Poisonous Words (Words Can Hurt) Roll Retreat 2006 [Next Slide] Who would like to come try some of these poisons that I have collected here? Just a little taste on the tip of your tongue? Are there any takers? What s wrong, no one wants to try one of them? How but this one? It looks pretty good to me. Why not? Obviously the reason is that you are afraid that a short while after you put them on your tongue, you will become deathly sick, convulse, and eventually die. This session is going to discuss other poisons that many people put into their mouths and think nothing of it. These poisons are just as deadly as those simulated in the bottles up here (yeah, it s not real poison!). I want to introduce to you a concept of game theory. According to game theory, everything that we do in life, all of our choices and decisions are based on two drivers. The choice we make is either for a reward or for the avoidance of punishment or pain. This makes us sound a bit like rats in some cruel science experiment doesn t it? Another concept of game theory is that the reward or punishment is treated similar to the time value of money. In other words, I would rather have a $1 in my pocket today than sometime in the future. So our minds consciously or unconsciously calculate the value of the reward or punishment and if it is to occur in the distant future, then the value is significantly diminished. Let me give you an example. Everyone knows that smoking causes a myriad of health problems such as emphysema, lung cancer, and heart problems. However, there are millions of people out there who still smoke and even more amazing is that there are young kids that are starting the nicotine habit. Why is this? They know the side effects unless they have had their head buried in the sand since birth yet they still start or continue smoking. The reason is that the punishment (i.e. the health 1
problems) is seen as very distant and therefore its severity is significantly diminished. On the flip side, the reward is immediate. I can get an immediate nicotine fix or I can look cool and impress all my friends. This timing disparity can make us make some very bad choices. If lighting up a cigarette resulted in lung cancer or a deadly heart attack in less than a year, I really don t believe there would be too many smokers. So how does this relate to our theme this weekend of Words to Live By? Well, the poisons words that we are going to discuss in this session are much like the cigarettes in terms of timing of the punishment. The final punishment for the continuous use of poisonous words such as talking too much, gossiping, boasting, lying, and angry words might not come until the Day of Judgment. Therefore, people tend to use the poisonous words without much thought to the near or long-term consequences. The foundation we begin by starting off on the right tongue can quickly be destroyed by using the wrong tongue. Many times we manage to achieve the physical part of a good foundation, we help a neighbor or someone in need, but then we manage to tear it down by telling someone how terrible their house looked or how dirty their kids were. [Next Slide] Having and keeping a good verbal foundation is so critical that James even stated: Jam 1:26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion [is] vain. (Jam 1:26 GW) If a person thinks that he is religious but can't control his tongue, he is fooling himself. That person's religion is worthless. James was not one to mince his words. A person who can t bridle their tongue is one whose religion or worship is in vain! We may think to ourselves that hey, its just words, how bad can it be? When each of us was a child, how many times did we here our parents 2
tell us that "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? While words may not make a visible cut or bruise on our bodies, their effect can be just as painful. [Next Slide] In Proverbs 18:21 we are told that they have the power of life and death. Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit--you choose. (Pro 18:20-21 MSG) [Next Slide] Christ reiterates this in Matthew, where he tells us that we can be justified or condemned by our words, Mat. 12:36-37. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. (Mat 12:36-37 KJV) Words are very powerful and it is up to us to decide how we use them. James describes the tongue as a fire and an unruly member. Our tongue, he tells us, is very hard to control, James 3:1-8 [Next Slide]. Jam 3:1-8 KJV (1) My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. (2) For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same [is] a perfect man, [and] able also to bridle the whole body. (3) Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. (4) Behold also the ships, which though [they be] so great, and [are] driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. (5) Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! (6) And the tongue [is] a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. (7) For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: 3
(8) But the tongue can no man tame; [it is] an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. [Next Slide] Our tongue can easily get out of control if we do not try to control it. James tells us that it is full of deadly poison and we should treat it as such. I would like to read this same passage from the Message translation [Next Slide] Jam 3:1-8 MSG (1) Don't be in any rush to become a teacher, my friends. Teaching is highly responsible work. Teachers are held to the strictest standards. (2) And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you'd have a perfect person, in perfect control of life. (3) A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. (4) A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. (5) A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything--or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. (6) A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. (7) This is scary: You can tame a tiger, (8) but you can't tame a tongue--it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. There are many ways by which the words we say can be harmful. One such way is in talking too much. The following story on Tongue Control can yield some wise advice to each of us today. [Next Slide] Tongue Control Once a young man came to that great philosopher Socrates to be instructed in oratory. The moment the young man was introduced he began to talk, and there was an incessant stream for some time. When Socrates could get in a word, he said, "Young man, I will have to charge you a double fee." "A double fee, why is that?" The old sage replied, "I will have to teach you two lessons. First, how to hold your tongue, and then how to use it." In Pro. 10:19 we read that sin can lie in wait in a multitude of words. 4
In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips [is] wise. (Pro 10:19 KJV) As with many things in life, more is not always better. A few words fitly spoken are better than a speech with lots of hot air. Also in Proverbs we are told that even a fool is counted wise if he holds his peace, Pro. 17:27-28 [Next Slide]. He that hath knowledge spareth his words: [and] a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: [and] he that shutteth his lips [is esteemed] a man of understanding. (Pro 17:27-28 KJV) As the saying goes, it is better to sit quiet and appear to look dumb, than to open our mouth and remove all doubt. Talking too much is indicative many times of talking without thinking. When we ramble on, there is always the possibility that we will say something we might regret. Also, by talking too much we might lose the audience of someone who is interested in the Truth. A second way that our words can be harmful is if we use them to gossip. Whenever I think of gossiping, I cannot help but recall a segment from the TV show Hee-Haw. They begin the segment by singing "Oh we're not ones to go around spreading rumors, no really we're just not the gossiping type. Oh you'll never hear one of us repeating gossip, so you better be sure and listen close the first time." This was a funny segment, but spreading rumors is not funny when the rumors are about you. Gossiping seems to be a favorite pastime of many. People do not seem to realize how much harm can be done when they spread gossip. Many times the gossip is unsubstantiated and changes as it is repeated from one person to another. We are told in Proverbs that the words of a talebearer can cause deep wounds, Pro. 18:8. The words of a talebearer [are] as wounds, and they go down into the 5
innermost parts of the belly. (Pro 18:8 KJV) [Next Slide] Undoing Gossip's Harm There was a peasant with a troubled conscience who went to a monk for advice. He said that he had circulated a vile story about a friend, only to find out the story was not true. "If you want to make peace with your conscience," said the monk, "you must fill a bag with chicken feathers, go to every dooryard in the village, and drop at each of them one fluffy feather." The peasant did as he was told. Then he returned to the monk and announced he had done penance for his folly. "Not yet," replied the monk, "Take your bag, make the rounds again and gather up every feather that you have dropped." "But the wind must have blown them all away," said the peasant. Words are easily dropped, but no matter how hard you try, you can never get them back again. Our words can cause harm to ourselves if we are constantly bragging and boastful. We should not try to prop ourselves up in the eyes of man. If praise is to be had, we are told to let another man give the praise, Pro. 27:2 [Next Slide]. Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips. (Pro 27:2 KJV) We accomplish nothing by patting ourselves on the back. The commendation that we desire is from above, 2 Cor. 10:18 [Next Slide]. What you say about yourself means nothing in God's work. It's what God says about you that makes the difference. (2Co 10:18 MSG) Yet another way our words can hurt is to use them to lie and deceive. The hurt caused by using words to deceive can be traced all the way back to the beginning of Genesis, where the serpent deceived Eve. This deception inflicted a pain that continues even until now. A commandment was given to the children of Israel not to lie, Exo. 20:16. Lying can cause much harm and damage, both to the person telling the lie and the person about whom the lie is told. In Proverbs we are told that a deceitful person is like a mad man shooting deadly arrows, Pro. 26:18-19. 6
As a mad [man] who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death, So [is] the man [that] deceiveth his neighbour, and saith, Am not I in sport? (Pro 26:18-19 KJV) We should also communicate truthfully with one another. Lying is an abomination to God as we are told in Pro. 12:22. Pro 12:22 Lying lips [are] abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly [are] his delight. If we are deceitful with one another, we will never be able to gain the trust of someone who is searching for the Truth. Why would someone come to a person who is a known liar to assist them in finding Truth? A child of God should also refrain from gossiping. Gossip, even if it is true can serve to perpetuate strife and anger, Pro. 26:20. Where no wood is, [there] the fire goeth out: so where [there is] no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. It should be our duty to help eliminate strife, not to cause it. Harmful words are many times spoken in haste without thinking. This can happen when we are angered or when we are in a hurry or stressed out. A snappy response or barb can hurt someone without us even realizing what it was we said. We should keep our silence until we can think clearly about what it is that we are going to say. It is better to carefully choose our words in our mind before we open our mouth and say something we will regret later. In Pro. 29:20 we find that a man of hasty words has little hope. A few chapters back we are advised to use soft answers to turn away wrath, Pro. 15:1. These soft answers are ones that are well thought out and not spoken in haste. (Example of boss on golf course--lost respect) When we are tempted to use harmful words in haste, remember to Take 5 cool for 5 minutes. [Next Slide] To help you remember this detail, I want to give each of you a Take 5 candy bar. You can eat it or just carry it with you to 7
remind you to chill before speaking. [Next Slide] Those We Love They say the world is round - and yet I often think it's square, So many little hurts we get From corners here and there. But there's one truth in life I've found While jouneying East and West: We flatter those we scarcely know; We please the fleeting guest, And deal many a thoughtless blow, To those we love the best. copyright 2006 Todd Pope We sometimes use words to intentionally hurt people. These words are spoken to get even, for revenge, to hurt someone the way that they have hurt us. Sometimes we mumble them under our breath or we blurt them out in the heat of anger. Here lies the danger of the tongue that James warned us about earlier. In a perverse kind of way, we may get enjoyment thinking up what we can say to get back at someone. In Wishful Thinking, A Theological ABC, Frederick Buechner writes: "Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back--in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you." The tongue can indeed be a lethal weapon. It can destroy a friendship and sever a bond that took years to develop. David tells us that a tongue can be like a sharp razor, Psa. 52:2-4. Words spoken in anger can hurt like the venom from a poisonous snake, Rom. 3:13-14. Can anyone tell me what this is? (Pause) [Next Slide] (there are 4 items in list) [Next Slide] Sometimes we should consider putting our own tongue into a chock. It might save us 8
and others from a lot of pain and agony! Sometimes it is not only what we say, but the tone of our voice when we say it. How many of us heard our parents say don t you use that tone of voice with me! The following poem tells how our tone can have a disastrous effect: The Tone Of The Voice It is not so much what you say as the manner in which you say it; It is not so much the language you use as the tone in which you convey it. "Come here." I sharply said, and the child cowered and wept. "Come here." I said--he looked and smiled and straight to my lap he crept. Words may be mild and fair but the tone may pierce like a dart; Words may be soft as the summer air but the tone may break my heart; For words come from the mind, grow by study and art-- But tone leaps from the inner self, revealing the state of the heart. Whether you know it or not, whether you mean it or care, Gentleness, kindness, love and hate, envy, anger, are there. Then, would you quarrels avoid and peace and love rejoice? Keep anger not only out of your words--keep it out of your voice. In our communication with others, we should also avoid using foul language, Eph. 4:29. Cursing and swearing have no place in the mouth of a child of God. This is sometimes difficult to avoid when you are around such communication day in and day out. In my opinion, a filthy mouth reflects very poorly on an individual. Our communication should serve to build up and edify. Foul language can in no way assist us in this endeavor. Our tongue, brothers and sisters, can indeed be full of deadly poison as we read in James, but we must strive to place a bridle on it. A bridle that will direct our tongue to the proper form of communication. Our strength alone may not be enough. In these times and others, we can do as David and ask God for assistance, Psa. 141:3. Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. Finally we should strive to fill our minds with the 9
word of God and tune out the harshness of the world. In Psa. 71:8 it says "Let my mouth be filled with thy praise and with thy honour all the day". This is our goal brothers and sisters. While we may regret a word said in anger, we will never be ashamed of words of kindness and compassion. 10