Harmony @ Home with the children Ephesians 6:1- Proposition: this passage reminds children to obey and dad s to be active in raising Godly children We return to the book of Ephesians again this week. You might recall the structure of the book, this letter to the church at Ephesus Structure of Ephesians Chapters 1-3 speak about who we are in Christ Jesus. We are citizens of heaven, we are seated with Christ in heavenly places, we are chosen, we have been blessed with multiple spiritual blessings. Once Paul finishes teaching on who we are positionally in Christ he begins to talk about how we then should live because of who we are. Chapters 1-3 show us were we are seated. Chapters -6 tell us how we are to walk as Christians Chapter 5:20 Walk in Unity Walk in Purity Chapter 5:21-32 Walk in Harmony in marriage Chapters 6: 1- Walk in Harmony with your children 6:5-9 Walk in Harmony at work Chapter 6:10-20 Walk in Victory And so our text this morning focuses on How to walk in Harmony with our children. Just an aside: I have read literally hundreds of books, watched videos, been to courses on how to parent. I run many, many parenting courses. And yet, I find what we read in the Bible to be so simple, so practical, and it really works. Being a dad for me was one of my biggest dreams that I had for life and ended up being very satisfying, yes, but also very challenging. I thank God for Juliette s wisdom and significant training and for the grace of God. I so admire those single parents in this world that do so well. It s not easy but it is satisfying and what God has to say really does work. I recall hearing the story of a Catholic Priest being interviewed one day on Christian radio. And the radio announcer/ host was really trying to trap him. You see there are many Catholics who teach that life begins the moment a child is conceived. Plus, there is a very liberal school within that tradition that teaches that a child is not a soul, is not a person until he or she takes their first breath. And I guess the underlying issue behind this debate is this: when is a person a person, and consequently could abortion possibly be Ok for a Christian? So, the radio announcer, being aware of what was being debated, turned to the Catholic Priest and said, "Tell me, when does life really begin?" The priest paused and thought for a while then answered. "Well," he said," I have been visiting parishioners and counselling families in the community for 23 years and I have concluded that life really begins when the children leave home and the dog dies." Now his comment suggests that parenting children can be really stressful, organised chaos, hard work, even a chore. But the Bible never paints parenting in that light. Instead the Word of God suggests that parenting is a privilege, a joy where we get to join God in shaping little people into amazing big people. I would without hesitation say to anyone keen to learn parenting skills that the things the Bible teaches about parenting are simple and really work. And if you follow them, you can have harmony in the home, even through the teenage years (most of the time). Would you stand please as I read from the Word of God to you? 6 Children, you belong to the Lord, and you do the right thing when you obey your parents. The first commandment with a promise says, 2 "Obey your father and your mother, 3 and you will have a long and happy life." 1
Parents, don t be hard on your children. Raise them properly. Teach them and instruct them about the Lord. Paul is talking here directly to. the children. What is the implication? The implication is that when Paul expected his letter to the church at Ephesus to be read he expected the children to be in church and hearing his words. He talks directly to them. Children, you belong to the Lord and you do the right thing when you obey your parents. Paul assumed that they would be in church hearing this letter being read out and therefore had a specific word to these children. In the 1980s a historian did some research on two men born in colonial America at the same time. Both of these men believed in God; one thought that church was an optional extra, unnecessary, while the other insisted that his family always go to church with him. By 1980 the descendants of this first prominent Christian, a man called Max Dukes who rarely went to church numbered 1026 300 of his direct descendants were imprisoned for an average sentence of 13 years. 190 of them were professional prostitutes. 620 of them were alcoholics. The state of new York was said to have spent over million dollars on rehabilitating or incarcerating Max Dukes s direct descendants. A man born the same year by the name of Jonathon Edwards (famous for his sermon "Sinners in the hands of an angry God") believed that church was for the whole family. He said, "if you live under my roof we go to church, that is what we do as a family." Many criticized him for being too strict. By the year 1980 there were 929 direct descendants of Jonathan Edwards 30 of them were in full time ministry 86 became university professors 13 became university presidents 75 became accomplished authors 7 served in parliament and 1 became the vice president of America It was said of Jonathan Edwards descendants that they never cost the state a cent and gave so much to the community. They enriched the country. They made it a better place. They both believed in God. One thought that church is not important. The second one always took his whole family to church. Two very different legacies. In our family we always said you must come to church until you are Year 9 then you must come at least once a month. All of our children, I think took that first Sunday off when they were Year 9 but then kept coming every week anyway. Paul writes this passage directly for the children who he knew would be in church. Who are the children Paul is speaking to here? Children" in our text comes from the Greek word Tekna; meaning anyone living at home with mum and dad regardless of age. Not Tiki (pronounced Tyke) meaning little ones. But Tekna meaning anyone still living with their parents, under their roof. 2
If you are still at home, regardless of your age you are Tekna, and these words from the apostle Paul directly relate to you. Whoever lives at home with a parent or parents is a Tekna and they are to be obeying their parents eagerly. Now the word obey in our text is the Greek word pronounced Hupakowu. What does it mean? It was a word used in ancient times commonly to describe the attentiveness a solider paid to their commanding officer in a war zone. So, picture you are in the heat of battle or going into battle and the commanding officer is calling out instructions about what is going to happen. Yeah, but my parents are way behind the times, they don t know as much as I do about this issue or that topic. That might well be true but obey them anyway. Towards the end of Luke chapter two, Joseph and Mary are leaving Jerusalem and they realize young Jesus isn t with them. Jesus was back in the temple, talking to people about God. When they finally find him they ask Him why He was still in the temple. Luke 2:9-52 (CEV) 9 Jesus answered, "Why did you have to look for me? Didn t you know that I would be in my Father s house?" [a] 50 But they did not understand what he meant. 51 Jesus went back to Nazareth with his parents and obeyed them. His mother kept on thinking about all that had happened. 52 Jesus became wise, and he grew strong. God was pleased with him and so were the people. Did Jesus know more than Mary and his step dad? Absolutely. Did he obey them anyway? Yes He did; he obeyed them and went back to Nazareth (that is not what He wanted to do). Notice then the consequence of His obedience. Jesus became wise, He grew strong. God was pleased with Him and so were the people. Even if your parents are asking you to make what you perceive to be the wrong decision, if you obey them you will become the right person. Jesus grew in wisdom and favour in the eyes of the father and of the community. The only time that you should say no to mum and dad while you live under their roofs is if they ask you to do something that is clearly unbiblical. You don t get to say no mum just because it doesn t feel right. You say no mum or dad when you can quote chapter and verse to them that what they are telling you is not biblical. Otherwise God calls you to lean forward, pay attention to all they tell you or ask of you, and then obey eagerly. You will be blessed. The 5 th commandment says that if you honour your mother and father things will go well for you and you will live long in the land. The same thing is said in our text. Why obey mum and dad if you are living at home? 2 "Obey your father and your mother, 3 and you will have a long and happy life." You may not think they are being fair. You may not think that they know best but you are going to do so much better in life if you listen and obey. Now Paul turns his attention from the Tekna to the parents, and I suspect from the original language that he had mostly dad s in mind as he wrote this. Parents, don t be hard on your children. Raise them properly. Teach them and instruct them about the Lord. Don t be hard on your children. 3
Other translations say don t exasperate them, or don t make them angry. Very similar language is used in Colossians 3:21 Colossians 3:21 (CEV) 21 Parents, don t be hard on your children. If you are, they might give up. Commentators say that there are three ideas behind what Paul is writing in our text. Parents don t be hard on your children. a) Don t nag them Don t badger them. Don t keep repeating yourself on and on. To use Parenting tool box language, make your expectations firm, fair and friendly. Say it once, the right way, then calmly allow consequences to follow if they don t meet a reasonable request. b) Don t tease them Kiwi men like to tease, we tease our mates that we are close to and it seems natural, even fun to tease our kids. But the original language of this passage clearly implies that we are not to tease. The reality is it s natural for us men to tease but it very rare to find a child that likes or benefits from being teased. The third meaning behind this phrase is c) Don t have unrealistic expectations One of the things we want as parents, and we do this subconsciously, is that we want our children to be like us and whatever we were good at. Or whatever we aspired to achieve as children we want them to do the same or better. If we expect our children to be something they are not, they will say things like, I just can t live up to my parent s expectations. My dad was disappointed in me. When you and I try to make our kids fulfil our dreams or to be like us they get discouraged and want to give up. We parents, we grandparents are not to try to make our children like us. We are to help them discover who it is that God has made them and what it is that God has called them to do. I heard one man say this: "Children are not to be moulded into our image but unfolded into God s image." I think that is right. And its interesting it doesn t just say 'mums raise the children, train them to understand the things of God.' It says, 'parents, raise the children.' Too often we are so busy with so many responsibilities as men that we look at the parenting role and say, oh well, that s mum s job. Not true, its our job, our joy, our responsibility. Men we need to be involved. Over the years I have heard a lot of people talk about quality time. And I had that mindset with my three adult children growing up. We did a lot of seriously fun stuff. We had good family traditions but most days I would rush home, play with the kids, hype them up, give them about 15 minutes alone time with dad, then when they were all hyper I would go out again and leave them with Juliette to get to bed. With little Anna I don't think so much about quality time as I used to. And maybe that was a bit of a cop out. But just time. I heard the true story of some little primary school aged children arguing. I heard another pastor tell this story, so I am retelling it second hand but apparently one of the little girls at school started off 'my dad is the best dad because he is the CEO of a large company and he flies around the world.'
The next little girl said, well my dad is so rich we have several cars and a swimming pool. The third girls said her dad was best because he was a sports star. The third little girl said lastly; I like my dad the best because he plays with me every day. Apparently when the fourth little girl spoke, they all went silent because that was what they all wanted most anyway. Parenting toolbox was originally written by Ian and Mary Grant, legendary Christians, and as we teach the course one acronym we often refer to is the ABC of parenting. Parents are responsible for the ATMOSPHERE in the home. We do not have to yell back when the kids yell at us. We need to bring an atmosphere of love and respect into every situation. That s on us not the children. B Stands for BOUNDARIES Its up to the adults in the home to set the standard and the degree of choice our Tekna have. C stands for CONSEQUENCES Young people should not be shielded from the consequences of their bad decisions. I recall when my oldest son put a stone through an empty holiday home s widow just to see what it was like. He was about 10 at the time and I had a house full of church leaders for lunch that day. Someone turned to me and said oh that must be so embarrassing for you, pastor. I said, 'no, its not. It's his problem.' You know it took my son about 3 months to pay for that window and he never damaged another person's property again. What is God s word to us today. If you are living under your parents' roof, no matter what your age is, you are Tekna and you are to lean forward attentively to your parent s instruction and to eagerly obey them, even if you know more than them, then you will become a better person and enjoy a better quality of life. And if you are a parent don t nag, don t tease, don t expect your kids to be like you and fulfil your dreams. No work with the Holy Spirit to discover who they are uniquely, God s giftings and God s call on their lives. Is harmony in the home possible, even through the teenage years? I believe it is. Home can be the most wonderful place, it may be so good, such an adventure if you Teknas do what you are called to do, and you parents, mum and dad do what God wants you to do. 5