St. Matthew s Episcopal Church Wedding Guidelines and Requirements Many congratulations on your engagement! Here is a small package that may help you in the preparation of your service at St. Matthew s Church. With thanks and very best wishes to you both, The Rev. Kelly Kirby, Rector of St. Matthew s Episcopal Church 1. The Order of Service and the Book of Common Prayer We use the traditional Order of Service found in the 1979 Book of Common Prayer. A copy is enclosed in this package. There are several options that you will be asked to consider in the planning of the liturgy. It is not the usual practice to include a unity candle ceremony in the service or for the couple to write their own vows. 2. Music To discuss the music for your service, please contact the St. Matthew s Music Director as soon as possible. She can be reached at bellis@stmatthewsepiscopallouisville.org The use of instrumentalists and soloists and the choice of music must be approved by the Music Director. 3. Videos, Recordings and Photography You are most welcome to capture your service at St. Matthew s on video or as a sound recording, subject to agreement from the Priest and Music Director. Videographers must speak with the Priest prior to the service. Please discourage your guests from taking photographs during the service itself unless they are using a digital camera. We encourage you to take your wedding party photographs prior to the service. If this is not possible, please advise your photographer that the church building will be closed 45 minutes following the service.
4. Flowers The couple should talk to the Priest about their plans for flowers in the church. Flowers are not permitted on top of the altar. When we are due to conduct two services on a Saturday we will be glad to put the families in touch with each other, for possible liaison over the supply and arrangement of flowers. We must ask that no berries are used in any flower arrangements, and no flowers be thrown as part of the procession. All flowers must be removed following the service, unless arrangements have been made to leave the arrangements for the following Sunday. 5. Status within the church In the Episcopal Church it is required that either the Bride or Groom has been baptized in order to have a church wedding. If either person has previously been divorced it is usually still possible to have a wedding at St. Matthew s Episcopal Church. There is mandatory paperwork that must be submitted to the Bishop of the Diocese of Kentucky in order to gain his permission to conduct the service. All couples married at St. Matthew s must attend pre marital counseling, (usually this takes place during 4 one hour sessions with the Priest). The church needs at least 9 weeks notification before the proposed date of the wedding. 6. Use of the Parish Hall St. Matthew s Saints Hall is a lovely place for receptions. 7. License A license must be obtained from the county, and must be applied for at least thirty days before the wedding. The license should be brought to the Priest before, or no later than, the time of the rehearsal. 8. Fees The organist fees are $250 for the service and that includes the rehearsal. There is no cost for consultation. If the couple requests music outside of the Music Director s repertoire, there may be an additional charge of $50/hour for music preparation. The Priest s fee is $200 (the check should be made out to the Priest Discretionary Fund). Premarital counseling is included in this fee (This fee is waived for members of the parish in good standing).
The Church fee is $900 for the service and that includes the rehearsal. (This fee is waived for members of the parish in good standing). The church will be open 1 hour prior to the service and 45 minutes following. If you wish to have additional access to the building, it can be arranged for $100 per hour. The rehearsal will begin once the entire wedding party arrives. Should the rehearsal begin more than 15 minutes late, there is a $50 fee for each 15 minutes. Rehearsals last no longer than 1 hr. 9. Miscellaneous St. Matthew s does not create wedding bulletins. Members of the congregation wishing to be married during a regular Sunday Eucharist should speak with the rector. 10. Concerning the Service St. Matthew s conducts Christian Marriage Ceremonies for all Christian Couples. The Book of Common Prayer (BCP) states that Christian Marriage is a solemn and public covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God. In the Episcopal Church it is required that one, at least, of the parties must be a baptized Christian; that the ceremony be attested by at least two witnesses; and that the marriage conform to the laws of the State and the canons of this Church (BCP, p. 422). St. Matthew s welcomes same gender couples seeking the blessing and support of the Church. The 77th General Convention of the Episcopal Church, convened during July 2012, has authorized provisional use of the rite, "The Witnessing and Blessing of a Lifelong Covenant," beginning December 2, 2012. The liturgy is a service of blessing for same sex couples who are in lifelong, faithful monogamous committed relationships. Since it is a liturgy of the church, and not a legal ceremony, it can be used with couples who are married; couples who have a civil union; and couples without a legal designation for their relationship. The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage At the time appointed, the persons to be married, with their witnesses, assemble in the church or some other appropriate place. During their entrance, a hymn, psalm, or anthem may be sung, or instrumental music may be played. Then the Priest, facing the people and the persons to be married, with the woman to the right and the man to the left, addresses the congregation and says Dearly beloved: We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation, and our Lord Jesus Christ adorned this manner of life by his presence and first miracle at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. It signifies to us the
mystery of the union between Christ and his Church, and Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people. The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God. Into this holy union N.N. and N.N. now come to be joined. If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be married, speak now; or else for ever hold your peace. Then the Priest says to the persons to be married I require and charge you both, here in the presence of God, that if either of you know any reason why you may not be united in marriage lawfully, and in accordance with God s Word, you do now confess it. The Declaration of Consent The Priest says to the woman N., will you have this man to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live? The Woman answers I will. The Priest says to the man N., will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live? The Man answers I will. The Priest then addresses the congregation, saying Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage? People We will. If there is to be a presentation or a giving in marriage, it takes place at this time. A hymn, psalm, or anthem may follow.
The Ministry of the Word The Priest then says to the people The Lord be with you. People And also with you. Let us pray. O gracious and everliving God, you have created us male and female in your image: Look mercifully upon this man and this woman who come to you seeking your blessing, and assist them with your grace, that with true fidelity and steadfast love they may honor and keep the promises and vows they make; through Jesus Christ our Savior, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. Then one or more of the following passages from Holy Scripture is read. If there is to be a Communion, a passage from the Gospel always concludes the Readings. Genesis 1:26 28 (Male and female he created them) Genesis 2:4 9, 15 24 (A man cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh) Song of Solomon 2:10 13; 8:6 7 (Many waters cannot quench love) Tobit 8:5b 8 (New English Bible) (That she and I may grow old together) 1 Corinthians 13:1 13 (Love is patient and kind) Ephesians 3:14 19 (The Father from whom every family is named) Ephesians 5:1 2, 21 33 (Walk in love, as Christ loved us) Colossians 3:12 17 (Love which binds everything together in harmony) 1 John 4:7 16 (Let us love one another for love is of God) Between the Readings, a Psalm, hymn, or anthem may be sung or said. Appropriate Psalms are 67, 127, and 128. When a passage from the Gospel is to be read, all stand, and the Deacon or Minister appointed says The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to. People Glory to you, Lord Christ. Matthew 5:1 10 (The Beatitudes) Matthew 5:13 16 (You are the light... Let your light so shine) Matthew 7:21, 24 29 (Like a wise man who built his house upon the rock) Mark 10:6 9, 13 16 (They are no longer two but one) John 15:9 12 (Love one another as I have loved you) After the Gospel, the Reader says The Gospel of the Lord. People Praise to you, Lord Christ. A homily or other response to the Readings may follow. The Marriage
The Man, facing the woman and taking her right hand in his, says In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow. Then they loose their hands, and the Woman, still facing the man, takes his right hand in hers, and says In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow. They loose their hands. The Priest may ask God s blessing on a ring or rings as follows Bless, O Lord, this ring to be a sign of the vows by which this man and this woman have bound themselves to each other; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. The giver places the ring on the ring finger of the other s hand and says N., I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit (or in the Name of God). Then the Priest joins the right hands of husband and wife and says Now that N. and N. have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and wife, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder. People Amen. The Prayers All standing, the Priest says Let us pray together in the words our Savior taught us. People and Celebrant Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen. If Communion is to follow, the Lord s Prayer may be omitted here. The Deacon or other person appointed reads the following prayers, to which the People respond, saying, Amen. If there is not to be a Communion, one or more of the prayers may be omitted.
Let us pray. Eternal God, creator and preserver of all life, author of salvation, and giver of all grace: Look with favor upon the world you have made, and for which your Son gave his life, and especially upon this man and this woman whom you make one flesh in Holy Matrimony. Amen. Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their common life, that each may be to the other a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy. Amen. Grant that their wills may be so knit together in your will, and their spirits in your Spirit, that they may grow in love and peace with you and one another all the days of their life. Amen. Give them grace, when they hurt each other, to recognize and acknowledge their fault, and to seek each other s forgiveness and yours. Amen. Make their life together a sign of Christ s love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair. Amen. Bestow on them, if it is your will, the gift and heritage of children, and the grace to bring them up to know you, to love you, and to serve you. Amen. Give them such fulfillment of their mutual affection that they may reach out in love and concern for others. Amen. Grant that all married persons who have witnessed these vows may find their lives strengthened and their loyalties confirmed. Amen. Grant that the bonds of our common humanity, by which all your children are united one to another, and the living to the dead, may be so transformed by your grace, that your will may be done on earth as it is in heaven; where, O Father, with your Son and the Holy Spirit, you live and reign in perfect unity, now and for ever. Amen.
The Blessing of the Marriage The people remain standing. The husband and wife kneel, and the Priest says one of the following prayers Most gracious God, we give you thanks for your tender love in sending Jesus Christ to come among us, to be born of a human mother, and to make the way of the cross to be the way of life. We thank you, also, for consecrating the union of man and woman in his Name. By the power of your Holy Spirit, pour out the abundance of your blessing upon this man and this woman. Defend them from every enemy. Lead them into all peace. Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle about their shoulders, and a crown upon their foreheads. Bless them in their work and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; in their life and in their death. Finally, in your mercy, bring them to that table where your saints feast for ever in your heavenly home; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. or this O God, you have so consecrated the covenant of marriage that in it is represented the spiritual unity between Christ and his Church: Send therefore your blessing upon these your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen. The husband and wife still kneeling, the Priest adds this blessing God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, bless, preserve, and keep you; the Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you, and fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace; that you may faithfully live together in this life, and in the age to come have life everlasting. Amen. The Peace The Priest may say to the people The peace of the Lord be always with you. People And also with you. The newly married couple then greet each other, after which greetings may be exchanged throughout the congregation. When Communion is not to follow, the wedding party leaves the church. A hymn, psalm, or anthem may be sung, or instrumental music may be played. At the Eucharist The liturgy continues with the Offertory, at which the newly married couple may present the offerings of bread and wine. Preface of Marriage At the Communion, it is appropriate that the newly married couple
receive Communion first, after the ministers. In place of the usual postcommunion prayer, the following is said O God, the giver of all that is true and lovely and gracious: We give you thanks for binding us together in these holy mysteries of the Body and Blood of your Son Jesus Christ. Grant that by your Holy Spirit, N. and N., now joined in Holy Matrimony, may become one in heart and soul, live in fidelity and peace, and obtain those eternal joys prepared for all who love you; for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. As the wedding party leaves the church, a hymn, psalm, or anthem may be sung; or instrumental music may be played. THE WITNESSING AND BLESSING OF A LIFELONG COVENANT The couple enters the church together along with clergy, presenters, and attendants. Please stand. Presider: Blessed be God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. People: And blessed be God s kingdom, now and for ever. Presider: Beloved, let us love one another, People: For love is of God. Presider: Whoever does not love does not know God, People: For God is love. Presider: Since God so loves us, People: Let us love one another. The Presider addresses the assembly in these words Dear friends in Christ, We have gathered together today To witness N. and N. publicly committing themselves to one another And, in the name of the Church, to bless their covenant. Our liturgy today affirms a relationship of mutual fidelity and steadfast love. N. and N. have chosen to forsake all others, Holding one another in tenderness and respect, In strength and bravery, As long as they live. Therefore, in the name of Christ, let us pray That they may be strengthened for the promises they make this day, And that we will have the generosity To support them in what they undertake And the wisdom to see God at work in their life together. The Collect of the Day Presider: The Lord be with you. People: And also with you. Presider: Let us pray.
Gracious and everliving God: Assist by your grace N. and N., Whose lifelong commitment of love and fidelity we witness this day. Grant them your blessing, that with firm resolve They may honor and keep the covenant they make; Through Jesus Christ our Savior, Who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, One God, for ever and ever. Amen. The Lessons Then one or more of the following passages from Holy Scripture is read. If there is to be a Communion, a passage from the Gospel always concludes the Readings. Song of Solomon 2:10 13; 8:6 7 (Many waters cannot quench love) Tobit 8:5b 8 (New English Bible) (That she and I may grow old together) 1 Corinthians 13:1 13 (Love is patient and kind) Ephesians 3:14 19 (The Father from whom ever family is named) Ephesians 5:1 2, 21 33 (Walk in love, as Christ loved us) Colossians 3:12 17 (Love which binds everything together in harmony) 1 John 4:7 16 (Let us love one another for love is of God) Between the Readings, a Psalm, hymn, or anthem may be sung or said. Appropriate Psalms are 67, 127, and 128. When a passage from the Gospel is to be read, all stand, and the Deacon or Minister appointed says The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to. People: Glory to you, Lord Christ. Matthew 5:1 10 (The Beatitudes) Matthew 5:13 16 (You are the light...let your light so shine) Matthew 7:21,24 29 (Like a wise man who built his house upon the rock) John 15:9 12 (Love one another as I have loved you) After the Gospel, the Reader says The Gospel of the Lord. People: Praise to you, Lord Christ. A homily or other response to the Readings may follow. The Witnessing of the Vows and the Blessing of the Covenant The couple comes before the assembly. If there is to be a presentation, the presenters stand with the couple, and the Presider says to them
Presider: Who presents N. and N., who seek the blessing of God and the Church on their love and life together? Presenters: We do. Presider: Do you promise to love, respect, and pray for N. and N., and to do all in your power to stand with them in the life they will share? Presenters: We do. The Presider then addresses the couple, saying Presider: N. and N., you have come before God and the Church to make public your commitment to one another and to ask God s blessing. The Presider addresses one member of the couple Presider: N., do you freely and unreservedly offer yourself to N.? Answer: I do. Presider: Will you live together in faithfulness and holiness of life as long as you both shall live? Answer: I will. The Presider addresses the other member of the couple Presider: N., do you freely and unreservedly offer yourself to N.? Answer: I do. Presider: Will you live together in faithfulness and holiness of life as long as you both shall live? Answer: I will. The assembly stands, the couple faces the people, and the Presider addresses them, saying Presider: Will all of you here gathered uphold and honor this couple and respect the covenant they make? People: We will. Presider: Will you pray for them in times of trouble and celebrate with them in times of joy? People: We will. The Prayers Presider: Then let us pray for N. and N. in their life together and for the concerns of this community. Leader: For N. and N., seeking your blessing and the blessing of your holy people; Lord, in your mercy, Leader: For a spirit of loving kindness to shelter them all their days; Lord, in your mercy, Leader: For friends to support them and communities to enfold them; Lord, in your mercy, Leader: For peace in their home and love in their family; Lord, in your mercy,
Leader: For the grace, when they hurt each other, to recognize and acknowledge their fault, and to seek each other s forgiveness and yours; Lord, in your mercy, Leader: For the outpouring of your love through their work and witness; Lord, in your mercy, Leader: For the strength to keep our vows and commitments; Lord, in your mercy, Leader: For those who seek justice, peace, and concord among nations; Lord, in your mercy, The Presider concludes the Prayers with the following. Giver of every gift, source of all goodness, Hear the prayers we bring before you For N. and N., who seek your blessing this day. Give them a share in the saving work of Jesus, Who gave himself for us, And bring about the fullness of life he promised, Who now lives and reigns for ever and ever. Amen. Leader: And now, as our Savior Christ has taught us, we are bold to say, Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen. Commitment The people sit. The couple stands, facing the Presider. Presider: N. and N., I invite you now, illumined by the Word of God and strengthened by the prayers of this community, to make your covenant before God and the Church. Each member of the couple, in turn, takes the hand of the other and says In the name of God,
I N./N., give myself to you, N./N.. I will support and care for you by the grace of God: Enduring all things, bearing all things. I will hold and cherish you in the love of Christ: In times of plenty, in times of want. I will honor and love you with the Spirit s help: Forsaking all others, As long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow. If rings are to be exchanged, they are brought before the Presider, who prays using the following words Let us pray. Bless, O God these rings as signs of the enduring covenant N. and N. have made with each other, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. The two people place the rings on the fingers of one another, first the one, then the other, saying N./N., receive this ring as a symbol of my abiding love. Pronouncement The Presider says Inasmuch as N. and N. have exchanged vows of love and fidelity in the presence of God and the Church, I now pronounce that they are bound to one another in a holy covenant, as long as they both shall live. Amen. Blessing of the Couple As the couple stands or kneels, the Presider invokes God s blessing upon them, saying Let us pray. Most gracious God, We praise you for the tender mercy and unfailing care Revealed to us in Jesus the Christ And for the great joy and comfort bestowed upon us In the gift of human love. We give thanks for N. and N., And the covenant of faithfulness they have made. Pour out the abundance of your Holy Spirit upon them. Keep them in your steadfast love; Protect them from all danger; Fill them with your wisdom and peace; Lead them in holy service to each other and the world. The Presider continues God the Father, God the Son,
God the Holy Spirit, Bless, preserve, and keep you, And mercifully grant you rich and boundless grace, That you may please God in body and soul. God make you a sign of the loving kindness and steadfast fidelity Manifest in the life, death, and resurrection of our Savior, And bring you at last to the delight of the heavenly banquet, Where he lives and reigns for ever and ever. Amen. The Peace The Presider bids the Peace. Presider: The peace of the Lord be always with you. People: And also with you. If the Eucharist is not celebrated, the service concludes with the Peace. As the party leaves the church, a hymn, psalm, or anthem may be sung, or instrumental music may be played. At the Eucharist The liturgy continues with the Offertory, at which the couple may present the offerings of bread and wine. Preface Blessed are you, gracious God, creator of heaven and earth; we give you thanks and praise in the assembly of your people. You made us in your image: You call us to reflect your faithfulness as we serve one another in the bond of covenant love. Therefore we raise our voices with all who have served you in every age, to proclaim the glory of your name. At the Communion, it is appropriate that the couple receive Communion first, after the ministers. In place of the usual postcommunion prayer, the following is said O God, the giver of all that is true and lovely and gracious: We give you thanks for binding us together in these holy mysteries of the Body and Blood of your Son Jesus Christ. Grant that by your Holy Spirit, N. and N., now joined together, may become one in heart and soul, live in fidelity and peace, and obtain those eternal joys prepared for all who love you; for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. As the party leaves the church, a hymn, psalm, or anthem may be sung, or instrumental music may be played.