SPEAKING SUPPLEMENTS TOPIC 8. APOLOGIZING ADAPTED TOPIC CARD: Describe a person who has apologised to you. You should say Who this person is When this happened What this person said for apologising and explain how you feel about the apology EXAMPLE NOTES Merri flatmate in Australia very first friend when landed this country Last Christmas 2 film ticket voucher from teacher award high score Merri enter my head appointment on Christmas day 2:00PM scheduled to show up at 1:30PM but didn tgave rings not pick up -> Furious, hit the ceiling Sent a message humble and sincere mom collided by a car- Merri take care of her in hospital no phone charger- out of battery- couldn t contact Guilty- too aggressive- know nothing about her situation- not a friend indeed- drew a lessondon t jump to conclusion impose st on sb without knowing the cause SAMPLE TALK: I m going to talk about the person who used to say sorry to me. It was one of my flatmate in Australia, whose name is Merri. I can say, Merri is the very friend that I had when I just landed this country Well, to begin the speech, I think I would like to mention when and how it occurred. Last Christmas, I got 2 film ticket vouchers for free from my teacher as an award after achieving high score in exam. Sort of fancy, you know. And the one to enter my head right straight away that I would invite to joy the time with me was definitely Merri. So the appointment was already set exactly on the Christmas day at two PM. I was so excited that I couldn t wait until 2 so I decided to leave home soon and wandered around the city to shorten the time. As scheduled previously, Merri was supposed to show up at the theature at 1:30, she still didn t. I gave her so many rings, but she didn t pick up the phone. I hit the ceiling, I mean I was so furious. 1 P a g e
A day later merri sent me a message in a very humble and sincere way that her mom was collided by a car and she had to take care of her mom at the hospital. Merri also explained that her phone was out of battery because of spending the whole day at the hospital without the phone charger so she couldn t contact me. Finally If I still have time I would like to talk about my feeling after receiving her apology. I felt very guilty for being too aggressive while knowing nothing about her situation. I also had a thought that I wasn t her good friend indeed. I drew a lesson from this incident about judging someone. Anything happen with its own reason. Don t jump to the conclusion or impose st on someone without knowing the cause => Vocabulary in the sample talk enter one s head: chợt nghĩ đến wander around: đi lang thang, đi dạo be supposed to: đáng lẽ ra phải give someone a ring: gọi cho ai hit the ceiling: tức giận collide something/somebody: đâm vào cái gì /ai friend indeed: bạn tốt draw a lesson: rút ra bài học jump to the conclusion: vội đi đến kết luận impose something on someone: áp đặt cái gì lên cho ai humble: khiêm tốn, khúm núm sincere: chân thành aggressive: hung hăng furious: giận giữ guilty: tội lỗi 2 P a g e
RELATED ARTICLE (1) Why is it so hard to say I m sorry? Apologizing shows those you love that you care enough, says Dr. Ludwig We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. So why is apologizing so darn difficult to do? Most of us like to be the recipient of a heartfelt apology, but giving is different from receiving, isn't it? As I'm sure you've figured out, there are many reasons why saying "I'm sorry" is such a challenging endeavor. First of all, who likes to admit they're wrong? It's NOT fun! Believe me, I know. I've had lots of practice. Sometimes it's the fear of rejection that makes an apology so hard to say. The prospect of getting a cold shoulder, not being forgiven or losing a friend can understandably be unsettling, especially when it comes from someone you still love, care about and want to maintain a relationship with. Sometimes people feel that initiating an apology is a sign of weakness. Apologizing can make some people feel vulnerable, or feel like they are in danger of losing their power and status. Others simply equate saying "I'm sorry" with admitting they're inadequate or incompetent, which makes admitting mistakes so much harder to do. Some people find saying they re sorry humiliating. Perhaps they were criticized harshly by parents or other important people while growing up, and as a result avoid admitting mistakes because of the horrible feelings it brings up. Some people prefer to stay in denial. Their logic goes something like this: If you don't admit you've done anything wrong, then it's almost like not doing anything wrong at all. If there is no admission of fault, then there is no need to take responsibility. If it were only that easy! Some view giving 3 P a g e
an apology in very black-and-white terms. Giving an apology is like being the "loser" and the person receiving the apology is the "winner." The one who is wrong needs to ask forgiveness from the one who is right. Understandably, that's not a fun thought. Sometimes it's our pride or ego that gets in the way. And, of course, those who lack empathy can have a hard time embracing another person's feelings or perspective altogether, which makes saying sorry virtually impossible to do. Apologies aren't supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be soul-baring. That's why, when done right, they are so powerful and rehabilitative. It's hard to admit that we've hurt someone's feelings or caused someone pain, whether it's intentional or not. It's also hard to see ourselves in a lessthan-positive light. It requires taking off the blinders we wear and facing our flaws. Saying sorry is meant to make us feel vulnerable. How could it not? But here's the thing: It's really important to do in order for us to have healthy 4 P a g e
relationships. We all want and need to feel safe with the people we allow into our inner circle. We want to know that the people we are close to care about how we feel and are willing to admit their flaws. Not taking responsibility for wrongdoings makes us seem unsafe or untrustworthy. And withholding an apology is certainly not going to win us any friends! Saying you're sorry shows those you love that you care enough about them and the relationship to be aware of your shortcomings and take responsibility for your hurtful actions. In the end, making things right is way more important than being right. 5 P a g e
RELATED ARTICLE (2) The Power of Apologizing: Why Saying Sorry Is So Important By Kelsey Frizzell Sincere apologies are for those that make them, not for those to whom they are made. ~Greg LeMond When I was growing up, every time I took my sister s toy or called my brother names, my mother would grab me by the wrist and demanded that I offer an apology. What s more, if the apology didn t sound meaningful enough to her, I had to repeat it until my tone was genuine. An apology was the basic reaction to any mistake. Now that I m older, I see apologizing as more than just a household rule. My younger self didn t understand the complexities of human pride and self-righteousness, but my older self does. 6 P a g e
Now, I see family members refusing to talk to each other for years after an argument just because neither side wants to be the first to let go of their pride and break down and apologize. But who decided apologizing was a sign of weakness? I think we ve reached a day and age where showing emotional vulnerability can be viewed as a positive rather than a negative quality. People are becoming more aware of ideas like empathy and sensitivity, and everywhere we are being encouraged to talk about our feelings, to seek help, and to connect with others. Gone are the days of keeping everything bottled up inside to suffer alone. As we move forward in this time of self-knowledge and self-discovery, it s vital to acquire the ability to recognize our own mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and we all will do something to hurt another person at some point in our lives. The difference, however, lies acknowledging that we have done something wrong. This was hard for me to grasp, because I was taught that an apology should be an automatic response. It took me a long time to realize what it meant to say I m sorry from the heart. Apologizing just for the sake of apologizing is meaningless. We cannot genuinely apologize if we can t admit to ourselves that we made a mistake. This is where humility comes in. Can we look at ourselves in the mirror and say that it was at least partly our fault? Can we take that responsibility? Placing the blame on someone else is easy. Making excuses and skirting the subject is easy. Assuming the full weight of blame on our own shoulders, however, is very hard. I learned this the hard way with a childhood friend of mine. As we grew older, we started becoming more competitive in the things we did together, and eventually the playful competition went a little too far. It became a game of silently trying to prove who was better, and we ended up hurting each other over our pride. We refused to apologize or even address what was going on because neither wanted to be the one to give in. 7 P a g e
The tension kept growing, breaking apart our friendship. I wish I could go back now, because if I had taken responsibility for the mistakes I made, we probably could have resolved it easily and saved our friendship. Instead, I let my pride take priority over my relationships with the people around me. Learning to apologize is the first and most important step in the healing process. Not only does it show the recipient that you acknowledge their right to feel hurt, but it opens the way to forgiveness. It seems so silly, really. I mean, it s only two tiny words. How can something so small be so powerful? Well, there have been various scientific studies on the power of apologizing, which have demonstrated that when the victim receives an apology from his offender, he develops empathy toward that person, which later develops more quickly into forgiveness. This is due to the fact that when we receive an apology, we feel that our offender recognizes our pain and is willing to help us heal. Timing is an important aspect to keep in mind, as well, because sometimes the other person might not be ready to accept your apology. Sometimes we need to allow time to heal the wounds a little bit before we come forward to say I m sorry. An apology cannot undo what has been done, but it can help ease the pain and tension of the aftermath. It gives hope for rebuilding, and puts value on the relationship rather than the individual s pride. Sometimes people don t even realize the hurt they are creating around them by failing to take responsibility for their actions. Maybe it s you, maybe it s someone you know, but everyone knows someone who has suffered from this at some time. Now is the time to make a change. Often times those two simple words are worth more than a lifetime of excuses and explanations. Choose the path of humility. Choose the path of healing. Choose love above pride. Choose to apologize. 8 P a g e