SESSION 4 CONNECTED THROUGH WORDS The Point Our words matter. The Bible Meets Life Words can last a lifetime. We can use our words to build up or tear down, but as the church of Jesus Christ, we are given only one option: build up. The Holy Spirit can empower us to use what we say to glorify God. The Passage Ephesians 4:25-32 40 SESSION 4
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY? Ephesians 4:25-32 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 25 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 28 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 29 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 30 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 31 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 32 The Setting As Paul developed the ethical ramifications of the theology of redemption, of being the church, he began with corporate implications (Sessions 2 and 3). While all Christians have responsibility for group unity and group maturity, they also have responsibilities for themselves. In this passage Paul pointed out a series of individual behavioral changes each believer should adopt to better facilitate the group unity and maturity. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 41
ENGAGE (15 MINUTES) GET INTO THE STUDY ENGAGE: Begin the session with one or more of the Engage Options on the next page. (This is optional. If you d rather skip the Engage Options, just begin with the first discussion question.) SAY: Words matter. They re powerful. They can build up or tear down, but as the church, we only have one option: build up. DISCUSS: Have students discuss the question, When is the last time you got in trouble for something you said? ITEM 4 Leader Pack: Direct students to the Connected Through Words poster as an Engage Option to help introduce the session. THE POINT GUIDE: Call attention to The Point. Explain that this is the key idea to keep in mind throughout the session. Our words matter. READ: Read and summarize The Bible Meets Life for your group. Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. It s not true. You and I both know words can be harmful. They can hurt. Even the United States legal system recognizes the damaging power of words. Back in 2006, a Florida resident named Sue Scheff sued another woman for Internet defamation, claiming the woman had posted messages online that attacked Scheff s personal character and business practices. The court ruled in Scheff s favor, awarding her $11.3 million in damages. Yes, words can hurt us. Words can wreak havoc. But words can also be a powerful force for good. Words can motivate, encourage, and inspire. They can bring hope into darkness and change the direction of a life. This is especially true in the church. As we ll see in this session, our words have great impact on how we relate to each other as followers of Christ. PRAY: Transition into the session by praying that students will be mindful of their words, that they recognize the power of their words, and that they would choose to use their words to build up rather than tear down. 42 SESSION 4
Engage Options Lead with Action Divide students into smaller groups. Select 5 people and call them to the front of the group. Have them select 2 truths and 1 lie about themselves (whether it s something about them or something they ve done). Have each student share his or her 3 statements with the entire group. Have each small group decide which of the 3 statements is a lie. The small group with the most correct answers wins. (Be prepared for a tie with 1 statement of your own.) Say, Our words matter. While this was just a fun game, what we say to each other affects people. We can choose to lift up others or put them down. We can glorify God with our speech or we can give Him a bad name. ITEM 4 OPTION: Draw attention to the session poster. Say, Think of some words that have had a lasting effect on you. What are they? Allow students some time to think about their answers and then encourage them to write their answers on the poster. Lead with Atmosphere In your meeting space, hang up different statements that are common lies students use. Make sure the lies are blatant and that the students would immediately recognize it. (My dog ate my homework; he made me do it; I thought you wanted me to take the $20 out of your wallet; etc.) Begin the session by asking students, Did you recognize any of these lies? Have you ever used them yourself? Lead with Media Search the Internet for a clip from the movie, The Help, where Aibileen Clark tells Mae Mobley, You is kind, you is smart, you is important. In another scene, that you may consider showing, Aibileen says that she realized, I loved that baby, and he loved me. That s when I learned I could make children feel proud of theyselves. Say, Words do matter. Aibileen realized that the truth that she spoke into the young children that she kept could influence how they thought about themselves. Through her words, she could shape their lives. Your words have influence too. OPTION: Another option would be to show the music video from TobyMac s, song, Speak Life. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 43
IMPART (10 MINUTES) STUDY THE BIBLE The Point: Our words matter. Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. EPHESIANS 4:25-28 25 EPHESIANS 4:25-28 DISCUSS: Lead students to discuss the question, Why should you try to resolve anger issues quickly? SAY: The church is a body of individuals bound together as followers of Jesus who share a common mission to advance God s kingdom. For that reason, those inside the church should live in a way that s noticeably different from those outside. We are to stop telling lies and start being truthful with each other because we were all members of the same body. Dishonesty destroys trust and unity within the church. GUIDE: Lead students to understand how Paul said we should deal with anger. Paul warned his readers about anger. Notice he didn t say we should avoid anger altogether. Instead, he gave these instructions for when we get angry: Don t sin. Don t let the sun go down on your anger. Don t give the Devil an opportunity. The problem is that feeding anger provides the Devil an opportunity to tempt us toward bitterness, hatred, and revenge. That s why Scripture says to settle disagreements before sunset. SAY: The better choice is to go to the person who angered you and seek peace as quickly as possible. Choose to forgive. Words hurt, remember? And words spoken in anger can be especially damaging to brothers and sisters in Christ. 44 SESSION 4
Commentary EPHESIANS 4:25-28 For Paul, giving in to the work of the Spirit required a Christian to take the initiative necessary to put away old habits and take on new behaviors. He pointed to some areas where these kinds of changes should take place, starting with lying. Christians had to put away the practice of telling lies as they interacted with people. They had to see that the pagan practice of lying didn t honor Christ. By quoting Zechariah 8:16, Paul added Old Testament authority to his assertion that believers needed to work diligently on the Christ-honoring habit of speaking the truth. By determining to speak the truth, believers would strengthen their relationships with other Christians. Paul elaborated on the value of telling the truth to a neighbor by reminding Christians they needed each other. They were linked to each other in the same way members of a human body were connected to one another in order to grow and thrive. Telling lies to each other would erode their fellowship, but telling the truth would make it stronger. Paul brought up another area deserving the attention of Christians who want to speak with integrity speech fueled by anger. The problem wasn t getting angry. Rather, it had to do with the actions believers would take as a result of their anger. Consuming anger could erupt into a volcano of terrible words. For that reason, Christians had to make sure anger didn t push them until they gave in to sin. Sunset provides a clear deadline for dealing with the rage that builds up in our hearts. Once the sun sets, anger is to be set aside for good. If we allow it to simmer in our hearts, we run the risk of exposing ourselves to the evil work of the Devil. Interestingly, the name Satan is frequently used to describe the adversary who hates God, His Son, and His people, and makes every attempt to destroy all of them. In this verse, however, the Devil identifies Satan as a slanderer. Eager to bring destruction to the cause of Christ, the Devil always lurks in the shadows, searching for an opportunity to exploit a Christian s bad behavior as a result of uncontrolled anger. TIP: If you notice a particular student is struggling through a session, make a note, and let them know later that you are available to talk or pray with them about anything they are facing. Ensure they know you are there for them when they need you. TIP: Take time to pray for the needs of the church. Pray specifically for the student ministry, leadership, and events. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 45
IMPART (10 MINUTES) STUDY THE BIBLE The Point: Our words matter. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. EPHESIANS 4:29-30 29 EPHESIANS 4:29-30 SAY: Ever try putting toothpaste back inside the tube after you ve squeezed it out? It s virtually impossible. Words work the same way. Once spoken, they can t be put back. Yes, you can apologize, but you can t unsay something that s been said. Paul warned the Ephesian believers to choose their words carefully when communicating with one another. In verse 29, he warned them specifically against using foul language with each other. READ: Read or have a volunteer read the following: We tend to think of foul language in terms of cursing or saying something inappropriate. Certainly that kind of speech dishonors God and undermines our Christian witness. But in the context of these verses, Paul s reference to unwholesome talk has more to do with: Malicious gossip and slander Speech that inflicts harm on someone and causes division within the body Speech that tears down spiritually and emotionally rather than building up SAY: Rather than tearing others down, let s be intentional about using words to build each other up especially within the body of Christ. As representatives of God s kingdom, we must be intentional about speaking words that encourage others and help them grow. In this way, we serve as channels of God s grace, allowing Him to minister through us and provide what our brothers and sisters in Christ need to hear. DISCUSS: Lead students to discuss the questions, How can you encourage others with what you say? How does technology and social media amplify the impact of our words? DO: Direct students to complete the Action Point, Unspoken. Unspoken Think of some things you ve said to someone that you wish you hadn t. What happened as a result of your words? How many people did they affect? Write about the situation here and be ready to discuss the effect of your words with your group if asked. 46 SESSION 4
Commentary EPHESIANS 4:29-30 Paul knew that foul language can have a devastating effect on people who hear it, but also that well-chosen words can provide valuable inspiration. That s why Paul taught Christians to stay away from offensive talk. In the Greek language, the word describing foul or corrupt language painted a picture of something decaying, putrid, or rotten. Used in terms of discourse, such language would include filthy words, cutting remarks, awful obscenities, abusive insults, and cruel gossip. Through Paul s instruction, the Lord shows us how to overcome the practice of foul language. We can get a handle on it by putting into practice a way of talking to others that honors Him. Instead of allowing destructive words to come flying out of our mouths, we can learn to be intentional about what we say. When we ask the Lord to show us how to say only what is good, we take a positive first step toward a habit of speaking in a way that accomplishes a Christ-centered purpose in someone else s life. Paul went on to highlight for Christians what qualified as good speech. When believers spoke in a way that built up someone in need, their beneficial words could be counted as worthwhile. The right words spoken at the right time by the right person for the right purpose have a powerful effect on those who need to hear them. When we speak to others in a way that s purposeful, we allow them to enjoy the grace of being in a healthy fellowship of growing Christians. Nurturing the discipline of purposeful speech will have a positive effect on us, too. As we focus our attention so we will speak in ways that build up other believers, we give in to what the Lord s doing in us. His Holy Spirit came to dwell in our lives at the very moment we received Christ. He works within us to cultivate Christ-like character traits and Christ-honoring habits and behaviors. Accordingly, He guides us toward spiritual maturity so we will build up other believers with what we say. When we disregard what He wants to do in our lives, we grieve Him. TIP: Help students realize that a change needs to take place based on what they have learned. Help them determine how to put it into practice immediately. This will encourage them as they grow in their faith. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 47
IMPART (10 MINUTES) STUDY THE BIBLE The Point: Our words matter. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. EPHESIANS 4:31-32 31 EPHESIANS 4:31-32 READ: Read or have a volunteer read the following: The family is driving to church on Sunday morning. A discussion about a curfew time or a certain outfit quickly becomes a full-blown argument. By the time they arrive at the church, everyone is frustrated and upset. When they get out of the car, however, everyone looks polished and happy. They smile and pretend like nothing is wrong. The Christian life isn t to work that way. We can t profess our love for Jesus in one area of our lives and then verbally abuse or gossip about others in another area. GUIDE: Explain that in Ephesians 4:31, Paul told his readers to get rid of ungodly attitudes: Bitterness: An attitude that clings to resentment and keeps a record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). It is spiteful and refuses reconciliation Anger: Outbursts of rage or a hot temper ignited for selfish reasons Wrath: An ongoing attitude of hatred a person harbors inwardly Shouting (clamor): Making loud, angry assertions with a determination to be heard Slander (evil speaking): Lying about someone and spreading gossip; destroying a person s reputation by defaming his or her character Malice: The intent to do harm to another person SAY: To follow Jesus Christ requires that we relate to others the way He relates to us. Because God showed us kindness and compassion because He forgave us when we didn t deserve it we must treat others the same way. DISCUSS: Ask students to answer the question, What habits, routines, and choices will empower us to make the changes commanded here? 48 SESSION 4
Commentary EPHESIANS 4:31-32 The terms in Paul s elaboration on angry speech provide us with many examples of the destructive behavior we want to avoid in our communication with one another. Bitterness brings to mind deeply-embedded, long-term resentment that simmers in a person s heart. Fueled either by envy or a perceived injustice from the past, bitterness can take root and have a devastating effect (Heb. 12:15). So can the kind of anger that sets someone up to lose control and give in to furious outbursts. Unlike anger that can lead to outrageous behavior, wrath takes the form of silent, smoldering animosity that can eventually give way to merciless acts of mean-spirited aggression. When we hear a person shouting at someone else, we usually conclude the person is angry. But angry speech doesn t only take the shape of yelling. It can also show up in slander. That s the form of angry speech that runs down the reputation or spirit of another with damaging lies and belittling criticism. All of these are forms of malice a vicious eagerness to hurt people with our words. On the other hand, being kind to one another has to do with the words we use and the actions we take. Behind those words and actions, however, is a heart that s been changed because of God s kindness to us expressed by what He has done to save us through Christ (Eph. 2:7). We resemble God s kindness when we take the time to consider what somebody else needs and take actions with our words and deeds that would help that person. Acts of kindness come easily when we re compassionate. In other words, we empathize with others who need the help we can give them. As we follow Paul s train of thought, we re led to see that we express our kindness and compassion by forgiving one another. The word for forgiveness used here comes from the Greek word for grace. In His grace, God has forgiven our sins. Although we don t deserve forgiveness, He forgives us just the same. Likewise, as we put God s grace to work in our relationships with others, we forgive them when they mistreat us. If we find ourselves thinking we can set limits on the grace of forgiving others, Paul s statement about God forgiving us in Christ arrests us. He forgave us graciously and completely, and we have a responsibility to express the same forgiving grace to the same extent He has forgiven us. God sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins. Jesus suffered extreme cruelty at the hands of the people who humiliated Him, beat Him, nailed Him to the cross, and watched Him die. His mistreatment didn t prevent Him from forgiving them. When we remember what God has done for us through Christ to forgive us, practicing the grace of forgiving others becomes reasonable. Recollecting His kindness to us at Calvary enables us to speak words of grace to the people we need to forgive. TIP: Be involved in the lives of your students. Learn about their families, their activities at school, and the things they like to do. TIP: Make a habit of texting, tweeting, or writing a thankyou note to your students from time to time. It will teach them that gratitude should be expressed often. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 49
IMPACT (10 MINUTES) APPLY IT TIP: Because of social media and texting, students are constantly in communication with one another. Encourage students to be mindful of the words they type this week and to practice communicating to others in a way that honors Christ. SAY: Choosing to speak in a way that s positive and affirming seems easy on the front end, but it can be difficult to accomplish. Here are some options for using your words to build up the body of Christ. READ: Ask for a volunteer to read aloud a few ways students can take what they have learned and Apply It. Notice your speech this week. Each night, review your words that day. Ask the Holy Spirit to empower you to use what you say to glorify God. Be aware. Look for an opportunity every day this week to genuinely build someone up with your words. Find ways to encourage, motivate, give hope, provide guidance, or just make someone smile. Memorize Psalm 19:14. Pray this verse every morning as you re getting ready for your day and let it guide your speech. GUIDE: Lead students to consider which of the three suggested responses to the Bible study most closely applies to them and their current circumstances. ASK: Which of these responses do you personally need to focus on most as you live this session out? Allow time for responses. WRAP UP PRAY: Close in prayer, asking that the Holy Spirit to guard students words so that they would bring honor, and not grief, to the Lord. ASK: Ask students about last week s Live It Out options. Discuss any responses and encourage students as they choose to apply the Bible to their lives. GUIDE: Encourage students to complete one or both of the Live It Out activities for the week. Let them know you will discuss them next time you meet. For free online training on how to lead a group visit MinistryGrid.com/web/BibleStudiesForLife 50 SESSION 4
LEADER LIVE IT OUT To find the One Conversation for all ages, visit www.biblestudiesforlife.com. Before the session, challenge yourself to grow with your students through this Live It Out. Watch Your Words Ephesians 4:29 Notes: Be sensitive to your words and phrases. Throughout the week, list any negative words or phrases that you struggle with. How will you allow God to help you change this in you? ONE CONVERSATION Scripture: Ephesians 4:25-32 Topic: Honor God Use these discussion starters to help foster a spiritual conversation with your family. THE BIBLE MEETS LIFE: Words can last a lifetime. We can use our words to build up or tear down, but as the church of Jesus Christ, we are given only one option: build up. The Holy Spirit can empower us to use what we say to glorify God. STUDENTS THE POINT: Our words matter. Do your words tear down or build up? Discuss with your student the power of words. If your student chooses to do Watch Your Words: Challenge your student to be mindful of his or her words this week. Share with your student a time in your own life where your words got you in trouble. Have a conversation around this quote: Somehow, what s in our hearts, good or bad is eventually translated into words and deeds. 1 Andy Stanley 1. Andy Stanley, Enemies of the Heart (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah Books, 2011), 31. LIVE IT OUT: Your student has been encouraged to do one or both Live It Out activities in the Personal Study Guide. Here are some suggested ways to help your student: If your student chooses to do Good Words: Challenge your student to memorize Psalm 19:14. Memorize Psalm 19:14 yourself. Discuss with your student how you best memorize Scripture. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 51