it together and Kelly Clarkson sung her song called Piece by Piece and the beginning of the song she says:

it together and Kelly Clarkson sung her song called Piece by Piece and the beginning of the song she says: Blended Daddy Issues: Genesis 43:8-10 Pastor Jerome Gay Jr. Announcements: o Today we re going to pray over all of our students. o We re going to pray for Houston. o Vision Youth in the Youth room every Sunday at 9am. o Hurricane Harvey. My five hopes (don t show all five at the same time) 1. That you ll understand God s plan and purpose for the family. 2. That you ll fulfill God s plan and purpose for the family. 3. That your family will thrive spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. 4. That your children will want to emulate the example that you set for them (Deut. 6:6-10). 5. That we ll preserve and produce more godly families. My wife loved the show American Idol and in the beginning, I did too, but overtime I simply lost interest. I think it was the last season and Crystal and I were watching And all I remember is your back Walking towards the airport, leaving us all in your past I traveled fifteen hundred miles to see you I begged you to want me, but you didn t want to But piece by piece, he collected me up Off the ground, where you abandoned things Piece by piece he filled the holes that you burned in me Six years old and you know He never walks away He never asks for money He takes care of me He loves me Piece by piece, he restores my faith That a man can be kind and the father could, stay And all of your words fall flat I made something of myself and now you wanna come back But your love, it isn t free, it has to be earned Back then I didn t have anything you needed so I was worthless Kelly couldn t make it through the song without crying and I won t lie, I cried too, but they were thug tears, but seriously, I cried not simply because of her performance, but because of my personal experiences and my wife s experiences and the more than 20 million American children with similar experiences of having daddy issues. From Jay-Z, to LeBron James, to Drake, to Adele, To Kelly Roland, to Shaquille O Neal, I m a fan of Shaq the Hall of 1

Fame basketball player, I m not as much of a fan of Shaquille O Neal the rapper, but one of his most famous lines was, took me from a boy to a man so I always had a father when my biological didn t bother, in his song Biological Didn t Bother, that line originated with Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth in their song They Reminisce Over You. Daddy issues range from abuse to abandonment and the effects are sometimes generational and may seem insurmountable. When we began this series, I shared my personal experiences with my dad and I have heard many of your stories. There s a glaring similarity that I ve noticed in my story and every story that I ve heard from my wife s to many of yours, a feeling of worthlessness. That s why when Kelly said, Back then I didn t have anything you needed so I was worthless, it connects with so many people because being hurt by your father hurts deeply. Abuse and abandonment from a father typically affects us in two primary ways: 1) An unhealthy craving for authority this leads to a longing for authority that s unhealthy, not because you long for it, but because you feel that you re incomplete without them, which turns into codependency 2) A fear of being hurt by authority because dad wasn t there, you fear that almost every authority figure in your life will hurt you, too, so you reject them because your dad wasn t there to be the voice of authoritative affirmation (titles/good job son/daughter) or authoritative correction (put your guards up, don t cut corners Jamari). Whatever your daddy issues are, I want you know two things: 1. You re not without hope Deuteronomy 7:6 says, For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. 2. God hears your cries I m not sure how many of you are familiar with the story of Ishmael. He was the son of Abraham and Hagar; she was Abraham s servant, when Sarah couldn t conceive she came up with a plan for Abraham to sleep with their servant and from that Ishmael was produced. Ishmael lived in his dad s house right up until his half-brother Isaac was born. Isaac was from Abraham s wife Sarah. Once Isaac stepped into the picture, Ishmael and Hagar were kicked out of Abraham s house and Ishmael was forced to live his teenage and adult years without his father. Can you imagine the level of hurt he felt? Moses gives us a picture of Ishmael s pain in what he wrote in Genesis 21:17, when he records that God heard the voice of the boy. Ishmael cried out to God in his pain and God heard him. Genesis 21:20 says, And God was with the boy, and he grew up. I don t know the details of your story, but I want you to know that God hears your cries and He responds to them with love and grace. Today, we re going to look at how these issues can be passed down if we don t surrender our lives to our true Father (no generational curses in Christ), who never leaves us and whether you re the dad who messed up or the child who was a victim of abandonment, God loves you and desires to be a father to you. Abraham s favoritism and abandonment set the stage for what we ll see happen to his his son, grandson and great grandson s life. 2

Here s the breakdown: Abraham fathered Isaac with his wife Sarah, but before Isaac, he fathered Ishmael, while Isaac was the son of promise this didn t mean that Abraham was to distance himself from his son (Gen. 21:17-21). Isaac fathered Jacob, the drama continued to unfold as scripture tells us that Isaac loved Esau, his oldest son while Rebekah his wife loved Jacob (Gen. 25:28). Jacob was born holding the heel of his brother (Gen. 25:26), so that he was named Jacob, he takes by the heel (cf. Hos 12:3), with the derived meaning to supplant, deceive, attack from the rear. 1 The favoritism shown by Isaac and Rebekah was glaring, when Isaac was older and losing his sight, he told Esau to make him a meal so that he could bless him before he died (Gen. 27:1-4). Rebekah was secretly listening to what Isaac told Esau and devised a plan to trick Isaac so that he would end up blessing Jacob, her favorite. She had Jacob get the items and she made the meal, but there was a problem, Esau was extremely hairy and Jacob was not, this didn t stop her, she had Jacob put on goat s skin on his hands and neck in order to trick her husband (Gen. 27:5-18). Jacob was complicit because he went through with the plan to deceive his father and quickly ran away after receiving the blessing (Gen. 27:18-29). 1 Carl E. DeVries, Jacob, Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1988), 1084. Esau came in unaware of what his mother and brother did and was surprised to find out that his brother received the blessing and as a result, Moses writes that Esau hated Jacob and wanted to kill him (Gen. 27:30-41). Jacob fled from his brother Esau and in chapter 28, he has a dream about ladder that was set up on earth and the top of it reached to heaven (Gen. 28:10-22). This was a prophetic dream fulfilled in Jesus in John s gospel (John 1:51). This is significant, because in the midst of all this family drama, God is letting them and letting us know that he s still at work. Jacob who swindled his father while being in cahoots with his mom ends up getting swindled himself. In chapter 29, he sees a beautiful woman named Rachel, she was so fine that when he kissed her, he cried (Gen. 29:11). He agreed to work 7- years to marry Rachel, but Laban tricked him and after a night of partying he snuck his older daughter Leah in the bedroom and Jacob didn t know until the next morning that it was with Leah (Gen. 29:25). Jacob goes to Laban saying, what have you done to me? The swindler, got swindled and Laban told him that in order to get Rachel, he would need to work another 7-years, to which he obliged. The generational favoritism continued as Moses writes that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah (Gen. 29:30). Jacob had 12 sons with four women. Leah: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar and Zebulun. Rachel: Joseph and Benjamin. Bilhah: Dan and Naphtali. Zilpah: Gad and Asher. Jacob continues 3

the favoritism of his fathers by loving Rachel more than Leah and loving his two sons with Rachel more than his other children. (no excuse for fatherly favoritism/ more stable now ). Jacob had two sons with Rachel and one was named Joseph and Moses tells us that Israel (Jacob) loved Joseph more than any other of his sons (Gen. 37:3). Jacob s favoritism towards Joseph led to his brother s hating him (Gen. 37:4) and once Joseph shared his dream of him being over his brothers, they hated him even more (Gen. 37:5). Again, we see this cycle of favoritism and emotional abandonment. Eventually this led to his brother s selling him into slavery (Gen. 37:12-36). Joseph s life seems to be on a downward spiral as he s falsely accused of sexual assault by Potiphar s wife (Gen. 39:1-23), ends up as a prisoner (Gen. 40:1-23), yet Joseph had a gift of interpreting dreams and while he didn t ask for the immense pain caused by his brothers, Moses tells us that God was with him and whatever he did succeeded (Gen. 39:23). While in prison he interpreted the dreams of a cupbearer and a baker. The cupbearer forgot him (Gen. 40:23) and later remembered him once Pharaoh needed dreams interpreted (Gen. 41:9). Joseph would eventually be promoted to second in command under Pharaoh. Pharaoh s dream would eventually become a reality as a famine hit the land which would be used to reunite Joseph with his brothers and eventually his dad who all thought that he was dead and this lead us to the events that happen in Genesis 43. Gen. 43:1-3 Now the famine was a severe in the land. 2 And when they had eaten the grain that they had brought from Egypt, their father said to them, Go again, buy us a little food. 3 But Judah said to him, The man solemnly warned us, saying, You shall not see my face unless your brother is with you. Take Note Fathers joyfully accept the responsibility of fatherhood. Provide spiritual legacy, needs of the family, authority, affirmation and love. Protect spiritually, emotionally and physically. Remember I told you earlier that a famine hit the land and some of Joseph s brothers were sent to go get grain by their father Jacob, in chapter 42 we continue to see Jacob s favoritism for his children with Rachel: Gen. 42:4 4 But Jacob did not send Benjamin, Joseph s brother, with his brothers, for he feared that harm might happen to him. What is Jacob communicating his other sons? He s worried about Benjamin who granted, in his mind, is his only son left from Rebekah because he thinks Joseph is dead, but he only appears to care about his safety. Favoritism communicates inordinate love and value and we re witnessing generations of hurt and pain from 4

those that weren t considered favorites. This is seen even more in verses 1-3. In chapter 42, Jacob sent all of his sons with the exception of Benjamin and when they got to Egypt they met Joseph, but they didn t know it was Joseph (Gen. 42:8) and to test them he asked about their youngest brother and their father. He (Joseph) told them to bring back their younger brother (Benjamin) and to ensure that they would come back, he kept Simeon (Gen. 42:24). Simeon is one of Jacob s sons from Leah, the woman he didn t love as much as Rachel. Don t miss this, between chapters 42-43 there has been a lot of time that has passed by and Jacob has not shown any compassion for his son, Simeon, who has been in Egypt for some time, but as long as they had food Jacob hasn t shown that he cared and this has sent a message to all of his sons. Don t only show up in your child s life when it s convenient. Father s don t abandon responsibility, they accept the responsibility to father and raise their children, ALL OF THEM! Gen. 43:4-6 4 If you will send our brother with us, we will go down and buy you food. 5 But if you will not send him, we will not go down, for the man said to us, You shall not see my face, unless your brother is with you. 6 Israel said, Why did you treat me so badly as to tell the man that you had another brother? Take Note Fathers accept blame they don t project blame on their children. Jacob is essentially blaming his children for acknowledging the fact that he had another son, he s almost saying, why didn t you lie? Remember, deception isn t something that s foreign to Jacob and keep in mind he s showing emotion about potentially having to send Benjamin, but no emotion was shown for his son who s been in bondage, Simeon. (Pixar s Up movie/8-year old wilderness explorer/one badge away from Senior wilderness explorer/emotional abandonment) Gen. 43:11-14 11 Then their father Israel said to them, If it must be so, then do this: take some of the choice fruits of the land in your bags, and carry a present down to the man, a little balm and a little honey, gum, myrrh, pistachio nuts, and almonds. 12 Take double the money with you. Carry back with you the money that was returned in the mouth of your sacks. Perhaps it was an oversight. 13 Take also your brother, and arise, go again to the man. 14 May God Almighty grant you mercy before the man, and may he send back your other brother and Benjamin. And as for me, if I am bereaved of my children, I am bereaved. Take Note Fathers are called to love differently, but equally. I want everyone to understand the emotional context of this text from the perspective of his sons. Notice what Jacob said in verse 2 of chapter 43: Gen. 43:2 5

2 And when they had eaten the grain that they had brought from Egypt, their father said to them, Go again, buy us a little food. Notice, he told his sons to go buy some grain, in other words, he had no plans of sending his sons with items to offer, but once he realized that Benjamin had to go, he decided to send a little balm, a little honey, gum, myrrh, pistachio nuts, almonds and double the money. Wow, I imagine his sons must be thinking, is this how much Benjamin means to you and are we worth anything to you? Essentially, what Jacob is trying to do is earn favor, but we know that favor with God isn t earned, it s simply granted (Gen. 43:23). As the story unfolds, Benjamin is brought before Joseph and Joseph inquires about his dad and he can take it no longer: Gen. 43:30 30 Then Joseph hurried out, for his compassion grew warm for his brother, and he sought a place to weep. And he entered his chamber and wept there. Joseph was his dad s favorite, but he hasn t seen his father or brothers in years. Your situation may be different, but notice time and space doesn t remove the emotional connection a child has with their father. Don t allow your dad s mistakes to make you emotionally numb. Eventually, Joseph reveals himself and his brothers think that he s going to seek revenge, but he says a famous quote, in Genesis 50:20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. To be clear God, didn t want the generational favoritism nor did He want his brothers to sell him into slavery, the point was God can redeem what we mess up. This is most clearly seen by an unlikely source in this story; Judah. Judah said something interesting in order to get Jacob to agree to send Benjamin so that reconciliation could take place: Gen. 43:8-10 8 And Judah said to Israel his father, Send the boy with me, and we will arise and go, that we may live and not die, both we and you and also our little ones. 9 I will be a pledge of his safety. From my hand you shall require him. If I do not bring him back to you and set him before you, then let me bear the blame forever. 10 If we had not delayed, we would now have returned twice. Here s why this is so significant, Judah was the one who came up with the idea to sell Joseph to the Ishmaelite s (Gen. 37:26-27) and now he s speaking up and willing to take on the blame for Jacob s only son in his mind left from Rachel. In other words, he wants to stand in his place. The other reason this is so significant is because Judah is the fourth born from Leah, the woman that was rejected by Jacob and it s Judah to continue the earthly lineage until we get to Christ: 1. Judah keeps the kingship of the Abrahamic covenant going (Genesis 49:8-12). 2. Judah gives birth to Perez and Zerah (Gen. 38:29) who fathers the men that will eventually father Jesse who fathers David who fathers Solomon and eventually through this long lineage we get to Christ (Matthew 1:1-16). 6

3. Through the womb of the unattractive (according to Jacob), rejected, and neglected Leah would continue to the kingship of Christ and Judah was used to continue that line. The story ends with Jacob blessing ALL of his sons in Genesis 49. Perhaps, he learned from the role he played in his family turmoil and perhaps this ending doesn t seem possible to you, if that s the case I want you to know that you re not left alone nor are you without a father. A title that we don t acknowledge enough is the reality that God is a father. Let s look at how God the father responds to His son. Approves He says that he s well pleased with his son. Keep in mind that Jesus hasn t done anything yet. Authority after chapter 3, Jesus is tempted and the first way Satan tries to tempt Jesus is in the area of His son ship (Matt. 4:3 if you are the Son of God ). In Christ, we re sons and daughter of God and He desires to be our father. 2 Cor. 6:18 18 and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty. Matt. 3:13-17 13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to John, to be baptized by him. 14 John would have prevented him, saying, I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me? 15 But Jesus answered him, Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness. Then he consented. 16 And when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him; 17 and behold, a voice from heaven said, This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased. God the Father: Acknowledges he says this is my son. Accepts He says that he s his beloved son. 7