Twisted Truth Part Two: What About Sex? By Remy Diederich 7.8.18 Text: Genesis 1 & 2, 1 Corinthians 6:13-20 Outline: 1. The one question we have to ask ourselves is: Is it working? 2. Boundaries bring meaning and safety. 3. Genesis shows us that sex is much bigger than a stand alone event. 4. Paul tells us to flee sexual immorality because: a. Sex is meant to celebrate intimacy and life-long commitment. b. It is unlike all other sin in its ability to cause harm to yourself. c. Your body belongs to God, so you are to live to please him. 5. Every day with God is a clean slate. Going Deeper: Use the following questions for personal reflection and/or to discuss with family, friends and small group. 1. What stood out to you the most from the message? 2. What are some of the ways that sex isn t working in our culture? 3. Remy said that sex is like a campfire, beautiful inside the fire-ring. What are some other examples of something that s beautiful within a boundary but destructive outside of the boundary? 4. Read Genesis 1:26,27. What are some things about sex that make it holy? 5. Can sex be immoral within marriage too? If so, how? 6. Read 1 Corinthians 6:15-20. People like to say sex isn t a big deal. It s just a harmless activity. Why would Paul disagree with this? 7. What is his command for people who are considering sex outside of marriage? 8. If someone has either not understood God s teaching, or disobeyed it, what are some steps a follower of Jesus can take to put things right? Message Last week, Pastor Kyle kicked off a new series we are calling Twisted Truth. It has a simple premise: there is an invisible spiritual force working against us that wants to deceive us and pull us away from God. Jesus put it like this: [The devil] was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! John 8:44,45 1
In other words, Jesus tells us that the devil is lying to people. While at the same time, people aren t believing the truth from Jesus. That should give us pause. Could it be that we also are believing lies and not believing the truth of Jesus? As I ve thought about this series this simple diagram comes to mind. God has revealed his truth, but over time people drift. It starts with with an outlier at first, but over time, more and more people gravitate away from the truth until it reaches a tipping point, and suddenly people see the truth as the outlier. In fact, they don t even see it as truth. They see it as some irrelevant vestige from another time. The apostle Paul put it like this:...the time will come when people will not listen to the true teaching but will find many more teachers who please them by saying the things they want to hear. 2 Timothy 4:3 So this series is meant to caution us and say...wait a minute...let s not be so quick to believe what everyone else believes. Maybe they ve twisted the truth. Maybe they ve believed a lie that is leading them down the wrong path and so we shouldn t follow. Kyle talked about the general idea and now we want to take three weeks to talk about some specifics. We want to talk about how people have twisted the truth about sex, suffering and submitting to authority. I did my best to give the topic of sex to someone else but I drew the short straw! Sex is a hard topic to talk about because it s easy to be misunderstood. Plus, it s very personal and most people don t want a preacher telling them what to do. It s the same reason I don t like to talk about money. But for the serious follower of Jesus, hearing what God has to say about sex and money can be a turning point in their faith journey. If you can surrender your money to God and your sexual behavior, and say, God...I want to honor you with my body and my money That s the kind of heart God is looking for. God can do amazing things with a person who surrenders to him like that. So that s the kind of heart I hope you will listen with this morning: one that is open to whatever God has for you. Looking at my diagram here, it s clear that we have drifted as a culture. Drifted is a good word because it wasn t a sudden move, it happened slowly, over time. Somewhere along the line there was a tipping point where the Bible s view of sex outside of marriage went from being morally wrong (I ll explain) to being morally acceptable, if not expected, and even championed. Now our culture is sitting here, looking back over there, and it looks so foreign. So victorian. So restrictive and wrong. 2
But here s the question I want to ask regarding this diagram: Is it working? I listened to a message by Andy Stanley* on sex and that s the question he asked. It s a great question. Is it working? In other words, has shifting our culture to a place where sex outside of marriage is fully accepted and even encouraged, is that working? Has that improved our culture? Has that made life better? Has it made our relationships easier? Less complicated? Let s look at a short list of some things that have come with the shift: Sexually transmitted disease, Pornography, Unwanted Pregnancy, Abortion, Broken marriages and the hurt and pain that goes with it. Sexting our schools, even into elementary ages, Human trafficking, #MeToo and sexual harassment, Sexual abuse, Rape,Loss of intimacy My list probably only scratches the surface of the fallout that our drift has caused us. I mean, just read the daily newsfeed. The national media sends out reminders every day on how our new sexual ethic is not working. These are just a few of the headlines pulled from the news this week. (Headlines mentioned #MeToo, The problem of sexting in schools, and the Australian vote to have every couple both say yes before sex.) You ve probably heard the story of the Emperor with no clothes. No one wanted to tell him what was obvious to everyone else. And in the same way, it seems like no one wants to make the connection between these problems and sexual freedom. Sexual freedom isn t the panacea that people pretend it to be. What you see in the movies, or hear in the locker room, isn t what counselors hear about behind closed doors. There is a lot of pain that comes when sex has no boundaries. Now, I m not here to tell you that God is mad about all this. My guess at God s emotion would be sadness. He would tell us that this list is exactly why he gave us boundaries for sex. He gave us limits, not to hurt us but to keep us from being hurt. He s not trying to keep good things from us, but experience all that he has for us. Unfortunately, we ve twisted the truth and lost sight of what he intended. If you were God, and knowing the downside of sex, what would you say? Just be careful? Just be safe? Use protection? Make sure there is full consent? Parents, what do you tell your kids about playing with knives or fire? Just be safe? Of course not. You lay down firm rules to make sure there is no chance that your kids will get hurt. Why? Because you hate them? Because you don t want them to have fun? No, because you love them. A lot of us are enjoying fires in our backyards or campsites this summer. They are beautiful. I can stare at a fire for hours. But that same fire isn t so beautiful if it moves outside the fire 3
ring and into the surrounding forest. We ve seen the the devastation that happens to not only forests but homes when a fire gets out of control. Boundaries bring safety. They keep people from getting hurt. But they also bring meaning. Think about any sport that has a boundary, tennis, golf, basketball, football. Why do they have boundaries? Because boundaries bring meaning to the game. Take away the boundaries and you just have a bunch of people running around with a ball. Or people playing catch. But playing catch gets boring pretty fast. No one is going to show up to play or watch a game that has no boundaries because it s the boundaries that give the game meaning. It s the same way with sex. Sex without boundaries is reduced to an activity. A feel-good moment. But that s all. God intended so much more than that. Let s go back to the beginning to see how things got started. In the first chapter in the Bible it tells us: God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.... God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Genesis 1:26-31 The coming together of man and a woman here is so much more than sex. The two of them together form a new entity that is a reflection of God himself. They are even given the ability to create life. That s amazing. Now, sex is implied here. You can t have people multiply and fill the earth without sex. But sex isn t the end game. It s just a small part of a much bigger picture. When people talk about sex today, they act like it is the pinnacle of achievement. What does that say for single people and people that can t have sex? It s important that we see sex in the context of God s bigger design. And Jesus made it clear that this union is a lifelong commitment saying: What God has joined together, let no one separate. Matthew 19:6 This union is holy because God brought them together for his purposes. It s a sacred union full of meaning. And God concludes by saying that this union is very good. The angels were looking on saying, Dang, I wish we were human! Genesis gives us the model for sexual interaction that the rest of the Bible supports. But I have to be honest, in our broken world, this doesn t always work for a variety of reasons: Sometimes people get divorced. Sometimes people never find a spouse. Sometimes people are attracted to the same sex. 4
Sometimes people are infertile or don t want to have kids. Sometimes couples get pregnant but don t want the baby. Sometimes couples never marry. Suddenly the Genesis model got very complicated and all kinds of ethical issues come into play. People who don t line up with the model struggle to know how they fit in God s plan. And so Jesus followers have to decide what they are going to do when life doesn t line up with the model. Does God make exceptions to the model? If so, what are they? Or, is the model outdated? Was that model for another time and we are free to create new models? These are the kind of questions people are asking today. Now, I m not here to answer these questions. I have a different focus. But I will say that I want Cedarbrook to be a safe place for people to ask these tough questions. In fact, the church should be the safest place to ask tough questions. We need to listen to what people have to say and appreciate their struggle. If the church isn t a safe place for people to ask questions then people will simply leave the church. We probably won t all arrive at the same answers, but I hope we will be able to listen to each other, and respect each other, no matter what we decide. Personally, I do my best to tell you what I believe to be true, and why, but it s really up to you to decide how that s going to work in your life. As I ve said many times, you don t answer to me. You ultimately answer to God. Now, I d like to spend a little time in a letter that the apostle Paul sent to the Corinthian church. Corinth was a seaport. That means there were lots of sailors coming off the ships and there were lots of women waiting for them. For the sailors, sex was an activity. An event. Sex was entertainment. For the women, sex was a business. It was their livelihood. So Paul spoke to the Christians in Corinth and said: The body...is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord Flee from sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:13,18 Now, most people never think that what they are doing is immoral. Immorality is what other people do. So let me be clear, Paul was referring to sex outside of marriage. That problem includes a number of people. He said, run away from that. That s not what God made you for. Someone asked me once why sexual immorality only referred to sex outside of marriage. They asked, Can t there be sexual immorality within marriage as well? And I said, Absolutely. There are all kinds of ways that a married couple can mistreat each other sexually, the way they think and act. But that s not what Paul is talking about here. He s talking about people having sex outside of marriage. Thankfully, Paul didn t just tell us not to go there. He gave us a few reasons why not. The first has to do with the bond it creates. 5
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, The two will become one flesh. But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:15-17 The key word here is unite. It s a powerful would that means to be cemented or super-glued together. It s a flashback to Genesis and implies a permanent, lifelong union. One of the sailors might have said, Hey, I didn t unite, it was just a hookup. It was a one time thing. It was no big deal. It was just sex. But Paul said, Hey sailor, No, you entered into a holy life-long union, you just didn t know it. You took something holy, something God gave us that is very meaningful, and used it in a cheap, selfish way that dishonors God. Another person might object and say, I m not sleeping with a prostitute. We are living together. We re committed. We love each other. So then the question is: if that s true, then why aren t you married? Well, we aren t ready! So, you aren t ready for marriage but you are ready to be superglued to each other. I think there s a contradiction there, at least if you want to line up with the Bible. My understanding is that sex celebrates a life long commitment. So, if you haven t made that commitment, then sex is premature. I don t know, my mom never let me have dessert before dinner and I think there is some wisdom there. But - here s the good news... you can fix that very easily, just get married! So, the word unite here means a lifelong commitment. But it also implies the intimacy that can only be achieved in a lifelong commitment. When couples are unconditionally committed to each other, they feel safe to be fully known. They can let down their guard and achieve intimacy. Sex celebrates that intimacy. You see, sex doesn t create intimacy. Many couples move quickly to sex hoping that it will produce an intimacy between them. But that s not how it works. Physical intimacy doesn t equate emotional or spiritual intimacy. In fact, it can sabotage it...undermine it and kick it farther down the road making it unattainable. Think of it this way. We are physical, emotional, and spiritual beings. So what s the easiest thing to do in a relationship: to talk to each other about your feelings, to talk about God and pray together, or to have sex? That s a no brainer. Sex is the easiest. People will most often default to what is the easiest and offers the quickest gratification because talking and praying takes work. But here s the problem with that approach. When a couple immediately moves to sex in their relationship, and don t first work on developing emotional and spiritual intimacy, sex can eventually become boring, because it s...just sex. It s not a celebration of intimacy...because they didn t develop it. It s not a celebration of a life-long 6
commitment...because they didn t make it. Sex has been stripped of all it s meaning and now it s just an event. An activity. That s why couples will often stop having sex after a while. And that s one reason why people turn to pornography or affairs because the thrill is gone and the only way to get the thrill back is to find someone else. Couples are wise to focus on developing emotional and spiritual intimacy first. That s not prudish. That s a recipe for a long lasting marriage. If you are wondering what Lisa and I did before marriage, we followed the model. We kept sex for marriage and we are glad we did. It helped us focus on building intimacy in our relationship. The next reason Paul gives for fleeing sexual immorality is this: All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 Paul tells us something that we might not perceive on our own. He said that sexual immorality takes a toll on people in a way that nothing else does. There s something so unique about sex that if you approach it in the wrong way it will hurt you. Again, someone might say: No one got hurt. We had a good time. No one got pregnant. No one got a disease. But God would say, you don t understand. It goes deeper than that. When you are superglued to another person, you can t un-one the oneness of sex. You leave a part of yourself emotionally with that person and take something with you. There is a soul connection that you will carry with you for the rest of your life, whether you realize it or not. And that is going to impact your ability to achieve intimacy with the person you finally end up with. In other words, you ve got baggage. You know, I wish we could hear the stories that counselors hear from people hurt because they were too quick to move to the bedroom. We keep those stories hush hush. The stories we hear are about fun and freedom. But if we saw the pain that people endure we wouldn t be so quick to make light of it. I think we d understand why God drew the circle around sex with marriage. Paul s final reason for fleeing sexual immorality is this: Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19, 20 Here s the deal...no matter what the topic is, this is what every follower of Jesus has to settle in their mind: Is my number one passion in life to please myself or honor God? Is Jesus just my ticket to heaven or is he Lord of my life? 7
This is why I think sex is such a good topic for people who say that they believe in Jesus. Believing in Jesus and following Jesus are two different things. Anyone can believe that Jesus lived, died and rose again. The question is: will you follow him? Will you obey him? Will you live your life to honor him? How you answer these questions separates the believers from the followers. That s why Jesus said that whoever would come after him must pick up their cross daily. Picking up your cross means there is a cost to following Jesus. There are times in your life when you will have to say no to your desires in order to honor God. Now, today is one of those days when, if you aren t a Christian, you say to yourself I am so glad I m not a Christian because none of this applies to me! But if you are a Christian and I ve said something that makes sense to you then there are a few things I d like you to consider. First, bring your sexual history to God. Admit where you ve been wrong and ask him to forgive you. Maybe you are married now, but you still might have a history that needs forgiving. Second, change your behavior. Many Christians choose a lifestyle that they know is wrong but they just keep asking for forgiveness. It s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, right? But Jesus wants to do more than forgive you. He wants to transform you. He wants to reshape you into his image to live a God-honoring life. Finally, live a guilt free life. Once you ve asked for forgiveness and changed your behavior, then don t look back. Turn the page. One of the greatest things about God is that everyday with God is a clean slate. You can start your life over and tell a different story. 8