A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other)

A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other) Ty Schenzel, Presenter Director of Hope Center for Kids-Omaha, NE Community Builder Activity: Let It Fly! Let s Talk About It: (discussion time 5 minutes) Discussion Questions In your immediate family: What are things that happened in the last two weeks that lifted you up? What are things that happened in the last two weeks that let you down? Make the Teen Years Great Years by Honoring Each Other Our common goal: No regrets. Commit to honoring each other for the next years. Start with the last picture in mind. Think about high school graduation day and celebrating the memories made. Ephesians 6:1-4, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother ---which is the first commandment with a promise--- that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Faith Legacy Series: A Teenage Home Everybody Wins - Participant Handout 1

Let s Talk About It: (discussion time 5 minutes) Discussion Questions: Kids discuss with kids: One thing I do that bugs my parents is One thing I could do that would make my parents happy is Parents discuss with parents: What one thing did your parents do for you during your teen years that you would like to do for your child? Create an Atmosphere of Honor To honor is to put the interests of someone else ahead of your own. Picture in banking terms: Deposits and Withdrawals A deposit is honoring or blessing the other. A withdrawal is selfishness, dishonoring the other or anger Philippians 2:3-8, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human like, And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death even death on a cross! When we live without Jesus, it s all about ME. Having the Holy Spirit in our lives gives us the grace to honor our children or parents. We honor Jesus by honoring others. Faith Legacy Series: A Teenage Home Everybody Wins - Participant Handout 2

Let s Talk About It: (discussion time 10 minutes) Discussion Question: Discuss in immediate families. How would you like your teen/parent to honor you? Kids: Choose two of the following ways you would like your parents to honor you or come up with one or two of your own. 1. Listen to me and don t interrupt me when I m talking. 2. Trust me with a decision that is important to me, like (name one). 3. Not ask me every day if my homework is done. 4. Let me help set the limits on my cell phone use / social media / computer time. 5. Trust my choice of friends. Parents: Choose two of the following ways you would like your teen to honor you or come up with one or two of your own. 1. Do your regularly assigned chores without being asked. 2. Do your homework on time to the best of your ability. 3. Don t roll your eyes when I say something you don t appreciate. 4. Once I have listened to your request and reasons why you want to do something, accept my decision without complaining or acting out. 5. Look me in the eyes when I m talking to you. When in Conflict, Honor Each Other The Wise Appeal by Dr. Roger Theimer (video) Conflict does not have to be a withdrawal. When handled with honor, conflict can become a deposit. 1. Listen with honor. Let the other share completely before responding. 2. Speak with honor. How you say it is as important as what you say. 3. Use the Wise Appeal. 1 1 The Wise Appeal is taken from Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes. 2000 by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. Used with permission. Faith Legacy Series: A Teenage Home Everybody Wins - Participant Handout 3

I understand you want me to because I have a problem with that because Could I please? Let s Talk About It: (discussion time 15 minutes) Discuss with others at your table: Practice the Wise Appeal Use the scenarios provided at your table or make up your own. Parents: Bring your A game to honoring your kids by making deposits into their lives. Kids: Honor and appreciate your parents. Time is short. The result will be a good harvest and no regrets! Prayer: At your tables, each person thank God for one thing about your family or for something that you learned tonight. Be as specific as possible. Taking It Home: The Blessing and Blessing Event u talk i listen cards God Talk at Home Faith Legacy Series: Participant Handout 4

A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other) Parent Teen Covenant Parent Commitment: I promise to do what I can to create an everybody wins atmosphere in our home. I will do this by honoring every other family member the way Jesus honored me when he gave his life on the cross to take on himself the punishment for my sins. This is no small commitment! I will attempt to always honor other family members, recognizing that it is my responsibility to set the tone and create an atmosphere of honor in our home. I will make every effort to do what it says in the second chapter of Philippians to put the needs of my child(ren) ahead of my own needs. (This doesn t mean they will always get what they want because I often know better than they do what they need.) I will communicate with honor I will listen well to other family members, and I will speak to them with respect. I will listen to my child(ren) s frustrations with honor and will encourage them to disagree honorably. My aim will be to follow the guidance of Ephesians 6:4 to not exasperate my child(ren) but to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. As I seek to do all these things, it s my goal that as we look back on the teen years, we will have no regrets. I promise to do what I can to create an everybody wins atmosphere in our home. I will do this by honoring every other family member the way Jesus honored me when he gave his life on the cross to take on himself the punishment for my sins. This is a big deal! I will attempt to always honor other family members, especially my parents, recognizing that God considered this so important that he put it in his Top Ten commandments. I will make every effort to do what it says in the second chapter of Philippians to put the needs of my parent(s) (and siblings) ahead of my own needs. (As my parents make the same promise, I realize this doesn t mean I m always going to get what I want because they often know better than I do what I need.) I will communicate with honor I will listen well to other family members, and I will speak to them with respect. I will share my frustrations and disagree honorably (recognizing that when I disagree with honor, my concerns have a better chance of being listened to with honor). As I seek to do all these things, it s my goal that I ll look back as a young adult and have no regrets. Signed: Date: Signed: Date: Signed: Date: Teen Commitment: Faith Legacy Series: Seventh Grade Parent-Teen Covenant

A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other) Helps for Communicating When in Conflict Kids: Use the Wise Appeal spell it out Do you want to go somewhere with your friends? Don t put your parents on the spot by asking them in front of your friends. This is manipulative. They may just say no to you because you re asking in a manipulative way. (Saying no is a legitimate way for your parent to teach you to take a different approach next time.) If your parent s final answer is no, learn to accept it. This is an adult thing to do. (Your parents don t always get their way either.) Parents: Listen to your children when they honorably suggest an alternative to what you want. When possible, negotiate toward a compromise (as long as it doesn t compromise your values) so that everybody wins. Model the Wise Appeal for your children: o I realize you want to because o I have a problem with that because o Option 1 You take the initiative: I suggest OR What if o Option 2 Give the initiative to your child: What would you suggest we do? Don t be afraid to say no to your children, even after they ve made an honorable appeal. Your life experience may lead you to deny their request. Besides, they need to learn to accept no. It s a vital part of their growth toward maturity. Faith Legacy Series: A Teenage Home Everybody Wins Helps for Communicating

Create a Blessing for Your Child What Is a Blessing? A blessing is the good that God gives us, both material and spiritual. A spoken blessing over someone is a prayer for God to bless that person in a specific way. A blessing from a parent to a child communicates approval and value. The child receives a sense of his or her positive future held in the hands of God and supported by his or her parents. Formal blessings, such as this, are most often given with a touch, a spoken word and direct eye contact. The same phrase used in one blessing can be repeated throughout a child s life so that blessing phrase is remembered for a lifetime. Other blessings can be given for specific discipleship skills or character traits. These blessing phrases can change often. Option One: Bless your child with a phrase to be used throughout your child s life. What brief blessing would you pray over your child that affirms him/her and his/her uniqueness? Here are some examples: Brooke, I pray that God fills you with his joy and that joy always overflows to others. Tyler, may God bless you with wisdom to follow him in all your ways. Jordan, I bless you as a daughter of the King to have a strong heart, kind touch and a generous hand. Ryan, may God bless you to be faithful to the Lord and to be used by him for his high purposes. Another way to compose a blessing for your child is to research the meaning of your child s name. Often a heartfelt blessing can be created from the meaning. Once you have discovered what your child s name means, use a concordance to look up related Bible verses. If you do not have a concordance, search for Bible concordance on the web and search for key words that will help you develop your blessing. Example: Matthew Allan Matthew: means gift of God Allan: fair, handsome Faith Legacy Series: Create a Blessing for Your Child - 1

The two names together might read a handsome gift of God. Handsome could also be attractive. How can attractiveness be a blessing? It draws people. What is a gift? It is something given without any requirements. With those beginnings, research verses from the Bible. These two were found in the New International Version (NIV) for the words draw near to the Lord. 1. Ezekiel 40:46 and the room facing north is for the priests who have charge of the altar. These are the sons of Zadok, who are the only Levites who may draw near to the LORD to minister before him." Ezekiel 40:45-47 (in Context) Ezekiel 40 (Whole Chapter) 2. Ezekiel 45:4 It will be the sacred portion of the land for the priests, who minister in the sanctuary and who draw near to minister before the LORD. It will be a place for their houses as well as a holy place for the sanctuary. Ezekiel 45:3-5 (in Context) Ezekiel 45 (Whole Chapter) For gift, 159 entries were found. That will take some reading and discernment about gifts. In any case, a gift is a benefit. So with the information gleaned, here is a possible blessing: Dear Matthew, I bless you to be a gift of God to others and attract them to Jesus. Or a more extensive blessing might be: Dear Matthew, you are a gift from God. I bless you to draw people to the Lord to receive his free gift of Jesus Christ. May your words and your life be attractive, so that people will ask about the faith that is within you. I bless you to boldly speak of God s love to any who will listen. Option Two: Bless your child with a variety of blessings throughout his/her life that speak of Christ-like characteristics or discipleship skills. Look at scripture verses for ideas. To give purpose, direction, and instruction, you may want to use a passage in part or entirety. Look for verses that start with command words, i.e., follow, obey, share, grow, learn, pray, study, love, etc. To use scripture verses when speaking a blessing, you may find it more understandable to start the verse with the words May the Lord or Let your or I bless you to Here is an example of incorporating two verses in a blessing: Ephesians 6:11, Put on all the armor that God supplies. In this way you can take a stand against the devil s strategies. Psalm 28:7, The LORD is my strength and my shield. Scott, let the armor of God equip you to stand against the devil s strategies. May the Lord be your strength and your shield your whole life long. Faith Legacy Series: Create a Blessing for Your Child - 2

Suggested Bible Verses for Blessing Your Child (From God s Word to the Nations) Spiritual strength: Exodus 15:2, The LORD is my strength and my song. He is my Savior. This is my God, and I will praise him, my father s God, and I will honor him. Obedience and receiving God s promises: Genesis 22:18, Through your descendant all the nations of the earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me. Deuteronomy 28:1, Carefully obey the LORD your God, and faithfully follow all his commands that I m giving you today. If you do, the LORD your God will place you high Hiding the word in your heart: Joshua 1:8, Never stop reciting these teachings. You must think about them night and day so that you will faithfully do everything written in them God is with you always: Joshua 1:9, Be strong and courageous! Don t tremble or be terrified, because the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. Be like a strong tree: Psalm 1:3, He is like a tree planted beside streams a tree that produces fruit in season and whose leaves do not wither. He succeeds in everything he does. John 15:58, I am the vine. You are the branches. Those who live in me while I live in them will produce a lot of fruit. and therefore show that you are my disciples. Wisdom and insight: Proverbs 2:2,5,6a, My son [daughter], if you take my words to heart and treasure my commands within you, Then you will understand the fear of the Lord and you will find the knowledge of God. The LORD gives wisdom... The Beatitudes: Matthew 5:3-12 (Any of these verses have character traits for which you might like to bless your child.) How to live: Ephesians 5:15-21 (There are many thoughts here on how to live. Pick out those phrases that speak clearly to you and your child.) Philippians 4:2-8 (These verses include suggestions on love, attitude, spreading the Good News, being joyful, considerate, not worrying.) Faith Legacy Series: Create a Blessing for Your Child - 3

Inward peace: Philippians 4: 7, Then God s peace, which goes beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your thoughts and emotions through Christ Jesus. John 14:27, I m leaving you peace. I m giving you my peace... Colossians 3:15-17 let Christ s peace control you. (The remaining verses contain strong life principles, as well. Investigate these verses for more thoughts.) Although young, be strong: 1 Timothy 4:12, Don t let anyone look down on you for being young. Instead, make your speech, behavior, love, faith, and purity an example for other believers. Endure through testing: James 1:12, Blessed are those who endure when they are tested. Bless with words describing the preteen Jesus: Luke 2:52, Jesus grew in wisdom and maturity. He gained favor from God and people. More Information Gary Smalley and John Trent wrote a helpful book, The Blessing. This book notes that five basic parts of a family blessing are: Meaningful touch A spoken message Attaching high value to the person being blessed Picturing a special future for the one being blessed An active commitment to fulfill the blessing Faith Legacy Series: Create a Blessing for Your Child - 4

A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other) God Talk at Home #1 Make the teen years great years by honoring each other This God Talk is a review of the first legacy point from the parent-teen video seminar A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other). It is designed to take about 30 minutes. Discuss the items below with everyone who attended the seminar, and include anyone else in the family who might benefit from the conversation. Conversation: Take turns drawing u talk I listen cards for about 15 minutes (more if you have time). Each person answers the card, speaking for one minute before anyone else adds something. Normally when using the u talk I listen cards, you read the Scripture at the bottom of the card and say what it means to you. If you want to limit this God Talk experience to about 30 minutes, you may choose not to read the Scriptures at the bottom of the cards. Bible Content: Read James 1:19. Each person tells what the verse means to them. Application: Discuss: o Why are these cards called u talk i listen cards? o How well do we generally listen to each other as a family? Have everybody write down a grade (A, B, C, D, or F) for your family s listening habits. Then talk about why you gave the grade you did. o What do we need to do next as a family? Prayer: Pray for the family member on your right: o Pray for something they talked about in the Conversation section above; OR o Ask the person on your right how you might pray for him or her, or someone else close to him/her whatever is on his/her heart right now. Faith Legacy Series God Talk at Home Legacy Point 1

A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other) God Talk at Home #2 Create an atmosphere of honor This God Talk is a review of the second legacy point from the parent-teen video seminar A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other). It is designed to take about 30 minutes. Discuss the items below with everyone who attended the seminar, and include anyone else in the family who might benefit from the conversation. Conversation: Review what Ty Schenzel meant when he talked on the video about making deposits and withdrawals. Who in your family has made a deposit in your life lately? What did they do? How did it feel? If you made a recent withdrawal, this is a great time to apologize. (Mom/Dad be the first.) Bible Content: Read Philippians 2:3-8. Each person tells what these verses mean to them. Application: Review the difference between obedience, respect, and honor. In case you need help, check out the definitions below o o o Obedience Doing what you are told (your attitude should also be in line with your actions). Respect Having an inner attitude that recognizes that the other person is of great value to God and should therefore have great value to you as well. Honor Taking action that places the needs and desires of someone else ahead of your own just as Jesus did. Each person share -- How good are you at honoring others in your family? Give yourself a letter grade from A to F. (Be honest this won t have any value to anyone if you don t dig deep. Being truthful about this question will help build a stronger bond in your family, and improve everyone s ability to respect and trust you.) Prayer: Someone ask God to help each family member honor each other family member, in the same way that Jesus honored you. Faith Legacy Series God Talk at Home Legacy Point 2

A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other) God Talk at Home #3 When in conflict, honor each other This God Talk is a review of the third legacy point from the parent-teen video seminar A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other). It is designed to take about 30 minutes. Discuss the items below with everyone who attended the seminar, and include anyone else in the family who might benefit from the conversation. Conversation: Each person responds to one u talk i listen card. Each person reflects back to a conflict you had with someone in the family that has been resolved. Talk about how/why you were able to resolve the conflict. Bible Content: Read Galatians 5:22-23. Each person identifies which of these nine Spirit-fruits seems farthest away from you when you are in conflict with someone. Which fruit seems easiest for you to put into practice? Application: Discuss: Why is it hard to honor someone or put their needs ahead of your own when you disagree with them? Practice the Wise Appeal together. Each person think of a conflict you had (or are currently having) with someone in authority over you a teacher, parent, a boss. Now work together to come up with a Wise Appeal for each situation. Prayer: Pray for the person on your left as they grow in their ability to honor those that they disagree with. Review which fruit of the Spirit they mentioned above. Thank God for the one(s) easiest to apply (be specific in your prayer), and pray that they will be better at applying the harder one(s). Faith Legacy Series God Talk at Home Legacy Point 3

Designing Your Own Family Devotion - Family Night 1. Pick a Bible event or teaching point. Your choice can be influenced by an event in the news, or something that happened to someone in the family, or something that surfaced in your own quiet time, or as a family you re taking a tour through a favorite Bible book or chapter 2. Decide on your bottom line. The more you teach, the less you teach. What s the write-it-on-their-heart nugget you want everyone to remember? 3. Devise an introductory activity that piques everyone s interest, tickles a need, sets the direction, opens the door, asks a question. Some options to consider: Ask God for a creative idea that will generate interest and be memorable. Choose a question from the u talk i listen 1 cards. Or make up your own. Have your teen read aloud a related article that you have found in a newspaper or magazine (or have everybody look for one to share). Tell a brief story from your teen years. Have everyone draw (or create out of clay) something that connects to the topic. 4. Present the Bible content If you started with a current event from the news or someone s experience, you can use a concordance to find a related Scripture verse. Or ask a friend or your pastor for a Scripture that relates to the subject. If you have younger children, an older child might read the Scripture. Think of a creative way to make the Bible event memorable. Use lighting or candles for dramatic effect. How can you use the senses of smell, hearing, touch, sight, or taste? 5. Process the information from Scripture. Ask questions: Observation questions (What happened) Interpretation questions (What does this mean?) Application Questions (What does this mean to me?) 6. Assignment Let s each do all week 7. Bible memory verse Everyone write the verse out on a slip of paper or card stock and memorize it. Once a week, say the memory verse to each other and how you have seen it apply in your life. 8. Closing prayer 1 u talk i listen Cards are available from Kids Kount Publishing 888.549.8687

Five Wise Appeal Scenarios Before the seminar, cut the following scenarios apart so you can distribute them to tables of 7 th graders and parents during the Legacy Point Three discussion time. Scenario One: You want Mom to buy you a pair of $150 name brand shoes. Mom says, My limit is $50. You make a wise appeal. Scenario Two: Your curfew is 10 p.m. on a Friday night. All your friends have decided to go to the 9:00 viewing of the summer blockbuster movie, which will get over at 11:00. Scenario Three: All your friends are planning to go to see a PG13 movie. The rule at your house is No PG13 movies until you re 14. Scenario Four: Your parents have informed you that the family is going to Grandma s house on Friday night, but it s youth group lock-in at church. Scenario Five: You want to spend the night at a friend s house. But your parents say no because they don t know your friend s parents and how you would be supervised or whether you would be supervised at all. Faith Legacy Series: A Teenage Home Everybody Wins Wise Appeal Scenarios

Evaluation Form A Teenage Home Where Everybody Wins (and nobody kills each other) Date of Session: Please evaluate each of the following Type a number in each small yellow box. 1 = Poor, 2 = OK, 3 = Good, 4 = Very good, 5 = Excellent 1. Overall, how would you rate your experience? 2. How would you rate our church s implementation and organization in delivering this experience? 3. How would you rate the video content? the discussion? the Blessing Event? u talk i listen cards? How has this experience impacted your life or thinking? What suggestions would you give for next time? I am a parent. I am a seventh grader. Name (optional): Faith Legacy Series: A Teenage Home Everybody Wins Evaluation