The Real You 101: Healthy Boundaries in a Demanding World Jess Ryan, MS : Our Real Work jess@ourrealwork.com Spiritual Boundaries When our spiritual boundaries are intact, we will know ourselves as spiritual beings, no matter the condition of our lives. Whether we are sick or in good health, depressed or happy, in a primary relationship or alone, we will know ourselves as part of the spiritual family of the living and the passed, the visible and invisible, the natural and the supernatural. On the practical level, we will also embrace the fact that we are here on this planet on this time for a specific purpose, a spiritual mission that is ours alone to fulfill. When our spiritual boundaries are healthy, we ll live in accordance with out personal value system that is in accordance with higher spiritual principles. Our spiritual boundaries reflect our ever-enlightening spiritual essence, letting in that which will highlight our spiritual powers and gifts and disseminate love to the world. What do I believe? (I m a sucker for quizzes.) Take this quiz for fun, list your answers below, and share your results in the FB group if you want: http://www.beliefnet.com/entertainment/quizzes/beliefomatic.aspx 1
Body Compass Spirituality (Use the call recording as a guide.) Close your eyes and imagine your self as a child. Imagine yourself as that child in your original family/tribal spiritual belief system (at home, church, ceremony, not at all.) Like the body compass activity, let yourself go there with smells, sensations, colors, and people. Now body compass and notice the sensation in your physical body and describe below. Is it closer to shackles on or off? 2
Open your eyes and take a deep cleansing breath. Close your eyes and imagine your heart center. Cultivate love, compassion, and the most amazing, healing light emanating from your heart. Let that et bigger and move into your boundary: above, below, in front, and behind. Now body compass and notice the sensation in your physical body and describe below. Is it closer to shackles on or off? Reflections about this 3
Creative Activity Who Am I? Close your eyes and answer the question: Who am I Spiritually? How does it feel in your body. THEN use journaling, poetry, music, art, dance to express what comes up. Report back in the FB group. 4
Identify the 7 Spiritual Syndromes Playing Out in Your Life Cyndi Dale talks about 7 spiritual syndromes that result from damaged boundaries. This is another lens to view boundary health. This week, notice how these play out in your life. 1. Paper Doll Syndrome: Those troubled with the Paper Doll Syndrome can t seem to break the chain of sameness that plagues at least one area of their lives. The cycle might center on an addiction, activity, health challenge, or a recurring relationship or work pattern. You can cut the doll out and make it look different on the outside, but it s still the same shape. Resulting most likely from a difficult or traumatic event(s) that have trapped you in a repetitive energetic pattern. 2. Vampire Syndrome: others drain you of energy and it leads to exhaustion. Common with people pleasers, co- dependents, rescuers. Usually comes from a sense of I am only useful/valuable if...i rescue, perform, take on others crap (especially in a family setting). Typically compromises immune system leaving you open for a host of diseases. Joyless and hopeless. 3. Mule Syndrome: If there is work to be done you have to do it. Does the undone stuff of others. Victim of shoulds. Highly stressed. Lots of cording to others. The Mule Syndrome stems from the belief that if there is work to be done emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or physically someone has to do it. And that someone has to be you. In life this shows up as being the one always working, the steam engine getting things done - in a family unity, at work. etc. But doing others work for them, even emotional work, robs them of the right to feel their feelings and heal their own pain and issues. We can only learn from our own problems; we can heal only issues that are our own. 4. Psychic-Sensitive Syndrome: overly sensitive, picking up information from many sources. High concern for others. Over-responsible for their issues. Being a psychic sensitive is a lot like being a no-boundary person, described later, except that you are actually able to hear, see, sense, feel, and understand the energetic data coming into you. And the data is a whole truckload of information, driven by a maniac that can t even read stop signs, much less a road map. You re run over, day and night, by information that you d usually rather not have. 5. Healer s Syndrome: called upon to heal others all the time. Major energy drain. Take on other s illnesses. Boundaries are a swinging door. Like the vampire victim, you are constantly losing energy to those seeking solace, those who would prefer to steal their assistance rather than obtain it in a straightforward way. But like people with the Mule Syndrome, you also take on others issues, often to the point of sheer exhaustion. As a healer, your higher intention is just that: helping and healing others. The problem is you 5
end up with others illnesses and problems, while they get all the energy required for you to live a healthy life. (Takes on AND gives.) 6. No-Boundary Syndrome: boundaries so thin and transparent that they let everything in and everything out. Hyperactive or overwhelmed. (Shows up a lot as ADHD.) Over vigilant. Life in the fast lane. Addictive and compulsive. Sometimes it s hard to convince a noboundary person, especially the hyperactive victim, that forming energetic boundaries will be helpful. If you re used to being full of others feelings, you ve also become accustomed to not having to feel your own. Personally, I d much rather skip feeling my feelings. Why not just hold onto other s energies, constantly replenishing the bolus, so you can avoid your own pesky sensations? 7. Environ Syndrome: extreme sensitivity to environmental events. Strong connection to nature, feeling everything. Extreme allergic reactions and sensitivities to places. Set a new intention in 5 steps by Cyndi Dale One way to heal spiritual boundaries it through awareness and creating a new intention. 1. Release guilt, shame, and blame: At some level, our energy boundaries were violated and are vulnerable because we inadvertently decided it would be safer to have them that way. To take this step, take a few deep breaths and focus on your heart. Sense, see, and feel the damages caused by the current energetic pattern. Allow yourself to feel any guilt or shame you hold about unconsciously creating or continuing this pattern and any anger or blame you have toward others for forcing you into it. Feel the heaviness of this guilt and shame, the burden of the anger and blame. Are you ready to let all of that go? (Please answer.) 6
2. Clear Out Patterns: You had a good reason to energetically respond to the world the way that you did. Your boundaries became unhealthy in order to provide some sense of safety. Acknowledge the original intent and then make a different decision. Visualize the light of your spirit, your soul, the Otherness getting bigger at the heart and let it move through your system carrying the intention to release these old patterns and programming. (List your old patterns.) 3. Set new Intentions and feel/visualize them in your system: You might want to spend some time creating a new intention. Enjoy the process of deciding how you d like your life to really look, feel, and operate. What is of physical importance to you? Emotional? How would you like to feel in your relationships? How would you like to relate with the Divine? Are you ready to accept your spiritual purpose or destiny and be guided into it daily? 4. Ask for support (Who can help and witness your process?) 5. Believe 7
1. What has been challenging about working on Energetic Boundaries this week? 2. 3. 1. Ways I will continue strengthening my Energetic Boundaries 2. 3. Resources: 1. Dale, Cyndi (2011). Energetic Boundaries. Sounds True. 2. Katherine, Anne (2010). Boundaries Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries (p. 14). Hazelden Publishing. 3. http://www.marsvenus.com/blog/john-gray/the-feeling-letter-how-to-resolve-conflictwith-a-loved-one 4. http://karlamclaren.com/ 5. McLaren, Karla (2013). The Art of Empathy. Sounds True. 8