PARENT HANDBOOK
Why a series on Sex? It s not that long ago in our western culture that sex was a dirty word. It wasn t used in public and it certainly wasn t to be said in church. Sex was that thing married people did to have children. It was private and behind closed doors, what happened in the bedroom stayed in the bedroom. Today however times have very much changed. Sex is everywhere. From school yard jokes to online pornography, sex is at the fingertips of our adolescents everyday. In her book, Teen Sex by the Book, Dr Patricia Weerakoon says this: There was a time when pornography required the secrecy of a brown paper bag and a sneaked visit behind the shed. Today, we see not-so-subtle evidence of pornography throughout popular culture. Porn has come into mainstream fashion, music, entertainment and behaviour, as evidenced on billboard advertising, music videos and posters for designer clothes stores. The reality is that pornography has infiltrated our culture like never before. It s everywhere. Billboards and advertising objectify women under the guise that sex sells. TV shows, movies and music normalise the practices of homosexuality and sex outside of marriage. It s on Facebook, it s all over the internet, it s basically unavoidable. One of the most alarming statistics about pornography today is that the average age that someone is exposed to pornography is 11 years old. Now remember that s only the average age, not the earliest age. Jason DeRulo in his popular song, Want to Want Me sings this: You open the door Wearing nothing but a smile down to the floor And you whisper in my ear, "Baby I'm yours" Ooh just the thought of you gets me so high, so high So high Jason Derulo
Even everyones favourite girl, Taylor Swift presents a message about sex in her song Style Taylor Midnight, you come and pick me up No headlights Long drive, could end in burning flames or paradise Fade into view, it's been a while since I have even heard from you I should just tell you to leave cause I Know exactly where it leads but I Watch us go round and round each time Swift And one of the most popular songs, played everyday on our major radio stations, is Take me to Church by Hozier. My church offers no absolutes She tells me "Worship in the bedroom" The only heaven I'll be sent to Is when I'm alone with you No masters or kings When the ritual begins There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene Only then I am human Only then I am clean Ooh oh. Amen. Amen. Amen. Hozier The artist (Hozier) describes the purpose of this song as follows: "Sexuality, and sexual orientation regardless of orientation is just natural. An act of sex is one of the most human things. But an organisation like the church, say, through its doctrine, would undermine humanity by successfully teaching shame about sexual orientation that it is sinful, or that it offends God. The song is about asserting yourself and reclaiming your humanity through an act of love. These are just a few songs, and in reality some of the tamer few, that push a message about sex demanding that our culture follow. This isn t an issue of whether or not you should listen to mainstream radio, watch TV or movies. The point here is, that a message is being presented in these songs and in our culture, to our teenagers that if it feels right you should have it. If you want to have sex with this girl or that guy, then you should go for it. It s natural. It s just being human.
As a church, and particularly in Elevate, we want to be equipping our kids to know how to navigate the dangers that come with living and engaging in a world that presents this message about sex. We want to show them that God designed sex and that he said it was good! We want to show them that being attracted to someone and falling in love is a good thing. But we want to show them that God not only designed sex, but he also had a plan for it in marriage between one man and one woman for life. It s his plan for us to enjoy his creation. All other forms or ideals on sex fall way short of God s great design. To counter the cultural message, and to help answer the questions many of our teens will be asking, we ve put together a 6 week bible series titled Pure Sex presenting what the bible has to say on the hot topics of our day. Week 1: God s Great Design The bible talks about the first marriage between Adam and Eve in Genesis 2, by describing how man and women were built for each other as an answer to man s loneliness. Sex is seen as part of this exclusive relationship which is often described in the bible as a covenant, meaning a man and a woman leave their father and mother to commit themselves to each other thus creating a new family unit. It is intentional not casual. Sex was designed by God for this deep and committed relationship. What we also see in Genesis is that sex didn t happen after the fall, as though it was a by product of our sin. Rather Adam and Eve are united in marriage and sex is a part of God s good creation. Week 2: Sexual Desire and Lust We know from Genesis that God created sex and gave Adam and Eve the desire to bind themselves together in marriage, through sex. And God said that it was good. So sexual desire is not a sinful thing. It s something that God has created in line with his purpose and plan for sex. But sexual desire can easily become lust. Lust can be described as, the strong desire for something or someone that is not yours to have, often fuelled by the eyes. We need to know how to control our own bodies and not take what God has created for good and use it to sin. 1 Thessalonians 4 tells us, For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God
Week 3: What s the Deal with Dating? How Far is too Far? It s a common question teenagers ask. How far is too far? If sex is designed for and reserved for marriage, what advice is there for people in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships? Is it simply a case of deciding what we do by what feels good? There are no specific bible verses that talk about dating, because it wasn t part of the culture the bible was written in. However the bible does have great advice for dating couples. We need to think about dating in light of God s design for sex and love between a man and a women in marriage. So if we choose to date, finding out if this is someone we can marry should be the goal of the relationship. Then like with lust, we need to learn to control our bodies to ensure that we stay away from sexual immorality. But Thessalonians 4:6 takes it a step further by instructing Christians not to take advantage of each other. Not only do we need to ask ourselves, what am I doing to make sure I stay away from sexual immorality? We also need to ask ourselves, what am I doing to protect and love the person I m dating. James O Chelsea Week 4: Purity in a Sexualised World. There are so many messages and pressures that our culture places on our teenagers so how do we stay pure in a sexualised world? How do we avoid the dangers of internet use? How do we counter the objectification of women and men in our culture? The bible is clear that God doesn t want us to sin and to be influenced by the sin of the culture we find ourselves in. But we can t just live on a remote island. We have to go to shopping centres and use computers. That s why God has given us the church. He s given us a community of like minded people with common goals the goal of growing to be more like Jesus the goal of being a city on a hill, shining a light into darkness. We need to stick together and help each other identify what is false and encourage one another to pursue truth and righteousness. We cannot do it alone.
Week 5: Are Christians homophobic? Our culture is saturated by the promotion of homosexual rights. Christians are often portrayed as ancient, unloving bigots. No teen in their right mind wants to be associated with people who are ancient and unloving. But what is the Christian view of homosexuality? How might our teens answer that question in the playground or classroom if they are labeled as being ancient and unloving? The truth is that the bible does clearly speak against homosexual sex as being sin. But the important thing to note is that the bible doesn t place the sin of homosexual sex in a worse category than other sin. because all sin falls short of God s great design for us. The bible instructs all to train our minds for righteousness rather than fuel immoral sexual feelings or attraction, whether they are homosexual or heterosexual. This helps prevent us from thinking we are better than the homosexual sinner. We can then love them as we love anyone, because they are a sinner in need of the grace of God just like us. The Key to the Series: Repentance Forgiveness and Redemption. So what happens if we get it wrong? What happens if we watch pornography, go to far in a relationship or even have sex outside marriage? Does that mean we can t be Christians? The truth is that our sin has consequences. And sexual sin is no exception. It can have serious consequences. However the great news of the gospel is that Jesus has made a way for us to be washed clean of the guilt and shame of all sin, including sexual immorality. The gospel call is - turn back to Jesus, because forgiveness, redemption and the offer of no condemnation is freely given to those who will ask Him for it! Jesus said in John 10:9-10 I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. Our sexualised culture wants to steal away God s great gift of sex and destroy its blessing. But Jesus has come to redeem all of life and show us the way we can live life as it was intended. As we read what God has to say about sex and relationships, we ll discover that God s good design brings not only guilt free relationships, but great joy and satisfaction.
Parent Resources If you would like some more resources to continue the conversation with your kids on God s design and gift of sex. Here are some good options for you and your teens to work through together. Little Black Books: Sex by Scott Perry Growing Up by The Book & Teen Sex by The Book by Dr Patricia Weerakoon If you have any questions or want to talk to us more about this series we d love to chat to you. You can email us elevate@ehpc.org.au or call our Youth Pastor, James on 0419 510 864