Fierce Conversations Donna Schendel VP Human Resources Calgary Laboratory Services 2010 BCSLS Congress
What is Fierce Conversations About? While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a company, a relationship or a life ANY SINGLE CONVERSATION CAN.
Agenda for Session Session 1 Introduction to Fierce Principles #1, #2 Session 2 Principles #3, #4, #5 Session 3 Principles #6, #7 Session 4 Applying the principles Confrontation Model
What can you Learn from Fierce? Seven principles Team conversation Coaching conversation Delegation conversation Confrontation model
Fierce Conversations By Susan Scott Susan Scott s national bestseller, Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success at Work & in Life, introduced the insight that careers, companies and relationships succeed or fail, gradually then suddenly one conversation at a time.
Fierce Conversations teaches people how to ignite productive dialogue that interrogates reality, provokes learning, resolves tough challenges and enriches relationships. It s the place to begin, the cornerstone of great leadership, healthy cultures, intelligent strategies and whole-hearted execution.
Description The simplest definition of a fierce conversation is one in which we come out from behind ourselves, into the conversation, and make it real. While many fear real, it is the unreal conversations that ought to concern us, because they are incredibly expensive! Once you ve tasted this illusive thing called candor, served up with intelligence, passion and skill, all possibilities will expand and, when sustained, will revolutionize your culture.
Principle #1 Master the Courage to Interrogate Reality Life is curly. Don t try to straighten it out. Reality is shifting, at home and at work. Things change, the world changes, you and I change.
Beach Ball What stripe do you live on? Are you guilty of the corporate nod? Most people want to hear the truth, even if it is unpalatable. There is something within us that responds deeply to people who level with us.
Let s Take Stock What are my goals when I converse with people? What kinds of things do I usually discuss? How often do I find myself just to be polite saying things I don t mean? How many discussions or meetings have I sat in where I knew the real issues were not being discussed? If I were guaranteed honest responses to any 3 questions, whom would I question and what would I ask?
What has been the economical, emotional and intellectual cost to the company of not identifying and tackling the real issues? What has been the cost to me? When was the last time I said what I really thought and felt? What are the leaders in my organization pretending not to know? What am I pretending not to know? When was the last time I confronted someone at work or at home about his or her behavior and ended the conversation having enriched the relationship? Imagine if you could answer some of these questions how would that make you feel?
Truth the grand simplifier Fierce conversations often do take time. The problem is, anything else takes longer. Who owns the truth? Everyone! Problems are emerging because the way we talk to people isn t working. Learn to ask clarifying questions encourage others to challenge your thinking.
Interrogate Reality Make a proposal Check for understanding Check for agreement
Laying Blame doesn t help Avoid laying blame. This is what s going on for me. I thought you should know. Remove the word but from your vocabulary and substitute and. I d like to help you, BUT I have no easy choices right now. I d like to help you, AND I have no easy choices right now.
How do I Master the Courage? Get to ground truth. That s what s discussed in the parking lot and the coffee rooms. The REAL truth. You get what you tolerate. People don t repeat behavior unless it is rewarded.
Principle #2 Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make Show up it real. Choose to be authentic While many fear real, it is the unreal conversation that should scare us to death!
What are we really thinking? My son may be doing drugs. I know he will deny it. I m overweight. If I don t make a change, my health will suffer. I m failing in my job. I m afraid I m going to be fired. My job pays well, but when I imagine myself doing this for another 10 years, just take me out back and shoot me!
Are you fierce with yourself? Mineral Rights Conversation Identify your most pressing issue. The issue I most need to resolve is Clarify the issue. What s going on? How bad are things? Determine the current impact. How is this issue impact me or others? What are my emotions about this?
Determine the future implications. If nothing changes, what s likely to happen? What s at stake for me and for others? What are my emotions about this? Examine your personal contribution to this issue. How have I contributed to this problem?
Describe the ideal outcome When this issue is resolved, what difference will that make? Commit to action What is the most potent step I could take to move this issue toward resolution? What s going to attempt to get in my way and how will I get past it? When will I take this step?
Summary of Principles #1 & 2 Show up! Be authentic about who you really are. Tell the truth. You need to, and others need to hear it. Don t waste your time having conversations that don t get it done. Do it right the first time!