City View Church, 7/31/2016 Sermon on James 4:1-12 4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 4 You adulterous people, don t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble. 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you doubleminded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. 11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you who are you to judge your neighbor? If you really believe the Gospel of Christ what kind of life will that result in on the ground? Duck imagerytalk the talk! Our last two weeks in James (all of chapter 3), the power of the words we say, todayspecifically on conflict. Minute to think- when was the last conflict you have had? Now What relationship do you have that is completely free of conflict/irritation/disagreement? The greeter at Wal- Mart.
I ve never had a conflict with the greeter at Wal-Mart. Never once. I walk in, I say hello, I shoot the breeze (only if I wish), and move on with my trip. Expectations are clear. There is never any conflict because there never is a relationship. You have conflict in your life. As I m asking you to think back on the last conflict you had, it s probably not taking too long to come up with. James- 12 churches in the dispersion- writing to 12 tribes scattered among the dispersion. Jewish Christians in Israel- persecution became so violent and widespread these people quite literally had to run for their lives and now they are dispersed everywhere. Hence they are suffering- and when the pressure is on, that is when we tend to neglect the marginalized and favor the rich, divide, and take sides, etc Context power of the tongue to both destroy and give life; differentiating between false/true wisdom; now James gets to the source- the community is having this problem with conflict- what is the reason? James 4:1- Question- what causes fights and quarrels among you? Now, if we were a better resourced, I would have us take a few minutes, turn to the person you came in with (spouse, child, sister, friend) and ask this question honey son sister what causes fights and quarrels among us? The reason I won t do that is I don t have the time/expertise to do all the counseling that would result from such a question Because most of us- the preacher foremost- assume the cause of fights and quarrels is THEM. She doesn t work around the house enough, he is insensitive to my needs, she takes everything too personally, he s naïve, he spends all the money. Things were perfectly fine until THEY came into the picture. What causes fights and quarrels among you? There are 1000 different answers to this question- they all center on them them them let me tell you how they act. If this person wasn t in my life, if this circumstance wasn t in my life, nor would this fight. No no no! James 4:1- What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don t they come from your desires that battle within you? When you are in conflict of any sort, the first thing you and I need to realize is that the primary person I am responsible for changing is ME. And a contributing reason if not the primary reason for the fight/quarrel is ME- I have a desire that I am projecting onto the other person. There is something that I want from that person, I m not getting it, so I go to battle. This is the language of war here. And what is the primary purpose of battle? To win. But please hear me out- when you argue in a church, when you argue in a family, when you argue among friends, nobody ever wins when you are in battle mode. You win the argument, you lose the person. If you win by tearing down the other person, making them feel bad about themselves, pointing out all the things they are doing wrong or have done wrong, you both lost. Why the fights? Why the quarrels? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. The reason for the fight is not them- it s that your primary focus is your pleasure and you are not getting what you want. Now, remember, sin is not just the doing of bad things but it s (as Keller says) turning
good things into ultimate things. It is perfectly fine to desire good things from other people, but if in the process, you tear them down, you watch them deflate as your words of criticism pierce, that is sin. You desire but don t have, so you KILL. Now, James is not writing to the First Baptist Church of Alcatraz, so it s hard to know what he means here. Killing is brought up multiple times in this letter- and the Zealot uprising was violent in nature- so actual killing could be in view here. What I think is more likely, however, is that James is using the word in the same sense as Jesus, who likens anger to murder. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. Friends, welcome this truth into your life! A primary reason for your fights and quarrels is YOU. This is liberating because differences in opinion is inevitable but escalating conflict is not. And if every time you step into a conflict situation you take ownership for part of the problem the tone, the intensity, the tension will decrease immediately. There is something I want that I m not getting... I have a role in this! So this is what I want us to do- before you ever enter into a conflict situation, instead of mounting an arsenal of arguments, figure out what role you play in the problem because if you re mad, there is something you want that you are not getting. Once you do that, then (things are going to get active here: WE NEED TO TALK. *point figure toward yourself* honey, I have a problem and I need your help. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING *point figure toward yourself* brother, I have a problem and I need your help. I need to feel respected and know it wasn t your intention, but I felt small and disrespected when you laughed at my idea earlier. I felt unheard when I gave you this advice and you did the opposite. I felt unloved when you were 20 minutes late to such-and-such event. I felt worthless when you walked away without saying goodbye. I felt stupid when you corrected me in front this group. I felt scared when we made these plans and you had cancelled them. *point figure toward yourself* I have a problem and I need your help. This is what I did wrong, I m sorry. I know this wasn t your intention, but this is how I feel. In our context of relationships, not getting what we want means not feeling respected, not feeling heard, not feeling loved, feeling worthless There are fights and quarrels among us because I m not getting what I want and I can be honest about that! And work through that! I have a problem and it starts with me me me. If you continue on with them them them- it s their fault- if the conflict doesn t kill the community, the complacency will. Conflict in a community or relationship can only be so high for so long before someone leaves or nobody cares. And as we continue to talk about peace in our relationships, my question for you now is do you have any idea how serious this is?! Do you think that peace in our relationships is just the icing on the cake- it s nice when we have it- or is this absolutely essential for a follower of Christ. When you fight with your spouse, when you tell off your Christian brother or sister, when you are stewing with anger toward someone in this community, how often do you fall on your hands and knees and beg the person and beg God for forgiveness? How much does it eat you up inside when there is unresolved tension? My fear is that peace in our relationships is viewed as secondary importance. We have our Statement of Faith- primary importance (I agree)- we have a list of the big sins to definitely avoid (murder, adultery, stealing)- primary importance (I agree) but fighting and quarrels in our relationship?
Did it ever occur to you that Jesus puts anger with your brother on the same level as murder? Saying you fool will make us liable to judgment. And that if you re offering a gift to God on an altar and remember that someone has something against you, don t even offer the gift, drop everything and make things right. Remember too that in the gospel of John, Jesus said the way people will know we are his disciples is our love for one another. And a few chapters later, John 17, Jesus says that outsiders will know that Jesus is from God because of the church s unity- we love each other! Phil 2:14-15 Paul echoes this exact idea. 1 Cor 3- Paul says that you- the church- are God s temple and if anyone destroys that temple by fighting and causing divisions in that church- God will destroy that person! Loving one another- working peacefully through conflict- not fighting or quarreling- do you see the stakes- how seriously God takes this? Do you see how absolutely essential this is for a follower of Christ? James in these next verses raises the stakes even higher- verse 3- we re still talking about the result of fighting and quarreling all the way until the end of v. 12 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. I think what this verse means is that fighting and quarrelling with the people closest to us hinders our prayers. Because when we are fighting our hearts are hateful, we re only thinking about ourselves, and we project that onto God in our prayer. God is way too merciful to give us everything we think we want. Fighting with our spouse/kids/church community will hinder your prayers. And James keep upping the stakes. Read on with me: 4 You adulterous people, don t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Husbands to your wives, wives to husbands, parents to children, friend to friend- you have the power to destroy one another with your words and you have the power to speak life. You have the power to lift people up and to tear them down. When you do the latter and fight and quarrel, that is friendship with the world, that is making yourself an enemy of God; it is adultery. Think about all this imagery. When a man is married and is sleeping with another woman, he has made himself an enemy of his marriage and has pulled his wife through the dirt. That is exactly how the heart of God is moved when we fight. Do you see how pivotal it is that we get this? This is huge, this is essential. And if you right now are feeling condemned by this text, I m right there with you, but the sermon goes on. Here, in response to this most destructive fighting and high handed disobedience, God does not say Be done with you! 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble. May our hearts be turned to the beautiful faithful everlasting love of God. He jealously longs for us because we are created to be known and loved by God. And jealousy has a negative connotation in our culture- but let me tell you- true covenant love better always be jealous. If I go to Haley my wife and tell her- of all the gals I love- I love you most- that wouldn t fly. I can say to her You re my gold medal but then if I start handing out silver and bronze medals to other gals, I m gonna get smacked. God yearns for his people with a jealous love!
And even in our fickle wandering, even in our seductive selfishness- he gives more grace. J.A. Motyer says: God is tirelessly on our side. He never falters in respect of our needs, he always has more grace at hand for us. No matter what we do to him, he is never beaten. His resources are never at an end, his patience is never exhausted, his initiative never stops, his generosity knows no limit, he gives more grace! NOT when we are at our best but our worst. His grace comes first. And as a result of his superabundant grace, we are to walk more joyfully in obedience. Look at our response, still in the context of fighting and quarrels: 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. Submit yourselves to God and take the crown off your own head; resist the devil, who feeds your impulses toward hatefulness and selflessness, and he will flee from you. Come to God, humbly cultivating peace in your relationships, and he will come near to you. Wash your hands (the outside that people came see) and purify your hearts that people cannot see. Take a look at your sin- the sin that has grieved the heart of God and wrecked havoc on your relationships- and mourn; no longer laugh by cry over that sin. Humble yourselves and he will lift you up! And remember who you are in Christ. Remember that your Savior is so much bigger than your sin. Remember that for each time you look at your sin, look at your savior 10 more. He has the power to forgive and he has the power to transform. Know who you are in Christ- and ask- with Tim Keller Why should I be selfish when I am full of real wealth and love? Why should I be defensive when all charges against me have been dismissed by the real judge? Why should I be offended when I have the real love of the king of the Universe? Why should I begrudge when I am washed in forgiveness in the Lord now? Series of DON Ts and RATHERS. Practical ways of how to achieve and maintain unity within and beyond these walls. DON T Withdraw and Avoid Assume you Know what they meant Assume the Worst Motives Harbor Bitterness Be Defensive Assume the Issue is Surface Level Speak in Terms of You Criticize and Demean RATHER Stay and Engage Listen and Repeat Assume the Best Motives Apologize and Forgive quickly. Be understanding If Appropriate, Probe the Heart Speak in Terms of I Encourage and Build Up DON T Withdraw and Avoid. Some of us physically leave during conflict. Others of us, in the midst of conflict, do not say a word but our minds are like a battlefield. We are dissecting their every word and, in some way, leave. If you have something against someone, if a wall has been built up so when you think of this
person, you can t help but think of this thing that they did, it is very clear in the Bible that you need to sit down and have a decent conversation with them. You cannot avoid a big conflict without at the exact same time avoiding a relationship. You might need to have some time to process, resolution might not happen right away, but it needs to happen quickly. Assume you Know what they Meant. This is huge because 75% of all conflicts are the result of miscommunication and this is completely avoidable if you listen and repeat. This is what I heard you say or do, this is what I thought you meant, is that really what you said and meant? Can you guide me through this? If you assume you knew what you meant you are saying: I don t care enough about you to hear you. Assume the Worst Motives. In the absence of information, we are able to connect the dots in the most pathological way possible. We are all M&Ms and I cannot see your chocolate. We cannot know anyone s motives for doing something, sometimes our tendency is to assume the worst but as Christ-followers, we need to assume the best. Literally think, what are possible scenarios that could explain the way they are acting. This sounds impossible, but we do this every day, not with other people but with ourselves. If someone is rude to a waitress, they can justify it because of how bad of a day they are having; if she is rude to me, she needs to learn how to do her job and stop being so heartless. We need to give people the same grace that we tend to give ourselves. Harbor Bitterness. Harboring bitterness is hurting you a whole lot more than it is hurting them. Letting go of that debt that you have against the other person will be healing to your soul. Of all people, as Christians, we need to be experts in forgiveness. We forgive the inexcusable in others because Christ forgave the inexcusable in us. Not only that, we need to be the first to apologize. There are always at least two people in a conflict and there is always something to apologize for on both ends. Be Defensive. If you go into a conflict situation and you say up front, my goal is not to fight with you or defend myself, right here and now, my goal is to understand you, ask questions, trade eyes with you. There will be a night and day difference. Often in a relationship, the best defense is no defense. Assume The Issue is Surface Level. Example- boyfriend and girlfriend together 8 months, have plans on getting married, they have plans on going out for dinner for dinner and a movie on a Thursday night she calls him says, and says dinner but no movie- test at 8:00am and have to study he goes completely ballistic. Petty? The only thing he knows in his past is broken promises and abandonment. Anger is not always but very often an expression of fear. The purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. Speak in Terms of YOU. Little thing that makes a big difference. If you go into a situation and tell the other person, You are petty, you hurt me, how could you do such a thing the conversation probably won t go well. But if you come in and say, Hey, I know this wasn t your intention, but when this happened, I felt hurt, I felt inadequate. I would feel so much more respected if you Night and day difference. Criticize and Demean. To act like a Christian never means just stopping something it doesn t just mean to bite your tongue, or to stop swearing, or stop being so sarcastic all the time, it means starting to do something better. God gave us this tongue with an intended purpose. A primary purpose of it is to speak works that build up and encourage. Think, when was the last time I walked up to someone not to just
ask them for something, not to just shoot the breeze, but to intentionally encourage them. That our words may be like salt to those who hear. Look for these opportunities every single week, every single day.