Tame Your Triggers Meditation Practice Five Essential Tools for Rewiring Your Brain Week Four: Changing our Mind, Healing our Heart Inherent Stability of the Mind Pause Calm - Recover How was your practice this week? What have you learned so far? Kindness by ~ Naomi Shihab Nye Before you know what kindness really is you must lose things, feel the future dissolve in a moment like salt in a weakened broth. What you held in your hand, what you counted and carefully saved, all this must go so you know how desolate the landscape can be between the regions of kindness. How you ride and ride thinking the bus will never stop, the passengers eating maize and chicken will stare out the window forever. Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness, you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho lies dead by the side of the road. You must see how this could be you, how he too was someone who journeyed through the night with plans and the simple breath that kept him alive. Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing. You must wake up with sorrow. You must speak to it till your voice catches the thread of all sorrows and you see the size of the cloth. Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore, only kindness that ties your shoes and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread, only kindness that raises its head from the crowd of the world to say it is I you have been looking for, and then goes with you every where like a shadow or a friend. 1
My Compassion Letter to Myself Write a one paragraph letter to yourself about an upsetting situation. Think about what you would say to a friend in your position or what they would say to you in the situation The Power of Empathy to Heal the Trance of Unworthiness Try to have understanding for your stress. Make sure the letter provides you with what you need to hear to feel nurtured, encouraged, soothed and cared for. Fixing vs. Transforming Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is. ~ Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Ebracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha Noticing Thoughts Thoughts "The mental suffering you create is always some form of non-acceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. Sensations Feelings The intensity of the suffering depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment. ~Eckhart Tolle 2
The Blame Game Guilt and Regret When I feel guilty, then I am trying to take away that person s pain (the pain I caused them). I will take on their pain by feeling guilty. Let s Tap Releasing Guilt How does forgiveness come into play for me, if at all? Forgiveness is my salvation. ~ Course in Miracles THIS SLIDE IS DUPLICATED IN CLASS 6 "To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh Knowing what you know now, name one thing you will do this week that will support your emotional resilience. Could be: - Journal every day. - Do my spiritual practice every day. - Abstain from addictive behavior: Don t drink, eat sugar, spend more than an hour on the internet/day, etc. - Exercise 3 times this week for at least 30 minutes. 3
Homework 1. Every day meditate for 20 minutes. 2. Once this week (or more): Practice: Pause, Calm, Recover using any of the tools you have learned. Write your notes in your journal, to help reinforce it. Homework Self Compassion Exercise: 1. Write a one paragraph letter to yourself about an upsetting situation. Think about what you would say to a friend in your position or what they would say to you in the situation Try to have understanding for your stress. Make sure the letter provides you with what you need to hear to feel nurtured, encouraged, soothed and cared for. 2. Every day meditate for 15 minutes. 3. Once this week (or more): Practice: Pause, Calm, Recover using any of the tools you have learned. Write your notes in your journal, to help reinforce it. Tame Your Triggers: Five Essential Tools to Rewire Your Brain. Grounding Practice Week Five: Building Emotional Resiliency How was your practice this week? Meditation What it is A Mental Discipline: supports getting beyond the reflexive, "thinking" mind into a deeper state of relaxation or awareness. Training of Attention: often involves turning attention to a single point of reference. Awareness Practice: Noticing when we have left our object of focus and coming back to it. The word meditation, is derived from two Latin words : meditari (to think, to dwell upon, to exercise the mind) and mederi (to heal). Its Sanskrit derivation 'medha' means wisdom. 4
Meditation What it isn t Thinking Spacing out Day dreaming Sleeping Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor. ~ Thich Nhat Hahn Conscious breathing is the best antidote to stress, anxiety and depression. ~ Amit Ray Let s Practice Pause Calm Recover Pause - Mindfulness Calm - EFT, Mindfulness, Self-Compassion Recover - Relief (back in the Window of Tolerance) More Ways to Calm: Resourcing Resourcing is anything that calms you down. Focusing outward on the external world rather than inward toward the self. It increases our sense of safety. Calms the nervous system. Gives the amygdala and the flood of chemicals a chance to settle. Helps us detach from emotional pain. A resource is anything that calms, relaxes, settles and/or stabilizes you and your nervous system. External Resources: people, places, activities, animals/pets, even objects that help you feel safe, calm, relaxed, peaceful, happy, etc. External Resources Think of and write down specific examples of: people, places, activities, animals, and/or objects that are resources you (help you feel more safe, calm, relaxed, settled, peaceful, happy, joyful, content, etc.) People: ex. family members, friends, co-workers, mentors Places: ex. a beautiful place in nature, the ocean, the woods, a special building Activities: ex. walking, cycling, gardening, dancing, stretching, meditation, etc. Animals/Pets: ex. a dog, cat, horse, deer, birds, squirrels, etc. Objects: ex. pictures, flowers, artwork, statues, religious symbols, books, etc. 5
Internal Resources Internal Resources: positive thoughts, images, memories, sensations, feelings. 1. Visual Images/Memories: a. Visualize a person or place or activity or animal or object that is a resource for you (that helps your feel calm, relaxed, safe, loved, nourished, peaceful, happy, etc.). It could be one of the external resources you listed above. b. Notice body sensations and feelings ( felt sense ) that come up for you as you visualize this special person, place, animal, object, or when you imagine yourself engaging in one of your favorite activities. 2. Inner Thoughts or Sayings. Example: Serenity Prayer, a slogan, a mantra Identify a thought or saying that is an inner resource for you Share One External Resource One Internal Resource Positive Inner Quality or Feeling 3. Positive Sensations in the Body: example: an area in the body that feels pleasant, comfortable, or relaxed. Close your eyes and locate a place or area in your body that feels relatively comfortable or relaxed in this moment. 4. Positive Inner Feelings or Personal Qualities: example: serenity, love, optimism, joy, strength, perseverance, commitment, determination Identify one or more inner qualities that are personal resources. Tapping in the Good Five Essential Tools EFT Tapping Mindfulness Self-Compassion and Acceptance Meditation Slowing Down Homework 1. Every day meditate for 20 minutes. 2. Once this week (or more): Practice: Pause, Calm, Recover, using any of the tools you have learned. Write your notes in your journal, to help reinforce it. e6_qdqn 3. Once this week: Recognize either your activation or a positive feeling like joy or gratitude. Pause. Name it: fear, anxiety, grateful Optional: If you like, you can go further and be with it. Allow it to be there. Watch it. Stay with it. See what happens next. Stay open and curious. Tame Your Triggers: Five Essential Tools to Rewire Your Brain. Week Six: Putting It All Together Breathing In, I calm the activities of my body and mind. Breathing Out, I calm my fear. 6
Peace Is This Moment Without Judgment ~ Dorothy Hunt Meditation Practice Conscious Breathing Reflection Writing How was your week? What tools did you use, if any? What have you learned so far? What do you want to know? Where is your leading edge for transformation? What issue or persistent trigger or emotional reactive response is calling for your tending and care? Transforming Internal Formations What is the key for me in becoming more self-compassionate? "If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there s an arrow in your heart..." ~ Pema Chodron v A Story of Emotional Regulation 7
How does forgiveness come into play for me, if at all? Forgiveness is my salvation. ~ Course in Miracles Knowing what you know now, name one thing you will do in your life that will support your emotional resilience. Could be: - Journal every day. - Do my spiritual practice every day. - Get a massage or other healing support (once, 1x/wk, 1x/mo) - Abstain from or curtail addictive behavior: - Don t drink alcohol during the week - Don t eat refined sugar - No more than one hour a day on the internet/tv, etc. - No screen time after 9pm - Exercise 3 times a week for at least 30 minutes. Share Self-compassion Forgiveness Something I need to do or stop doing Overall learning Summary Principles of Emotional Hijacking Window of Tolerance 45 Minute Rule Summary How to Calm Down EFT Tapping Mindfulness Pausing Slowing Down Self-Compassion My Resources Summary Power of Body Sensations How my Thoughts Trigger me Blame, Guilt Transforming not Fixing Accepting not Avoiding Grounding 8
Rule #1 Visioning for Your Life 1. What is Spirit s highest vision for my life? 2. What must I embrace to manifest this vision? 3. Must must I release? 4. Is there anything else I should know? Your Bonus 30 minute private consultation Evaluations Must be booked within the next 7 days (by next Monday). Email: lauren@healingandtransformation.com 707-971-0340 Resources Mindfulness in Plain English, by Bhante Gunaratana Peace is Every Step, by Thich Nhat Hanh Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach Forgive and Be Free, by Ana Hulu Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson Wired for Love, by Stan Tatkin TappingSolution.com What Do You Want to Remember Most from this Class? The Energy of Belief, by Shiela Sidney Bender and Mary Sise. Vipassana meditation or other retreat (recommended yearly). Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg 9
Healthy Mind Platter by Dan Siegel (see Appendix) Seven daily essential mental activities to optimize brain matter and create well-being. Focus Time Play Time Connecting Time Physical Time 5 Minute Daily Wake Up or Mini Yoga See hand out from week 2 or just follow along Time In Down Time Sleep Time Self Compassion Scale Pause Calm Recover Three Top Things to Remember: Slow down Slow down Slow down 10