FORGIVE BEFORE IT HURTS! 10 I beseech thee for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten in my bonds: 11 Which in time past was to thee unprofitable, but now profitable to thee and to me: 12 Whom I have sent again: thou therefore receive him, that is, mine own bowels: 13 Whom I would have retained with me, that in thy stead he might have ministered unto me in the bonds of the gospel: 14 But without thy mind would I do nothing; that thy benefit should not be as it were of necessity, but willingly. 15 For perhaps he therefore departed for a season, that thou shouldest receive him for ever; 16 Not now as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved, specially to me, but how much more unto thee, both in the flesh, and in the Lord? 17 If thou count me therefore a partner, receive him as myself. 18 If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account; 19 I Paul have written it with mine own hand, I will repay it: albeit I do not say to thee how thou owest unto me even thine own self besides. Philemon 1:10-19 I. Philemon was a wealthy man living in the city of Collosse. He and his wife Apphia had a rather large house that they used as a meeting place for their church. A. We do not know how many slaves he owned but it is clear that one of them, Onesimus, had run away. B. Onesimus had apparently stolen something from Philemon because Paul said, 18 If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account; 19 I Paul have written it with mine own hand, I will repay it: In the first century, the penalty for running away as a slave was death. A. So Onesimus ran away to Rome, a very large city. It would be very easy to disappear in such a large city. B. But somehow, Onesimus got himself in trouble. He was arrested and thrown into prison. While he was in prison, he met Paul and got saved. I At some point, Onesimus was set free. He knew that he needed to go back to Philemon. But if Philemon did not receive Onesimus, then Onesimus life could be in danger. IV. So Paul wrote this beautiful letter about forgiveness. A. In the letter Paul said to Philemon: 1. I know Onesimus was unprofitable to you but now he is profitable to you and me (v. 11) 11 Which in time past was to thee unprofitable, but now profitable to thee and to me: 2. I know he was your servant (v. 16) but he is my son (v. 10) 16 Not now as a servant, but above a servant, 10 I beseech thee for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten in my bonds: 3. I know he ran away (v.15) but he is special: V. Look at verse 12! Paul had a tender love for Onesimus - mine own bowels A. In verse 13, Paul wanted Onesimus to stay but knew he needed to go back to Philemon. B. In verse 16, Paul confessed a deep love for Onesimus. - a brother beloved, specially to me C. In all that Paul wrote, his main point was simple: Forgive him!! 1
WHAT AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR THE BELIEVER TODAY! I. I don t think we could ever over exaggerate the importance of forgiveness 12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. 14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:12-15 A. God commands us to forgive others. If we forgive others, then God will forgive us. B. But if we do not forgive others, then God will not forgive us! And we are not talking about forgiveness for salvation. No, this is the ability to forgive others after salvation. These verses are for the saint. We are talking about forgiveness for life. A. If we do not forgive, then we are stacking up sins which clog up the rivers of God s blessings. B. If we do not forgive, we are quenching the Holy Spirit and we are left powerless! C. If we do not forgive, then from that point on, we are simply hypocrites going through the motions of religious activity. I And what is forgiveness? A. It is compassion (Matt 18:21-35) 21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. 23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. 28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. 29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. 32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. Matthew 18:21-35 1. We are all sinners and every one of us has done things that have hurt others. 2. We should be able to understand someone else who has hurt us. We are not better than them. 3. We should be able to have compassion on those who have hurt us. We should be able to forgive! B. It is Comfort! 2
7 So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. 8 Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him. 2 Cor 2:7-8 1. When we forgive someone then they are set free from their own prison of guilt. 2. When we forgive someone we are able to go to that person and help to strengthen them so that they do not become swallowed up in shame and sorrow! C. It is Love 8 Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him. 2 Cor 2:8 1. If you really love someone, you would forgive. 2. Love is the foundation of forgiveness. 3. That is what God did for mankind. God so loved the world. He gave his son. And as Christ was dying on the cross he said: Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do Luke 23:34 4. Why? Because God so loved the world! That s why! HOW GOD TAUGHT ME TO FORGIVE. I. On June 26 th, 2009 my mother passed away. A. Every year at the anniversary of her death, the pain of loss pierces my heart. B. But I think the pain is a blessing from God because it reminds me of a great lesson on forgiveness. Let me explain why. Six years before my mother passed away, my youngest brother called me. A. He told me about a situation that was happening back home and both my father and mother knew about the situation. I was upset because it was a very sinful thing. B. I called my mother and father on the phone and told them that what was happening was sinful and that they needed to make it stop. 1. Of course, they became angry. My mother started crying and finally hung up the phone. 2. My father sent a message to me through my youngest brother that my youngest brother and I were tearing the family apart. 3. All we wanted was for Mom and Dad to intervene in a very bad situation and make it stop. 4. In anger, my parents cut off all communication with me and my family. In fact, I never spoke to my mother again. 5. The last time I heard her voice, she was crying because I was sternly rebuking her. I For six years, there was no communication between my parents and I. A. For the first two years, I tried to call but they would not answer my calls. B. I wrote emails and letters but they never responded.! 3
C. Finally, I said to myself, I am right. They are wrong. If they don t want to talk to me, then fine! And I was right. But I was also wrong. IV. Six months before my mother passed away, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. A. Go home. Fly to America and speak with your family. But I disobeyed. B. I told myself that I was too busy and could not afford it anyway. V. Then on the 28 th of June in 2009, on a Sunday morning, 1 hour before leaving for church, I opened my email and read a note from my niece. A. The day before, my mother had a massive heart attack at 4 Am in the morning and has slipped into eternity. B. It hit me like an invisible wall. There would never be another opportunity for reconciliation. C. At that moment, it no longer mattered who was right or wrong. All I wanted to do was hug my mother and tell her I was sorry. D. That day I learned that it is possible to be right and wrong at the same time. VI. During the six years of silence my mother got saved. A. According to the pastor of her church, she had a burden for the lost teen boys at church. B. But I missed out on seeing God s grace in her life because I was too prideful. Because I was right! V One of the most painful things that I remember about my mother s funeral was when I met one of my mother s Christian friends. A. My mother s friend said to me, Oh, you must be Jim, the missionary in Korea. Your mother spoke about all the good things you are doing over there. She was so proud of you. B. It hurt so bad. While I was too prideful to seek reconciliation, my mother was telling her friends that I was a good Christian. VIIn American culture, we set aside a private time for the family to gather together with the deceased loved one. It is called a viewing. A. It is a time for immediate family to console each other. B. I remember as my father, brothers, and sisters prepared to go, my father said to me, Son, you don t need to wear a suit to the viewing. No one will be there but us. C. But I said, Dad, I haven t seen Mom s face in six years. Last time Mom and I spoke, I made her cry. She deserves to see me looking my best. IX. You see, I robbed my mother! A. I took away from her the joy of reconciliation with her son. I often wonder how many nights she went to bed wishing that we were reconciled. B. I wonder if she thought of me the night she had a massive heart attack and slipped through the doors of glory.! 4
X. If only we would have forgiven each other. Then our last memories could be happy memories and not sad memories. APPLICATION 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Colossians 3:13 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32 I. Forgive because life is too short to hold bitterness inside. A. Believe me when I say that you do not want to feel what I feel. B. Don t harden your heart. Go to the one that you need to be reconciled with and get your relationship straight. Be the peacemaker 9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9 A. Some people say, But I am right. They need to ask my forgiveness. B. May I say to you from personal experience, You may be right about your situation but your attitude is wrong. C. You have become an angry, bitter person but the Bible commands us to be peacemakers. D. Your unforgiving spirit is keeping you in a prison of fruitless, hypocritical, activity. Your heart is black with hate. You are hurting your own self. E. Don t wait for the other person to come to you. You take responsibility! Be the peacemaker! I Learn to love. A. As we have already seen, love is the foundation for forgiveness. B. Sure, someone may have hurt you. But you are commanded to love even your enemies. C. In fact, you are commanded to pray and ask God to bless your enemies. 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44 IV. Do whatever it takes. Pay the price! CHRIST PAID THE PRICE FOR US! CONCLUSION I. Is there someone that you need to reconcile with? Every division that has ever happened in any church could have been healed by love, forgiveness, and reconciliation. I Christ offers you forgiveness will you take it? Will you, like Onesimus, go home?! 5