APA Advance course Lecture 1: Beyond Mars and Venus Hi I am Andy Edwards (Your Psycho friend) founder of APA. Welcome to the first lecture of five in the Advanced APA course. First up is the module I call Beyond Mars and Venus in which, using the colour energies, we look at FOUR planets, not just two; and get to understand why some of us look at the world in such different ways Someone else s perception, however wrong to us, is simply their reality. Before we kick off, I want you to re-engage with your colour energies. Make sure you either remember or have in front of you, your colour spread as you may want to refer to your colour order as we progress through this module which lasts about 12 minutes. This is pretty important for your learning to stick so, if you are serious about using APA in your life, then pause the video and ensure your colour spread is to hand. Now, you may remember in the first course, we discussed the idea that everyone has a primary or preferred colour energy. Mine happens to be the Yellow energy most of my time is spent operating from a position of enthusiasm, outward expression and a need to be around people. But also remember this crucial point we all have three other colour energies at our disposal. So, in truth, I cannot be called A Yellow person this is FAR too restrictive on me and my capabilities. I am not limited to operating in just one style and neither are you. We should neither hide behind our primary energy nor should we be boxed in by it. It is our preference that s all it does not speak of ability, education, direct experience, context, or any short term external factor. It is just how we prefer to operate. My second and supporting colour energy is Red making me a significantly different style to someone who although starting with the same primary 1 of 9
energy to me, Yellow, then prefers a secondary supporting style of Green. And this is before we even get to our third and fourth colour preferences! So, as APA students, let s get away from thinking of someone as ONLY their primary colour. As you ll find out later in this course, your LAST choice of colour your least preferred energy is actually your second most important choice! As I considered this issue of preference, I was drawn to the interesting concept of the differences between Male and Female behaviour The idea that Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus was first suggested by Dr John Gray in his best-selling book of the same title published by Harper Collins originally in 1992. In it, Dr Gray tells us something obvious but eternally interesting: MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT! Dr Gray actually went on to author 15 or more best-selling books, largely based on the Mars/Venus concept. In fact, in the past fifteen years or so, in excess of 30 million Mars and Venus books have been sold in more than 40 languages throughout the world. However, in APA we attempt to take you a little bit beyond The Mars/Venus analogy. Why? In our work with psychometric models of Human Behaviour, we have found that for us and the many, many people we train and coach, Mars vs Venus is too simplistic. The supposed typical Martian male tends to drink beer and watch sport. He never asks for directions, won t talk about his feelings and does all his Christmas shopping at 5pm on 24th December. The Venusian female seems restricted to crying at soppy films, endlessly tidying up the home, emotionally spilling to anyone who will listen - and nags her partner mercilessly. 2 of 9
In our experience, there are plenty of Men who do not subscribe to their Martian roots and women who feel they wouldn t last a day on Venus! Although entertaining, we know there s more to us than the bi-polar Mars and Venus concept. So let s add a couple of planets to our collection. Remember, each of these planets relates to one of our colour energies. Mars and Venus. We have those in the bag As you will have probably recognised, Mars, in terms of behaviour, is our Red colour type. God of war, purposeful, demanding and likes to be in charge. Venus, as related to our colour model, speaks of the Green preference. Goddess of love. Nurturing, supportive and loyal (as long as you don t upset them!) Now I d like to add the missing colour energies in the shape of Jupiter and Pluto (yes I know Pluto is not officially a planet these days but it really works in our analogy so I am keeping it!). So, Jupiter from which we glean the word Jovian, thus Jovial. Jupiter was God of light and sky. So this is our Yellow colour energy. Bright and enthusiastic with a need to be centre stage. Larger than life itself! And Pluto linked to Polos the god of intellect. Literally, Pluto stands a bit further back and so is able to observe what s going on. Cooler in nature, Pluto counts rationality and process as important components of its logical approach. So there are our 4 planets. And here s the great part we are perfectly able to live on ANY of the planets we choose at any time. Truth is, we ll have a favourite a home base where we are most comfortable. We are likely to spend more time on our home planet than any of the other three. However, when we want to, need to or are forced to we can beam directly and instantaneously to any of the four planets and operate using that planet s energy. 3 of 9
Now, the various circumstances that require us to beam down to another planet may be manyfold. A little later you will learn about how stress affects our colour energies and preferences. For now, understand the following key points. You may find yourself on your second planet (or colour energy) quite often. For me, my primary Yellow is supported by Red energy so I am reasonably comfortable to beam from Jupiter to Mars so that I can get a little more Red style purposeful action in my life. Most folk are comfortable and used to beaming down to their second planet. When it comes to my lesser preferred colour energies then my presence on their corresponding planets is less familiar. In my third colour energy, I can usually make a good go of beaming down and consciously acting from that energy. However, it probably will take practice and those who are native to that planet, might see through my behaviour as less accomplished, less effective or even less mature. This third colour possibly sits more in my unconscious than my conscious mind, so there s the possibility of my behaving in a less aware manner. Which is even more pronounced if I beam to my least preferred planet. Sometimes I need to - sometimes I have to - occasionally I am forced to. But as long as it s not for too long a period or too often, then I can usually visit without too many problems. A likely exception to this is when I find myself there rather than consciously deciding to travel which we ll cover in more detail when we learn about stress. For now, understand that your least preferred planet and its local behaviour exists for the most part in your unconscious mind it is your least conscious energy and likely to be a fair old effort to act authentically from that style. Natural inhabitants of your least preferred planet will almost certainly see you as a stranger and, although they might appreciate your efforts, it will be clear 4 of 9
to them (and you) that it is less comfortable for you to visit this planet than any of the others. Now, Dr. John Gray was specifically talking about Male and Female behaviour in his book, and it is certainly worth a read If you have not yet done so. However APA tends not to highlight gender nor sexuality based behavioural differences. There are anthropologically sound reasons for men and women to behave differently but this will tend to be based on historic and biological roles rather than behavioural preference. So, for instance, whilst it is only the female of our species who can birth a child, the WAY she will undertake this activity will be according to her behavioural style. Now, as I said, whilst an action might look the same to an observer, the psychological preference of each individual will be at play. We learned in the first course that How we do anything is a clue to how we do everything, and this will be based on the filter of someone s colour preferences. Ask yourself, are you seeing Mars with Jupiter rising; Venus with supporting Pluto; or any of the other combinations available to the Human condition. Practice this conscious observation at work, home, socially or anywhere that you get people doing the same thing. Perhaps a team pursuing a goal a family gathering, or a group watching a sporting event same scenario but people s preferences will leak out! In my live workshops I get between six and eight participants to come to the front and undertake an apparently simple task as a team. There is a twist in the tail because, as it turns out, this supposedly simple task is almost impossible to achieve. I won t spoil it and tell you exactly what it is perhaps you ll have to come to one of my workshops Anyhow as the group of people realise how difficult it really is, they each react in their own ways. I call this Flicking to Type 5 of 9
Some get angry with the others; some giggle and give up; some attempt to cheat; others withdraw; still others look at me, the facilitator, for help or further instruction. It s amazing to watch people going through exactly the same issues but reacting to them so differently! To start with don t believe for a moment that someone sees the world as you do! You see we are each standing on a metaphoric mountain. The substance of the mountain is the substance of our experience or reactions to those experiences, what we made them mean and how we coped. And, not unsurprisingly each of our mountain tops is a unique place. Even those with largely shared experiences and demographics, will each have a mountain peak separate from everyone else s. And the analogy continues when you realise that every elevated position like a mountain top gives a view of the world. And everyone s view of the world is different. The view from my mountain literally how I see the world is my reality. And I will fight hard to argue that MY version of reality is the ultimate truth. I read a story I think it was in the Reader s Digest, many years ago. It illustrates perfectly how this perception and reality thing can get in our way or help us, depending on whether we can respect another s point of view. Says the author I was driving back from a weekly shop with my wife. All the groceries were in the boot (trunk) of the car. It was drizzling with rain and we were getting a little cranky with each other. Sara got out of the car to open the front door as I reversed the vehicle up the driveway to the porch. Hey hold on! shouted Sara Hang on! was my immediate response I was concentrating on not scratching the car on the gate-posts. Jim wait! she cried 6 of 9
I ignored her, keen to complete the parking manoeuvre whatever was bugging her could wait a couple of seconds, surely. James stop! Close to my desired parking spot, I lunged the card back another yard and in doing so demolished our daughter s tricycle. My immediate reaction was anger I wasn t even sure what I d hit but I started to yell Why didn t you TELL me and suddenly realised that she had been trying to. I jumped out of the car and saw the busted trike and started to laugh; probably with relief that it hadn t been something more important. With my apologies and hugs along with my promise to buy another toy for our little girl, Sara calmed down. I accepted her admonishment that it could have been a cat or something even more precious and we talked it through. I could see something that you couldn t she said. I had a different view point to you! You should have at least listened to me! I agreed. That was a couple of years ago. And now, when either one of us is going off in their own direction, actually or metaphorically, the other might say Honey I see the tricycle. This allows the other to remember that there is another viewpoint available. It might be something that the other can t see or refuses to acknowledge. Whatever! That little phrase Honey I see the tricycle has allowed us to build masses of respect rather than anger when our opinions differ or when we can t see eye to eye. The other might say You re right I hadn t thought of that! or Yes I see the tricycle too but I am going to run over it anyway! but at least their next action is informed. Great story! Someone else s perception is not just valid but it could prove absolutely invaluable to you. 7 of 9
As Jung himself said, we see the world not as it is but - as we are. So, what can we learn from this? Well, when we observe a set of people all doing the same thing, as APA graduates, we could consider a few questions: 1. What is their motivation for doing it? 2. What keeps them doing it? 3. What is their required result from doing it? With my primary Yellow, secondary Red preference, you might watch me undertaking a sports activity. You might see that my motivation is to have fun but I would also love to win. I keep doing it because others are involved and are encouraging me with positive feedback along with the challenge set by the competition. My result might be to celebrate (or commiserate) with my teammates and to tell others the story of our victory or how we Nearly won the game! Get used to seeing people not just in their primary colour, but also their supporting energy. Consider the nature of the next disagreement you have with someone. Remember, their perception is their reality. They have a point of view that is not only valid and so should be respected, but also could prove invaluable to you. What can they see that you are currently missing? Look at the information sheet in your learning pack and complete the first exercise before you start the next lecture. Is a simple one to start with basically, reflect on your second colour energy or planet! This is a support to your primary preference and should be a valuable modifier to your main energy. How does it show up? What are you doing when it does? Is it always in the positive version? Also consider your part in an activity this could be team activities or projects at work, sporting activities, hobbies etc. Ask those three questions of yourself: 1. What is your motivation for doing it? 2. What keeps you doing it? 3. What is your desired result from doing it? 8 of 9
Reflect and answer the questions on the information sheet before moving on to lecture number 2 which is all about helping you understand the supporting psychology at a deeper level when we delve further into Carl Jung and the underpinning psychology. 9 of 9