for the kingdom of God Assure them that they do not need to earn your love Don t expect perfection when they return The prodigal son still smelled of the pigsty, but the father did not mention the smell. He put clean robes on top of rags, a ring on a dirty finger and clean sandals on smelly feet Remember that they are more ashamed than you are Returning to church may be too much at first They may want to attend another church Pray that they meet the father before they meet the older brother 9) Guard your marriage and your family Don t allow them to drive a wedge between you and your spouse Build a unified front Guard your family - don t sacrifice your other children Set boundaries and do not accept destructive behaviour If necessary get them out of the home Don t abandon your core values Allow yourself to enjoy life Fatigue makes cowards of us all Don t go into suspended animation till things are resolved 10) Be patient Be patient in your waiting don t get impatient with God 2 Corinthians 5:7 Walk by faith Galatians 6:9 Don t become weary in well-doing 2 Corinthians 12:1-10 Discover the fullness of God s grace Isaiah 55:11 - Trust the Word of God Romans 1:16 Trust in the power of the gospel God is the only perfect parent you can trust Him The prodigal hasn t returned yet but we are still fattening the calf God may surprise you 4
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