Living into Life s Answers Question Box Sermon Sunday, June 2, 2013 Rev. Bruce Southworth, Senior Minister The Community Church of New York Unitarian Universalist Readings (1) First of all have patience. I beg you to be patient to all the unsolved problems of your heart and to care for the questions themselves. Do not search for answers to be given; if given, they would be of no use, for you could not live them (another s answers). For the present, live in the questions, and little by little and almost unconsciously you will enter the answers and live them too. Rainer Maria Rilke (2) The second reading comes from the Business Section of the NY Times from a couple of weeks ago (5/24/13, B2). It is from an interview with Brad Garlinghouse, who is the CEO of company called YouSendIt which offers a means of quickly sending large files by email over the Internet. The interview is titled, Three Quick Rules: Be In, Be Real, and Be Bold. The question that I will address a bit later, asks if this is essentially the message of Unitarian Universalism. As part of his leadership in a turnaround situation for that company, Brad Garlinghouse first emphasized improved, open, transparent communication. Then he was asked, Q. Other steps you took? A. We rewrote the company values. So our three values are: be in, be real, and be bold. Q. Can you unpack those for me? A. Be in is all about passion. Life is short. There are so many interesting things we can do in our life, and I feel like if someone is just kind of showing up, it s not worth it for them or for us. 1
The second value, be real, is really about being authentic in our communication. I have seen different cultures in my career that I felt had atrophied and needed revitalization, and they were the ones where you just didn t feel like people were being real in terms of their communication. You d sit in a meeting and work through something and think you got somewhere, and then you walk out of the room and someone s putting the parking brake on and you don t even know they re doing that. And the last one s about being bold. As some companies grow and develop, that instinct is almost beaten out of the system. To me, if we re not failing a little bit, we re not trying hard enough. I think great cultures encourage risk and are tolerant of failure. (3) From the Sufi mystic Rumi: The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you; Don't go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want; Don't go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep. Let the beauty of what you love be what you do." Living into Life s Answers Question Box Sermon Rev. Bruce Southworth The larger theme for this morning has two parts: First, we celebrate the holiness of curiosity. We seek to embrace living in the questions. This Holy Curiosity, as Albert Einstein called it, is something too many traditions discourage, while here we know, we truly know, that to live in the questions helps us to wrestle with worthy choices and to explore life s complexity, chaos and beauty. Then, the second part is that, by doing so, we live into our own answers. We live with greater authenticity, honor and integrity. In doing these two things, engaging in Holy Curiosity and our personal search for meaning, we share the journey in a lonely world! I begin with a question prompted by recent denominational events: 2
The UU World [magazine sent to all church members] reports that our denominational headquarters will leave its historic location at 25 Beacon Street in Boston, next to the Massachusetts State House building. What are your thoughts? 25 Beacon Street the building denotes in effect four buildings on Beacon Hill, which have served our faith for 104 years. I have a certain amount of nostalgia, because it was there that I was interviewed for ministry in 1975 and approved for parish ministry upon completion of seminary the following year in 1976. That affirmation by the credentialing committee of 12 lay and clergy was most welcome. I had entered seminary in a tentative way with a fellowship for those who would not otherwise have attended, and slowly my curiosity became a calling to this vocation. That successful interview was a highlight. To know that those who knew a great deal about Ministry and applicants for it were now encouraging me with enthusiasm was not only a relief, but also an ongoing blessing. I have served the UUA in many different capacities, which would take me to 25 Beacon Street over the years, serving as Chair of the Youth Adult Committee that totally revamped our high school youth programs, serving as Chair of the elected UU Nominating Committee, serving on the Panel on Theological Education, and other roles. I also enjoyed viewing the portraits of grand figures of our faith: William Ellery Channing, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Theodore Parker, and so many more. The building also partakes of living history of our profound spiritual path in this nation: Freedom of Belief, affirmations of human worth and dignity, and of religious pluralism and respect. These have played out at times with unparalleled religious leadership in our society, for example, in publication of the Pentagon Papers and the secrets about the Vietnam War being kept from the American people; in offering leadership for gay rights, and GLBQT rights, and in marriage equality. So, personally, and historically, I am attached to 25 Beacon Street, deeply attached. At the same time, I understand that it would require ten million or so dollars to renovate it for accessibility and up-to-date Internet, plus routine maintenance of roofs and infrastructure of the buildings, and the list goes on. My initial disappointment in hearing about the possibility is now modest acceptance of the practicalities of how the UUA can best serve congregations. 3
So, like most grief and losses, we - I am learning to move on and help shape a positive future. I also know that there is no salvation by location. Staying put or changing one s location is not the last word. How we shape our lives wherever we are is the paramount matter. So, I m moving too, toward fuller acceptance, bit by bit. A couple of questions are about sermon topics, first specifically Father s Day. How come we have such a nice service for mothers but not much (if anything) for fathers (on Father s Day)? Doesn t this perpetuate negative stereotypes regarding fathers? And thus reinforce society s disregard of the father role? Leading to absent fathers By vagaries of the calendar, most Father s Days, I am not here, yet, more often than not, my recollection is that our guest preachers take note of the day, and often seek to explore it. This year, Rev. Orlanda Brugnola will be speaking and will do so. (Some of you already know her well from the classes she teaches here and previous guest preaching engagements.) I would also note the following image from my sermon of a few weeks ago, on Mother s Day, which concluded with a father s insight. Martin Seligman, who explores Positive Psychology, described his daughter Nikki. When she was five years old, he reports that he was on his hands and knees weeding his garden. "I have to confess that even though I have written a book and many articles about children, I'm actually not very good with them. I am goal-oriented and time-urgent, and when I'm weeding in the garden, I'm weeding. Nikki, however, was throwing weeds into the air and dancing and singing. Since she was distracting me, I yelled at her, and she walked away. Within a few minutes, she was back, saying, "Daddy, I want to talk to you." "Yes, Nikki." "Daddy, do you remember before my fifth birthday? From when I was three until I was five, I was a whiner. I whined every day. On my fifth birthday, I decided I wasn't going to whine anymore. "That was the hardest thing I've ever done. And if I can stop whining, you can stop being such a grouch." 4
Seligman acknowledged that he had an epiphany. His daughter was right. "In that moment, I resolved to change." He says her precocious strength, her virtue, and insight, gave him a mission and changed his life so that his work now focuses on the positive, creative emotions within all of us. A parent thanking his child for the privilege of being her father! Yes, we do need to celebrate Fathers and the challenges they too face! Next question: Only having visited the church for a short time, I am curious as to whether sermons address gender issues, bias towards transgendered people, and the queer community, since there is so much going on in the world in these subjects, and the UU Church claims to accept and support such people? Our denomination has explicitly affirmed gay rights going back to 1973 with the first denominational office of any faith tradition; it was originally the Office on Gay Affairs, and later renamed the Office of Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Concerns. We here have had a Gay Pride Service since 1982, shortly after my arrival, and sermons addressing these issues prior to that and thereafter. Events here at Community in the mid-1980s forced us to confront homophobia in our midst and also helped the UUA to inaugurate a Welcoming Congregation program across the nation for UU churches. Let me add o that the first legally sanctioned gay marriage in Massachusetts took place at 25 Beacon Street on May 17, 2004. o Transgender members are among us, and welcomed, and o Ministers here have conducted first ceremonies of union, and now legal same sex marriages. o Last month, at our District Annual Meeting of UU Congregations in the metro NY area, we began with a Marriage Equality rally on the green in the center of Morristown, NJ. And as we know, with recent murders in the Village, our city is not immune to prejudice, hate and deadly violence. The struggle continues. Next: Are [businessman] Brad Garlinghouse s three quick rules useful for spiritual living? They sound familiar to what you believe. From our reading: Be In, Be Real, and Be Bold. 5
Be In is to be present and passionate, to show up, with mindfulness. It means to pay attention to where you are and with whom you are interacting. All of which is part of so many spiritual traditions, Buddhism especially. Be Real means to be authentic in our communication again a spiritually alive way to connect with others. Be Bold is to be willing to welcome new opportunities live with heart, which is to say with courage another way to live toward the untold possibilities of our lives. To these, Garlinghouse wants those with whom he works also to have one other quality which is humility. That ability to hold oneself with awareness of one s own limitations is, for him, an indicator of empathy, which also deters arrogance. All, in all. Good spiritual advice: Be In, Be Real, Be Bold, and Be Humble. Next: Could you discuss where Islam and UU might intersect? What can UUers learn from Muslims? And just as importantly, what are some profound differentiations between Islam and UU? That s more than enough for a sermon or two or three, but quickly, let me lift up that Islam and Unitarian Universalism share some universal values e.g. service to one another, compassion for others, and desire for religious community, because we know we are at heart sisters and brothers. There are a host of shared values. Among the differences, Islam holds to one scripture, the Koran, and one prophet, Mohammad, as the foremost teacher of sacred living. UUs welcome, admire and respect many prophets and the Book of Life with all its wisdom and provocation. Islam affirms that divine revelation is sealed, is final in the life and teachings of Mohammad. Unitarian Universalism affirms that there is an ongoing creativity, ongoing experiences of divinity throughout our lives, everyday miracles theologically continuous revelation. Islam also has a strict practice. Its Five Pillars include praying five times a day; giving to charity (2.5% of one s income or more); fasting during the daytime during the month of Ramadan; making the pilgrimage to Mecca at least once during one's life; and affirming that there is no God but Allah and that Mohammad is God s final prophet. 6
And on behalf of our annual pledge committee, how about aspiring to at least the minimum asked of Muslims? 2.5% of annual income? What a difference that would make if we all practiced that kind of generosity! Even as we are not as financially generous, we also differ from Muslims in that we welcome multiple spiritual practices, as well as teachings from diverse traditions. We find different disciplines. So much more could be said, but I want to add again my special appreciation for Islam s notion of original sin, though it is not a primary category for that faith. And if there is original sin in Islam, it is our forgetfulness of our own divinity and our own connections with all other human beings. We forget our sisters and brothers; we forget the interdependent web of Life and creation; we forget the ethic of love and service to our own detriment. And just a quick note that Mohammad s own practices did not include veiling and separation of women, nor a teaching about a theocratic state; these came after his death. There is also the ethical vision of Mohammad that I embrace that counters not only homophobia and sexism, but also poverty and all oppressions, when he says, "No one is a true believer unless you desire for your neighbor that which you desire for yourself." Next, a perennial question, almost, for this Sunday, is one that also echoes throughout human history. It is stated in various ways each year, and succinctly, as a composite, it goes like this: of it? What is evil? Who or what is responsible for it? What do you do in the face I return today to much the same answer as before: o Evil is whatever undermines, destroys, thwarts, or impedes caring community. o Evil is whatever obstructs, destroys, or impedes creativity or creative, caring communication whatever violates our UU values. There are a host of other definitions, but none for us has to do with supernatural forces, or Satan, or the like. 7
To be clear, evil is what we humans do to one another. It is, as Columbia Professor Andrew Delbanco has offered, too often ignored or diminished in our culture. And yes, evil and responsibility for how we contribute to it are for me appropriate words. In the face of it, we are to resist evil as creatively as we can. Denounce it. Seek to build community. Restore creative, healing options. Engage in constructive creative communication and creative interchange. In word and deed, challenge systemic oppressions. As one approach, I again turn to theologian Henry Nelson Wieman, who identified the highest good, the holy in our midst, as creative events, and especially as creative connections with one another that arise out of deep sharing. The opposite of this highest good that enriches us, changes us, empowers us, and sustains us the opposite of the creative good is whatever harms us, breaks us apart, isolates us, and undermines connections among persons Wieman described evil in terms of five kinds of destructive, bad, wrong-headed, hurtful communication. Those five are 1. Manipulative communication; 2. Deceptive communication, 3. Muddle-headed communication (yes, we are responsible for clarity and completeness); 4. Other-directed communication that seeks only to please another (the bulk of political discourse that so often seems inauthentic); and 5. Fifth, Reiterative communication. Repetitive statements with little content, feeling, caring, connecting. Empty complaining for example, or worse, e. g., repetition of Big Lies and truthiness, patently false statements with no regard for verifiable truth. So, when we do these things or otherwise hurt others, or diminish human dignity and worth, whenever we violate our Unitarian Universalist principles and values, it is ok to understand the behavior (not ourselves, but the behavior) as evil, or wrong, or bad. And then what? We should well shouldn t we, stop it? Combat it? Take responsibility; apologize; reach out to another; take positive, restoring action. 8
Restorative justice. as so powerfully emergent in the South African experience of the Truth and Reconciliation process. With Barrows Dunham, a professor of Philosophy, blacklisted for 14 years by universities after refusing to testify before the House Committee on Un-American Activities in 1953, we can in faith say, the struggle deepens Since evil abides and good does not yet prosper, Let us gather what strength we have, what confidence and valor, That our small victories may end in triumph. Once again, the theme is Holy Curiosity and living into our own answers. Responding in a measure to many of these questions, I think back to one of my fond memories of 25 Beacon Street when I was chairing a denominational committee. The room that I had been assigned to in the UUA s bed and breakfast was dedicated to the memory of the Rev. Mark De Wolfe. He was one of the first openly gay ministers in our midst. I invited him to speak to us in 1987. A year later, he died of AIDS-related complications. His words at a Toronto AIDS Awareness Week candlelight vigil have touched me deeply, and I admire him with joy, trying to practice his reminders, in my life, ever more and more. His words were on a plaque on the wall of my room. Mark DeWolfe put it this way: I d like to ask you now to reach inside yourself and touch that special place in your heart where love blooms and grows. Know that it is love which brought you here tonight, and love which keeps you alive. Know that you are not alone, that the love which blooms inside you is shared by the sisters and brothers who surround you, who, like you, have known not only loss, not only fear, but also the joy of saying Yes to the beauty of Life. The spectacular rising of the full moon, to the glories of a spring day, to the peaceful hush of a new snow. Know that the love which blooms inside you is stronger than fear, for people who love find strength they didn t know they had And know that love is indeed stronger than death, for people who love are like stones tossed into a pool. The circles of love radiate out and echo back long after the stone has come to rest on the bottom. So remember your love as a source of strength: remember who you are: lovers tossed by these difficulties. 9
An ongoing curiosity, questions, uncertainty and being present, authentic and loving. How we take flight in our faith differs from almost all traditions because of our Holy Curiosity. Telling our stories, listening, really listening to others in wounds and wonder. Walking together laughing together crying and helping each other up when we fall, and holding hands and sharing somehow amid the craziness of it all sharing the deep and secret yes within ourselves and within the mystery of this glorious Life and Creation. Our bittersweet lives, embracing the questions, living into our own answers As the poet Mary Oliver puts it: Love yourself. Then forget it. Then love the world. 10