A Discussion Among Friends

Series: When Life Comes Unraveled, #3 Texts: Job 3:11-13; 4:1-8; 8:1-7; 11:1-6; 13:1-6, 13-16 Valley Community Baptist Church 4/28, 29/2012 Avon, CT Pastor Jay Abramson A Discussion Among Friends Who would you name as your best friend? Most of the women in the room right now are trying to pick one from a list of many possibilities. Most men here are trying to come up with just one. So, let s dig a little deeper. What is your definition of a friend? Listen to how some others define it. Aristotle What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies. C. S. Lewis Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, What? You too? I thought I was the only one. Oprah Winfrey Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. Ralph Waldo Emerson It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. Walter Winchell A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. King Solomon A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Jesus Christ Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. We come now to the larger body of this story of Job. We are not going to study this verse by verse but rather theme by theme. I m doing this for two good reasons. First, the body of this book is written as poetry. If you love to study poetry, you re probably disappointed right now that we aren t going verse by verse. If, like me, you don t totally get poetry, (just like I don t totally get ballet!), then you re probably good with my decision. The second reason we aren t going verse by verse is because it would take us until the year 2015 to finish the book! So, whether you like my decision or hate it, this is the way we re going to do it because I m the pastor!! The first theme we find in this section is friendship, especially friendship being tested by pain. We re going to need several weeks to deal completely with what is being taught here. So, today, we begin with a look at Job s friends, then a look at Job as a friend and finally a look at ourselves as friends. So, are you ready? Here we go. First I. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Job s Friends First, the good to be found in Job s friends. And there really is good here. Namely, they began with real compassion. Look at Job 2:11: When Job s three friends heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 1

Let s stop right there. This is all good. They hear of his trouble, they meet together and all of them decide to go to sympathize with Job and comfort him. They get an A+ for this beginning. What s next? When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. (Job 2:12) Let s stop again. They re still showing exemplary caring behavior. They openly express their emotions and physically demonstrate how much it hurts them to see their friend in such pain. Let s keep reading. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. (Job 2:13) This is the single best thing they did. No words, just pure empathy for one solid week. If you take nothing else from this entire series, please take this lesson. Suffering people don t need our advice as much as they need our presence. Do you know the story of the theology professor, Henry Nouwen? Dr. Nouwen was a priest and theology professor at the Universities of Notre Dame, Harvard and Yale. But in 1986 he left academia to become the pastor on staff of a home for the physically and mentally disabled in Toronto, Canada. He held that position until his death. Dr. Nouwen wrote these words about friendship: When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. i The good that Job s friends did for him lasted a week. Unfortunately, it was downhill from there. One by one they proved the axiom true which says: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Job s three friends now open their mouths. Their names are: Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite. While they were silent, they reduced Job s pain. When they opened their mouths, they increased his pain. So, what was so wrong with what they said? Each in his own way applied a half-truth to Job s situation. The half-truth is this: Personal sin can lead to one s own pain and suffering. Is that true? Absolutely that is true! If you sin by doing drugs, it will lead to your own pain and suffering. But the friends commit what is known in Analytical Philosophy as an invalid argument and in logic as an Informal Fallacy. (Before I explain what this means, let me say that the reason you don t know what I m talking about is because our schools have stopped teaching logic and moral reasoning, which is a tragedy. If your children s school doesn t teach these things, you should change schools or teach it to them yourselves.) 2

Now, back to Analytical Philosophy. In structuring an argument, there are valid forms and invalid forms. A valid form for an argument includes a major premise, a minor premise and a conclusion. An example would be: Major Premise: If my tire runs over a nail, it will go flat. Minor Premise: My tire just ran over a nail. Conclusion: Therefore, it will go flat. See how that works? This a valid argument form and is called affirming the antecedent. This could be diagramed like this: If p, then q. p, therefore q (Where p is the antecedent and q is the consequent.) However, there is an INVALID form of this argument called Affirming the Consequent which when diagramed looks like this: If p, then q. q, therefore p. Or, with our tire analogy it would be: Major Premise: If my tire runs over a nail, it will go flat. Minor Premise: My tire went flat. Conclusion: Therefore it must have run over a nail. This is an invalid conclusion. Why? Because nails aren t the only things that cause tires to go flat! But this is exactly the argument that Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar are using with Job! They re saying, Job, if a person sins, they might experience pain and suffering. You are experiencing pain and suffering, THEREFORE, you must have sinned! Eliphaz states: As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it. (Job 4:8) Bildad applies this reasoning to Job s children: When your children sinned against him, he gave them over to the penalty of their sin. (Job 8:4) Zophar suggests a solution to Job s suffering based on this invalid argument: If you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame (Job 11:14, 15) But, is there another possible explanation for Job s suffering? We all know that there is, because we ve been given the privilege of looking behind the curtain. We know that while it is generally true that suffering is caused by sin, that is not the ONLY cause of suffering. First of all, my specific suffering may be caused by someone else s sin! Adam and Eve s sin caused the world to be cursed, thereby releasing germs and illness in general into the world. People can contract AIDS by their spouses sin, not their own, etc. etc. And in Job s case, his suffering has nothing to do with any sin on his part or his children s part. Job s friends have made a terrible, terrible mistake by accusing Job of bringing the suffering on himself. Their reasoning is flawed, their theology is flawed, their intentions now are flawed. They seem more intent on winning an argument than caring for their hurting friend. While they started very well, when it came to ongoing care, they failed horribly. Which brings us to a second theme in this section of the book, which is 3

II. Job s Response as a Friend Why are these three friends so tenacious in their argument? Has that question occurred to you? I think this has to do with the fact that Job s situation is a huge threat to their understanding of how the world works. They believe that God rewards good people and punishes bad people. Job s response to them just rattles their categories. Job s argument is three fold: 1. Guys, I m hurting terribly. (Job 6:1-4) 2. Guys, I m innocent! I ve repented of my sin. (Job 9:21-24) 3. Will you help me gain an audience with God? (Job 13:1-4) Why would the three friends be threatened by Job? Because if this kind of suffering could happen to an innocent man, then it could happen to them! They do not want to believe that to be true. They want to believe that in this world only truly evil people suffer. What do you believe? Is what happened to Job a unique event that could never happen again? Or, is it true that sometimes in this world truly godly people do suffer? There is a theological viewpoint that agrees with Job s friends today. It is called The Health and Wealth Gospel. Its leaders teach that if you are truly godly, you will be made very rich by God and you will always be healthy. So, if you get sick, it is because of your own sin or lack of faith. If you repent of that sin or increase your faith, you will be immediately and miraculously healed. Have you heard this? Friends, if that were true, then what is the story of Job doing in our Bibles? Also, in the New Testament, Jesus, Paul and Peter all warn us about false teachers teaching a false gospel. It still may give sufficiently correct information to save you from hell, but it contains false promises. The Health and Wealth Gospel falls in this category. Yes, God sometimes blesses Christians with both health and wealth, but He does not PROMISE it to all people of faith. Jesus lived His entire life in poverty. The apostles were not rich. Did they lack faith? Phil. 1:29 says: For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him. Jesus said that we are blessed when we are persecuted (Matt. 5:10). Jesus said that in this world people will hate us (John 14:19). Jesus said that in this world we will have trouble (John 16:33). The apostle Peter said: if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God (I Peter 4:16, 17a) Anyone who tells you that if you have the right amount of faith, God has promised to make you healthy and wealthy that person is proclaiming a false gospel. Some Christians will be, but it is not promised to all Christians. This is what Job is trying to tell his friends, but they cling to their false doctrine and, because they will not embrace Job s true doctrine, they only increase his pain. Job is forced to respond to his friends: You, however, smear me with lies; You are worthless physicians, all of you! If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom. (Job 13:4, 5) 4

Who s being the better friend? I d say Job is. Finally, we must ask ourselves III. What Would A Hurting Friend Need From Me? So, how do we make this personal? How should we apply the realities of this section of Job s story to our own lives? If you know a Job, what does your Job need according to God s Word? First, he or she needs your presence more than your pronouncements. The first week of Job s friends care for him was so good. They empathized and let him know he was not alone. When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, what did he ask of his disciples? He asked them simply to watch with him. Your presence is a very healing action. Secondly, a hurting friend needs someone to whom he can vent his painful experience. In Job chapter three, he opens up and speaks to his friends recklessly about how painful his life has become. He curses the day of his birth. He shows his friends the ugliness of his feelings. And how do they respond? For the next 10 chapters they condemn him for speaking honestly! George Eliot describes what these friends should have known: Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ii That s what Job needed. That s what his friends should have done. Thirdly, a hurting friend needs someone to give him truth clothed in compassion. An old Sicilian proverb says: Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. Proverbs 27:6 says: Wounds from a friend can be trusted And verse 9 says: the pleasantness of one s friend springs from his earnest counsel. Job actually got some of these three needs met by his friends. They at least began well with silent presence. They did provide someone for Job to vent his pain to, even if they didn t deal with it well. But their counsel was sadly not helpful or to be trusted. So, when you are standing in these friends shoes, how will you do? I want to conclude this sermon in a different way. We re going to sing a song that I think captures pretty well the biblical definition of a real friend. Studies show that we memorize things better if it s put to music. So, let s learn this song and then go out and live it this week. By the way, if you re sitting next to a friend right now, why don t you sing this to them. Are you ready? Maestro, hit it! [Play Toy Story Clip 2:07] Let s pray i Dr. Henry Nouwen, found on website, The Quote Garden ii Thinkexist.com, George Eliot, English Victorian novelist, 1819-1880 5