TRANSCRIPT BO EASON CONNECTION: HOW YOUR STORY OF STRUGGLE CAN SET YOU FREE INTRODUCTION Each one of us has a personal story of overcoming struggle. Each one of us has been to hell and back in our own way. We have experienced a Dark Night of the Soul where we feel lost and lonely. Eckart Tolle describes the Dark Night of the Soul as a collapse of a perceived meaning in life an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some
cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there s no purpose to anything. When we go through these struggles we often feel completely alone. Life seems to have lost it s meaning. We feel as though no one can understand us and that no one has ever felt the way we re feeling right now. This is what makes personal stories so powerful. When we share our personal stories of struggle we reach out from the darkness to connect with people, rather than staying isolated and alone. I ve looked to other people s stories to help me make sense of my own struggles. In the past, when I ve felt lonely and alone in life I ve searched for others who have been there and gotten through. It s helped me see that other people have dealt with similar issues. It also helps me understand that struggle is a universal issue. Every one of us has struggled and wrestled with things in our lives, which means that we re all connected in that beautiful way. Each one of these realizations brings me a deeper sense of connection, a deeper sense of harmony and unity with other people. When I know that I m not alone in the darkest place of my life, that I can see that there are other people who have experienced what I m experiencing, I am never without hope. Simply put, feeling alone and without meaning can be one of the greatest enemies in your life. When you feel all alone in the world you slide into a deeper, darker place than when you realize that you are connected to so many other people. When we think we re alone in life we begin to get self-centered and ego-centered. We stop thinking about how our experience can teach us and we go into self-protection mode, which isn t helpful, that stifles our growth. So it s by sharing our stories, by sharing our experiences with struggle, that we can really find a deep connection with the world and everyone in it. We can rediscover what s really meaningful to us. We can discover our personal power. What s even more amazing is that when we begin to tell our stories of struggle, we begin to learn from those stories. We learn that what we ve gone through happened to teach us a lesson. We re able to step back and get more perspective on the issue because we re not stuck in that egocentered place where the struggle becomes our whole world. Instead, growth becomes our world. We become inspired by what we and others have been through. And we start to see a deeper meaning to it all.
When we understand the deeper meaning to our struggle we can begin to become more dedicated in our lives. We can see what we need to do to become the person we want to be. And we can start writing the story of not just where we ve been, but of where we want to go. We can look to the future and write our story of what we want to accomplish, the type of person we want to become, and the feelings we want to experience in our lives. My guest this week, Bo Eason, is a former NFL player who then went on to write a critically acclaimed play Runt of the Litter. He s now helps train others on how to tell their story in powerful and impactful ways so that they can finally tap into the power of their personal experience. INTERVIEW So Bo, we're talking today about your story and how telling your story of struggle can really set you free. In essence, just the power of your personal story. I think where I would love to start with you is telling your story. Yeah. Most people know when I was nine years old, I had this dream I had this dream of being the safety in the whole world. That's all I want to do, so I drew up a plan with some crayon and some school paper. I'm nine. Imagine this plan. That's great. Everyday, for the next 20 years, it was a 20 year plan, so in 1984, is the year that I would be drafted into the NFL. It happened, but all the way leading up to it happening, it looked like it was never going to happen. Like I didn't get a scholarship to college. Nobody wanted me. I was very small. I wasn't even the best player in my family. Eventually it happened.
When that finished, when football was over, I had 7 knee surgeries while I played, so you get beat up pretty quickly. I just thought, you know, I was being wheeled off of the field after the seventh knee surgery. I was being wheeled off of the field. I was looking up into the crowd in the stadium in Miami. We were playing the Dolphins. I looked up in the crowd and I was just thinking to myself, I've trained at one thing my whole life, 20 years, to be the best in the world at a thing. Now I can't do that thing anymore. The very next question in my mind was, what am I going to do now? The answer was, and this is the vision that I had, like it just popped in my head as I'm on a stretcher, was prison. Because I thought the one thing I do better than everybody else in the whole world is illegal in the civilian world. You know what I mean? The things I do best is run 25 miles per hour. Throw my head into other people. People go like this, "Oh, that's great. Good job." Pat you in the butt. Now that I can't do that anymore, I'm going to take this out into the civilian world. That's just not going to pass. That's not going to be accepted, so I thought of prison. And the very next thought to avoid prison was I'm moving to New York City. I'm going to find a platform, a place I could put my feet really similar to an NFL field. I got to find a stage. I got to find somewhere to put myself so that I can express myself and actually not hurt people doing it, and actually make a living doing it, and avoid prison all at the same time. It's like three good things, right? Yeah, so I did. I moved to New York. I just got in every class I could. Improv classes, writing classes, theater classes, acting classes, anything I could. I used the same energy that it took me to be the best safety to be the best stage performer. I went to every kid in my class and said, "Hey, what do I got to do? Who's the best stage performer of our time? Who is that?" This was 1990. They were all like, "Well, that's Al Pacino." About three days later, they said I couldn't meet Al Pacino, but I did about three days later. I was at his house. And he goes, "Bo, I understand why you're here. I understand you want what I've got." I go, "Yeah. Can you tell me how to do, how to be the best stage performer of my time? Can you tell me exactly what to do?" He goes, "Yes, but fair warning. That's going to be 15 years." I go, "Cool. I work really good in those kind of timelines. Let's do it."
He just broke it down. He goes, "You got to work with this person, this person, that person, this person." Basically, what he told me was my butt had to be on a stage more than any other human being on the earth during these 15 years. Basically, that was the coaching. I said, "Well, okay. That's easy. I can do that." That's one thing. I'm like if you give me a plan like that, I can actually run those miles, so I did it. Then 15 years later, I never saw Al Pacino again, so I leave. I say, "Goodbye, Al. Thank you," and leave. 15 years later, I'm backstage on Broadway, waiting in the wings, it's opening night of a show that I wrote and I'm the only guy in. I run out on stage and I start talking to the audience. I played pro football, you know? I was not nearly as nervous running into 300lb guys as I was going to face the New York critics. I went out there and my heart was pounding. I was dying out there. About 5 or 10 minutes into the show, I started to feel my feet on the stage. I started to get like present. About that time, I made eye contact with a guy in the fifth row. He's right on the isle. It's Al Pacino. Stop it. Yeah, and it's Al Pacino. I haven't seen him in 15 years. He does this. We make eye contact. The show is going on. I'm speaking, right? I'm looking right at Al Pacino. He's looking at me and he goes like this. That's all he did. It was the best review that I ever got after all those 15 years of training. My life really has been, like I've been obsessed with what it takes to be the best at a thing. I don't care if it's this position in football or it's this stage performer or it's a speaker or it's a husband or it's a father. I'm really obsessed with what it takes to be that. And the one thing that you have to have if you want to be the best in the world at a thing, no matter what discipline, whether it's ballet or playing the cello, you've got to know your story. You've got to be able to express it, not only the story of where you're coming from, but the story of your visionary story, where you're going. So that people can now help you build it, like Al Pacino, and all the mentors that show up once you say, "Hey, I have this dream. This dream is to be the best safety in the whole world. Can you help me?"
There's not one person on this earth that I have met that would say no to that. They say, "Yes." It's just we don't ask. "I don't need any help, Bo. I got this. I'm good." When in reality, we're like, "Man, I wish someone would just come and help me right now with anything. I'll take it." That's what connects us. That very thing. That struggle that you opened the show with. That story of struggle, that's what bonds us. Our story begins with you and me on the bottom of that mountain, looking up, saying, "There's no way in hell we can do it." All the trials and tribulations that it takes to conquer that mountain, that's what people are interested in. Human beings are interested in that. They're not interested in greatness. They're not interested in greatness unless it was a great, heroic journey to get there. That's why we don't like the story of somebody born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Right. You connect to people who have scars on them, real scars, surgery scars, bloody noses. We never cheer for the person who doesn't have that stuff. Ever. The beauty of a great story, of a personal story, of you sharing with me or me sharing with you is you've given your audience or the listener in this case, the best gift you can give to another human being. You've put them into their own life. Us, human beings, we want to be in our lives. We want to think about our lives. We want to reflect. We want to go forward. We want to go backward in our own lives. The minute, like you
ask me my story and I said, when I was nine years old, I had a dream. That's a half a sentence. It's got a comma right there. Right then, everybody who's watching including you, including the whole set here and all the watchers and the listeners, right then, they're not thinking about Bo and his story. They're not. They're thinking about their life. Yes. They're thinking about their dreams. They're thinking about when they were nine. They're thinking about their broken heart, and dreams that never came true. They're not thinking about me. They're thinking about them. I love that. How much of it, Bo, is about hope? Look, I read a lot of people's stories, right? But I, a lot of times, found hope. I would think, "Wow, how did they do it again?" Let me do it just like you. Yeah. Al told you what to do, because we're buddies like that. I call him Al. Yeah, that's good if you call him that. We're friends.
I call him the godfather, but that's all right. When there's a step by step plan that somebody did, and then they were successful, I thought, "Oh wait." First of all, two thoughts, right? The first thought was, "I'm not alone." Right? Yup. The other thing was, "There's hope." Because now I know how. Yeah. Don't we get that as human beings from someone else's story? Completely, because if you think of anybody that you admire. Think of somebody. Everybody out there, think of somebody or several people that you admire. The theme about them is they had to battle. The reason people get to certain levels is we get rejected. That's our story. When we get rejected, that's the defining moment of the story. That's the defining moment. The moment that you look around and it's usually in between the ages of 9 and 12, not always, but typically between 9 and 12. It's when your emotions are so ripe and so tenuous. In my case, it was being cut from little league. I wanted to play with my brother.
Whatever the moment is, it's a defining moment that defines the rest of your life. That's a great story, because now I know what you're made of. Stories like that, that lights me up. Again, that's why I'm like, "Well, if that dude can do it, so can I." Yup. Right? Or if she can do it, I've got this. You know? Yup. We all feel that capability. Yup. What I'm curious about is when you're teaching people how to tell their personal story, when things come up that they feel shamed for, or guilt, or these dirty feelings that don't feel so good. "They don't feel so good, Bo, and you want me to talk about them? Not even talk about them, but tell other people about them. They don't feel so good to me." How do we come to terms with being able for the power of our story to influence lives? To impact the world, but yet we have guilt?
We do. Me too. Yeah. Before I learned from the people that Al Pacino had me train with, the teachers that he had me train with had me do this very thing. Yeah, this very question that you're asking. It was an assignment. See I knew you'd be the man to ask. Right. Yeah. What they said is this. "Look. Think of your most proudest moment." 5 seconds, everybody, think of your proudest moment right now. Okay? You got it. Bad story. Not a good story. Let's think of your lowest moment of your whole life. That one when you looked around and there were no answers. That one. In reality, that is the most valuable thing you've got. That's the key to the kingdom right there. Right there, that little story of being cut from little league, or being dumped at the prom, or being told you can't sing. We think it's a mundane story because we've lived so many years and it's behind us, but we've built a whole life building up walls and this steel around this little pot of gold where this story resides in all of us. If we let that baby out, if we lead with that, this embarrassment, this so called shame, actually inspires the world and brings the world to you. The opposite of what you think's going to happen is actually going to happen.
I'm telling you. The only reason we don't have connective tissue anymore in our world, we're so like kind of disconnected, is because of that. If we just would drop our guard a little bit and let people in and actually share that part of ourselves, we d have a lot more people around us helping us build whatever it is we want to build. Yeah. Well you said the operative word, I think, fear. Yeah. Courage. Where does that courage come from? You're commitment has to supersede the way you feel. Right? Yes. I would just ask everybody what is your commitment? Is your commitment to share yourself to liberate others to share themselves Yeah.
And have more connective tissue And heal and grow and yes. Yeah, so all that takes is a commitment. It doesn't take bravery necessarily, because I don't necessarily feel brave. I don't necessarily feel courageous. That's what people have to be. The commitment has to supersede the way you feel. That's good. We just don't make any commitments anymore, right? Because we failed. We couldn't keep a promise, so we never make another one. Right, so we don't do that anymore. We couldn't come through on a commitment, so we're undisciplined and we're just never going to make another commitment. That's just not true. You're going to go like this. Stay true to the commitment. Stay true to the dream and the story. That's all that matters. That's all that matters. You should be loyal to one thing in this lifetime, one thing. That's you.
I hear you. I think that's so... I love that. I heard you so completely. The commitment over courage, that's so profound. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, you're welcome. Bo, thank you for everything that you're doing just to help liberate people, to help them really own their story, to be honest about who they are, because for me, that's the first step. When I see people transform, and I've worked with thousands of people over the years, that's it. It's getting really honest with who you are, where you came from, what you've experienced and just putting it out there, because then you start to heal. You just nailed it. I never talk about this. Usually in business settings, I never bring this up, because they freak out if I bring up the world healing. You know what I mean? Healing. Oooh! They'll be like, "Oh my gosh. What?" Can we just talk about the numbers again? Right. Let's go back to the columns and the percentages.
So, Bo, the name of the show is What You're Really Hungry For. Yeah. Every guest that comes on, I ask them this question. I'm going to ask you, Bo what are you really hungry for? I think I mentioned this earlier, but I've always been really hungry and obsessed with what it takes to be the best in the world at what we do. I'm not talking about second place. I'm not, right? That's hard to get your mind around, isn't it? Because people go, "Well silver medals are okay." I'm like, "No." So I d say, "That's what I'm hungry for is like to have a world where everyone accepts that fact that that's why they're here and actually takes it on in their life." Imagine just for a second if that was the case. What kind of world do you think we'd be living in right now, right? If everyone fought and battled their butts off to be the best in the world at what they do, whether it's playing the cello, or whether it's making a coffee, and everything in between. What if their mission was to be the best in the world at that and they fought tooth and nail to have it? Right? It would be a very different world. Right? That's the world I dream of. That's what I'm hungry for.
I love that. I love that. Yeah. It's going to come with some scars, but thank god, right? Because you get a bloody nose, that's a good story. Yeah. If you got an easy ride, there's no story. You get skinned knees and punched in the eye, that's a good story. People follow you. People respect that. Yeah. I do. I think that's amazing. Again, thank you not just even for telling us how to tell our personal stories or the importance of it, but I think more importantly, Bo, what you've done here today is given us permission to. So thank you so much. You're welcome. For all of your work in the world. Thank you for your message today and sharing these amazing insights. Thanks for being you, Bo. You're welcome. Thanks, Cynthia.
THIS WEEK S MenYOU This week is all about connecting through your personal story! So I invite you to choose one of Bo s tips that he discussed during our show and start implementing it in your life today. What one thing can you do to start creating connection through your personal story? Don t wait another day or even another hour. Start writing and sharing your personal story right now! As always, the conversation continues at cynthiapasquella.com. Head on over and leave a comment below this video telling me the one thing YOU will do to start telling your story today. And, while you re there, make sure you download today s free MenYOU to track your progress! You will find inspirational quotes from today s show and a daily checklist to keep on track. It s located right below this video at cynthiapasquella.com. Did you like this video? If you did, please subscribe and I would be so grateful if you would share this video with your friends. And if you want to hear more from me including stuff I only talk about in email, then come on over to cynthiapasquella.com and sign up for my email newsletter so YOU can be a part of this beautiful community of women who are discovering what they re really hungry for.