1 Marriage & Family God s Way: Love of the Husband Eph 5:15-6:4 Part 5 I. Introduction A. Honestly all statistics on MARRIAGE ARE DEPRESSING! B. So, let s forget the REALITY of MARRIAGE- Instead- 1. before God tells us what He EXPECTS of the Husband 2. Let s see what CHILDREN can TEACH us ABOUT LOVE C. Believe these are from Art Linkletter s Children Say the Darndest Things! 1. HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE? a) "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." Wendy, age 8 b) Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." Arnold, age 10 2. CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE a) "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell...that's why perfume and deodorant is so popular." Mae, age 9 b) I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be painful." Manuel, age 8 3. ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE a) "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." John, age 9 b) "If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." Glenn, age 7 4. ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE a) "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't
already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." Anita, age 8 b) It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome as anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." Brian, age 7 c) "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a lifetime." Christine, age 9 5. CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS a) "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." Gavin, age 8 b) "They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing." John, age 9 6. CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE a) "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television." Jill, age 6 b) "Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place...we were behind a tree." Carey, age 7 c) "Love will find you. Even if you hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." Dave, age 8 d) "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding the fourth grade hard enough." Regina, age 10 7. SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU a) "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." Del, age 6 b) Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." Alonzo, age 9 c) "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually 2
works for me." Bart, age 9 8. HOW CAN YOU TELL IF ADULTS EATING DINNER IN A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE? a) Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he is in love." Bobby, age 9 b) "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold...other people care more about their food." Bart, age 9 9. With this kind of wisdom, I don t need to preach my sermon! D. TURN TO Passage to read E. Proposition Studying Marriage & Family God s Way 1. Finished: SUBMISSION of the WIFE 2. Start: LOVE of the HUSBAND (v.25-32) 3. CONCLUSION for BOTH Husbands & Wives (v.33) 3 F. QUICK: Review: SUBMISSION of the WIFE a) The Requirement of Submission: V.22a 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. b) The Reality of Submission: V.22b 22 as to the Lord. c) The Reason for Submission: V.23 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body d) The Reaffirmation of Submission: v.24 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
2. OVERARCHING REQUIREMENT: BE SUBJECT a) = Arrange Yourself UNDER the AUTHORITY of your HUSBAND b) He s the HEAD and in ALL MATTERS except for SIN, you submit to Him c) ULTIMATELY: (1) You re REALLY SUBMITTING to the LORD (2) God s PUT Him in this POSITION 3. NOW we re going to see what GOD REQUIRES of him in this POSITION! G. Now let s READ the HUSBAND S PART! 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. H. OUTLINE: 1. COMMAND to Love (5:25a) 2. CHARACTERISTICS of Love (v.25b-32) a) Love is SPIRIT-FILLED b) Love is SELF-WILLED c) Love is SACRIFICIAL (not Superficial!) 4
II. d) Love is SANCTIFYING (1) Christ s Example (2) Husband s Responsibility 3. CONCLUSION to both Husbands and Wives (v.33) COMMAND to Love (v.25a) 25 Husbands, love your wives, A. So, Guess what kind of love this is? B. Let s take a vote 1. How many think this is eros love physical love / emotional love? 2. How many think this is phileto love brotherly love? 3. How many think this is agapaow love Volitional, WILLFUL, love of choice? C. A:You just knew it HAD to be the Love of Choice! D. And do you know what the KEY WORD of THIS SECTION is husbands? LOVE! SIX TIMES! 1. 2X v.25 2. 3X v.28 3. 1X v.33 E. And do you know what the form of the verb is? 1. COMMAND God COMMANDS you to DO IT 2. CONTINUAL - CONTINUALLY, ALWAYS, NEVER- STOPPING CHOOSE to LOVE F. Also just to be clear Paul says YOUR wife 1. This isn t a command to be continually loving anybody s wife AND SOMETIMES that MEANS your own! G. Interesting to see where we are commanded to have VOLITIONAL, LOVE of CHOICE in SCRIPTURE 1. This verb in this form COMMAND to YOU 2. In the Gospels as Love your enemies Lk 6:35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, 5
expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. 3. In the Sister Letter to Colossians: Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 4. Peter commands us to LOVE our Christian Brothers 1 Pe 2:17 Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. a) Notice that you ONLY fear God! 5. John tells us to NOT Love the WORLD! 1 Jn 2:15 Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 6. Where s the MOST FAMOUS Command to Love? At the LAST SUPPER! Jn 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. Jn 15:12 This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Jn 15:17 This I command you, that you love one another. a) THREE TIMES at ONE SETTING! b) As always the Apostle s writings merely EXPAND on what Christ taught them! H. Here in Eph 5 Paul REPEATS this EXACT same Command at the end of the section as a reminder! Eph 5:33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. I. That s QUITE a QUICK, BUT THOROUGH Theology on LOVE! 6
III. 1. Love your enemies 2. Love your wives (yes, those should be different categories) 3. Love Christian Brothers 4. Don t LOVE the WORLD! 5. Fits what Christ said! - We ll be known by WHAT we LOVE! J. Transition 1. That s ALL I want to POINT out in this POINT a) YOU ARE COMMANDED to Love your wives b) COMMANDED to CHOOSE to LOVE THEM. c) Let s LEAVE THAT HERE so that you NEVER FORGET that SINGULARITY IT IS A COMMAND to WILLFULLY LOVE K. But let s leave this phrase for a MOMENT and THEN LOOK at it from a DIFFERENT ANGLE L. The Characteristics of Love (v.25b-32) Today: 1. Love is SPIRIT-FILLED 2. Love is SELF-WILLED 3. Maybe start: Love is SACRIFICIAL Characteristic #1: Love is SPIRIT-FILLED! A. REMEMBER Every Passage has a context! B. Husbands You cannot do verses 25-33 UNLESS you are ALREADY doing verses 15-21 in Eph 5! C. You MUST be WALKING in WISDOM (v.15) 1. Making the most of every opportunity 2. Understanding the Will of the Lord 3. Filled / controlled by the Holy Spirit 4. Hence, SEEING the results of a) Speaking b) Singing, making melody 7
IV. c) Giving Thanks d) Submitting to other Christians! D. IOW You CANNOT do this in the FLESH, BY human method and will power! 1. Remember that! E. If you re ATTEMPTS to LOVE YOUR WIFE FAIL from your SIDE 1. Go back to V. 15 NOT to V.25 - FIRST! F. So, with this condition FIRST, then as a SPIRIT- FILLED believer, the next characteristics is Characteristic #2: Love is SELF-WILLED A. This is SELF-WILL under the CONTROL of the SPIRIT S WILL! Got that? B. Now let s go back to our COMMAND and see what Characteristics are in it! Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, C. What are the Characteristics of Self-willed Love? D. First what does agapaow mean? 1. = SELF-WILLED, VOLITIONAL, CHOICE! a) NOT = When I feel like it b) NOT = Emotional love (1) NOTE: does not mean it is DEVOID of emotions, just not based on emotions. (2) I.e. having good emotions may lead to the right result (3) BUT having bad emotions won t! (4) SO do in spite of emotions when emotions don t produce the right behavior! c) NOT = Physical love 2. = it s intent is to seek the highest good in the one loved. 8
a) = do what is Godly best for her b) = do INSPITE of her response c) = do INSPITE of what you think she deserves d) = SIMPLY do what is BEST because you CHOOSE TO. e) Luke 6:35 (from a minute ago) is a excellent description Lk 6:35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. f) Often called UNCONDITIONAL LOVE E. So, first Agapaow = Self-willed love! CHOOSE to do it FOR HER HIGHEST GODLY GOOD F. Second Your self-willed love is CONTINUAL as said before G. Third Your self-willed love is EXPECTED by GOD! H. This is a unique characteristic of Christian love! 1. Command NOT found outside in Greek, Roman, etc. cultures 2. NOT even found this Directly in the Old Testament! 3. AND it is not characteristic of OUR DAY and that s biblical! 2 Ti 3:1 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power(look godly but aren t!); Avoid such men as these. (good advice for women looking for a husband!). 9
a) ALL describe SELF-LOVE, NOT self-willed Love to love your wife! b) God says World s SELF-LOVE CANNOT make a happy marriage c) Happy marriage ONLY when Wife SUBMITS / Husband SELF-WILLED LOVES HER (1) = only when doing marriage God s way. I. Think about this IF you get to the point where you say I don t love her anymore 1. Saying: I VE CHOSEN to SIN and CONFESS IT! 2. IOW IF you ALLOW yourself to fall out-of-love with your wife, YOU CHOOSE to SIN. 3. You ve REDIRECTED your WILL AWAY from LOVING HER 4. God s example LOVED us WHEN ENEMIES who HATED Him. J. On more thing to think about to take us into our next point! 1. How FAR does SELF-WILL go? 2. How MUCH is ENOUGH? 3. Paul says love your wife JUST AS Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her 4. THEREFORE IF you DON T LOVE YOUR WIFE as MUCH as CHRIST LOVED the CHURCH you don t love her ENOUGH! K. But BILL no one can love that much? A: RIGHT 1. SO you WILL be ALWAYS STRIVING to DO MORE and BETTER at YOUR CHOICE to LOVE YOUR WIFE! L. Wives if you don t at least get flowers and dinner out of this sermon, we ve got a problem here, right? US guys are taking a beating today! 10
V. Been there, Done that! 11 A. Just talked about: 1. Love is Spirit-Filled 2. Love is Self-Willed B. You know what? This isn t the FIRST time we ve been told this in Ephesians! C. Love is Spirit-filled: Turn to Eph 3:14 1. At the HEART of the PRAYER LOVE! a) Not just LOVE, BUT KNOWING the LOVE of CHRIST that SURPASSES KNOWLEDGE! b) An amazing prayer THAT HAS TO BE ANSWERED for you TO LIVE the COMMAND of 5:25 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church! 2. Petition Ephesians 3:16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; a) = Progressive Prayer (1) layer upon layer /Level to Level (2) Each level DEPENDENT on the PREVIOUS ONE! b) V.16 to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man (1) As God strengthens with power your INNER MAN, you grow in SPIRITUAL MATURITY! (2) = Eph 5:18 is a MUST! (3) You MUST be SPIRIT-FILLED! (4) You WORK, Holy Spirit CAUSES THE GROWTH and GIVES YOU THE STRENGTH! c) 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; (1) so that = Purpose for that strengthening!
(2) Christ may dwell in your hearts (3) = Christ WOULD be the DOMINATING FACTOR in our life in our WILL, in our AFFECTIONS, our DESIRES, our THOUGHTS, ACTIONS, ATTITUDES IN OUR LIFE! d) V.17 and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend (1) =RESULT of strengthening and at-home Christ in you (2) NOW we BEGIN TO TALK ABOUT LOVE! There s A LOT HERE TOO! (3) being rooted=cause to take root = DEEP, LIVING ROOT (4) grounded = that which lies beneath foundation, base = FOUNDATION of A HOUSE (5) in love = Christ s love = SACRIFICIAL SELFLESS LOVE! (6) PAUL: You MUST Be FILLED with the SPIRIT and FOCUS ON / OBEY CHRIST so that HE is AT HOME IN YOU (7) THEN you are a ROOTED/ GROUNDED in HIS LOVE! (8) Now see that this leads in V.18-19 to e) 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge (1) may be able = have the strength to (a) POWER to CARRY OUT (b) = HAVE the FULL STRENGTH! to comprehend (2) to comprehend = TO GRASP for your OWN = EXPERIENTIAL KNOWLEDGE 12
(a) > Intellectual knowledge (b) YOU OWN IT! You OWN Love of Christ from EXPERIENCE! (c) Experiential knowledge JUST LOVES and ADJUSTS / ADAPTS (d) You will HAVE THE STRENGTH to EXPERIENTIALLY KNOW HIS LOVE BECAUSE you have seen it work through you OFTEN! (3) with all the saints (a) = SPIRITUAL MATURITY is AVAILABLE to ALL CHRISTIANS! (b) WHAT are we able to comprehend with ALL saints? (4) v.18 what is the breadth and length and height and depth (a) = EXPERIENTIALLY KNOW ALL ASPECTS of the Love of CHRIST! (b) breadth and length and height and depth = implying the whole from giving the parts! (c) = WHOLE love of CHRIST (5) 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge (a) And to know = EXPERIENTIAL KNOWLEDGE (b) Key: This LOVE is the LOVE of CHRIST! =CHRIST S LOVE TO US! (c) Listen In ORDER to LOVE LIKE CHRIST, you HAVE to KNOW the LOVE of CHRIST the Love Christ has FOR US! (d) HE S OUR MODEL for LOVE 13
(e) Q: Greatest example of LOVE? THE CROSS! SACRIFICE! (f) Back to v. 19: the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge = OXYMORON = know which surpasses knowledge! (g) Q: What LOVE have you EXPERIENCED that SURPASSES KNOWLEDGE? (i) A: the LOVE OF CHRIST! (h) MATURE CHRISTIANS know the EXPERIENTIAL love of CHRIST had a much higher level because they have SEEN IT WORK THROUGH THEM f) So ask yourself!!! (1) Where are you in LOVE MATURITY? Do we do that good of a job OF LOVING YOUR WIFE LIKE CHRIST LOVED?? (2) Do you love first? (a) Do you let Love cover a multitude of sins? (b) Do you consider others better than yourself? (3) We say I can t LOVE that WOMAN! (4) WRONG! The right answer is I DON T WANT TO LOVE my WIFE (5) Christian Relationship problems are NOT INCOMPATIBILITY! They are INIQUITY! (a) Problem = SIN = SELFISHNESS! (b) ABSENCE of LOVE= PRESENCE of SIN! (c) If you re NOT LOVING YOUR WIFE then you are NOT FILLED WITH the SPIRIT! (6) Do you think Love is important? YES! (7) v.19 that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. (a) that = the PURPOSE for being made able to grasp and know the love of Christ is 14
(b) that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God! (i) = FULLEST POSSIBLE CHRISTIAN MATURITY on THIS SIDE OF ETERNITY! 3. PRAYER Closing Ephesians 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. a) IF you ve PROGRESSED ALONG THIS PRAYER b) THEN (last big THEN) YOU will SEE GOD DO FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY in YOUR MARRIAGE BEYOND all YOU ask or think! 4. Paul has ALREADY PRAYED for you TO BEGIN with a SPIRIT-FILLED, SPIRIT-STRENGTHENED Life that will PRODUCE far more than you could ever imagine in your MARRIAGE! 5. What about seeing Love is Self-Willed BEFORE? Turn to Eph 5:1 D. Love is Self-Willed: Eph 5:1-2 Eph 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2 and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. 1. Remember this section? We have ALREADY been COMMANDED to WALK in LOVE! E. be imitators of God, as beloved children; 1. be = become = start right now in GROWING and step-by-step, BECOMING like God! 2. imitators of God = mimics of God! a) imitators =mimic = imitate=copy IN EXACT DETAIL 15
b) = DUPLICATE HIM EXACTLY! c) Q: What is the basis for this command? 3. A: as beloved Children! = comparative phrase (1) = Just as children imitate their earthly father, so imitate your heavenly father (2) What do you IMITATE? Do you IMITATE ALL OF GOD? No look at next phrase! F. 2 and walk in love, 1. NOW Pull the whole phrase together: be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2 and walk in love, a) = In the same way your Heavenly Father has loved you, SO IMITATE HIS LOVE 2. walk = your daily life, daily conduct! = how you live! 3. in love = Agape love = love of the will! = I choose to love regardless of what I may or may not get! 4. Q: How do we walk in Love? G. just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. 1. Loving JUST AS Christ also loved you = SACRIFICING yourself for others! 2. This is NOT THEORETICAL teaching! 3. The CROSS APPLIES DIRECTLY to our lives! 4. V.2 = LOVE SACRIFICIALLY as you Saw Christ do on the Cross for you! 5. And that will take us to OUR NEXT POINT NEXT WEEK Love is SACRIFICIAL! 16