SESSION 3 STICK WITH FORGIVENESS The Point Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. The Bible Meets Life Even in the best of relationships, we will hurt or disappoint one another. It s often easy to forgive a misunderstanding or unintentional mistake, but it s harder when the person knows better and does it anyway. Or the person keeps doing the same thing again and again. Some of us become hesitant to forgive; because by doing so, it feels like we re saying what they did was OK. But just as Jesus forgave us, we are to forgive others. The Passage Matthew 18:21-28,32-33 124 SESSION 3
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY? Matthew 18:21-28,32-33 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 21 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. 22 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 23 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. 24 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 25 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 26 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. 27 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. 28 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 32 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 33 The Setting Jesus had begun preparing the disciples for His coming death and would soon begin His journey toward Jerusalem for that God-ordained appointment. In that process, He laid out for His followers the process for attempting reconciliation with one who sinned against them (18:15-17). Perhaps Jesus teaching sparked a question in Peter s mind, or perhaps the discussion surfaced a question he had pondered for some time. In any event, Peter asked Jesus how many times one should forgive another. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 125
ENGAGE (15 MINUTES) GET INTO THE STUDY ENGAGE: Begin the session with one or more of the Engage Options on the next page. (This is optional. If you d rather skip the Engage Options, just begin with the first discussion question.) SAY: Even in the best of relationships, we will hurt or disappoint one another. It s often easy to forgive a misunderstanding or unintentional mistake, but it s harder when the person knows better and does it anyway. Or the person keeps doing the same thing again and again. Some of us become hesitant to forgive; because by doing so, it feels like we re saying what they did was OK. But just as Jesus forgave us, we are to forgive others. DISCUSS: Invite students to discuss the question, When was the last time it cost you a lot to fix something? ITEM Leader Pack: Use the Clean Slate poster to help in discussion of the session s topic of forgiveness. GUIDE: Call attention to The Point. Explain that this is the key idea to keep in mind throughout the session. THE POINT 13 Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. READ: Read and summarize The Bible Meets Life for your group. Sometimes we re better off paying a higher price. Ever bought the generic brand of peanut butter, only to discover you should ve paid the higher price to get something that actually tasted like peanut butter? Ever bought a cheap toy or gadget, only to replace it a year later because its low price was matched by its low quality? Have your parents ever tried to save some money by staying in an inexpensive hotel room, only to discover management kept their prices down by not investing in bug extermination? A lot of things come at a high price, but they re worth it. I d put forgiveness in that high-priced category. But even though it can be costly, forgiveness is a great investment in any relationship. Forgiveness is the stuff of healthy friendships, healthy families, and healthy churches. Relationships grow when we let go of a hurt, a wound, or a critical remark. As you examine Jesus story of the unforgiving servant, let the Word of God challenge you and the Holy Spirit remove any remnants of resentment and unforgiveness. PRAY: Transition into the session by praying that the Lord remind students about the importance of forgiveness in their own lives. 126 SESSION 3
Engage Options YY Lead with Action Have a leader or volunteer stand at the front of the room on a tarp with a raincoat on and the hood up over his or her head. Start to pour water over the volunteer s head, slowly. Note that the water simply rolls off of the coat, never touching the person. Then, have the volunteer remove the coat and again pour the water slowly. Say, When we refuse to forgive others, it can build up a barrier between us and those we love. The less we are willing to forgive, the harder our hearts become toward our relationships. God calls us to forgive freely. YY Lead with Atmosphere Display a bottle of aloe vera at the front of the room. Ask, Has anyone ever used this? What is it for? Allow for brief discussion. Say, Aloe vera has an important purpose: soothing when we ve been burned. That is much like forgiveness. When we choose to forgive, it is like we are offering a soothing medicine to our friends and relationships. YY Lead with Media Find the clip Freeing Javert from the film Les Misérables. Show this clip and then say, When given the choice to execute his nemesis, Valjean instead chooses to free him. In this decision, he shows incredible mercy. Forgiveness must be central to any relationship that we expect to grow. We must follow Christ s example and extend mercy to others. Without this forgiveness, relationships are doomed to fail. OPTION: Post synonyms of forgiveness all around the meeting space. Words like: grace, mercy, pardon, etc. Ask your students: Based on what you see, what one word comes to mind? OPTION: Search the Internet and find a video of Matthew West s song Forgiveness that displays the lyrics. Play the video and ask your students to reflect on the lyrics. Ask them what words about forgiveness stood out the most to them. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 127
IMPART (10 MINUTES) STUDY THE BIBLE The Point: Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. MATTHEW 18:21-22 21 MATTHEW 18:21-22 DISCUSS: Lead students to discuss the question, What is your process of forgiveness? Do you initiate it or do you wait for the other person to apologize first? GUIDE: Lead students to understand Jesus explanation of how many times we should forgive. We re going to look at a parable Jesus spoke about forgiveness, but He told the parable in response to a curious question Peter asked. Since Peter was a leader among the 12 apostles, he often spoke for the group. All the disciples may have been wondering about this question, but we know Peter was the one who asked if there was a quota on grace. How many times are we called to let the same person off the hook? It s a legit question. Peter proceeded to speculate at the answer to his own question. He filled in the blank with the number seven, the number of completeness. The rabbis of that day challenged people to overlook an offense up to three times. Three strikes and you re out. To Peter s way of thinking, he was being generous. Forgiving someone seven times more than doubled the cultural expectations for grace. Peter upped the ante on grace, doubling the grace of the religious leaders and even raising the bar an extra notch beyond that. Peter was probably feeling pretty good about himself in this moment, perhaps like we might feel giving a waitress a $50 tip on a $20 dinner. In these rare moments of bigheartedness, we like to pat ourselves on the back. Jesus surely stunned Peter with His response: I take your seven and raise it seventy fold. Seventy times seven or seventy seven times are both possible interpretations of Jesus forgiveness formula. Either route you take, the point is perfectly clear: the grace you offer to others should have no limits. Few people are ever offended 50, 60, or 70 times by the same person in a short time. The Lord is exaggerating here for effect, creating a ridiculous scenario to capture the attention of the disciples. Essentially, he says: Even if your brother insults you a 78th time or a 491st time, forgive and let it go. Don t keep track; just keep forgiving. 128 SESSION 3
Commentary MATTHEW 18:21-22 [VERSE 21] Peter had just heard Jesus teaching His followers to seek reconciliation when wronged by other believers. The Lord s words stirred an important follow-up question in Peter s heart. Verse 21 begins with a word that means then or at that time, showing us that Peter s question may have been prompted by what he had just heard Jesus say. Peter wanted to know how far Jesus expected him to go in forgiving, especially when the other person repeated the offense. Peter asked specifically about how to respond to a brother who sinned against him repeatedly. Though the principle Jesus taught in this passage applies to how Christians are to forgive all people, it speaks most directly to how Christians are called to forgive one another. Peter had his own idea about how far forgiveness needs to go. He may have known that some rabbis of his time taught that you should forgive someone as many as three times for the same offense, but no more. Peter, realizing that Jesus was calling believers to practice forgiveness in a greater way, asked where the new line is to be drawn. When he asked Jesus if he should forgive others as many as seven times, he was trying to find the higher standard Jesus required. TIP: Be willing to discuss difficult questions and topics. Create a safe environment for students to share and ask questions. [VERSE 22] Jesus answered Peter by telling him that believers must always practice forgiveness, no matter how many times others sin against them. Believers can t draw a line at any number of offenses and claim that forgiveness is no longer the disciple s way of dealing with being wronged. The number Jesus gave in His reply to Peter can be translated seventy-seven times or 70 times seven, but the specific number doesn t change the meaning of His answer. For Christians, forgiveness must be unlimited. Teachers of this passage must be mindful of how some learners may misunderstand or misapply its message. Jesus was not teaching Christians to remain in abusive relationships. Christians are called to accept moments of mistreatment from the lost in the process of sharing the gospel, but not to resign themselves to being dehumanized or endangered by another person s constant abusive behavior. When a believer ends a destructive relationship, forgiveness remains a critical issue. Staying in an abusive relationship and seeking reconciliation may not be wise or safe. Forgiving the offender in the privacy of one s own heart allows the injured person to make peace with the past and move forward in life. LifeWay offers an excellent resource for those dealing with these issues. Making Peace with Your Past by Tim Sledge offers practical help for those who need to learn the difference between forgiving and surrendering to abuse. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 129
IMPART (10 MINUTES) STUDY THE BIBLE The Point: Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. MATTHEW 18:23-27 23 MATTHEW 18:23-27 SUMMARIZE: Explain how we too have been forgiven of an insurmountable debt. To drive home His shocking seventy times seven statement to Peter, Jesus told a parable. This was not a actual story, but an illustration of the truth Jesus wanted to teach. The parable is about a man with a major debt crisis. He owed the king a crazy amount of cash and had no means of paying it off. When the king called in the note, the indebted man fell face down on the ground, begging his master to give him additional time to pay it all back. The king was seasoned and wise. He knew this man could burn the candle at both ends, working 24-7 for the rest of his life, and still not produce the cash required to pay this bill. What was the king to do? In an astonishing act of grace and mercy, the king relieved the man of his responsibility and pardoned the debt. All of it. In Jewish parables, a king symbolized God and the idea of settling accounts symbolized judgment. Each of us is like the servant with an incredible debt. How big is our debt? Jesus used the outrageous amount of 10,000 talents. Jesus was using hyperbole to make a point. A talent was the highest denomination of currency at that time, and 10,000 was the largest number in the Greek language. A worker typically earned one denarius a day, and it took 6,000 denarii to equal one talent. To earn one talent, then, would take about 16.5 years. And with a debt of 10,000 talents, it would take this debtor 16,000 years to pay off his debt! That is an impossible feat. DISCUSS: Guide students to discuss the question, Since Jesus has forgiven us, what hinders us from forgiving others? SAY: Similarly, our debt of rebellion and offense against God is so huge it is an impossible feat for us to pay off the debt. But Jesus paid the debt in full for us, and God has forgiven the debt. We do not deserve forgiveness, but God in His grace and mercy has extended forgiveness to us through Jesus. We are free! DO: Have students complete the Action Point, Forgive Because You Are Forgiven. Forgive Because You Are Forgiven Most people have a list of what they believe are unforgiveable actions. List those actions here, and then share with the group how most people usually respond compared to how Jesus expects His followers to respond. 130 SESSION 3
Commentary MATTHEW 18:23-27 [VERSE 23] This verse begins with Jesus saying, for this reason. This phrase means, In order to present this truth in a way you can understand, I will tell you an earthly story that illustrates the spiritual truth about forgiving you need to learn. Jesus often introduced parables by saying He was making a comparison between a familiar life experience of His hearers and the lesson He wanted to teach them about God s kingdom (Mark 4:30). Jesus told a story about a slave s accountability to his king. A king in Jesus time had absolute authority over his subjects, the right to make any decision about them, including the choice of sparing or taking their lives. [VERSES 24-25] Though scholars have differing ideas about the exact value of a talent as a unit of money, they all agree that a debt of 10,000 talents represented an astronomical figure that no one could hope to repay. This would be like an hourly worker in our time attempting to pay off our national debt. This incredible sum represents the debt each of us as sinners owes to God a debt so large that we have no hope of paying it off. In the ancient world a creditor had the right to sell a debtor and his family into slavery and sell all of the debtor s possessions to recover some portion of what he was owed. In this case, selling everyone related to this debtor and everything he owned would recover only a very small portion of this slave s debt. This part of the story illustrates that while each of us stands alone in our accountability before God, the sins we commit threaten to enslave not only us, but everyone close to us and everything we value. [VERSE 26] Frantic to keep himself and his family out of prison, this slave made promises he had no way to keep. He fell facedown before his master, showing that the slave recognized his king s authority and his own helpless position. He realized this was not a conversation between equals. His master had all the power and the slave had nothing with which to bargain. [VERSE 27] Jesus described two important aspects of the master s response to his slave s desperate pleas for patience. First, the master had compassion on his hopelessly indebted slave. This same word, compassion, is often used to describe Jesus and His attitude toward the needs of people. But for Jesus, compassion was always more than an inward feeling. Every time Jesus is described as feeling compassion, He acts on that feeling by ministering to the person in need (see Matt. 20:34; Mark 1:41; 6:34; Luke 7:13-15). This leads us to the second truth Jesus teaches in describing the master s response to his slave: the master s compassionate attitude motivated him to act in mercy. The master released his servant from the sentence of imprisonment his indebtedness had rightly earned him. The master also forgave the unpayable loan. Another form of this same word is often used in the New Testament to describe God s forgiveness of our sins. TIP: Don t underestimate praying for your students. Make it a habit to pray for each student by name prior to each meeting. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 131
IMPART (10 MINUTES) STUDY THE BIBLE The Point: Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. 28 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? MATTHEW 18:28,32-33 32 MATTHEW 18:28,32-33 READ: Read or ask a volunteer to read the following: The king set the man free from his enormous debt. He was allowed to run free, but unfortunately, he ran in the wrong direction. He ran after someone who owed him money. The second man s debt was not small, but it was insignificant compared to the debt just canceled. The second man s debt was 100 denarii, about three month s wages, but what s that compared to 60,000,000 denarii 16,000 years wages? Jesus story was designed to produce outrage in the hearts of the hearers. Jesus wanted Peter and the others to ask themselves the question: What kind of person would be so cruel as to require his friend to pay, right after he just got pardoned? To use modern lingo, why would this man not choose to pay it forward? Herein lies the real question. Why do we behave like this? Why do we withhold forgiveness when we ve been forgiven so much, and when we have it in our power to give it so easily? We can wrongly rationalize lots of reasons for postponing forgiveness, but one of the leading reasons for withholding grace is the desire to teach the offender a lesson. Sometimes we think our offer of forgiveness could send the wrong message. If I forgive and let go of the offense, he will think I am condoning his behavior, which could encourage him to keep doing wrong. Therefore, I would be contributing to his downfall and would allow him to hurt me again. Practicing tough love is not out of bounds in the Bible. The local church occasionally and collectively will alienate a believer who shames the name of Jesus by a sinful lifestyle (1 Cor. 5:9-13). Church discipline exists to drive a person to the place of sorrow, repentance, and restoration. But that does not preclude the act of forgiveness. SAY: Forgiveness is not always easy, but it is always right. Only a heartless, cruel person would make a friend pay a petty bill in the wake of his own extravagant pardon. DISCUSS: Invite students to answer the question, How does knowing that forgiveness is an act of worship affect your view of forgiveness? 132 SESSION 3
Commentary MATTHEW 18:28,32-33 [VERSE 28] Had Jesus concluded this parable at verse 27, we could celebrate a happy ending and learn a great truth about God s mercy toward sinners. But the story is not over. Verse 28 begins with the word but, signaling a sudden detour and an unexpected destination. The slave who had just been forgiven a debt he could never hope to repay encountered one of his fellow slaves who owed him 100 denarii. This second slave owed about three months wages not a trivial amount, but a debt that could be paid back over time. When the forgiven servant realized he was in the presence of someone indebted to him, he reacted in anger and arrogance. He grabbed him, thinking so little of his fellow slave that he assumed he would run away if not physically restrained. He began choking him, acting as though repayment of this small debt was more important to him than his fellow servant s life. Though his debtor offered the same plea for patience, in almost the same words the first slave had spoken to the king, the slave did not even consider the request. Instead, he had his fellow slave thrown in prison. [VERSE 32] The king heard from some of his other slaves that the slave he had forgiven imprisoned a fellow slave for a small debt. He summoned the slave he had forgiven to appear before him to give account of his behavior. We, too, will stand before God and give account of our lives, including the way we, as people forgiven by God, have treated those who have wronged us. The king declared this slave was wicked. In what way had this slave been proven wicked? He failed to make the connection between receiving mercy from his master and giving mercy to his fellow slave. TIP: Usually when students hear the word worship, their minds think of music, songs, hands raised, Sunday morning service, etc. Emphasize that worship is more than an act expressed on Sunday at church; we can worship God with our daily choices. [VERSE 33] Verse 33 summarizes the central truth about forgiveness Jesus was teaching through this parable. The master told his wicked slave that the gift of forgiveness he had received should have changed his life. He should have remembered the king s great act of mercy and allowed that life-changing moment to guide him in every relationship. When the king said Shouldn t you also have had mercy he was calling the slave to make the connection between receiving mercy and offering it to others. Jesus, when asked to name the greatest commandment, brought together two Old Testament Scriptures, one calling us to love God with all that we are (Deut. 6:5) and the second calling us to love others as we love ourselves (Lev. 19:18), to form what we commonly call the Great Commandment (see Matt. 22:34-40). In so doing, Jesus created a connection that cannot be separated between our relationship with God and our relationships with others. We cannot claim to belong to God on the basis of His grace while relating to each other in terms of keeping a record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 133
IMPACT (10 MINUTES) APPLY IT READ: Ask for a volunteer to read aloud a few ways students can take what they have learned and Apply It. YY The small bill. Think of someone who recently hurt you in a minor way. TIP: If your church has a counseling department, or you know people that do professional Christian counseling, recommend those outlets for students. There may be some wounds so deep that some students can t get past in order to forgive. Let the students know that people are available who can help them get to the point where they can forgive the huge bill. The person is not aware of this minor offense, but the moment still stings a little. Tear up the bill in your mind and let the person off the hook. YY The medium bill. Think of someone who has been an ongoing struggle to deal with, a frequent thorn in your side, so to speak. This person has caused you no small amount of trouble. Ask God to help you see this person as He does and remove the resentment and unforgiveness you feel. YY The huge bill. Think of the person who has caused you enormous pain and heartache. This could be a disappointing family member, a disloyal friend, or a sharp-tongued critic. Forgive and apply grace, even as you have experienced God s grace and forgiveness. GUIDE: Lead students to consider which of the three suggested responses to the Bible study most closely applies to them and their current circumstances. ASK: Which of these responses do you personally need to focus on most as you live this session out? Allow time for responses. WRAP UP PRAY: Close in prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to heal students and help them forgive, even when it s difficult. ASK: Ask students about last week s Live It Out options. Discuss any responses and encourage students as they choose to apply the Bible to their lives. GUIDE: Encourage students to complete one or both of the Live It Out activities for the week. Let them know you will discuss them next time you meet. For free online training on how to lead a group visit MinistryGrid.com/web/BibleStudiesForLife 134 SESSION 3
LEADER LIVE IT OUT To find the One Conversation for all ages, visit www.biblestudiesforlife.com. Before the session, challenge yourself to grow with your students through this Live It Out. Selfish Forgiveness Matthew 18:28,32-33 Notes: One of the things that breaks God s heart is when people He has forgiven don t forgive others. Emotionally, it s understandable when people have wounds that they feel need to be healed before forgiveness is given. Unfortunately, the wounds from others who hurt us don t start healing before we forgive; they begin after we have forgiven. If you don t believe that, just look at Calvary. Our Savior started the process of salvation when He spoke His first words on the cross, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. If you are waiting to get healed first before you start forgiving, you ve got this forgiveness thing backwards. Follow the formula given to us by our Savior. Forgiveness = Healing. Not the other way around. Write down the people who have sinned against you that you have not forgiven yet. Pray for Christ s strength to forgive those individuals, then set up a time when you can tell them to their faces that you forgive them. Challenge yourself to get this done in 30 days or less. YY If the wound caused by someone else is too deep that you have trouble forgiving, then please seek counseling from a spiritual advisor or professional therapist. ONE CONVERSATION Scripture: Matthew 18:21-28, 32-33 Topic: Forgive Use these discussion starters to help foster a spiritual conversation with your family. THE BIBLE MEETS LIFE: Even in the best of relationships, we will hurt or disappoint one another. It s often easy to forgive a misunderstanding or unintentional mistake, but it s harder when the person knows better and does it anyway. Or the person keeps doing the same thing again and again. Some of us become hesitant to forgive; because by doing so, it feels like we re saying what they did was OK. But just as Jesus forgave us, we are to forgive others. STUDENTS THE POINT: Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness. Are you quick to forgive others? Why or why not? Examine your heart for any bitterness that you ve allowed to grow. Discuss the following quote: Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me. 1 Anonymous 1. Stephanie Sarkis, 30 Quotes on Forgiveness, Psychology Today, 1 February 2011, [cited 14 September 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.psychologytoday.com. LIVE IT OUT: Your student has been encouraged to do one or both Live It Out activities in the Personal Study Guide. Here are some suggested ways to help your student: If he or she plans to complete Forgiveness Unlimited: Discuss the importance of confessing sin to the Lord. Pray with your student, thanking God for His immeasurable forgiveness toward us. If he or she plans to complete Selfish Forgiveness: Make yourself available to your student to talk as he or she learns to forgive people who may have hurt him or her. Model forgiveness in your home this week by extending grace to your spouse, children, and friends. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 135