Whoa! No! Seventh Sunday after Epiphany February 24, 2019 Lynn Japinga Text: Genesis 45:1-15 Luke 6:27-38 So, last Sunday Gordon challenged me to continue the Woe (WOE) theme that was part of his sermon and the one before that. So I did, but you notice from the sermon title that it is spelled WHOA! Because that was my response to reading these texts. Forgive your brothers who put you in a pit and then sold you into slavery? Whoa! No! Love your enemies? Whoa! No! Not gonna happen. Let me emphasize right at the start here, that sometimes Whoa! No! is exactly the right response to the instruction to forgive your enemies. It is absolutely not my place to tell someone who has experienced abuse, or a devastating betrayal, or serious injustice, that they should forgive. Nobody, let alone a visiting preacher, has the right to say to a Holocaust survivor, or a victim of racial injustice, or a victim of a criminal act, that they need to forgive the perpetrator. Sometimes the best way to show love to an enemy is a very loud, STOP THAT! It s hard enough to forgive the smaller offenses that we all experience on a regular basis. In our families, our relationships, our workplaces, our churches, we harm others and are harmed in return. To paraphrase the poet, How do I hurt thee? Let me count the ways. I could give some examples, but I wonder if it might be most helpful to consider your own stories. So think for a minute. 1
Are you angry with someone? Have you been treated unjustly? Have you been betrayed? Are you holding a grudge? You are not alone! It s part of being human. Then ask yourself this. Does that grudge improve your life? Or do you spend too much time being angry and frustrated? Have you tried to let go of it and failed? Again, you are not alone! Why is it so hard to move on and let go of the harmful things that have been done to us? I wonder if the Christian tradition does not always take forgiveness seriously enough. We have sometimes been too quick to tell people to forgive and forget. Get over it. Move on. Let it go. White people have said that to people of color. Powerful people have said it to those protesting injustice. Forgiveness is challenging because we aren t always sure what it means. Are we supposed to forgive and forget? Pretend the bad thing never happened? Do we let the person off the hook? Do we say, Oh, it s okay. No problem, when it actually WAS a big, hurtful problem? It s also difficult to forgive someone when they will not even acknowledge the harm they have done, let alone apologize for it. The classic example of such a non-apology is, I m sorry you were offended. I wonder if it is also difficult to forgive because the injuries we feel are so complicated. It isn t just that someone hurts us. It s that we start to question our judgment. Why did we trust this person? 2
Consider a relationship gone awry. One person suddenly ends a long-term relationship without much explanation. The person who is left is hurt and angry about what seems to be unfair treatment. But he also feels a deep sense of grief and loss. He misses the companionship, the emotional connection. And then he might start to second guess himself. Why was he so trusting? Why didn t he see this coming? How could he be friends with someone who turned out to be so hateful? How could he have been so stupid? This can be even more complicated if someone has been deeply hurt by the church, or a religious institution. A pastor is fired abruptly based on unfair accusations. She is furious over the injustice of it. She feels grief over the loss of her job and her relationships. She also feels betrayed. How could the church act like this? How can an organization that claims to be Christian treat people this way? And she starts to second guess herself. Why didn t she see this coming? How could she have trusted these people? How could she have been so clueless? The offense itself is hard enough to get over. But it is even more difficult to move on when the harm done to us is compounded by grief and loss and selfdoubt. We trusted someone, and we were betrayed. That is not easy to forgive. So given that forgiveness, and reconciliation, and love of enemies is so difficult, do we just hold on to our grudges? That s tempting, but it s also exhausting. It takes a lot of energy to be angry and resentful. Have you ever tried to avoid people that you don t want to talk to at a family gathering or church or the office? It s hard work! 3
We sometimes think of forgiveness as something that we have to do to receive God s forgiveness. If we don t forgive, God won t forgive us. But that seems backwards to me. Forgiveness is a gift that God gives to us first. It s a chance for a fresh start. It s the affirmation that we are God s beloved even when we make a mess of things. It s only when we allow ourselves to receive God s grace that we are able to extend it to others. So perhaps it would be helpful if we thought of forgiveness as a gift that God gives to us and we give to ourselves and to those who have wronged us. Forgiveness doesn t let the other person off the hook for the pain they caused. Instead, forgiveness says, I am going to try to let go of the anger and resentment I feel. I am going to try not to let it control my life. We can do that even if the other person does not apologize or even acknowledge the wrong that s been done. Although for real reconciliation to occur, I think there has to be justice and repentance and truth-telling. What if we gave ourselves some grace? Forgiveness is really hard work. It doesn t seem fair or just. It takes time. It s complicated. It can be helpful to acknowledge the grief and loss and self-doubt that we have been carrying around. We might be angry with ourselves for letting ourselves get hurt, so perhaps being gracious to ourselves is the first step in forgiveness. The second step might be to give the other person some grace. Not to excuse them or let them too easily off the hook, but perhaps they have reasons which seemed perfectly legitimate to them. And again, sometimes giving grace to an enemy or a bully is a loud STOP THAT! 4
When we are trying to forgive people, it might be helpful to lower our expectations. The story of Joseph and his brothers ended with a big Hallmark movie moment where all the brothers were hugging and crying. That is a lot to ask for many of our conflicts. When a family or an institution is broken and people have hurt each other, it might take quite a while before people can embrace in love. Forgiveness takes time, maybe a lot of time, depending on the offense. If we think that any outcome short of one big happy family is a failure, then we are probably destined for failure. The first step of forgiveness might mean that people can actually sit in the same room for a little while, and talk about small things. That is not failure, but progress. Lowering our expectations is especially important when we are thinking about an organization that claims to be Christian. It is particularly devastating when these institutions fail us, and act just as badly as everyone else. We expected so much more from them. But let s face it. People are messed up. Christians are messed up. They treat each other badly on a regular basis. Ideally, religious institutions would all live out Christian values perfectly, and would never mistreat anyone. But that is not the case. If we have a more realistic expectation of the church, i.e., that it is composed of sinful people, then perhaps we will not be so devastated when those people mess up. Finally, we might try what Joseph did. His brothers sold him into slavery. And yet Joseph made this extraordinary statement. Do not be distressed, or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life. It was not you who sent me here, but God. 5
Joseph was able to make sense of the terrible injustice in his life by reframing the story. The brothers did a nasty thing to him. That was undeniable. But somehow, God made it work for good, for life, for the survival of the family in the midst of famine. Joseph didn t excuse his brothers. God did not approve of what they did. But somehow, God brought good out of it. This idea could be a whole other sermon. This strategy is not always appropriate. When bad things happen, it isn t so helpful to say or hear in the moment that God has a plan and will make something good of the death of a child or an act of violence. Sometimes bad things just happen and they are not part of God s plan. But sometimes, later in life, we can look back on our lives and think, yes, it makes sense. A terrible thing that happened and it made me a more compassionate person. Or it put me into my current vocation. Or it led to a new relationship. Many years ago in his book Forgive and Forget, Lew Smedes told a parable about a man who was very unhappy with his wife. Every time he was resentful or angry, he put a stone in his pocket, and soon he was so weighed down that he could barely move. Then he had a change of heart, and every time that he felt a small glimmer of kindness or understanding or compassion towards her, he took one of the stones out of his pocket, and after some he moved more freely with less weight dragging him down. I ve always found that image helpful as I think about the very hard work for forgiving and letting go. It is God s grace that enables us to take the stones out of our pockets, one at a time. It is God s grace that helps us to begin to love our enemies, and move 6
forward. It is not easy. It is hard work. But the good news of the gospel, is that God s love is strong, and it never ends. Whoa. Yes! Amen. 7