Chapter 4: The Safety of Self-Control Teaching Notes Icebreaker - what would be one thing you couldn t live without? (morning coffee, cell phone, snooze button, etc.) I. Intro -->Remind the group of the initial reasons we talked about for why we re studying this topic. Mainly to commend the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is the love of Christ that compels us to do these things and enables us to accomplish them. read Titus 2 passage three purposes: (p.26-27) v.5: that the word of God may not be reviled v.8: so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us v.10: so that in everything [we] may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior ** -->Review where we ve been and where we re going Week 1 - See above Week 2 - Love our children Week 3 - Love our husbands Week 4 - Purity Week 5 - Self-control Week 6 - Working at home Week 7 - Kindness Week 8 - Submission II. The Need for Self-Control At the heart - the problem is an expression of unbelief. Edward Welch article (Self- Control: The Battle Against One More) describes sin as a basic cry of I want and I want more. As such, it is an expression of dissatisfaction with God and His provision, or at least not finding God to be enough. 1. Sin is pleasurable 2. the pleasures are temporary (thus drawing us into a cycle of wanting more and more and never being satisfied) 3. we are being tempted on three fronts: a. the world (John 15:19 - hates us) b. the flesh (I Pet 2:11 - wages war against us) Deceitful desires (Eph 4:22), which entice us to sin and drag us away (James 1:14) c. the devil (I Pet 5:8 - seeks to devour us), who is an expert at tempting us with what we desire As Welch and Carolyn both point out - when you consider the great need for self-control and the dangers of sin, self-control suddenly becomes a welcome blessing. It really does provide safety, rather than being a stoic and cold way of living. Prov 25:28 -
protection against temptation. This is a battle! In fact, this is one of the central messages in Paul s letter to Titus. In Titus 2, it is this virtue alone that is required of every group that Paul addresses (older women, younger women, older men, younger men). It is a fruit of the Spirit. Welch explains the background: Consider more closely Paul s direction to Titus. Paul wrote to Titus when Titus was strengthening the Christian church in Crete. Crete bears many similarities to our own culture, because it was an addictive society. In fact, its citizenry was notorious in the Roman world for its self-indulgence. Unlike the abstemious, ascetic tendencies of some cultures, Crete specialized in Western-style lust. What do you teach when recklessness is in the air? Paul mapped out a pastoral strategy that targeted four different groups: older men, older women, younger men, and younger women. His central teaching was self-control. If it s required for everyone, then it s attainable by everyone ---> see the Source of Self- Control III. What is Self-Control? When you think of self-control, how would you define or describe it? How do you feel about it? (sift answers into categories, and try to summarize with these four descriptions) As Carolyn points out, for many the idea of self-control conjures up images of drudgery, discipline, discouragement, and despair. It sucks the enjoyment out of life, as we re always telling ourselves no. Welch defines self-control in the following ways: 1. Living within boundaries - setting limits for yourself. What time you need to be in bed, how many times you can (or cannot) hit snooze, etc. Accountability. Guarding your heart. 2. Thinking before acting. Welch describes it this way: Sin is like static that makes it hard to hear. Some things get through, but they re distorted - e.g. God s forgiveness will cover this sin, and surely He knows me anyway and can t expect more out of me. **We ll talk a little more about this later on. 3. NOT a lack of emotion or being indifferent - Scripture teaches and expects passion in our hearts and lives. So a self-controlled life is not a passionless life. It is a life that is passionate about the right things - God s glory, not our own. 4. NOT self-dependence - in our own effort, we will simply drive out one sin and it will be replaced by another. Drive out overeating, to be replaced by exercise. Drive out oversleeping, to be replaced by overworking.
IV. Source of Self-Control: I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Rom 7:18-19 - we often stop here, and falsely believe that self-control is not possible. Among evangelical Christians, self-control is equally suspect. Let go and let God is still a motto by which we live. Our sense is that if change feels like selfeffort and hard work, then it is probably legalistic and not animated by the Holy Spirit. (p. 1 - Welch) Paul: For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me (Col 1:29). I Cor 10:12-13 2 Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. 13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure i It IS Possible! But if it s not self-dependence, and yet it requires effort, then where does it come from? Self-control - 1. requires faith - believing that trusting God is worth far more than enjoying fleeting moments of pleasure. Believing that these fleeting moments are more significant than we realize - that it really does lead to death. Do we believe that the consequences of sin are worse than the sacrifice of what we want? When we recognize self-control as the virtue that spares us from sin s negative consequences, we will welcome it eagerly as our friend (p. 67-8). 2. It also requires confession - we like to sin! This can be painful to acknowledge. Early on, I realized that my love of sleep was affecting my relationship with my husband. He likes a clean house, much more so than I do. In particular he doesn t like waking up to a pile of dishes in the sink. We finally had a very honest conversation about it, when it became apparent to me that I was choosing sleep over my husband - I loved sleep more than I loved him! Edward Welch also talks about this and gives some reasons for why it s so important to acknowledge our desire to sin in specific areas: a. It helps avoid the lie that our sin was just a mistake rather than a passion or personal desire. b. It stirs us to do battle. If we think we don t like something, then there s no need to be vigilant about it. But when we acknowledge our desire for something, we can be more aware and equipped to fight the temptation and be self-controlled. Be careful that you don t confuse a distaste for the consequences of your sin with a distaste for the sin itself. No one likes to be caught, or to bear the anger and frustration from a hurt spouse/child/friend, or to deal with the extra weight from overeating, etc. But that s very different than learning to hate your sin.
3. Look to the coming of Christ Be self-controlled. Why? For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say No to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope the glorious appearing of our great Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. (Titus 2:11-14) Look to the future coming of Christ. Welch says this is a common instruction in Scripture - when the Bible encourages vigilant fighting against temptation, it often points us to our future hope. Why do you think Scripture links these together? (Welch gives some answers): a) there s a definite end in sight. Part of what makes struggles hard is not knowing if they will end or when they will end. That s why being single is hard, why having a newborn baby is hard, being jobless is hard - will I ever get married? will my baby ever sleep through the night? will I ever find a job? We don t know if these things will ever happen OR when they might happen. But with the battle against sin, we do know that it WILL end. b) It puts things in perspective, and the just one more line seems more hollow. The great love of our life is returning, and calling us to wait on Him. If we thought our child or friend was mimicking our sin, learning to act or think/feel as we do, we d be horrified. How much more should our love for Christ compel us to righteousness? c) reminds us what Christ will do when He returns - finish the work He began in us by completely removing our old self from us. Being fully human will mean no longer sinning. It s easy to excuse our sin now because it s just part of our humanity. But that s not true - it s part of our old self, but we are being made new. 4. Develop a plan. At the heart of that plan should be dependence upon Christ. So at the heart of that plan should be daily time with Him - prayer, studying the Bible, reading a book, Scripture memory, journalling. Also harkens back to the definition of self-control - set boundaries for yourself and protect those boundaries (accountability). Plan for ways to help yourself think rightly. Set up rewards (blessings for obedience) and consequences (consequences for disobedience) as you work towards a certain goal. V. Areas of Self-Control A. Appetites 1. Food a) praying before meals/offering thanks to God (I Tim 4:3-5) b) enjoy food (I Tim 6:17) c) do not overeat d) no emotional eating (it s using food as a source of help and comfort when we should be turning to God)
e) filter cultural views on food/eating (pursuit of physical beauty, overemphasis on organic/clean eating) 2. Sleep a) get enough of it - lack of sleep may be an expression of pride (disregarding our physical limits in an effort to see how much we can achieve) b) don t get too much - go to bed on time, and get up in the morning. Quote from Martha Peace, showing that staying up late may actually be a form of laziness and selfishness (p. 72) B. Thoughts & Feelings! -->Always think in categories of Think-Feel-Do (put this in a triangle, with think at! the top). When we think of self-control, probably think first in terms of behaviors! (eat less, exercise more, etc.). But we need to remember the way we think and! feel is what drives what we do/our behavior. All three need to be considered in! regards to self-control.! Emotions reveal the state of your heart. Sinful feelings reveal a sinful heart (p.! 76). It s the unfiltered picture of how you re really doing.! C.S. Lewis - It is a Christian duty...for everyone to be as happy as he can.! [A] well-kept heart will beget joyful feelings... (p. 77).! Why is this so hard? Something like 10,000 thoughts pass through our mind! each day (one website says 70,000). That s a LOT of work to take captive those! thoughts!! Importance of doing so: Lloyd-Jones - Most of your unhappiness in! life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to! yourself.! -->What are some ways that you talk to yourself? What are some truths/verses! from Scripture that you use to remind yourself of the right perspective in various! situations? Examples from the chapter include: There is always enough time to do what God has called me to do (Matt 6:25-27) God s grace is sufficient (II Cor 12:9) He is with me and He will help me (Isa 41:10) He does care (I Pet 5:7) C. Behavior - Quiet Times! -->Things could talk about: speech, finances, time, work, etc. But focusing on! QTs will actually promote self-control in every area. Importance of it - see John! Blanchard quote, p. 77-8. I find spending time with God a) reminds me there is! enough time to do what God has set before me and b) helps me figure out what! the important things are for that day.! I want to re-emphasize that self-control is not being legalistic. Of all the areas! we re talking about, I think legalism gets most bound up in the idea of regular! QTs. Perhaps it s the feeling of superiority that we feel when we have them, or! the feelings of failure you feel when you re not having them. But something! about QTs seems to bring up the cry of legalism quicker than anything else.
! Let me describe it this way - story of my grandmother living in Charlotte, and plan! to visit her every Sunday. Is it legalistic to go even when I don t want to? Should! I have gone only when I felt like it? Isn t going to visit her part of what! encourages and fosters feelings of affection that make me want to go visit more! often?! Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. If you see areas of your life that lack self-! control, you can be sure it s popping up in other areas as well. If you re! struggling with regular QTs - part of the reason is self-control. You probably also! struggle with self-control in other areas too. Fighting the battle in one place will! strengthen your fight elsewhere. Fighting for self-control in spiritual areas will! foster self-control in other areas.! -->A word about victory - don t confuse circumstances with real spiritual change. E.g. my love of sleep/motherhood. Same with personality - some personalities lend themselves to weakness in certain areas and strength in other areas. Strength based in personality isn t the same as spiritual maturity. Finally, don t be discouraged if victory seems a long time coming - some battles are won quickly, and others aren t won for years. There s no way to know ahead of time what kind of battle this will be. But we are promised the victory - we simply must keep fighting. Encourage one another as long as it is called today. Don t give up. Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. 13 But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called today, that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. 14 For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end. Heb 3:!12-14 Also, victory should be celebrated in the small things as well as the big. Don t think that just because you haven t won the battle of self-control in every area, that you aren t growing. Think about what things you struggled with five or ten years ago that aren t a struggle (or as big of one) now - that s real progress! Take note of this and celebrate what God is doing in your life!! Don t walk away from this class discouraged by all that you still have left to work on. Walk away encouraged, feeling more equipped for the battle. Pick just one or two areas to start fighting or keep fighting in and just focus on those for now. -->Conclude with a reminder about relying on God s grace and not our own strength.