MAKING AMENDS Observant Jews around the world have just come to the end of the Days of Awe, the holiest days in the Jewish religious year which begin with Rosh Hashanah, the New Year, and end with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Each of the world s major monotheistic religions, Christianity, Islam and Judaism, are ethically based religions, concerned with behavior as well as belief. Each follows a sacred calendar that shapes the religious lives of its followers. For Jews the holiest time is these past ten days, the Days of Awe; for Christians it is the season of Easter which begins with 40 days of Lent, and for Muslims it is the month of fasting called Ramadan. While each of these holy times is distinctly different, they have one significant thing in common they are all times of introspection and of repentance. They are all times to take stock of one s own life, to acknowledge one s shortcomings and to turn again toward God, toward Goodness. The goal of this process is neither regret or change for change s sake, it is transformation and spiritual renewal. We too are beginning a new church year, in a newly repainted and repaired old home. Through working together to beautify our space, through restructuring committees, through opportunities to reflect on your past and future such as the day long all congregation gathering at the end of next month, through dialogue groups and individual conversations, we will have many opportunities to take stock, to acknowledge mistakes and disappointments, and to move confidently and compassionately into the future.
What might we learn from the Days of Awe which might guide us on our own individual and collective journey? While Yom Kippur and its long and moving service is focused on confession and prayer, on getting right with God, the nine days preceding it, are more focused on the making amends, on getting right with other people. Confession is thought of as between an individual and their Higher power. It does demand a kind of ruthless honesty and a willingness to hold oneself accountable. In 12 step programs it would respond to step four Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and five Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. One can see the relationship to the rite of confession in the Catholic tradition. Where the penitent reviews his or her mistakes or sins, tells these to a priest, (and through the priest to God, and seeks absolution. I think that sincere confession it can help relieve guilt and a willingness to begin again that can lead to behavioral change. It can lead to significant change from within. What it does not necessarily do is help to rebuild those damaged bridges between the wrong-doer and those who feel hurt or disempowered; it does not in itself seek to restore justice. Making amends is also different from apologizing though often an apology is an important component. An apology is typically thought of as saying I m sorry. And to quote one writer it often involves expecting a response of acceptance, pardon or forgiveness. With amends we state our errors, our role in the incident and that we will correct our behavior in the future. We
may or may not ask for forgiveness. We may or may not experience a positive response. In many cases our changed behavior indicates a stronger amends than words ever could. In the 12 Step Recovery process making amends relates to the 8 th and 9 th steps. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing make amends to them all. And made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. The 12 step Guide describes making amends as an opportunity to choose the kind of person we would like to become, by making amends we admit we are human like everyone else and cease to set ourselves apart from others. We do not beat ourselves up for making mistakes. We merely admit we made them. And do what we can to correct them. Our actions show that we have enough respect for ourselves and others to own up to the harm we have done. We commit ourselves to justice. We demonstrate that we wish to be fair, honest, and mature the purpose is to do what we can to heal ourselves and our relationships and to set ourselves free. Freedom and accountability. Freedom through accountability My ethics class at Harvard began with a discussion about the 10 Commandments. The Professor remarked that ethics, unlike morality, is not primarily about being a good individual but rather about how we can best live together in community. The Hebrew people found themselves wandering in the desert for 40 years with very few provisions. It was not what they had expected or hoped for, and like many people in difficult circumstances they were prone to turn on their leaders or each other. They desperately needed some rules that could enable them to live safely together.
Judaism (and I might add Islam) have a very strong communal focus. It is not only essential to be right with God but to be right with each other. They also draw (sometimes uncomfortably) clear lines between what is acceptable and non-acceptable behavior. In the often harsh climate of the desert, survival required being able to rely on and trust each other. While confession is good for the soul, making amends is necessary for a safe and resilient community. This congregation has been through a challenging time over the past couple of years for a number of reasons. There have been many losses of members and ministers, changes of meeting places, and a general sense that things were not as many wished them to be. The Interim period presented an opportunity for creating and accepting a newly worded statement of Mission and Vision and the possibility of establishing a renewed sense of identity and purpose. And I have joined you on that journey. I trust that love and truth will lead us in the right direction. Love is the doctrine of this church, the quest for truth its sacrament. Love and truth -- neither can exist without a willingness to be accountable for our actions and be willing to make amends when we, even inadvertently, do that which we ought not to have done or not done what we ought to have done. Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. Timothy Keller Minister of Presbyterian Church in NYC
The covenant which was voted in last April states clearly some of the ways in which we pledge to be with one another. Along with the general statement were a number of specific expectations. As was mentioned at the meeting in April some of these may change with some no longer needing to be explicit and with new guidelines created as we grow and change. However no matter how imperfect or incomplete these guidelines may be, I think it will hinder the growth and health of this wonderful community if we don t honor these intentions or if we believe that the loving thing to do is to abandon all criteria for being a part of this community. If there is one thing I have learned through my brief time as a member of Al- Anon it is that love and the passive tolerance of unacceptable behavior is incompatible. We love each other best when we hold one another accountable and setting limits on behavior in no way sets limits on our compassion and concern for those we love. Like our forebears in the desert so many years ago we need to be able to trust one another, to count on one another if we are to be the kind of transformative community that can help individuals to grow and to heal, and if we are to be a force for justice and well-being in the world. As we work together to deepen our commitment to our own spiritual growth and that of this faith community, we need to weave into the fabric our community the threads of clear expectations, a commitment to forgiveness and a willingness to hold one another accountable with gentle firmness and humility.
As we start a new church year may all of our names be inscribed in the Book of Life. Shalom. READINGS: Words of Confession We have sometimes don things we ought not to have done And left undone things we ought to have done But there is much good in us And strength and time To forgive ourselves and others To reach out and touch And to begin again Turning by Jack Reimer Now is the time for turning. The leaves are beginning to turn from green to red and orange. The birds are beginning to turn and are heading once more toward the South. The animals are beginning to turn to storing their food for winter. For leaves and birds and animals turning comes instinctively. But for us turning does not come so easily. It takes an act of will for us to make a turn. It means breaking with old habits. It means admitting that we have been wrong; and that is never easy. It means losing face; it means starting all over again; and this is always painful. It means saying: I am sorry. It means recognizing that we have the ability to change. These things are hard to do. But unless we turn, we will be forever trapped in yesterday s ways. God, help us to turn from callousness to sensitivity, from hostility to love, from pettiness to purpose, from envy to contentment, from carelessness to discipline, from fear to faith. Turn us around,
O God, and bring us back toward You. Revive our lives, as at the beginning. And turn us toward each other, God. For in isolation there is no life.