It s not like when I was a kid! Understanding and engaging 21 st century youth by Susan Bernhardt and Lori Schultz 6 THE CANADIAN LUTHERAN March 2007
I m not always comfortable around them. I don t care for the way they dress, the style of their hair or for their choice of music. It s not always easy to talk to them. They stress me out when they overreact or become argumentative, raising their voices unnecessarily. They can be demanding and have the attitude that there is nothing left to learn because they already know everything. On the other hand, I think they want to have relationships with us. They can be very loving and helpful. They really want to listen. They care about us and try to do things they think will make us happy. This is how today s youth might describe adults, especially parents. Or wait...isn t this how adults might describe youth? Although teens and adults share similar perceptions of each other, undeniably today s young people are uniquely different from past generations. The values and world views youth hold today are influenced strongly by the many facets of media to which they are exposed. Bombarded by powerful, clever images and sounds, youth live in a world more sexually charged than ever before. Acts of violence, crude language and immoral living are regularly shown on television. Change in values Today s youth value: Experience over reason or logic. They do not believe what we tell them is true, but rather what they experience is true. Participating rather than observing is important for today s youth. No where is this more evident than in the media. Whereas past generations enjoyed watching television shows, today s youth want to star in the shows. Whether it s editing the Wikipedia, adding videos to YouTube or creating their own page at MySpace.com, the Internet is another place youth love to participate. 1 Images are much more powerful to this generation than printed words. Their world is filled with images on the Internet, their cell phones and even in school. Often e-mails include pictures not just words to tell a story. Authenticity is highly valued by today s youth. Youth want to be with people who can be real with them about everything. They want to spend time with people who are just being themselves. A sense of community is highly valued in today s youth culture. In a society that has moved more towards individualism (the doctrine or belief that all actions are Teens consider relationships and community a significant and valued force in their lives determined by, or at least take place for, the benefit of the individual, not of society as a whole), teens today consider relationships and community a significant and valued force in their lives. Youth cry out for connection and seek it in many places, even the Internet. By high school age, most teenagers find their most significant relationships with their peers. Life stages In addition to a different world view, the developmental stage of adolescence has changed. In the past, teen years were identified as the ages of 12 to 18 years. Today, varying opinions exist as to when adolescence begins and ends, anywhere from 10 years of age to 22 years! From clothing styles to weekly agendas, children are being pushed into the adult world at an alarming rate. Adolescence now extends past the traditional 18 year mark, in part due to lengthening school- related activities, living at home and an absence of rites of passage in our culture that define transition into adulthood. 2 The time when young people are ready to take control of their lives and head out on their own is often not till their mid-20s. Bearing scars Finally, youth today are wounded people. They feel abandoned by the institutions and structures created to nurture and care for them. This may sound ludicrous, as many say today s youth are more spoiled and coddled than any other generation. Appearances can be deceiving. Consider the following institutions of our society: Families, once focused on the needs of their children, are now fragmented. The needs of the adults often upstage those of the children as parents seek their place in a world where familial and gender roles have been uprooted and changed. Sports programs originally created for youth to play and develop character are no longer about the students, but more about the adults in charge. Parents bribe and threaten THE CANADIAN LUTHERAN March 2007 7
coaches. Coaches bark out orders to players. Everything is about excellence; average is unacceptable. As youth ministry specialist Chap Clark says, Sports are no longer about child s play; they are a grown-up dog-eat-dog reality. 3 School environments tend to value the gifted, highachieving youth who fit into a predetermined mold. To enter university, youth take additional courses, homework and extracurricular activities to prove themselves to those in authority. They do not even realize the unhealthy constant pressure with which they live. Abandonment precipitates teenagers turning to sex or alcohol as a salve for their loneliness. Even the busyness of their lives can be a way for them to silently exclaim to the world Look at me! I m worth something! Look what I can do! Implications for Youth Ministry In many ways, today s youth present a different culture for us to reach. Just as we send missionaries abroad to study the culture and reach out to people in the cultural context, we need missionaries who speak the life-saving message of Jesus to youth in a way that resonates with them. How do we minister to this generation? Most youth ministry is based on programs. Although programs remain one of our most effective ways to reach youth, we need to recognize their limitations. Programs can be hurtful if we become too concerned about the number of youth attending (instead of rejoicing in the ones that are), the type of activities we organize, or our budget. We become more focused on the program than on the youth. Sometimes leaders in program-based youth ministries can become distracted by the logistics of running the program finding rides and paying for bowling rather than spending time with the youth who attend. When this happens, youth feel the abandonment within our church they find in so many other institutions society provides for them. The program isn t about them. It s about the program. Improving our programs Make your programs easy to administer. 4 Make sure they focus on youth first, and on attendance, flashy events and budgets second. Build in unstructured time to play where relationships We must recognize the validity of young people s membership in the body of Christ can be developed and nurtured. Plan a purposeful youth ministry that encompasses all five purposes for youth ministry: service, study, outreach, fellowship and worship. 5 Be willing to throw out your plans for the evening, being aware of God s presence and where He is leading His event. Be counter cultural by being available for your teenagers. 6 Finally, we need to go to youth. No longer do we find ourselves in the type of culture where youth come to us. Even ministries that put on the flashiest events in town do not have this experience. We need to take Jesus words to go (Matthew 28) seriously. We need to go to youth where they live: to be friends with their friends, to go to their schools and games and to show them we are interested in their lives. Who is there? The most effective way to share the Gospel with youth today is to be present with them. This means loving them in a way that has no agenda other than walking beside them through their life journey. Connect their story to the grand story of God s love for us in Jesus by pointing out God s presence in the midst of everyday experience. Ask youth questions and truly listen to what they say. 7 In a world where no one has time to spare, we need to make time for our teenagers. As we keep up with the busy pace of our lives driven by our schedules, the clock and our never-ending to-do list relationships, listening and presence are lost. As Mark Yaconelli, youth ministry author explains, we must be the Sabbath for youth today. Full membership Perhaps the youth ministry concept most overlooked is understanding that young people are current members of God s family and therefore should be active, contributing members in the fullest sense. 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 reminds us that young people are not future members of the church, they are already part of the body of Christ through their baptism. God has prepared good works in advance for them to do (Eph. 2:10). While youthful enthusiasm can be misguided (Ps. 25:7), God directs us not to look down on youthfulness (2 Tim. 4:12). As God THE CANADIAN LUTHERAN March 2007
used young David to lead His people, God can use His young people today to help shape and mold His church. We must recognise the validity of young people s membership in the body by inviting and allowing them to express themselves and seriously consider their proposals as we would any other confirmed adult congregation member. If young people are to fully realize and utilize their gifts within the body of Christ, they (and we) must understand who they are as children of the Great I AM. Our 2007 Lutheran Church Canada National Youth Gathering aspires to equip Lutheran youth through Bible study, speakers, prayer, worship, service, music, fellowship, fun and games, by exploring the following i am statements: 8 I am loved I am fearfully and wonderfully made I am part of the body I am sent 1. www.youtube.com: A place for people to engage video in new ways by sharing, commenting on, and viewing videos. More than 70 million videos are viewed daily. www.wikipedia.org: The free on-line encyclopedia with content that anyone can add to, delete or edit. www.myspace.com: An on-line community that lets you meet your friends friends and share photos, journals and interests. 2. Our culture recognizes more informal rites of passage such as high school graduation, confirmation or getting your drivers license. However, these rites do not seem to end in a practical recognition of an adolescent s transition to adulthood. After these events, our society continues to look at most 18-year-olds as adolescents. 3. Clark, Chap Hurt: Inside the World of Today s Teenagers Baker Academic, 2004. 4. For youth ministry programming ideas, check out the ABC District YMI site www.ymideas.com. 5. Fields, Doug Purpose Driven Youth Ministry Zondervan, 1998. Purposeful youth ministry means that the activity itself is less important than the experience of the activity. For example, bowling is never just bowling. While your group is mingling at the lanes, notice how they interact (Who s talking to whom? Who isn t talking? What is the topic of conversation?). Actively encourage communication between the youth by asking questions and pointing out similar interests (Hey, did you know that Haneia also likes that musical group?) Make mental notes of things mentioned that you can ask about or act on later (upcoming events, their favourite candy bars, etc.). Be an example of faith and point out that they represent Jesus in the bowling God can use His young people today to help shape His Church Definitions and footnotes As Luther wrote in his German Mass, When Christ desired to train men, He had to become a man. If we are to train children, we must also become children with them. 9 Adults must move past feelings of discomfort and judgmental thoughts r e g a r d i n g p h y s i c a l appearance, musical choices and so on to recognize and encourage youth in the unique place they have in the body of Christ. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give [us] a spirit of unity among [ourselves] as [we] follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth [we] may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 15:5-6). Deacon Susan Bernhardt (DPS) is director of ABC District s Youth Ministry Institute. She is a member of Foothills, Calgary. Deacon Lori Schultz is director of parish services at Grace Lutheran Church in St. Catharines. She is also chair of the 2007 Youth Gathering Committee. alley today. (Consider leading them in prayer before you begin something they might not be accustomed to doing in public.) Follow up: send a card, call or e-mail each student with a I m glad that YOU came because... highlight. This is especially important if they bring a friend! 6. Ideas for availability: Go to a fast food restaurant with them following an event to chat and enjoy a milkshake. Text message them while they are on school lunch. Pick a youth up for a Frosty after school. Invite a few over for supper. Attend a school drama, a game or a recital. Take time to play. 7. Are you a good listener? Ask yourself the following questions: a. Are you planning your answer while the other person is still speaking? That s not listening! Listening does not involve multi-tasking; it involves focusing on the person. b. Do you interrupt? Hold back on your assumptions and wait to hear what the other person is saying. You could be wrong. c. Are you judging the other person as he or she speaks? Focus on the person s words and not on your own. Paraphrase what you hear to ascertain that you understand. Either condemning or accommodating viewpoints we disagree with can be harmful to a relationship with a youth. The best option is empathy, which involves listening and asking questions. Often in a trusting relationship, viewpoints are changed and influenced. (Adapted from Group Publishing 2006 e-mail article by Anne Walker) 8. For further information about the NYG in Ottawa July 6-10, please visit our website www.nyg.lutheranyouth.ca 9. Bente, F. Historical Introductions to the Book of Concord CPH, 1965. THE CANADIAN LUTHERAN March 2007 9
10 THE CANADIAN LUTHERAN March 2007