Pastor Chris Matthis Epiphany Lutheran Church, Castle Rock, Colorado Proper 18 (Pentecost 13), Series A Saturday, September 6th, 2014 Sunday, September 7th, 2014 Sermon: If Your Brother Sins against You Text: Matthew 18:1-20 Focus: Heavenly Father doesn t want any of his little ones to perish. Function: That they would seek reconciliation and repentance in the midst of conflict. Structure: Process Locus: So we too will sincerely forgive and gladly do good to those who sin against us (SC, 5th Petition of the Lord s Prayer). Grace, mercy, and peace to you from God our Father and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen. I have been serving in full time ministry for over eight years. I ve been a member of families for nearly 33 years, and in that time I have come to realize a very sad reality: most Christians do not know how to handle conflict in healthy ways. Their instinctive response is fight or flight. Either they fight mean and nasty, or they have an escape mentality and avoid conflict at all costs. Both responses are tragic, because they result in pent up frustration, bitter feelings, and ruined relationships. When we have unresolved conflict in our relationships with other people, it leads to fear, guilt, shame, bitterness, anger, and other destructive feelings. Whether you re a passive-aggressive person who brews and stews about it, or a person with a hot temper who blasts other people, the stress will ultimately destroy you. You re cutting your life short. Even worse, you re not living the way that a disciple of Jesus is called to act. It will not do either to write people off or to rip them a new one when we come into conflict. Unfortunately, conflict is unavoidable in a fallen, sinful world. The Lutheran ministry, Ambassadors of Reconciliation, says that conflict happens because of competition over resources (time, money, energy), misunderstandings (assumptions and poor communication), and differences (age, gender, worldview, experience). But ultimately, conflict is the result of sin.
Matthis 2 We are selfish people with flawed character and corrupt motives. As the apostle James asks, What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask (Jas. 4:1-2). There has to be a better way. And thanks be to God there is: Jesus way. In our Gospel lesson Jesus gives us a process for handling conflict in healthy ways. By way of shorthand, pastors often say, We need to follow Matthew 18. And it goes like this If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (Matt. 18:15-17. ESV). 1 These are just three verses, but in them Jesus gives us an amazing way to address conflict in the church and family. Early on in my ministry here, a woman came to my office to complain about another woman in the congregation. After listening to her rant for a few moments, I finally interrupted her and said, I m sorry, but it sounds like you need to have a conversation with that other person. Why can t you talk to them for me? she asked. Because that s not the way Jesus says it s supposed to work. You need to go and talk to her one on one. I can t do that. Why not? I don t know how. 1 All Scripture references, unless otherwise indicated, are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version.
Matthis 3 Well, then, let me teach you. And so that s what I want to do today: teach you a better way to handle conflict in your family, in your work, at your church and school. I am certainly no expert. I m as much of a sinner as anybody else! But I have made it a special point in my ministry to grow and learn a better way to do it. And that s what I want to share with you today. Jesus begins by saying, If your brother [or sister] sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother [or sister] (Matt. 18:15). If your brother sins against you, go and talk to him alone. Don t talk about him behind his back. Don t try to get to him through his wife. Don t tattle on him to the pastor or your boss. And don t send a proxy or a posse. Go and talk to him alone. By the way, that means in person. You don t send him a letter or an e-mail. Tone can be misunderstood in writing; better to do it in person. Don t do it over the phone unless you need to call to setup a face-to-face meeting. Jesus doesn t say send an e-mail or pick up the phone. He says, Go! That means face to face. By the way, Facebook is not face to face, and neither is a text message. Go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. And notice what the intention is here. The goal is not to beat up your brother your put your sister in her place. The goal is to restore the relationship: If he listens to you, you have gained your brother (Matt. 18:15). You want to win over your brother by your winsome words and gentle spirit. In Galatians 6, the apostle Paul writes, Brothers [and sisters], if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness (Gal. 6:1). When somebody sins against you, restore them in a spirit of gentleness.
Matthis 4 When we feel offended, it s easy to get a self-righteous victim mentality. But that only escalates the conflict and causes us to say things we will regret later. Yet, as we heard in last week s epistle lesson, Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God (Rom. 12:19). Rather than embarrassing the other person or getting even, we go and speak to them one-on-one, face to face, speaking the truth in love without sacrificing either truth or love (Eph. 4:15). So when somebody sins against you or offends you, go and talk to them. It s that easy! By the way, what if you realize that you are the offending party, and you have done wrong to somebody else? Well, Jesus addresses that too in the Sermon on the Mount: So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift (Matt. 5:23-24). So if you sin against somebody and realize it, or even if you re not sure what you ve done wrong, but you ve somehow hurt somebody else, go and deal with it! Once again, Jesus says, Go! Go be reconciled. Go and talk to them, one on one, face to face, and say, I m sorry. Will you please forgive me? So whether somebody sins against you, or you sin against them, go, talk to them! Don t play a game of chicken and wait for the other person to make the first move. There s no time for that! Whenever there is conflict, the Christianity feels an urgent need to go and make things right. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses (Matt. 18:16). Sometimes the one on one conversation will be enough to win over your erring brother or sister. Sometimes you will need help. Jesus commands us to start one-on-one, but if that doesn t work, then we bring
Matthis 5 others along with us. Here again, I must say: don t send proxies, and don t send a posse. Bring along fair and impartial parties to help mediate the conversation and make sure that both parties (not just you) have opportunity to speak and to be heard. Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger (Jas. 1:19). Bring along people that both of you trust, so that the other person doesn t feel as if you re ganging up on them. When people feel attacked and cornered, they are likely to get defensive and embarrassed. They re less likely to hear what you have to say. The other people are there as witnesses, not accusers! And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church (Matt. 16:17a). Hopefully, you never get to this step. But if other people are unable to help you and the other person have a meaningful conversation and come to mutual confession and forgiveness, you need to get even more help. Tell it to the church, Jesus says. Bring it to the spiritual leaders of the Christian community: your pastor and the elders of the congregation. Ask your spiritual leaders to speak God s Word to the erring sinner. God s Word of Law and Gospel is the most powerful weapon against sin. And, in fact, that is one of the main responsibilities of pastors: to exhort and rebuke with all authority (Tit. 2:15). If the conflict is in your family, come to me for pastoral care and intervention. If the conflict is with another church member, bring it to the pastor and elders. If your issue is with me, your pastor, and you ve already gone through the first steps speaking to me face to face, one on one then tell it to the elders. And if your conflict is with another believer outside of our congregation, consider reaching out to their pastor and me for help. Once again, the goal here is not to harass or embarrass the other person. The goal is reconciliation, repentance, and forgiveness in Christ.
Matthis 6 And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (Matt. 16:17b). Things are rather serious at this point. The brother or sister who sinned against you is in a dangerous spiritual condition. He or she is guilty of unrepentant sin. They refuse to admit their fault, and so they are in danger of eternal damnation and the fires of hell. That s a scary place to be, and they need to be warned before it s too late. And so the drastic but needed measure Jesus gives us is excommunication. If an unrepentant sinner refuses to accept correction, then we must admit the sad reality: they really are not a Christian anymore, and they need to be told that. They need a spiritual wakeup call before it s too late. That is why the apostle Paul urges, Expel the wicked man from among you (1 Cor. 5:13, NIV). Hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord (1 Cor. 5:5, NIV). Hand him over to Satan?! Treat him like a pagan or a tax collector? Isn t that a bit much?! Yes, of course it is! There is no greater spiritual danger than unrepentant sin and unbelief. Both are damning. An unrepentant sinner is like the straying sheep Jesus mentions earlier in Matthew 18, and we must spare no effort in saving them from their sins even if it means the bold step of excommunication. Better to let them know they re not a Christian in this life than for them to find out terribly on Judgment Day! And yet even now we must not make the mistake of taking Jesus words to be a pathway for kicking people out of the church. That s not the point of excommunication. What is the goal of church discipline? Not to embarrass people, put them in their place, or chase them away. No, the purpose of church discipline is to restore relationships, calling lost sinners to repentance and back into fellowship through Christ s forgiveness. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him to be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (Matt. 18:17). But how did Jesus
Matthis 7 treat pagans and tax collectors? He loved them. He reached out to them. He sought them with his Never Stopping, Never Giving up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love and seeks them still. 2 God wants all people to be saved. He leaves the 99 on the hillside to go in search of the one lost, straying sheep. What do you think? If a man has one hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? (Matt. 18:12). Yes, Lord, you most certainly do! That s why Jesus died on the cross: to forgive your sins and bring you back to the Father. And that s why Christian love will spare no effort to search out offending brothers and sisters to bring them back to Jesus. Here is the Good News: in verse 14, Jesus declares, It is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish (Matt. 18:14). Elsewhere, the Bible says that God desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth (1 Tim. 2:4). Jesus loves Gentiles and tax collectors sinners like you and me. Jesus pleads with them, prays for them died for them and makes them his disciples. He even made one of them an apostle. St. Matthew the Evangelist started out by another name: Levi the tax collector. Jesus welcomes sinners and eats with them. He doesn t turn them away. Nor will he turn you away. Yet if you refuse to come, or no longer wish to remain, he will not force you to stay. God will not force anyone to live under him in his kingdom forever (SC, 2 nd Article of Apostles Creed). Such is the mystery of his love. But let us hope and pray that it never comes to that. Rather, bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them (Rom. 12:13). Perhaps, in this way, you will gain a brother. For it is in this way that your Brother, Jesus, gained you. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. 2 Sally Lloyd-Jones, The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name.