Building Healthy Relationships A Bible Study for Women This Bible study was written by Marilyn Miller, a WELS Staff Minister in Houston, TX. It was reviewed for theological accuracy by Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary President-emeritus David J. Valleskey. Each of us has a deep human need to be loved by others. Many of the people in our lives are desperately lonely and searching for genuine relationships. They come with a profound need for love and acceptance from the Lord Jesus and from us. The goal of this series of Bible studies is to allow the world to see God and to experience his love through each of us. This is a four session study with each session lasting approximately and hour.
Building Healthy Relationships Session 1 Jesus: The Foundation of our Love No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:12 Leader s Guide Opening Prayer 1. Think of a person who has fallen in love. How are his or her attitudes, priorities, and other relationships affected? 2. Read John 13:1-17. From vs 1 and 3, what three things does Jesus know? In light of this, why are Jesus actions so extraordinary? 3. Imagine yourself as one of the twelve, reclining at the table with Jesus. What would you have seen, heard or felt as Jesus rose to wash your feet? In Hebrew culture foot washing was left to the lowest of slaves. What did Jesus actions demonstrate? (Also see Philippians 2:6-8) 4. Read the dialogue between Jesus and Peter (vs 6-10) responsively. Why do you think Peter rejected Jesus ministry? Women s Spiritual Gifts 2
Do you have any examples of times you ve rejected someone s humble gift? How did it make you feel? How do you think it made them feel? 5. What point is Jesus making about being clean in vs 8-10a and how does this beautifully illustrate our relationship with him? 6. What point does Jesus drive home in vs 12-17 and what does this mean to us today? 7. In our relationships today (with husband, children, parents, neighbors, coworkers, friends, a stranger) what are some examples of how we wash someone s feet? In what ways can an attitude of love, forgiveness and service strengthen our existing relationships or create new relationships? How does it help us face rejection? (See 1 Cor 13:4-7) 8. What are some practical things we can do when we don t feel like showing love or when someone in our life doesn t deserve to be loved unconditionally? Think of one or two people who might be difficult to serve. In what practical ways might you wash their feet? 9. Why do you think Jesus said (vs 17) that to do this will bring a blessing? 10. What have you learned today to bring you closer to Christ? Closing Prayer Lord, let the servant heart of Christ be formed in me. Women s Spiritual Gifts 3
References: Baumler, Gary P. People s Bible Commentary John. Milwaukee, WI: Northwestern Publishing House, 1997. 185-189 Scazzero, Peter. Building Healthy Relationships. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1991. 13-17, 40-42 Women s Spiritual Gifts 4
Building Healthy Relationships Session 2 Forgiving Those We Love Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Opening Prayer Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col. 3:13 1. Recall a time when you, or someone you know, allowed lack of forgiveness or bitterness to take root. What were the consequences? 2. Read Matthew 18:21-35. People in Jesus day believed that someone was to be forgiven once, twice or even three times. But there was no need to forgive after that. In light of this, what does Peter s question in vs 21 reveal about his view of forgiveness? What is so amazing about Jesus reply in vs 22? 3. Jesus explains with a parable in vs 23-35. How does the servant, who owes 10,000 talents (a huge sum, maybe $12-20M) respond when the king is ready to settle accounts? How might you feel if you were under the weight of such a debt? Women s Spiritual Gifts 5
4. Consider the three actions the master took toward his servant in vs 27. How do they illustrate the way God has dealt with us? 5. How do the master s actions contrast with the way the servant treats his fellow servant (vs 28-30)? What point is Jesus making by using such an extremely small amount? Why do you think the servant failed to forgive after having been forgiven so much? Why do you think God s sentence against us is so severe if we don t forgive (vs 35)? 6. In vs 34 we are told the master turned the servant over to be tortured. In what ways are we tortured when we choose not to release others from the debt they owe us? How do we affect others when we do not forgive? 7. If a person has hurt or mistreated you, how can a deep understanding of God s love for you greatly affect your attitude and ability to forgive? (See Colossians 3:12-14) Why is it so different in God s kingdom compared to what s accepted in the world (vs 23)? 9. Take a serious look at your many relationships. Is there any lack of forgiveness? You might find these steps helpful in letting God s love shine in your life: a. Pour out your heart to God about how you have been hurt b. Ask God to forgive you for your sins of anger, revenge, resentment, lack of forgiveness... c. Ask for healing and strength Women s Spiritual Gifts 6
d. Willfully forgive each word, action or attitude that has hurt you. Make no excuses or exceptions. e. Ask God to forgive him or her f. Bless and pray for that person 10. What have you learned today to bring you closer to your Savior? Closing Prayer Lord, refresh me with your mercy and love, help me to forgive those who have hurt me. References: Albrecht, G. J and M. J. Albrecht. People s Bible Commentary Matthew. Milwaukee, WI: Northwestern Publishing House, 1996. 262-266. Scazzero, Peter. Building Healthy Relationships. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1991. 23-27, 43-45 Women s Spiritual Gifts 7
Building Healthy Relationships Session 3 Loving With Your Words Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Eph 4:29 Opening Prayer 1. Do you find yourself more frequently speaking words of encouragement and blessing or words of criticism? Why do you think that is? 2. Read James 3:1-12. Why do you think James begins his discussion about taming the tongue with a special warning to those who are teachers? In which roles in your life are you a teacher? 3. In light of the examples of a horse s bit and a ship s rudder in vs 3-4 do you agree with sayings such as Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me or Talk is cheap? James compares the tongue to a fire in vs 5-6. We usually think of fire as destructive. From where does the power of this destruction come? (See John 8:44). Describe the contrast in the way words are being used in the great spiritual battle going on around us every day. Women s Spiritual Gifts 8
4. Some of you may remember Art Linkletter s TV program Kids Say the Darndest Things. Think of times when you said things that got you into trouble. What caused the problem? 5. In vs 7-8 James points out that we can tame many kinds of birds and beasts. Why then can t we tame the tongue? 6. How can words act as a deadly poison in relationships and in churches? What is the result if both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring (vs 11-12)? 7. Give examples of how God uses words to rescue and comfort his people. What are some constructive ways you can use your tongue to improve your relationships? The Bible gives us many examples of how we should use and control our tongues. Read Psalm 5:1-3, Psalm 141:3, Proverbs 10:19, Proverbs 11:9, Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 13:3, Proverbs 18:21, Matthew 12:36-37, Ephesians 4:29. Do these passages give us any new insights? 8. Some have more difficulty speaking than others. They always seem to say the wrong thing. What practical help can you offer to these individuals? 9. Think of three or more people with whom you have regular contact. What can you do to love them more with your words? Does anyone want to share their ideas? Women s Spiritual Gifts 9
10. Take a serious look at the things that you have said in the past and the speaking habits you have developed. Ask God to forgive you for specific sins. Ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen your faith and help you control your tongue, so that it can be used fully to his glory. Read together: Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6 Closing Prayer Lord, let no unwholesome talk come out of my mouth; rather, use me to let people experience your love References: Jeske, Mark A. People s Bible Commentary James, 1,2 Peter, 1,2,3 John, Jude. Milwaukee, WI: Northwestern Publishing House, 2002. 31-35. Scazzero, Peter. Building Healthy Relationships. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1991. 28-31, 45-46. Women s Spiritual Gifts 10
Building Healthy Relationships Session 4 A Love That Lasts A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34-35 Opening Prayer 1. Think of a person who is loving. In what specific ways does he or she demonstrate love to others? 2. Read 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. Paul mentions a number of spiritual gifts in vs 1-3. What point is he stressing? 3. Powerful and spectacular as these gifts may be, why are they worthless without love? 4. Why is it easy to fall into the trap of serving others and exercising our spiritual gifts without a heart of love? Has this happened in your service to Jesus and to others? 5. What preventive measures can we take to ensure that love remains our motive in all that we do? Women s Spiritual Gifts 11
6. The world understands love with strings attached I ll love you if you live up to my expectations, I ll love you if you make me feel good... In vs 4-7 Paul gives God s definition of love. What are the seven characteristics that love is not? Do you see examples of these in your life? What are some practical ways of removing these from your life? 7. From the same verses, love is: patient, kind, keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices with the truth, protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. Give examples of how each of these qualities exhibits itself in our lives or in the lives of those around us, and what we might do to cultivate the quality. Do you know people that particularly exhibit these traits? 8. Reread vs 1-8, substituting Jesus for love. Does this give you any new insights into what Paul is telling us? 9. Using Jesus as a guide, we are to love others in spite of their faults, sins, or problems. Why is this kind of love such an awesome force when unleashed in our personal lives or in the church? 10. Learning to exhibit the type of love that Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians is a journey. Meditate on these verses in 1 Corinthians 13. Ask God to forgive you for lovelessness and to help you look for ways that you can remove the what-love-is-not characteristics from your relationships and add more what-love-is qualities. 11. How has this study on building healthy relationships brought you closer to Christ? Closing Prayer Let your love work in my heart that I may share it with all others in my world Women s Spiritual Gifts 12
References: Toppe, Carleton A. People s Bible Commentary 1 Corinthians. Milwaukee, WI: Northwestern Publishing House, 1987. 121-126. Scazzero, Peter. Building Healthy Relationships. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1991. 32-36, 46-47. Women s Spiritual Gifts 13